What About Us
by lilbitjrfan8
Summary: *Sequel to What About Georgia* Rose and Dimitri are back together finally but is the past really in the past? Can they really get over the hurts that easily? What happens when life gets in the way mixed in with Hollywood, Tabloids, and a possible stalker?
1. Chapter 1 Call it What You Want

AN: Heyyyyy Here's Chapter one! I'm sorry it's taken so long, I've been debating plot points and the likes for a while. I think I finally have a good time line laid out that I'm happy with! I really didn't want to post this until I had more chapters written out but I'm hoping to knock a few more out tonight and in the next few days. I can not promise I will update frequently but I promise I will try my hardest.

Things may end up changing (I'm thinking they won't) but I'm kind of in the middle of a quarter life crisis right now so who knows!

I hope you all enjoy it! I tried to make this one a decent length and gave you some fun bantering and fluffiness before the real drama kicks in :)

"I don't know why people feel the need to print this crap!" I vented. Dimitri and I were sitting in the waiting room of my orthopedic doctor for a check up as I read the latest article released about me from Tasha.

"I've told you to quit reading those. You know they're all lies," Dimitri said.

"Yes, but people believe it. People actually believe that I straight up told her I only came to LA to try to con my way into your life and steal you back!"

"Who cares?" he asked.

"I care because they're also talking about you. Saying you're a cheater and now she's saying we've been having an affair for years. First of all, if that's true I was here first bitch so you'd be the other woman," I muttered reading through it before it was yanked from my hands. "Hey I was reading that."

"Roza. They're all lies you and I and everyone that's important know that. Frankly anyone with half of a brain knows that it's false after your last performance. If they believe that crap then good for them. You and me and our friends and family, that's what matters," he said grabbing my hands.

"I just don't like all of the lies. What if people believe all of this and then they don't buy the duet album? That's not fair to Adrian or Sydney."

"Roza, People are so consumed by Adrian and Sydney's relationship that they'll buy it whether you're on it or not. Even if that wasn't the case, people still love you and are still on your side. Read these," he said handing me his phone. On it was a link to the article I'd just been reading but he had it pulled down to the comments where a lot of the comments were defending me and Dimitri. "See, don't let her win Roza. She's trying to get in your head and make you doubt yourself and me. She knows this publicity game because she thrives in it."

"I'm sorry Comrade. I know you cared about her," I admitted sincerely. I may hate her but he wouldn't have been with her for so long if he didn't. I know it bothers him that she's saying all of this and showing her true colors now. This is her third time speaking out against me trying to play the victim.

"She's shown that our relationship was all fake based on her actions. I'm just sorry she's dragging you through this," he said regretfully.

"It's not your fault she's psychotic. She played you and took advantage of you. Once we get back to LA we can show her she's not winning."

"Roza, you're not coming back with me," he smirked. "Nice try though."

"Just wait and see what the doctor says. When he says I'm cleared you're going to be eating those words," I smiled back. We'd been having this fight all week. Dimitri was needed back in LA so he was flying out this Sunday but when I informed him, I was going with him he told me I wasn't allowed. I know dangerous words, right? Now we've been arguing about it since. His hope is that the doctors don't clear me to leave.

"Rose," Called the nurse.

"Now we get to go see I'm right," I smiled standing up. My knee has practically healed. Stairs still give me a lot of pain and if I twist it just right so I'm still in a brace for now.

"After you," he smirked still confident he's right.

An hour later we were pulling into Olena's driveway. The doctor had cleared me and Dimitri wasn't happy about it. I jumped out of the car and made my way inside frustrated. I understood he was worried but this is extreme.

"You're son is an ass," I told Olena as I sat on a barstool in the kitchen.

"Why this time?" She laughed as she rolled some dough.

"Because he has to go out to LA and I want to go with him because I need to get back to work and I miss LA but, he won't let me because according to him I'm not healed enough! I already received all the necessary permissions from doctors and PT but he still is arguing about it. I told him if he doesn't let me, I'll just board the next plane leaving after his."

"Because that's the way to solve problems," Sonya laughed coming into the room.

"He's being unreasonable!" I said frustrated

"Because I don't want you to rush back into working after you just almost died, sue me!" Dimitri said coming into the room.

"That's an exaggeration. It was a concussion, broken leg and dislocated shoulder. I'm fine. Even all of the doctors said I'm fine. I'm even almost able to lose the brace," I said annoyed.

"You were in a coma! That's not an exaggeration," he said frustrated.

"Mama Belikova can you please tell him he's being unreasonable?" I asked turning towards her.

"Dimka you're being unreasonable. Roza so are you," she added at my look of triumph. My mouth popped open and Dimitri laughed.

"Ugh! I'm going to find Vika! At least she'll be on my side!" I huffed heading towards the stairs.

"You going to be able to get up there?" Dimitri asked smugly from the table. I flipped him off.

"Watch me!" I told him stubbornly knowing it really was going to hurt like hell to get up the stairs. My knee had almost completely healed but there had been some muscle and ligament damage that was still trying to heal so while walking was fine, stairs really were painful. I slowly started up the stairs. I was about halfway up when I heard Dimitri from the bottom.

"Hows it going?"

"Perfect. Almost there actually," I lied.

"Really? That was fast," he said smugly knowing I was lying. "I can come help you if you want."

"Nope. I'm fine. Really good practice for PT," I said though I was hoping my voice didn't sound as strained as I felt. Before I knew what was happening, Dimitri was beside me wrapping my arm around his shoulders. As much as I wanted to argue, him taking the weight off of that leg felt amazing.

"I had it," I muttered.

"I'm sure you did but I wasn't going to let your stubbornness risk injuring yourself further. I might be an ass but not that much," he smirked down at me. I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. by now we were at the top. "Got it from here?"

"Yep," I said popping the 'p'. He went to turn back around and head downstairs but, I grabbed his shoulder and turned him back towards me. He hadn't fully come up the stairs because of our height difference he'd been a step below me so now we were perfectly eye to eye. I pulled him to me and kissed him.

"You are an ass, I'm still going but, thank you and I love you," I told him after I pulled away. "Even though I had it."

"Of course, you did," he placated. "You're not going, you're welcome and I love you too."

"We'll see." I told him turning around and heading towards Vika's room.

DPOV:

"I'm not being that unreasonable," I said frustrated sitting back down at the table.

"Her doctors signed off which means they aren't worried about it, so why are you?" Sonya asked from beside me.

"She almost died. I feel like that gives me a small right to feel over protective," I said annoyed.

"Yes, it gives you a right to feel that way but you also have to understand where she's coming from. This is the longest she's ever gone not doing anything. I'm amazed she hasn't pushed to go back out to New York or LA sooner."

"She's tried," I admitted. About then the baby started crying in the monitor so Sonya left to go get her.

"Oh Dimka. I know you're scared, you just got her back and you're scared to lose her again but, she's been on her own for 5 years, she's already conceded a lot by taking your thoughts and feelings into account. Now you have to do the same for her," Mama said.

"We don't know if the accident was on purpose or not yet, what if it was and someone is still out there?" I asked voicing my real concerns. "She can't run yet, she can barely get upstairs, she can't defend herself."

"Then wouldn't it be better if she was with you so you can protect her? Besides, like you said, you don't know if it was an accident or not. What if it was just an accident?"

"I won't be with her the whole time. If it was, I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"Who's to say she's safer here? She did get hit while here in town."

"That is true. No one knows where the cabin is outside of close friends or family though so she'll be safe there."

"So, you expect her to stay there by herself for an extended amount of time and not leave?"

"Yes…no…I don't know," I said exasperated.

"Well that's something to think about," she said. By then, Sonya had brought Katya back in the room. She came over and brought her to me. I smiled down at her as she preceded to spit up on me.

"Thanks kid," I laughed

RPOV:

A little while later, after dinner, Olena and I sat on the porch watching Dimitri play with Paul and Zoya. It was killing me not to be out there with them but I was enjoying just sitting and watching.

"Ok I wasn't going to ask but how am I being unreasonable?" I asked Olena.

"Why do you really want to go out to LA with him?"

"I told you, I want to get back to work and I miss LA and my friends out there," I explained.

"And?" she persisted.

"And nothing. That's why," I told her. She just gave me that knowing look. "And I'm a little worried. I'm not sure why but I have an uneasy feeling about him going by himself. I'm not worried it will be like last time or anything it's just I don't know, I can't explain it. It is mostly for the reasons I gave but also that."

"You need to trust him and trust your relationship. Before you argue, I told him the same thing. He's just worried about you. Do you remember what he was like in the hospital? He barely ate, barely slept thinking that you weren't going to wake up. Of course, he's going to be overprotective of you after that. He always has been. He knows you're strong and capable but he hasn't seen just how independent you've become. Give him time."

"I've been giving him time. I wanted to get back to work weeks ago. I'm going stir crazy in that cabin by myself. Don't get me wrong I enjoy when y'all come and visit or when I can make my way into town but I'm not doing anything! I'm not a person that can sit still for very long. I mean I've written a few more songs but since I'm not allowed to do anything, I can't record them yet."

"I understand. I told Dimitri the same thing. I'm proud of you for it. But you have to see his point of view also. He's worried about you."

"I know. I just wish he had more faith in me. I may not be 100% but I know my limits and I know not to push it unless I'm trying to prove a point to him," I joked.

"You are stubborn as a mule," she laughed.

By now, Paul and Zoya were starting to get tired so Dimitri herded them back in. Paul came over and sat on my lap. Zoya went inside hollering for her mom.

"Roza, next time can you come play with us?"

"Maybe, we'll have to see where my knee is at. I know I miss running around with y'all too but hey Uncle Dimka's not too bad of a replacement," I teased.

"Hey now," Dimitri laughed.

"Eh he's all right," Paul shrugged.

"Paul it's time to head home," Karolina came outside with Zoya on her hip. He gave me a big hug before going over to Olena and hugging her, then doing the same with Dimitri.

"I think it's about our time to head out ourselves," I said standing up. Olena stood up with me and hugged me before turning towards Dimitri as I went inside. Vika and Sonya were sitting in the living room playing with the baby.

"Hey we're heading out," I told them bending down to kiss Katya on the forehead.

"Bye baby girl, I'll see you later!" I told her smiling at her. She smiled and flung her arms and I laughed. I went over to the door and grabbed my jacket as Dimitri met me at the door.

"See y'all later," I said heading outside. Dimitri said his goodbyes and followed me out. He went over and opened my door and helped me in. He'd had Sydney and Adrian drive his truck back down here so we didn't have to rent a car any longer. It had taken some persuasion to let them drive it but he finally relented. Unfortunately for me, it was a high step to get in and I haven't mastered it on my own yet. Getting out I'm fine. It's the getting in part that's the struggle.

We spent the ride listening to the radio, taking turns changing the station depending on what came on. Halfway through I spoke up.

"So, did Olena convince you I was right?" I asked.

"I see she didn't convince you I was," he teased.

"Nope, because you're wrong. I'm going. I'm sorry but I'm tired of being cooped up here."

"What if whoever hit you did it on purpose and they're still out there," he said.

"So, I'm going to be confined to the cabin until we find them? What if we never do?"

"Just until you can defend yourself again," he stated.

"Comrade you and I both know I can't live like that. You can't expect me to, I'll go crazy."

"You already are crazy," he retorted.

"Shut up," I said with a smile.

"I'm just worried ok. I just got you back, I don't want to lose you again."

"I understand that but I can't be locked up forever. Trust me, I don't want to risk re-injury or getting hurt again so I'll be safe. How about this, I'll stay here this week but next week I go back to LA. If there is any sign what so ever that this was done on purpose, I will take Abe up on his offer to hire a body guard. I love being here and I love seeing everyone here but I NEED to get back to work before you see what crazy really is," I told him as we pulled in front of the house.

"What if we make it two weeks?" He asked.

"What if I just go with you Sunday?" I countered.

"Fine, I'll think about it and let you know," he conceded and I knew I'd pretty much won. I smiled in triumph and he rolled his eyes and made his way over to my side of the car.

"You're a pain in the ass," he smirked as I turned towards him.

"Maybe but I'm your pain in the ass and you love me," I teased.

"Damn right you are, I wouldn't have it any other way," he smiled leaning down and kissing me as he grabbed me from the car, one hand under my knees and one around my back. We broke apart as he made his way to the house.

Hours later I woke up right in the middle of a nightmare. I looked around and found the bed beside me empty. I got out of bed and went searching for Dimitri. I had a feeling I already knew where he was so I made my way to the basement door. I opened it softly so as not to interrupt him and I heard a guitar playing. I smiled and softly made my way downstairs. Luckily for me, going down wasn't nearly as hard. Plus, after my accident, when we first moved in, Dimitri and Mason completely remodeled the stairs so they weren't the standard creepy basement stairs that are super tall and narrow. We decided after moving in to turn this into a music studio. It already had the concrete walls so it seemed like the perfect option. Right now, it's only halfway done but it's a work in progress. After the first few steps, the staircase opens up so you can see into the room. I smiled when I saw him in nothing but his pajama pants sitting in a chair leaned over his guitar writing on his paper. He didn't look up but he knew I was down here. He went back to playing and murmuring softly as I finished the trek down the stairs. When I got to the bottom I went and pulled up a chair next to him.

"I woke up to an empty bed," I stated. "How come?"

"Inspiration struck. I had to get it down," he said smiling up at me.

"Can I hear?" I asked.

"Nope. It's not ready," he smirked looking up at me. With his hair down, shirtless, holding a guitar, he was irresistibly hot.

"Just the melody?" I asked with a small flirty smile.

"A small clip of it," he relented and started playing.

"Hmm sounds beautiful. It's different than your usual," I said when he was done.

"More country. Like I said its not done yet," he said putting the guitar down. He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap.

"Any certain inspirations?" I asked leadingly.

"Eh just this girl," he shrugged.

"Oh yea?" I asked wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Yea, she's kind of irritating, extremely stubborn and hard headed, but beautiful and made for me," he said running his nose along my chin softly.

"She sounds hot," I joked. He laughed and pulled back.

"She is, especially when her hair's up in a messy bun, wearing my sweats," he smirked looking me up and down. I looked down at my black tank top and his gray sweats I threw on coming down here.

"Eh I try," I teased.

"What woke you up?" he asked knowingly. I shrugged tired of the nightmares. They're lessened when he's in bed but still keep coming. "I'm sorry babe."

"I'm used to it by now," I admitted. I laid my head in the space between his shoulder and neck, relishing in his comfort. Here lately they'd changed from what they used to be, now they usually involved variations of the accident. Sometimes Dimitri is in them, sometimes he never shows up. Other times he shows up then leaves. "They're getting better."

"I wish I could take them away for you," he said kissing my head.

"They'll go away one day, hopefully," I said pulling back deciding to change the subject. I know he feels guilty about the nightmares. "Do you want to keep writing? I can go back upstairs and let you work."

"Nah, I'm done for the night," he said standing up lifting me with him.

"You aren't carrying me all the way to the bedroom," I said as he started walking towards the stairs.

"Watch me," he smirked. God, he was too sexy.


	2. Chapter 2 Complicated

I was sitting at home working in the studio when all of a sudden, I heard someone upstairs. Dimitri had left yesterday afternoon and I wasn't really expecting anyone so I went on alert. I figured it was probably Vika or Mason just coming to visit but normally they texted first. I gently set my guitar down and stood up heading towards the stairs.

"Honey, I'm home!" Called out a voice.

"Adrian?" I hollered back laughing.

"Did you miss me?" he asked coming to the top of the stairs.

"You gave me a heart attack. What are you doing here?" I asked as he came down the stairs.

"Well you're parole officer decided that you needed to work again so he set it up for me to come down here and film a music video with you," he winked.

"What?" I exclaimed excitedly.

"Yep. Normally after releasing a song that was as big of a hit as ours, we would have released a music video shortly after but because of your accident we delayed with pretty much full intent to scrap it altogether but it seems like the demand is still up there for it so, Dimitri went out last week scouting locations and had a few conference calls with Abe and Alberta and voila! We start filming tomorrow as long as you're ok with the concept and everything."

"That's amazing!" I said enthusiastically. "No wonder he wanted me to stay so bad."

"Yea he was annoyed you fought so hard. though I don't think it was the music video that was so annoying. I think he just really didn't want you in LA yet. That just means, you and I get to spend the week together," he laughed. Because I didn't want to go up two flights of stairs, I directed him to the spare room he could use. As soon as he went up there to put his stuff up and call Sydney, I called Dimitri.

"Hey babe," he answered almost immediately. "Get my gift?"

"You're a jerk!" I laughed. "All of that arguing and all you had to do was tell me you had something planned."

"I couldn't tell you. That's what made it a surprise!" he laughed. "Man, you're hard to please. I set this whole thing up for you, even made sure you had someone with you all week so you weren't alone and bored and I get called a jerk."

"Thank you," I told him. "Thought you didn't want me working yet?"

"I have it set up so it shouldn't be too tiring for you or exhausting for your knee plus you wanted to work so I figured this would be a nice surprise. I compromised."

"Well thank you, I love it. You're amazing!"

"I try," he joked. "Hey babe, I'm kind of in the middle of a meeting though so can I call you back later?"

"Sure. Who are you meeting with?" I asked.

"Abe. We're discussing the duet album and your solo album."

"What? You're meeting with Abe and answered the phone? You could have just called me back!" I laughed.

"You're more important. But I really do need to go."

"Ok. Thank you again. I love you. Call me later!"

Pretty soon, Adrian came back down.

"So, tell me about this music video?" I asked excitedly. He proceeded to tell me the concept. I loved most of it but had a few suggestions. We talked it out for a little while then called Alberta to get her approval for the changes. She approved them with a little tweaking here and there and said she'd call the director.

"So, I think we've worked enough for today, what if we gather Viktoria and head to Lissa's house and tell them the news?" I asked Adrian.

"I think that sounds great, plus I'm starving," he said rubbing his stomach right as it growled. I laughed.

"Come on then, maybe we'll just tell them to meet us at the diner," I laughed heading towards the stairs.

"That sounds like a plan. They had great burgers!" he replied automatically wrapping my arm around his shoulder helping me take weight off of my leg.

"I was fine!" I protested.

"I know," he shrugged. "But I'm hungry and it would have taken you an hour."

"Gee thanks," I laughed.

"What can I say, Selfish motives win," he teased.

Twenty minutes later we were pulling into the diner. I had called Lissa, Vika, and Mason to meet us here. Viktoria was already here but the other two were close.

"Adrian!" Viktoria said excitedly when she saw him giving him a hug. with him visiting after my accident she'd gotten more comfortable around him and he'd become a friend to her instead of Adrian the world-famous pop singer. They actually got along really well.

"Little Sister!" he teased knowing she hated when he called her that.

"Shut up or I'll rescind my hug," she laughed.

"Too late it's already been given," he shrugged. We made our way into the Diner and sat in a corner booth.

"So, why are you here?" she asked suspiciously.

"Can't a guy come visit his friends?" he asked pretending to be hurt. About then Lissa, Mason and AJ came in. We all said our hello's and hugs then sat down as a waitress brought a high chair for AJ. She then took our drink orders and left.

"Ok now spill, what's up?" Vika demanded as I laughed.

"Again, can't a guy just come to visit without having ulterior motives?" he questioned.

"You can but you also wouldn't have asked us all to meet you here as soon as you got in," she replied.

"I've been in town for a couple of hours thank you," he defended. She gave him a look and he looked at me knowing I wanted to tell them.

"Adrian and I are recording a music video tomorrow," I told them. Vika and Lissa squealed as Mason said congratulations. "Thank you but I haven't gotten to the best part…"

"We're waiting," Lissa demanded when I didn't finish. I laughed surprised she was the impatient one.

"Well first, I would like a Lissa Dragomir original outfit. Before you say anything, it doesn't have to be fancy and I know you already have a few outfits made. Second, if you're all willing, I want you all to be in a few scenes of it," I told them excitedly. Lissa and Vika both squealed again and I laughed. "I've also called Mia and she's flying out to be in it also."

"Aw yay!" Vika said excited. Mia had flown out after my accident and met everyone. She quickly was accepted into our group. "Tell us everything!"

About then the waitress came over and brought our drinks then took our orders. By the time she left I thought Viktoria was going to explode.

"The whole thing is mostly going to be solos of me and Adrian in the woods and in this Victorian house but there are going to be a few scenes where we're supposed to be surrounded by people. So, I thought, I would never be here without you so what better way to thank y'all than having you be the people I'm surrounded by? I take it that's a yes?"

"Definitely!" Vika said as Lissa and Mason both said "Yes!"

"Perfect!" I said happily. "Now, how's your final project coming Liss?"

"Good, I'm almost done with it, I find out about the internship next week," she smiled excitedly. I knew she was ready to move out to LA. It didn't hurt that her and Christian had continued their relationship despite everything with Tasha. I had to give him props, he really seemed to care about Lissa but I was still wary of the relationship giving his relationship with Tasha.

"Awesome I'm so excited for you!" I told her honestly. Then I turned to AJ. "How was school today?"

"I colored a cool dinosaur! Rawr!" he said excitedly as he colored on his kids' menu.

"What color did you color it?" I asked.

"Owange," he said in his toddler accent. I laughed.

"That's so awesome!" I told him. By then our food came so we all dug in.

After everyone was done eating Vika decided to come out to the house with us, Mason and Lissa said they'd meet us there in the morning. We all said our goodbyes and headed home. When we got there, we forced Adrian to watch Practical Magic again and annoyed him by quoting the entire thing which ended in a popcorn war. Once everyone went to bed, I sat on the bed and called Dimitri.

"Hey babe," he answered on the second ring. "How was your day?"

"It was good. Adrian and I talked about the video for a while and made some changes, nothing major, I just decided instead of actors, why not use my actual friends? It's my way of thanking them for putting up with me the last couple of months. Then, we all met up at the diner and had dinner before Adrian, Vika, and I came back to the house and watched a movie. It was good hanging out with them all but I missed you. How was your day?" I admitted. After being together all the time for a few weeks, its been different without him here.

"I miss you too. I think that's a great idea about having them in the video. Though you know you don't need to thank them. They're your friends. That's what they do," he laughed. "My day was boring. A bunch of meetings. We nailed down a schedule and set a release date for the album, it's in a couple of weeks. Which means the next few weeks are going to be busy. The paparazzi found out I was in LA so they were hanging out at the studio all day. There's no telling what they'll post tomorrow cause every question was about you not being there and Tasha's articles."

"I'm sorry Comrade. I told you I should have came out there with you," I told him playfully.

"Don't even," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I'm just saying, they wouldn't be asking about me if I was there."

"No, then they'd be asking you about Tasha's articles," he grumbled.

"True, but now it's going to be 'Trouble in paradise?' " I quoted.

"It's fine, we know better," he sighed.

"I know, I just have to get used to it," I told him.

"Good luck," he laughed. I knew the tabloids still got on his nerves after all of these years.

"Ok new subject, when did you go scout locations last week?" I asked curiously.

"I'll never tell," he teased.

"Well thank you, I'm really excited and nervous about it. My first music video," I said excited.

"You deserve it. It's a great song. I'm glad we were still able to put it together," he said and I could hear the happiness in his voice.

"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" I asked with a smile as I laid down.

"Not during this conversation," he said and I could picture the smirk he had.

"Oh, too bad," I teased.

"Wow, that's how you're going to play it?" he said pretending to be hurt.

"Yep," I smiled. I loved giving him a hard time.

"God, I miss you," he laughed.

"Well who wouldn't. I'm pretty awesome," I joked.

"Eh, you're ok," he teased back.

"Comrade?" I asked softly.

"Yes, Roza?"

"I love you," I remarked as I laid down on the bed. "I miss you too."

"I know Roza," he said softly. "I love you too. Even though I fought you on rushing back to work, I'll admit I'm excited you'll be with me next week."

"Me too comrade," I said getting tired. It's strange how quickly I've become attached to him again after 5 years. A part of me hated myself for it but I just hoped I wasn't making another mistake jumping in so quick.

"Get some sleep Roza, rest up for your video tomorrow. If you need to call me tonight you can," he said worriedly. I knew he was referring to my nightmares. He hated leaving me alone but I insisted I would be fine.

"I'll be fine," I told him. "It's not like they're new."

"I know," he said sadly. "I just hate that you'll wake up alone."

"I'll be ok I promise," I reassured him. "I love you for worrying but you need sleep too so don't stress about it. You've got a busy day of meetings and boring producer stuff tomorrow so get some sleep and don't worry about me," I teased him.

"Boring producer stuff?" he chuckled. "I love you, I can't help from worrying but I'll try not to too much. can't fall asleep while doing all the boring stuff I do."

"That's the spirit," I laughed.

"Goodnight Roza," he said softly.

"Goodnight comrade." I hung up and put the phone on the night stand. Then I grabbed his pillow and curled into it.

The next morning, I was in the kitchen starting the coffee while waiting for Adrian and Vika to make their way downstairs when I heard a knock at the door. I excitedly made my way over and opened it to find Mia and Eddie on my doorstep.

"I thought you were flying in later?" I asked hugging her then I turned to Eddie. "And I didn't know you were coming?"

"Eh I thought I'd surprise you," he shrugged. I led them inside and to the kitchen.

"We decide to get on an earlier flight, I was too excited to wait," Mia said. "Look at you getting around with no brace or cast. Do you feel free again?"

"Yes and no, I still have to wear it if I'm going to be doing a lot of walking or anything strenuous. Stairs are a bitch so I try to avoid them," I told her as I poured a cup of coffee. "Want some?"

"Yes please," she said as Eddie nodded. I pulled two more cups out and poured some in both as I continued talking.

"It is nice to be rid of the cast and mostly rid of the brace though. Starting to feel normal again," I smirked.

"Keep lying to yourself but you'll never be normal," she laughed.

"Bitch," I laughed.

"Takes one to know one," she taunted back with a laugh.

"I see the party's arrived," Adrian said coming in the kitchen followed by Vika. I guess we weren't as quiet as I thought. About then there was a knock on the door as Lissa and Mason entered. Everyone got excited and said their hello's while I noticed Lissa was carrying two donut boxes. I grabbed them from her and put it on the counter smiling my thank you as she said hello to Mia.

We spent the next thirty minutes eating and laughing, catching up before we went and got ready for the day. Liss had brought over a couple of outfits and I couldn't wait to wear them. Once we had everything we needed, we loaded up two cars and made our way over to a lake house Dimitri had found and contacted the owner about using. Most of the video was going to be filmed here but he had also talked to Charlie and we were going to do one or two scenes at his bar but not until later. When we got there, I met the Video director James. He had his crew there already along with Makeup people. He directed me over to the make up area and told me they were almost ready to start.

"Girl you have some circles!" Laughed the makeup artist. "Luckily for you, I'm the best at making you look your best. I'm Jackie."

"Rose. That's good, cause I'm horrible with make-up," I laughed.

"Don't worry girl, I've got you covered. Just sit back and relax," she said as I got comfortable on the chair. She turned and grabbed something then started on my face. "You excited?"

"Yea, a little nervous too," I admitted.

"Don't worry. Everybody's nervous their first video. Give it some time and you'll be out here practically directing them yourself."

"That sounds fun but stressful," I laughed. About then my phone vibrated so I pulled it out. It was a text from Dimitri.

 **Dimitri:** **Have fun today, you're going to do amazing. I love you.**

I quickly replied back.

 **Rose: I love you too!**

"Your man?" Jackie asked with a knowing smile.

"How'd you guess?" I laughed.

"You're face lit up," she smirked as she started on my eyes.

"Of course, it did," I muttered.

"Hey who can blame you, I'd light up too if I had a man like that," she admitted. At my look she continued. "Aw girl, everyone knows you and Dimitri are together now. Don't worry though, I'm not one of those vultures out for information to go sell. I believe all conversations that happen while you're in this chair are private and sacred. Just like gossiping with your hair dresser."

"Thanks," I smiled. "I'm just not used to everyone knowing my life. It's going to take some adjusting."

"I understand," she admitted. "If you ever need help, I have all the inside information. You learn a lot about this industry being the make-up girl."

"I'm sure you do. Its therapy, right?" I joked.

"Sure is. What do you think?" she asked moving so I could see in the mirror. She had gotten rid of my dark circles perfectly. She did a more natural look except for the top eyeliner and a burgundy matte lipstick that matched my hair. Once the red had started fading, I replaced it with a darker burgundy but kept the brown the same. She had managed to get the highlighter perfect, something I hadn't figured out yet. I looked great. It was perfect for the close ups we'd be doing.

"It looks great!" I told her honestly. "Thank you."

"No problem. Now go kill it out there," she laughed. "I'll be on the sidelines cheering you on and waiting in case you need any touch ups during filming."

"Thanks," I said again before searching for James.

"Perfect just in time!" he said as I walked up. "We're ready to start."

We spent the morning filming inside the house and outside by the lake. Adrian and I weren't in the scenes together for those so we took turns filming them. It turns out I was pretty good at the acting it out and had even made a few suggestions for a few changes. It was a lot of fun. We were just breaking for lunch when I heard Vika's gasp and saw her and Lissa looking at her phone looking shocked.

"What's up?" I asked coming over. They both jumped and Vika tried to hide her phone.

"Nothing," she said quickly. I held my hand out.

"Let me see it," I demanded. She handed her phone over and I saw a gossip article pulled up. "Trouble in Paradise for Dimitri & Rose? Tasha vows revenge" I read on and it talked about him being in LA without me suspecting we may be having issues. I figured that was coming after our conversation last night what surprised me was, they had interviewed Tasha yesterday where she suggested he was probably cheating on me too and that I was going to get my payback for being a homewrecker. She covered it by saying she's a believer in karma so she believes it will catch up to him and I.

"She's such a bitch," I muttered. I rolled my eyes as I handed Vika her phone back. "Just ignore it. She's looking for a reaction."

"She's so horrible!" Vika said frustrated.

"I know, believe me. I'm not going to let her bring me down today though," I said determined.

"It's ok babe, we got your back," Lissa said.

"Thanks," I smiled. I sent Dimitri a quick text asking if he'd seen it. When he didn't reply immediately, I put my phone back in my pocket. "How about some lunch?"

They had sandwiches delivered along with a small buffet for the crew and everyone. We went and grabbed plates before sitting behind James. He had a computer set up and was going over the film we had so far. We chatted while watching him work. Eventually I felt my phone vibrate, I pulled it out and checked it. it was a message from Dimitri telling me he just saw it and to ignore it. I told him I was trying to. Not going to lie I was annoyed by it but, I was trying to not let it bring me down. Honestly it made me feel like she was up to something and I didn't like that feeling.

"Alright folks, back to work," James said clapping his hands. "I want to start on the party scenes so we're going to be upstairs in the bedroom."

The rest of the afternoon we spent filming different scenes, getting all of the house scenes out of the way. Adrian and I are going to come back tomorrow to do the beach and outdoor scenes. Mason and the girls had a blast filming their scenes which made me happy to watch. It was a great distraction from the Tasha article. After we wrapped filming we decided to go to Olena's to celebrate. As everyone went inside, I called Dimitri.

"Hey babe," he answered after a few rings. "How'd it go today?"

"Great! We finished all of the inside shots, now Adrian and I have to come back tomorrow to do all of the outside shots. It was a lot of fun and the gang enjoyed it a lot which made me happy. It was nice to be able to do something for them."

"Babe you do stuff for them all of the time," he laughed.

"Yea but not stuff like this," I smiled.

"I'm glad they enjoyed and that you did too. How do you feel now that you're halfway done filming your first music video?"

"Is this my life? Am I dreaming?" I teased.

"I don't know, pinch yourself and see," he laughed.

"Nope because if I am dreaming, I don't want to wake up," I smiled. At my words the guilt started to bleed back in but luckily working with the therapist and talking to Dimitri had lessened the guilt about being happy. I still feel like it will take a while to completely go away if it ever will but I've reached a point where I do know and understand that it's ok to be happy again. The process will just take a while. As if sensing my mood shift Dimitri changed subjects.

"Speaking of dreams, how was last night?" he questioned.

"It was fine. Nothing too bad. I woke up around 4 but I eventually was able to fall back asleep," I told him honestly but, not telling him that I turned on the album he made me to get back to sleep. I wasn't ready to admit how dependent on him I had gotten already.

"That's good, I'm glad they didn't keep you up all night," he spoke softly.

"You know me, not much keeps me away from sleep," I joked. "Enough about me. How was your day of boring producer stuff?"

"Extremely boring," he laughed playing along with my teasing. "More meetings though I did get to get in the studio with Sydney for half the day and actually work on music. I forgot how much I hate the paparazzi after being secluded with you for so long."

"They were back again? I'm sure it was no thanks to Tasha," I said sarcastically rolling my eyes. "I'm sorry comrade, I know you cared for her and I've been trying to not completely bash her around you but this is getting ridiculous."

"No need to be sorry, you're right. She needs to stop," he said sounding aggravated. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

"How?" I asked.

"Fight fire with fire. The press wants to believe we're on the outs, show them we're not," he said mysteriously. About then Vika hollered at me from the porch that dinner was ready.

"What does that mean?" I asked confused.

"You'll see," he replied giving nothing away. "Go eat, Mama will come chase you down if you don't go inside."

"Fine but this isn't over," I warned not liking not knowing.

"Of course not, Bye Roza. I love you. Enjoy time with your friends," he said and I heard the smile in his voice. He was enjoying my aggravation.

"Bye, I love you too," I told him begrudgingly. "I'll talk to you later."

I hung up and made my way inside.

After Dinner, I ended up on the back porch with Olena.

"Mama Belikov, be honest with me. Do you think we're moving too fast?"

"What's bothering you?" she inquired.

"I don't know, I'm happy. We're happy. I just can't help feeling like the other shoe is about to drop. I know part of it is because I feel like I'm not supposed to be happy but, that's not the only thing. I also hate how dependent I've been on him since the accident. Him not being here this week is hard. it makes me feel weak that I feel like that after what two months? It makes me wonder if we're moving too fast. I mean we went from not even talking to moving in together. Who does that?" I asked voicing my fears.

"Roza I know what you mean and if you feel like you need to take a step back talk to Dimitri about it. What I will say is this has been almost 20 years in the making. It's not like it's a brand-new relationship with new people. If it was someone new, I would tell you that I thought it was too fast but only you can truly know that. Are you really concerned you're moving too fast or are you scared you're going to end up hurt again?"

"I'm not going to lie and say that's not a concern. He left once, what's to say he won't again? I know right now he's here for the long haul and I know he means it but, what if he changes his mind? What if he realizes he really does want his own kids? I know he told me that he's ok with it but that's right now. What about in 5 years? It just worries me that I'm so dependent on him already, if he leaves again I don't know if I can survive it."

"oh kukalka (Sweetheart), that's the beauty of love. It's scary and you're putting yourself out there knowing you may end up burned but that it's worth the risk. I will say you are stronger than you believe and if something happens between you, you will survive it. You just have to decide if it's worth the risk. Talk to Dimitri about your fears. He'll understand."

"I want to but I hate bringing it up because I know he hasn't forgiven himself for leaving so telling him I'm scared he might one day leave just lays on the guilt."

"Unfortunately, that's the bed he made and you have to be honest with him. If you can't be honest with him then it will cause more issues. He'll forgive himself one day," she spoke sadly.

"Thank you for talking with me mama Belikova. I know its difficult for you sometimes," I told her leaning my head against her shoulder. She moved her arm around to wrap around my shoulder.

"I'll always be here for you to talk to," she said hugging me to her.

Hours later I was back home getting ready for bed when I heard my phone ding. I checked it and saw that I had been tagged in an Instagram photo by Dimitri. Curious I clicked on it. He'd posted a picture of me from set today with the caption "I'm so proud of this beautiful woman. Can't wait to see you again Friday." He even put a heart emoji. My jaw dropped. I knew he only had an Instagram account because the label and PR people told him to but he really never used it. Throw in the heart emoji and I was shocked. Then I thought back to what he'd said earlier. This was his way of showing the paparazzi and public we weren't fighting or broken up. Though I loved the post, I hated that he was forced to post it because of the paparazzi. I quickly texted him as I climbed into bed.

 **R: Thanks for the post :)**

 **D: I meant it. I'm proud of you.**

 **R: I know you are and I appreciate it, I just hate that you had to post it to play the paparazzi game.**

 **D: I was going to no matter what, shutting the paps up is just an added bonus. I mean it, I'm proud of you and I want the world to see how amazing you are just like I do.**

 **R: I love you**

 **D: I love you too Roza. Goodnight.**

As we were texting, I thought back to Mine and Olena's conversation and the fears I'd confessed to her. My mood started slipping as I thought about it all. I know I needed to talk to Dimitri like she said, I just didn't want him to take it the wrong way. I just can't help the fear that something is going to go wrong and I'm going to end up hurt beyond repair.


	3. Chapter 3 Simple as That

**AN: Hey everyone! I hope you're enjoying this story so far! I hesitated in posting this one for a while because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it. Let me know what you all think. There's a tiny hint of smut in this chapter but I didn't really go into details. I'm not sure how far I can actually go in this site haha. I think everyone should enjoy this chapter, it has some drama and a lot of fluff. Don't worry, there will be a lot less fluff coming up so I'm overloading you with it a little right now! Well, as always please enjoy and let me know what you think!**

—

The rest of the week dragged by with sleepless nights and lots of filming. We ended up having to extend it to three days to get everything we needed with the lighting right. Before I knew it, it was Friday and Adrian, Mia and Eddie had all left. Mia had made me promise I would come visit her at the bar on Monday, Adrian told me I'd see him in the studio first thing Monday. As sad as I was for them to be leaving, I was excited Dimitri was on his way and that come Monday I'd be working again.

I was down in our makeshift studio working on a new song when a text from Mia came in. I checked it and found a link to an article about Dimitri. I rolled my eyes as I clicked on it.

 **Dimitri Cheating with Tasha?**

My jaw dropped when I saw pictures of him and her hugging in front of a house. The article continued on saying how these were pictures from yesterday afternoon when he apparently visited her at her new house. I exited the article and turned my phone face down as I went back over to the piano. I started playing while trying to go through my emotions. I don't know how long I sat there playing but eventually I heard the door upstairs open before footsteps coming down the stairs. I knew immediately it was Dimitri. I kept playing not sure what I wanted. A part of me wanted to run over to him but the rest of me was too mad.

"That's beautiful babe," he said coming up to me.

"Thanks," I said shortly.

"What's wrong?" he asked rubbing my shoulder. I shook his hand off as the anger took hold.

"What'd you do yesterday afternoon?" I asked sharply as I stopped playing but not looking at him yet. I knew if I did, I'd crumble.

"Shit," he muttered. "It's not what you think."

"And what do I think?" I asked turning to face him finally. "Because if you know I'd love to find out. I'm not even sure what I think right now. All I know is I found an article with pictures of my boyfriend hugging his ex-girlfriend who has been doing nothing but trashing us in the tabloids for weeks. The same ex-girlfriend who practically threatened me just a couple of days ago. So please enlighten me on what I think about that?"

"Roza, calm down. First off, I wasn't hugging her," he defended.

"Glad we cleared that up," I retorted, standing up. "And don't tell me to calm down!"

"Sorry. I'm just saying its not what it looks like."

"That's not the point!" I cried frustrated. I started pacing.

"Then what is the point? I can't fix it if I don't understand," he said just as frustrated.

"Ugh! That's part of the problem! I know you didn't sleep with her, you can be a real asshole sometimes but you're not a cheater."

"Ok, so you believe me. What's the problem then?" he asked. By now I was just as pissed at myself as I was at him for reacting this way so I was taking it out on him.

"Where to start Dimitri? Why were you there in the first place? Why didn't you tell me about it from the beginning? Warn me ahead of time? Did you want to get caught? You might not have actually slept with her but did you want to?" I asked as my anger was pushing my insecurities to the surface. My thoughts going back to my conversation with Olena where I had confessed my fears to her.

"You're fucking joking right?" he asked in disbelief.

"Oh yea, I'm just a comedy reel right now," I smarted off as I stopped pacing and faced him.

"When have I given you any reason that I wanted someone else? When I bought a house for us? Put my career on hold for weeks to be with you in Georgia?"

"I didn't ask for a house or for you to be here with me. Plus, you worked for most of that time," I argued because even though rationality knew he was right, that bitch flew out the window 20 minutes ago and all I was left with was anger, insecurities, and trust issues.

"No, you didn't. I still bought it for us and for our future together because babe even though you're acting bat shit crazy, I'm still sticking around and planning for our future together. You know I don't want any other girls, especially that one."

"Well I'm sorry but people in my life haven't really had a tendency to stick around so I have trust issues. And what am I supposed to think when I see those pictures of you two looking really friendly?" I snapped, not wanting to admit that what he just said practically melted my heart. I wiped my eyes when I realized at some point I had started crying.

"You're right, but give me a damn chance to change that before you start going around accusing me of wanting to have an affair," he said coming to stand in front of me. At this point for whatever reason tears were raining down my cheeks. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I went to talk to her to see if she would put an end to this crap because even if you put on a strong front, I know it kills you for everyone to think you're a homewrecker. As soon as she saw me, she practically attacked me, what those photos didn't show was me pushing her off and stepping far away. I didn't know there were photographers there, I thought I'd lost them. Judging by the fact those pictures look like they were taken within her fence, I'm guessing she set it up when I told her I was coming over. This is what she wanted. For us to fight over it."

"Well she succeeded," I muttered. Dimitri pulled me in close to his chest and I wrapped my arms around him hugging him tightly.

"She doesn't have to know that," he said.

"I'm sorry I'm such an irrational bitch," I mumbled into his chest.

"You forgot batshit crazy, moody, stubborn," I pulled back and cut him off with a glare. "Beautiful, caring, generous, loving."

"Nice try," I told him my face softening into a small smile.

"Eh I couldn't resist," he smirked.

"I thought I had these mood swings under control but apparently I don't," I admitted.

"Is that really all it was?" he asked giving me a knowing look. I shrugged not wanting to admit the truth. "I know that you still have trust issues from everything that's happened to you and I don't blame you but you still have to give me the benefit of the doubt babe. I'm trying like hell to prove to you that I'm sorry about my past mistakes and committed to our future."

"I know. I know you are, it's just going to take some time. I promise I am trying to work through it. I really missed you this week," I told him. I knew that was my opportunity to speak up about everything I'd talked to Olena about but I chickened out. After that fight I just wanted to move on.

"You did?" he asked with a smirk. "How much?"

"Why don't I show you?" I told him playfully. I gently pushed him back until he was laying on the couch. I leaned in and kissed him softly at first before it turned more passionate but all too soon, he was pulling back.

"Still?" I groaned laying my forehead on his chest, he chuckled.

"Yes still, it's not right yet," he said kissing my head.

"Will it ever be? It's been two months! I've even been cleared by all of the doctors," I complained.

"Soon Roza, soon," he said. "In the meantime, how about I go fix us dinner?" he said lifting me with him as he stood up. He started up the stairs.

"You're going to break your back carrying me up the stairs one of these days," I teased.

"No, you're too skinny to begin with," he admonished.

"I've gained 15 pounds since the accident!" I complained.

"Progress," he smirked. The last few years thanks to my depression from everything I had stopped eating as much and lost a good 30 pounds and Dimitri had made it known he wasn't a fan of it. it didn't help I was already small in stature to begin with.

"One of these days I'm going to be 300 pounds if you keep carrying me and feeding me all of the time."

"Eh, I'll have stopped carrying you by then. My max is 240," he joked back. I rolled my eyes at him. We'd made it to the couch by now and I glared up at him.

"Don't think about it," I said wrapping my arms tightly around his neck knowing he was thinking of throwing me on the couch. I grabbed my forearms with both hands.

"Think about what?" he smirked. Then before I could answer his arms came up and started tickling me until my grip loosened though I fought to hold on. Unfortunately, he hit me in the right spot and my elbow involuntarily jerked down breaking my hold and he used the opportunity to throw me down.

"Asshole," I muttered tossing my hair out of my face. He turned heading towards the kitchen so I used the opportunity to jump on his back and try to tackle him. unfortunately for me, he's a big guy and stout so I made him stumble a little but he stayed standing. "Well that didn't work."

"Gotta be better than that," he laughed as I climbed to where I was on his back with my arms wrapped around his neck. He kept walking towards the kitchen as I lowered one of my hands and started tickling him on the ribs where I knew he was the most ticklish. He would never admit he was but, he definitely is. As he started to squirm, I tightened my hold with my other arm, not choking him but making sure I didn't fall.

"Not fair Roza," he laughed. Again, unfortunately for me, he grabbed my leg and started tickling my feet and thigh.

"All is fair in love and war," I laughed trying to yank my foot away. I accidentally kicked back pretty hard when he got me in just the right spot and we both froze.

"That was below the belt," Dimitri gasped. Luckily, I hadn't kicked him in the family jewels but it was pretty close. I quit tickling him and kissed the side of his neck in an apology.

"Sorry, but really its your fault," I laughed.

"My fault you almost kicked my balls off?" he asked with a laugh. He stood at the island in front of a stool so I could sit down. This time I did get off and set down as he turned to me. I shrugged.

"I can't control my body spasms when you tickle me," I smiled innocently at him.

"You'll be the death of me one day," he laughed leaning down to kiss me then dashing away to the kitchen pretending to guard his crotch. I rolled my eyes at his antics.

 _"Come on," I muttered to myself pressing the gas a little harder excited to be heading to Olena's but nervous because I didn't know if Dimitri was going to show. All of a sudden I heard a honk and turned towards the sound. I saw Tasha driving straight towards me and it looked like she was laughing. Right before she hit me I saw Dimitri sitting in her passenger seat. Then it was an explosion of metal screeching, glass shattering and pain. My car flipped but I stayed awake feeling every jolt and jar. When it finally landed I crawled out though my body was screaming at me. I looked up and saw Dimitri standing there with Tasha._

 _"Help me Dimitri," I croaked out._

 _"Why would he help you?" Tasha sneered. "You killed his baby and ruined his life."_

 _"Dimitri, please," I begged sobbing._

 _"Sorry Rose," he shrugged grabbing her hand. "She's right. Why would I help you? Why would I want you?"_

"Comrade!" I shouted as I jolted awake. I looked around and found I was in an empty bed once again. I sat there for a minute letting my heart rate settle down before I groaned and made my way down to the studio, a case of déjà vu hitting me. As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I found him in the soundproofed enclosure playing his guitar. I walked over to the board and hit the microphone button.

"You know, I expected to not wake up to an empty bed since you're back," I teased him. He looked up and smiled back at me. I let go of the button and made my way into the studio area.

"I was finishing up a song idea," he said softly seeing my face. His face tensed as he set his guitar down. Apparently, I wasn't hiding my panic and fear from that nightmare as well as I thought I was. "Aw Roza, I'm sorry. I should have been there."

"I'm fine," I lied with a small smile. I came over and straddled his lap wrapping my arms around his neck, his hands came around and wrapped around my hips. Immediately I felt a sense of safety flood through me. Instead of talking about my nightmare I asked about his song. "Is this the same song you were working on last time?"

"Yea," he said softly. One of his hands rubbing slow, soft circles on my lower back reassuringly.

"Can I hear it this time?" I asked with a small smile.

"I think its ready for you to hear it now," he smirked back. I smiled fully as I leaned up and kissed him quickly before standing up.

"Well go ahead," I told him sitting in the chair beside him. He grabbed the guitar again and started playing, looking at his hands as he played

 **It's as much your fault as it is mine  
We can point our fingers all damn night,  
But you know as well as I do we're both crazy. **

**There ain't no one who can fight like us  
Go all 12 rounds scream and cuss  
'Till we don't remember why we were even angry.**

 **But you know I want you  
And I know you want me  
And that's all that matters  
Ain't it baby.**

 **I'm never singing, unless my song is for you.  
So slam the door and I'll slam it back,  
Baby I love you, and it's as simple as that.**

 **Baby let's lay down and laugh about it  
Ain't it good, how good we got it  
Cause you can dish it out  
And I can take it.  
But my heart, I know you'll never break it.**

 **Cause you know I want you,  
And I know you want me,  
And that's all that matters  
Ain't it baby.**

 **And I'm never running, unless it's close to you  
So slam the door and I'll slam it back  
Baby I love you and it's as simple as that.**

 **It's an imaginary line we never crossed,  
But it might seem like all is lost,  
From the outside looking in.**

 **And it ain't always black and white  
Sometimes you're wrong, sometimes I'm right  
But it's all the same in the end.**

 **Cause you know I want you,  
And I know you want me,  
And that's all that matters  
Ain't it baby.**

 **And I'm never singing, unless my song is for you.  
So slam the door and I'll slam it back,  
But who's to blame won't change the fact  
Baby I love you, and it's as simple as that.**

As soon as he stopped, I came over to him. he moved the guitar back out of his lap as I straddled him again. I was trying not to let the tears that had built up flow.

"That was beautiful," I whispered.

"It's true," he spoke quietly kissing my forehead.

"Don't think I didn't catch the 'sometimes you're wrong, sometimes I'm right' line mister," I teased as a tear snuck down my cheek. I quickly wiped it. "Shit, one sweet song and you have me crying like an idiot."

"You're not an idiot," he smiled. "I'm just good like that."

"Arrogant ass," I laughed. "It was a great song. It was just what I needed to hear."

"I figured," he admitted. "Want to talk about it?"

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" I asked looking down at his chest. It really was not fair that he's as built as he is.

"Not really but I'm guessing you do?" he asked.

"No…Yes…I don't know. I mean we've only been together for what two months? And we jumped straight into living together and so I'm just wondering if we're rushing this trying to make up for lost time. Then if we are, if that's going to be our downfall."

"Roza, I know you're scared. I wish that I could do something to reassure you but I can't. I can promise you until I'm blue in the face that I'm never leaving but you're not going to believe it until you see it. There's nothing I can do and that scares the crap out of me. Because believe it or not, I'm just as scared as you are. I wonder if you're going to wake up one day and realize you can't move on from the past or that this is too much and you're going to leave me. If you do, I know it will destroy me. This week was hell not being with you."

"I agree but, that's part of what scares me," I admitted.

"It scares me too Roza," He agreed. "I need you as much as you need me. If not more. I know you won't believe it but it's true. But think about this week apart, do you want more of that? Because I know I don't. I want to go to bed with you beside me and wake up to your beautiful face and crazy bed hair every morning."

"Except I keep waking up to an empty bed," I teased. "I want that too. I'm just scared. I'm sorry. I hate that you feel the same. I'm not going anywhere Comrade. I know you think this all stems from you but just know it doesn't. You've seen my family. I haven't had much stability since the day I was born. With nannies coming in and out, my parents only there occasionally. My fears and insecurities aren't all on your shoulders so please stop blaming yourself for it all. I've forgiven you for leaving. Forgive yourself. Yes, it's going to take some time for me to fully accept you're not leaving again but, like you said, there's nothing you can do. So please forgive yourself."

"Yea, it doesn't all stem from me but I reinforced it by leaving. Before I left you had no doubts about us."

"I was also 17 and believed in fairytales. I also still thought Stan was my father. I hadn't been completely abandoned by mother and my stepfather. I still would have grown up and I still would have been hurt by others. Plus, who knows what would have happened after Connor passed. Life still would have happened whether you were there or not. Who knows how that would have changed our relationship? Yes, you leaving did affect me. I can't lie and say it didn't though I wish I could so I could protect you from that guilt and pain but, I've forgiven you for leaving. Now you need to forgive yourself."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked.

"You don't but it's ok cause I love you anyway," I teased leaning up to kiss him.

"Smartass," he murmured against my lips. He pulled back and looked at me. "I will try, as long as you promise to be open about these times of insecurities so we can work through it together."

"I promise I will try," I told him honestly. He gave me a look and I dropped my head again. "I will try to be as honest with you as I can but it's hard. I hate feeling insecure and I hate feeling weak. It makes me feel like an idiot and so I get too embarrassed to talk to you about it. I don't like being emotional, you know that."

"I know Roza but I promise I will never look down on you for telling me how you feel. You're not an idiot. You're 22 and have dealt with more shit than most people ever will go through. That's bound to leave some scars and wounds, that's ok. I actually feel honored that I'm the one you trust to confide in. It makes me love you even more."

"Thanks for trusting me too," I said softly. "I'm glad we talked about this. I do feel better. You're right it will take time but this helped."

"I'm glad. It helped me too," he admitted. He leaned down and kissed me softly at first but it soon turned more passionate. He stood up, carrying me with him, not even breaking the kiss as he made his way to the stairs. The kiss grew more and more heated but eventually I needed air so I pulled away and kissed down his neck as he walked. When we got to the bedroom, he pulled my shirt off. I looked up at him.

"Does this mean…" I asked. We still hadn't crossed that line yet and I had all but given up hope.

"Yes Roza, that's exactly what it means," he smirked before kissing me again as he reached around for my bra clasp.

"Fuck yes," I moaned as he kissed down my neck.

"That's exactly what I intend to do," he laughed as he threw me on the bed taking his own shirt off.

Afterwards, I was laying with my head on his chest as he stroked my hair softly.

"So, you mean to tell me all I had to do this whole time was, go irrationally crazy then breakdown and tell you my fears? I should've done that a long time ago," I teased.

"Shut up," he laughed. "I caved ok, this was not what I had planned but oh well."

"It was perfect," I reassured resting my chin on his chest and looking at him. "I look forward to the next time I freak out, apparently my crazy turns you on."

"You turn me on, whether you're crazy or not. How could you not, you're beautiful. This last two months were torture," he said sincerely looking down at me.

"Tell me about it," I laughed. "I was practically begging. I had given up hope it'd ever happen!"

"Shut up," he laughed again. "You're too dramatic."

"It was worth it though," I told him sincerely. "I understand why you wanted to wait and I'm glad we did, even if I was annoying about it."

"Extremely," He smiled as he yawned. I laid my head back down on his chest and wrapped my arm around his torso as I closed my eyes. I was almost asleep when I heard him speak again, "But more than worth it."

Two days later found us at the airport with Yeva, Vika, and Olena seeing us off. We had spent half the day before packing everything we'd need then the rest at the Belikovs hanging out and saying goodbye to everyone else.

"I'll miss you!" Vika said squeezing me in a hug.

"Too tight," I laughed.

"Sorry. You're going to visit soon though right?"

"We haven't even left yet," Dimitri smiled at his sister. She then lunged at him and I took the opportunity to hug Olena.

"Be safe and be careful," she warned. Then she pulled back and put her hand on my cheek. "But most importantly be happy. You deserve it."

"Thank you mama Belikova. For everything," I told her honestly. She smiled warmly at me then patted my cheek. I released her so she could tell Dimitri good bye. I turned to Yeva.

"Good and bad surprises are ahead. Be open to possibility and careful with who you trust," she warned. I knew better than to question her so instead I just hugged her.

"I love you babushka," I told her softly.

"I love you too child," she said pulling back. Dimitri had finished his goodbye to Olena so I stepped back for him to hug Yeva.

"Call me everyday," Vika told me.

"I can't promise that just like I didn't last time but I promise one phone call a week and random texts," I bargained with a laugh.

"Ugh fine!" she agreed with a smile.

"Ok we have to go now," Dimitri said coming to stand by me.

"Be good you two," Olena told us.

"We will. We love you and we'll be back soon," I placated. We turned and headed for the gate.

"Ready?" Dimitri asked looking down at me.

"Definitely," I smiled up at him.

When we landed I was surprised to find paparazzi waiting for us in baggage claim. They kept their distance as we grabbed our bags but after that they swarmed us.

"Any truth to you cheating Dimitri?" One reporter asked.

"Rose are you here to keep an eye on Dimitri after the reports from last week?" asked another.

"Rose, Burger or salad?" asked another. At that I laughed.

"Definitely a burger," I told him. "With extra chees and bacon."

"Are you excited to be back in LA?" The same one asked.

"Definitely. I'm excited to get back to work." I answered.

"How's your recovery going?" he asked again.

"Great, I'm almost back to 100%."

"Any idea who hit you yet?"

"Nope. Maybe we'll find them one day."

"How are you and Dimitri doing after everything?"

"Aw I had so much hope for you," I laughed when he turned the questions towards us. "For all of your information, we're doing amazing. But there's more to us than our relationship. We do have an album coming out soon, I just filmed a music video."

"Thanks for your time," the one I'd been talking to said as Dimitri and I walked outside. There Adrian and Sydney were waiting with keys and Dimitri's mustang. They also had a car of their own. Not the one I'd ridden in.

"Y'all are awesome!" I said going to Sydney and giving her a hug first as Dimitri greeted Adrian. At first, she froze then warmed into it.

"She gets the first hug? Wow Little Red, I thought we were friends?" Adrian complained as I came over and gave him a hug.

"Shut up," I laughed. "I just saw you two days ago, I haven't seen her in a month and a half."

"Whatever, here's your keys," he said handing them to me but Dimitri quickly grabbed them. He unlocked the car and put our bags in the trunk.

"One of these days I'm going to get the coolest car and you're going to be so jealous because I'm never going to let you drive it," I teased. I might pretend to be mad but out here in LA traffic I'd prefer him to drive anyway. I'd just never admit it.

"Keep dreaming Roza," he smirked.

"Thank you for bringing his car to us," I told them.

"No problem, it was fun driving it," Adrian teased knowing Dimitri hated letting others drive his cars.

"And it will be the last time," he warned.

"Be nice and thank them for coming all this way to help us out," I told him.

"Thank you," he said . "We do appreciate it."

"It wasn't a problem. We'll let you guys head off and get settled in. We'll see you tomorrow at the studio," Sydney smiled happily.

"Sure thing!" I laughed. They turned towards their car as Dimitri opened my door for me. I climbed in and buckled as Dimitri got in.

"Ok so, I know that we had decided to stay at my condo but I think we need a place to start over in so I rented a different condo for this month while we look for a place together. I hope that's ok. If It's not I can cancel it and we can go back to my condo, it's still mine for another week. I can tell them I changed my mind though," he rambled.

"Dimitri, it's fine. I think that's a great idea. Somewhere new sounds perfect," I told him. Truth be told I was glad because I didn't want to go back to his place with Tasha. I still had my apartment but we didn't have the best memories there either and I was planning on packing it up anyway.

"Where is this new place?" I asked.

"It's actually closer to the studio, it's about a 5-10 minute drive. It's got an open concept like the cabin but the bedrooms are private. And there's a brick wall that has a fireplace that I thought you'd enjoy. Thought it might remind you of your apartment."

"Oh Dimitri it sounds amazing. What if I love it and decide I don't want a different place?" I teased.

"Then we tell them we're extending the contract and we stay," he smiled.

"You're amazing," I told him. "Alright then, let's head home."

 **Song used**

 **Simple as That- Charles Esten**


	4. Chapter4 There's Nothing Holding Me Back

**AN: Hey! So question, are you all not liking this one as much? Last chapter only received 3 reviews and while I'm not expecting a whole lot, I expected more than that. I know its all cute and sappy right now but I promise the drama is coming. Right now, Rose and Dimitri are still in the honeymoon cutesy phase but it won't last much longer. They both have unresolved issues that are bound to pop up again. Add in the stress and drama of a rushed album release, tour and a few surprises along the way. This chapter is more on the cute side but it's necessary for building the set up.**

 **Let me know what you all think, even if you're not a fun. Feedback is GREATLY appreciated please! Plus, it was my birthday two weeks ago so it would definitely be a nice birthday present**

The next day found us in the conference room with Alberta and a few people I hadn't met yet. We also were joined by my new publicist Amanda and my new manager Paul. I had Video chatted with them both, along with a few others, while in Georgia but this was my first time meeting them in person. Amanda seemed sweet yet ruthless if need be. She was a woman in charge in a male dominated field and you could tell it but, she also had a very friendly vibe to her. With her dark red hair and bright blue eyes, she was beautiful. I was also jealous because she had to be at least 5'8". Paul was harder to read. He seemed straightforward and charming but he also gave me a weird vibe. I felt like I could trust him but I knew we weren't going to be best friends. It helped that he was an older guy that had been in this industry for years so he knew what he was doing. He had short graying black hair, cropped close to his head and wore thick black rimmed glasses that he managed to make look very fashionable. They were both sitting across from Dimitri and I as we talked about the plans for the album and a possible tour after.

"With the album release being in two weeks, we're going to need to be promoting it like crazy on all of the social media platforms. That means I want you posting on at least one platform if not more, at least once a day. You're still new and while you are skyrocketing in popularity, we want to make sure it's for the right reasons, not because of who you're dating. No offense," Amanda told me then looked at Dimitri on the last part.

"None taken. I agree. I want to be known for my music," I said honestly.

"After the album release, we have a tour lined up but we're expecting it to get even bigger. We want you to start teasing big news, career wise. Adrian and Sydney have already agreed to the tour, we do need you two to sign off on it also. We also have some PR appearances lined up closer to the release date and after. We have an album release party planned, so start planning your dress," Paul laughed at the last part when I made a face.

"How long is the tour planned for?" I asked. Then I turned towards Dimitri, "And why haven't you signed off on it yet?"

"I was waiting on you," he shrugged. I was surprised his manager wasn't here but he said this meeting was really to get me updated.

"The tour is set up for a month and a half right now but, it looks like we can bump it up to a three-month tour if things keep going as they are. It's not a stadium tour but it will be a bunch of pretty big venues. Not bad for your first tour," Paul smiled.

"That's awesome! I'm sure it helps I have two of the biggest names in music with me right?" I laughed looking at Dimitri.

"Yes, that definitely helps," Alberta laughed. "With all of that being said, we want to use the momentum of your duet album for your solo album so you and Dimitri will need to be working on it while on tour. Ultimately it will be up to you four on how you set up the tour, you will have to meet up in the next couple of days to get it straightened out, but we think it might be best to set it up like the showcase with more songs so you'll be able to debut new songs from your album to get curiosity piqued. We also have some musicians coming in throughout the week to audition so we can get you your own band."

Before I could respond, Abe walked in the room. He went to the head of the table and sat down.

"What did I miss?" he asked.

"We're actually almost done," Alberta told him with a smile. "We were just talking about working on the solo album while on tour and how they need to get together to set up the tour lineup."

"Ah, Well continue," he nodded.

"As the tour goes on, I would like you post to social media at least twice a week. Also, if you'd like, you can give me access to your accounts and I can post about any album or tour updates so its one less thing to worry about," Amanda said.

"Right now, I'd like to go ahead and keep posting myself but maybe once the tour starts, we can do that," I shrugged. She nodded.

"We also have a meeting set up for you on Wednesday to set up merchandise for the tour. Because you're the newest, you will have a smaller amount but we have some ideas we think you'll like," Paul said. Honestly, I was starting to feel overwhelmed, in a good way, but still overwhelmed. "We also have a photo shoot set up for all four of you Thursday so we can get promotional pictures and posters. Plus, pictures for the merchandise."

"I know we've thrown a lot on you right now and we're sorry for that but you have a good team set up to help you out," Alberta smiled.

"Why don't we call it a day for now. Go down to the studio and you can hang out and work on the album," Abe smiled.

"Sounds good. Thank you all for the help and being so understanding with the accident. I know it's caused a delay but, I appreciate everything you've done for me," I told them.

"Accidents happen," Alberta smiled standing up. "Besides, that's what we're here for."

Everyone else stood up and started heading out, everyone except for Abe.

"Rosemarie, wait just a minute," he said as I was heading for the door.

"Want me to stay?" Dimitri asked me.

"Nah, I'm good," I told him. "I'll meet you in the studio."

He kissed me on the forehead before turning and following everyone else. Then it was just Abe, Pavel and, me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"How are you doing kiz?" he asked.

"What's kiz?" I asked.

"It's Turkish," he answered without answering. "My question?"

"I'm good. A little overwhelmed right now but I'm excited," I told him honestly.

"How's your healing going?" he asked seeming genuinely interested.

"Good, I still have some lingering effects from the concussion but they're mostly gone. My shoulders healed up and my knee still hurts occasionally but it's almost healed. I only have to wear a brace part of the time now."

"If anything becomes too much, just say the word. The next few weeks are going to be busy, I'm sorry for that in advance. If it becomes too taxing speak up. I may be ruthless in the business but I won't put it above your well-being."

"I appreciate that. Are you like that with all of your artists?" I asked bluntly.

"No Rosemarie, I'm not," he laughed.

"Why me?" I asked.

"Bold of you to question it," he smirked. "I told you, I knew your mother. I feel like I owe it to her and you to make sure you're taken care of."

"My mother couldn't care less on what's happening with me," I said bitterly.

"I think she might surprise you," he said. "She's not a perfect mother but maybe thing aren't always what they seem?"

"What would you know about it? You knew her 20 years ago. People aren't always what they seem, maybe you didn't know her like you thought."

"Potentially, but I'm not convinced of that. Either way, I do want to make sure you're taken care of so if you need anything let me know. My offer for the bodyguards still stands."

"And my rejection still stands. I don't need a bodyguard."

"Still stubborn as usual Rosemarie," he smirked.

"I was born stubborn," I shrugged. "And don't call me that."

"I bet you were," he laughed. He stood and nodded towards Pavel. "Now I have a meeting to get to. I'll see you around Rosemarie."

"You're making it really hard not to be a smartass right now. I'm trying to be good."

"Oh, by all means, don't filter yourself around me. I find it refreshing," he smirked. Pavel opened the door. "Until next time."

Then he was gone.

"Ass," I muttered under my breath. I waited thirty seconds or so then I left to go find Dimitri.

That night Dimitri and I went to Mia's bar as I'd promised her I would. Eddie soon followed.

"It's packed in here for it being a Monday," I laughed once we made it to the bar.

"It's because of you!" she laughed. "Ever since it got out that this is where you like to come karaoke, people have been swarming here."

"Really?" I asked with a laugh.

"People love you girl."

"Me, or the drama?" I asked with a laugh.

"All of the above lol."

"There she is! Thought you gave up on us little people already!" I turned and saw Daniel sitting at the bar. I smiled and went over and hugged him.

"Nah I wouldn't forget you little people that easily," I teased.

"Good to know," he laughed. He nodded to Dimitri, "Who's your friend?"

"Dimitri, this is Daniel. Daniel this is my boyfriend Dimitri," I introduced. They shook hands but Dimitri didn't look too happy.

"Nice to meet you," Daniel said. Dimitri nodded. "Are you going to sing tonight?"

"No, not tonight. We're not going to stay too late tonight. Just stopped by to say hi to Mia. I've been in Georgia so I owed her a visit."

"Yea I heard you were in an accident, you ok now?" he asked.

"Oh, you know you can't keep me down for long," I teased. "I'm good."

"Glad to hear it," he smiled.

"I'm going to grab us something to drink," Dimitri said before walking over to where Mia was again.

"So, it was my expert kissing skills that got you back together right?" Daniel teased.

"Yes, that was definitely it," I laughed.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"I am," I told him honestly.

"Good, I'm glad. No more drunk incidents then. Though you are very entertaining when depressed drinking," he smirked.

"Shut up," I laughed fake slapping his arm. "You're an ass."

"Never claimed otherwise," he laughed. "Your man doesn't look too happy that you're over here talking to me."

"That's just how he is around other people," I laughed looking over at Dimitri. He had found a table and was sitting there talking to Eddie but kept glancing my way. Right about then a girl came up and started obviously hitting on him. "Uh oh, think I need to go save him."

"You go mark your territory," he laughed.

"Shut up," I laughed. "I'll see you around."

"Hey babe," I said coming up and hugging Dimitri from the side. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I turned to the girl. "Hey, I'm Rose."

"Brittany," the girl smiled. "I'm a huge fan of Dimitri's"

"Ah, that's cool," I smiled forcefully. The girl had looked annoyed at my arrival but didn't look deterred.

"Yea, I was keeping him occupied while you were talking to your friend over there," she smiled innocently but it was fake.

"Well thanks but I'm back now so I can take it from here."

"Of course, you can. Consider my offer Dimitri," she said smiling at him before walking away.

"What's her offer?" I snorted. I saw her walking back to some other girl I'm assuming she was with. "Let me guess, a threesome with her and her friend?"

"Pretty much, though that's the less explicit version," he grimaced fake shuddering.

"Good luck with that," I laughed. I grabbed the water on the table and took a drink.

"So Eddison, how's life been? Sounds like it's been pretty good according to Mia," I smirked as I sat on the stool beside Dimitri.

"Not bad," he smiled.

"Good, I'm glad. You seem to be good for her," I told him.

"She's been good for me too," he said blushing a little.

"Awesome. Have I given you the best friend speech?" I asked with a smirk.

"I know, I hurt her, you hurt me," he laughed.

"Glad you know," I smirked.

"You know, you're not all that scary," he teased.

"Uh-oh. Big mistake," Dimitri muttered.

"Right now, I like you so you don't need to see my scary side. Just know that, we live on a lake in Georgia. There are hundreds of ways to get rid of a body. Plus, plenty of abandoned cabins so I can make it a painfully slow death and no one would ever know," I told him, then smiled at the end. "I'm going to go talk to Mia. Have fun boys!"

"I told you it was a mistake," I heard Dimitri say as I walked off. I smirked.

"What's with the smile? Or should I say evil grin?" Mia asked as I came up.

"Just doing my job as a fantastic best friend," I laughed.

"Oh no. Did you threaten him again?"

"He said I wasn't scary. I had to prove I was."

"oh. Then he deserved it right?" she asked sarcastically. She was smiling though so I knew I wasn't really in trouble.

"You know I only do it cause I love you!" I teased.

"And because you like to get to be a bitch every once in a while," she smirked.

"Eh when I can," I laughed.

"Who are you and what have you done with Rose Hathaway? I've never seen you so smiley," she said grabbing a customer's drink and handing him a new one.

"Smiley? Really?" I laughed.

"See? That's what I mean!"

"Well I haven't told you about everything that happened today. Short story, I now have a publicist and a manager, the album will be released in two weeks, then we're going on a tour while I work on my solo album, and I'm getting merchandise," I told her excitedly.

"Holy crap!" she squealed. That's when she noticed another customer needing a drink. "Hold on I'll be right back."

"Take your time," I told her as she walked off. She quickly made the drink and headed back to where I was.

"So how long is the tour?" she asked.

"They're not sure yet. Possibly 3 months," I shrugged. "It's up for debate. Dimitri and I will be working on my solo album while we're touring. It's going to be busy."

"But that's awesome! Two albums, a tour! Your own merch! When can I get some?"

"When it's created," I laughed.

"I want it all!"

"What if it's hideous?" I teased.

"Would you sell hideous merch to your fans?" she questioned.

"You're right. I'll let you know when I can get you some," about then it started getting really busy at the bar. "Alright, you're getting swamped. I'm going back over to Dimitri. I'll stop by later."

"Alright, I'll bring you some drinks if I get the chance," she said already working on three customers.

"Hey babe, good girl talk?" Dimitri asked as I came back to the table. Eddie had disappeared but not sure where.

"Eh, yes and no. she got busy so it interrupted. I've missed her," I told him leaning into his chest as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"You're back now, so you can hang out whenever," he said reassuringly.

"When? Our schedule is so tight the next two weeks that I think I might have to ask them to schedule some bathroom breaks in there," I half-joked.

"I know babe, but it's just two weeks."

"Then a 3-month tour."

"Do you not want to do the tour?" he asked pulling back and looking at me.

"No, I do. I think I'm just a little overwhelmed with how fast this is all happening. I knew we'd be rushed when we came back but I didn't expect it to go this fast," I said honestly.

"Come on, let's dance," he said standing up and grabbing my hand.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes really," he smirked. I grabbed his hand. About then the song changed into "Eyes on You" by Chase Rice came on.

 **No matter where we go** **  
** **No matter what we do** **  
** **If you're there, girl, I've got my eyes on you**

Dimitri sang along softly to the chorus in my ear for a minute as I melted into him. I laid my head on his chest.

"You know one of my favorite memories from our ski trip?" he asked.

"Umm the last night?" I smirked knowing it was the night I lost my virginity to him.

"I mean that is the top but, not what I was referring to," he laughed. "No it was before that, we were sitting on the ski lift heading up and I looked over at you. You were bundled in that red snow coat and your cheeks were bright pink you were looking out over the mountain and you had the biggest smile on your face. It was one of the few times where you were just there in the moment truly happy like you didn't have a care in the world and I thought to myself that I'd never seen someone so beautiful."

"I was frostbitten and had no makeup on," I smiled not wanting to show how much I just melted inside.

"You were perfect. You are perfect," he said kissing my forehead.

"I'm really not," I shrugged.

"Perfect for me. How's your knee?" he asked as the song came to an end. Luckily another slow one followed.

"it's great," I told him not wanting to leave the dance floor.

"I know this is all overwhelming and happening fast but try to enjoy it. You're not going to get another first album and first tour," he told me.

"I know, I'm trying. I just didn't expect it to all happen so fast. I thought we'd be able to get settled a little bit first," I admitted.

"Unfortunately, we have to ride the momentum right now. if we wait any longer interest will start to fade and the album won't sell as well," he admitted. "Your video should be finished tomorrow so you can check it out."

"Really?" I asked excitedly. "That was so much fun."

"It looked like you enjoyed it. when you start getting worn out or feeling stressed try to focus on the good things. I know it will be hard somedays but that's the only way you're going to get through it without losing your mind. One of my regrets with the band's first albums was not enjoying it enough. We were rushed a lot like this album is and with that and the partying, I never fully appreciated it. I don't want that for you."

"Well lucky me, I have you here with me to remind me to stop and appreciate it. in a way this is a first for you too, you've never done a tour like this and you've never been on tour with me."

"Already the best tour ever," he smiled at me. I rolled my eyes.

. "I think it's time to head home. I'm tired but there's some areas of the condo I'd like to christen before going to bed."

"Definitely time to go then," he laughed pulling away from me and grabbing my hand. I looked back at the table and Eddie still wasn't there, I found him at the bar with Mia so we detoured that way.

"Hey we're getting out of here but I wanted to come say bye first," I told them at the same time.

"He gets you for three months and I barely get you for an hour? Not fair," Mia complained with a small smile. I gestured to Dimitri.

"Look at him? Can you blame a girl for wanting to get him home alone? Plus, I think you'll be just fine without me," I laughed glancing at Eddie.

"Fine but, we're having getting together again this week. Dinner tomorrow?" she asked.

"Sounds perfect! Text me and it will happen!" I said as we turned and made our way out of the bar.

The next day I was in the studio with Adrian, Dimitri had just stepped out and Sydney was due to show up in an hour. That was when we were going to meet to discuss the tour lineup with the tour manager.

"I think we need a better fade in at this part," Adrian said replaying one of the verses.

"I agree, let's try it," I told him. he clicked a few buttons then played it again. "It's perfect!"

"I know, I'm a genius," he smirked. About then here was a knock on the door. I turned and saw a girl standing at the door. I waved her in.

"Hi Rose! I'm Stephanie! I'm here to be your new PA," she said excitedly. She was adorable, she stood about my height with short black hair and wide glasses. She fidgeted with a clipboard in her hands and shifted her weight from one foot to another as she glanced at Adrian and a small blush lit up her cheeks.

"PA, as in personal assistant?" I asked.

"Yes ma'am. Amanda and Paul hired me. They said to come in for a day or two as a sort of audition and if you decide to, you can hire me on through the tour," she squeaked.

"I told them I didn't want an assistant, no offense," I admitted.

"I know you don't want one but, they really come in handy when you're so sleep deprived you can't remember what state you're even in," Adrian said from behind me.

"He's right. Things are about to get super busy for you and it will be hard to manage your appearances, shows, meetings, and personal life. That's why I'm here through the tour. If you decide you want to keep me on after the tour you can but I'm just here to help you get through it. just try it out for today and tomorrow, if you don't like it, you can talk to Amanda and Paul."

"I guess, I've never had a PA so I might not be a great boss," I admitted.

"That's fine, I'm here to help you get used to it," she smiled brightly. It was cute. She was mousy and adorable. "If you don't mind, I will link this phone to yours so I can update your calendar and have access to emails and numbers but I won't receive any of your texts, that way you can still have your privacy."

"Uh sure?" I told her.

"Great!" she said excitedly grabbing the phone and going over to the couch at the same time Dimitri came in the room. He looked over at Stephanie and back at me.

"Dimitri meet Stephanie, my new PA for at least today and tomorrow," I told him gesturing to her. It wasn't that I was trying to be a bitch, I just didn't really feel comfortable having someone do stuff for me. I guess managing my schedule isn't that bad but, I'd have to get used to the rest.

"Nice to meet you Stephanie," Dimitri said politely as she stood up and brought my phone back over.

"Nice to meet you sir," she said that blush coming back to her cheeks.

"Just Dimitri, no sir," he told her with a small smile.

"Same, call me Rose," I told her.

"Ok, here's your phone. Everything is synced up. I'll work on adding everything into your calendar. Amanda and Paul gave me a schedule for the next two weeks. Is there anything I can get you? Coffee, lunch?"

"I'm good right now."

"Ok, I programmed my number in your phone so if you change your mind just text me or call and I'll be right there. I'll go work on the calendar now and let you work," she smiled before turning and leaving the room.

"Why don't you two have PA's?" I asked Dimitri and Adrian.

"I do," Adrian admitted. "He works remotely most of the time. When I'm not on tour I don't really use him as much so he works from my house or wherever. If I need him, I just text him."

"Oh, how did I not know that?" I asked confused.

"He was on vacation when we met, now he just really hasn't been around for you to meet him. he'll be coming up here later when we meet with the tour manager just to make sure he's all caught up."

"Oh. And you?" I turned to Dimitri.

"I fired my last one and haven't hired a new one," he shrugged.

"Why?" I asked.

"She was more interested in my social life than my professional life and I didn't appreciate it. plus, as a producer, you really don't need a PA so I never hired a new one. I probably should look at hiring one now for the tour though."

"Maybe I should help you with that. I'm a great judge of character," I smiled.

"Jealous?" he smirked.

"Not at all, just saying if you hire the wrong one and she doesn't respect boundaries, I can't be held responsible for my actions," I shrugged.

"Ok Roza," he smiled. then he sat down on his chair by me. "Let's finish this song."

"I don't think this is going to be finished by the time you're supposed to meet Mia," Dimitri sighed. We'd been working on one of our duets for a while now but we couldn't figure out what was missing. It sounded good but not great so we'd been playing with different things for a while. It was just him and I now. Sydney and Adrian left after our meeting where we got the lineup set up and finished all of the last-minute details, we needed for the tour pre-production stage. "If you want to go ahead and go with her, I can keep working on this."

"No, I'll stay. I'll just let her know I need to reschedule. Maybe we can do lunch tomorrow or something," I shrugged sad that I already was having to cancel plans and it was only day one. I could have just left Dimitri to work on it, after all it is his job but, I liked helping with this part. I've found out that I really like the producing part of songs as much as I liked singing them.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't mind."

"Yea, we've made it this far. I'm not stopping now," I smiled.

"Ok. Why don't you have Stephanie pick us up some dinner and we can try to keep blasting through this. See if we can figure out what's missing."

"Ok, sounds good," I told him. I pulled my phone out and texted Mia letting her know I had to cancel. Then I messaged Stephanie and asked her to pick Dimitri and I up some food from the sandwich shop down the street. I also told her to get herself something. I felt weird asking someone else to get me food but, I guess I'd have to get used to it.

Within twenty minutes she was walking through the door, bag in hand.

"You're a godsend!" I exclaimed as my stomach growled loudly. Dimitri looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "What? Lunch was forever ago! We need a mini fridge of snacks in here."

"You realize we have a kitchenette with a fridge right down the hall, right?"

"But its soooooo far," I exclaimed with a smile. "hey I have a bum knee. I don't want to walk that far."

"You wouldn't want to if your knee was perfectly fine," he teased. He turned towards Stephanie and grabbed the bag from her. "Thank you, Stephanie."

"No problem!"

"Did you get yourself something?" I asked.

"Oh no, I just got your food," she said nervously. "I'll get something to eat when I'm done."

"Ok new rule, if I'm getting food, you get food. If I send you to get me food, I expect you to get yourself something also. Same thing if it's coffee or whatever. It's always on me."

"I couldn't do that," she said.

"You can and you will. I expect it. Unless you're truly not hungry, I understand I can eat a lot some days and so I don't expect you to always be hungry when I am. If you want something else you can always go grab it when you're out also."

"Thank you Rose. I appreciate it," she said sweetly.

"No problem! Now get out of here, go get some food and have a great night, I'll see you tomorrow." I told her with a smile.

"See you tomorrow," she smiled nodding at Dimitri before scurrying out of the room.

"That was nice of you," Dimitri commented.

"Well it's not fair to make her go get me food and not get some of her own. I would hate doing that," I shrugged.

"Roza, you wouldn't be a very good PA in general," he laughed.

"I probably wouldn't, would I?" I smiled with him. my stomach growled again. "Let's eat."

A little while later, I was taking a short break on the couch while Dimitri was at the soundboard when I got an email.

"It's done!" I exclaimed running over to Dimitri. I showed him the email with the finished music video in it. He sat back and pulled me onto his lap.

"Let's watch it," he said with a grin. All of a sudden, I got really nervous. I mean, what if it's terrible? Dimitri noticed and kissed my head reassuringly while running his hand up and down my back. I hit play and laid my head on his chest.

"Roza, you were beautiful. That was great," Dimitri said when it was over. I smiled.

"It was pretty good huh?"

"It's going to be a hit for sure," he grinned at me.

"Well from what I hear, it wouldn't have been possible or created at all if it wasn't for you."

"I did the easy part, you put in the work and did amazing," he shrugged.

"I don't deserve you, you know," I told him. After everything he's done for me the last three months, putting up with my crazy mood swings, buying us a house and renting us a condo (that I insisted I pay half on thanks to my signing bonus and single sales), putting his career on hold to take care of me, and letting me work through all of my guilt and insecurities without ever pressuring me to do better or figure it out faster.

"No Roza, I don't deserve you but I'm too selfish to let you go again. You deserve better than me," he sighed. I leaned up and kissed him.

"Better than you? There's nothing better than you," I said with a fake accent and a smile.

"You and your movie quotes," he laughed getting my reference to the movie 'Where the Heart is'.

"You love them," I teased. "and you love me."

"I love you because of them. You wouldn't be you if you weren't quoting some movie, song or vine video," he laughed.

"That's why you're perfect for me. Anyone else would get upset I interrupted a perfectly serious moment with a movie quote but you don't. Now, let's tease some fans," I smiled pulling my phone out and posing for a selfie with him. The first one was bad so I quickly deleted it. "You know it wouldn't kill you to smile."

The next one his smile looked pained so I quickly deleted it. The third one I made a silly face to try and get a natural smile from him but accidentally clicked the button too soon. I looked at it and immediately fell in love but, I wouldn't share it. He had turned to look at me and had a smile on his face, you could see the love shining through his eyes while I had my tongue out in a goofy pose. It reminded me so much of when we were in high school and didn't have many cares at all. This was how we were all the time back then. I smiled and saved it before pulling the phone back up and snapping another selfie. I didn't like it as much but it was perfect to share on Instagram. I quickly uploaded it with a tease about the new video coming out in two days and how I'd just seen it and was blown away.

I went to stand up but Dimitri tightened his grip around my hips and rolled closer to the sound board. I grabbed the headphones I'd been using and handed him his. I leaned back against his chest as he started clicking some things on the computer.

"You know, I might like having you as a producer," I teased.

"Good, because I might like having you as an artist," he smiled back before pressing play as we got back to work.


	5. Chapter 5 We Are Broken

**AN:It's been a while guys and gals but I appreciate all the messages and reviews from the last chapter. This chapter mentions some songs but I'll add them in later. It was already super long without them so you'll see what the songs were later. So, in this chapter the drama is starting! Yay! Haha. I hope you all enjoy it! I'm sorry it seems like I'm flying through this story, it should slow down a little more as it goes on it's just this stuff all happens over extended time frames and theres no real way to do that unless I give you super short chapters or a really long one with time gaps. Let me know how you al feel about it!**

The next week and a half flew by quickly in a flood of time spent in the studio, interviews, meetings, and styling sessions. Before I knew it, it was time for the album release party and the album was being released to the public that night. The video had been a huge hit. It went number one within a couple of days.

"Roza, you look beautiful," Dimitri said as I came into the living room. I was wearing an off the shoulder burgundy dress that matched my hair. It was higher in the front, it went to about two inches above my knee, the back went to about an inch or two below my knee. It was form fitting until around my hips then flowed out a little. I fell in love as soon as I saw it. My hair was pulled up into an updo, the right side was in a big French braid that swept into a bun on the left side. I was excited my hair was finally long enough for it. The studio had sent someone over to help with my hair and makeup which is why it was so good. For make-up he had done a subtle cat eye with a light brown shadow then paired it with a burgundy lipstick to match everything else.

I did a little twirl and smiled for Dimitri. "You look pretty handsome yourself."

"You're showing it off," he said softly rubbing the tattoo on the back of my neck. Normally it was hidden by my hair but tonight I decided I wanted to show it. It was a filled in black swallow flying upwards carrying a heart in its beak. The same bird on Connors grave.

"I wanted him with us tonight," I shrugged not knowing if that made sense. It wasn't like I wasn't thinking about him all of the time but it felt different showing it off.

"I love it," he said kissing my exposed shoulder softly. "I think it's perfect."

"Me too," I smiled. I had laughed when he had found it because it took him two weeks of living in the cabin before he'd finally seen it. He'd found my other one on my foot in the hospital pretty quickly, it's the Celtic symbol for strength with the Russian proverb 'There was and there wasn't' written in Russian. At the time I thought it was a perfect representation of where I was. I had love, then I lost love but I needed to find strength to move on and go forward. When he'd found the swallow he was in shock thinking I'd been lying when I told him that I had two tattoos. What he hadn't told me and I'd missed the one time we'd been together before I left, is that he'd gotten a tattoo on the back of his left shoulder blade of a rose and a sunflower on fire. Ironically, sunflowers were my favorite, not roses. I'd cried when I first saw it, though I had to admit it was a beautiful tattoo. The colors were vibrant and it all seemed so brutally beautiful.

"You ready?" he asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I'm nervous but more than ready," I smiled. Truthfully, I was already exhausted. Despite being together a lot the first two days, Dimitri and I hadn't seen each other much after that. He'd been busy with finishing the new album while I spent two days in auditions for a new band, another day in meetings over merchandise, hours in fittings, then somehow it ended up being Adrian and I flying all over promoting the album this past week. We'd been on a few talk shows and done a few sneak peak performances. Since it was all so last minute, we really weren't interviewed a lot. We just would show up, perform our single and announce the release date of the album.

"It's going to be great, you'll see," he smiled grabbing my hand and leading me out the door.

"Says the one not wearing high heels on a bum knee," I joked as we entered the elevator. Luckily, we'd went with short heels so I should be fine.

"I'll catch you if you fall," he winked as the elevator stopped.

"You think you're so smooth," I laughed.

"It's because I am," he teased. I rolled my eyes as he opened the car door for me and I slid in.

An hour and a half later found me in the middle of a crowd of strangers with a champagne glass in my hand and no one around I recognized. I was talking to some big wig in the industry but I wasn't sure who he was. I want to say he worked at Billboard but I wasn't sure. I smiled and played the part all the while hoping someone would come save me so I could escape for a few minutes. Luckily my wish was granted as Adrian appeared out of no where and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"Mark, my man!" he greeted the man I was talking to.

"Adrian, nice to see you again. I hear the album is sure to be a hit," Mark smiled at him but it seemed forced.

"It definitely will be. I'm proud to be a part of it. You should hear it for yourself, which is actually why I'm here. It's time for Rose and I to give a small preview performance," he smiled down at me.

"Ah, I look forward to seeing it," he nodded. Adrian then pressed on my shoulder and led me away towards the back of the small stage that had been set up.

The performances seemed to speed by pretty quickly. Adrian and I performed our single, Sydney and Adrian performed a new duet that no one had heard before, then Dimitri and I performed one of the duets we'd performed at the showcase. Sydney and I rocked the stage with an anti-love song that the crowd seemed to love. Over all it went better than I had expected. A few minutes before the album dropped, Adrian, Dimitri, Sydney and I snuck off to do an Instagram live on Adrian's IG.

"Hey everyone. We wanted to come on here and say hey and remind you our duet album comes out in," Adrian pretended to check his watch, "2 minutes."

"You're all going to love it! We've worked so hard on it for all of you so go give it a listen," I smiled when he scanned the phone towards me. He then moved it over towards Sydney.

"Don't forget, half of al the proceeds go to a wonderful Children's charity which we will link in a little while if you want to go look it up!" she smiled. Adrian then pointed the camera towards Dimitri.

"The album is great, go listen to it," he said straight faced. I laughed.

"Geez Dimitri look a little excited," I teased leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. I should add at this point I'd had more champagne than I'd planned on. I wasn't drunk but I was in the pre-tipsy happy stage.

"I am," he shrugged but smiled a little more. He turned towards the camera again "It's a fantastic album, probably my favorite to work on so go enjoy it."

"There you have it folks. Now the album should be dropping about now so I'm going to get off here while we return to our release party and let you all go listen," Adrian smiled into the camera.

"Have fun!" I said excitedly as he turned it off. Then I turned towards the others. "Guys, our album is dropping now!"

"We did it," Dimitri smiled wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing my head.

"Did you ever think you'd be at your release party, releasing your first album?" Adrian asked with a smirk.

"Not really," I laughed. "Thank you, guys, for doing this with me. and for being patient while I dealt with everything. I know you could have easily replaced me."

"We'd never, you were the mastermind behind it all. Well at least bringing me on," Sydney laughed. "It wouldn't be the same without you. Thanks for bringing me on board with it all. Even if you manipulated me."

"I wouldn't quite say manipulated, more like didn't tell the whole truth," I laughed. "It all worked out in the end though."

"Yes, it did," Adrian smiled wrapping is arm around Sydney. "Now how about we go out and make our final rounds before heading out. Tomorrow is going to be our last day of rest for a while and I'm ready to get it started."

"Rest, I'm sure you two are going to be doing a lot of resting," I teased with a snort.

"Lots of resting in bed," Adrian winked leading Sydney out the door before calling back, "And on the couch, in the kitchen, the shower."

"Shut up," Sydney laughed fake slapping him as her face turned red.

"Have fun!" I called after them. Then I turned towards Dimitri and wrapped my arms around him laying my head on his chest.

"I've missed you," I said enjoying the comfort off being in his arms.

"Remember that when we're on month 3 of the tour and you're wanting to kill me for breathing too loud on the bus," he laughed.

"I don't need to wait 3 months to get annoyed with you. You tend to do that a lot but I love you anyways," I joked looking up at him.

"Not my fault you're stubborn and pig headed," he teased back cupping my cheek with his hand.

"Hey now, I prefer the term strong-willed," I laughed as I wrapped my arms around his neck and softly played with his hair. "You're just as hard headed and stubborn. My life would be a lot easier if you'd just let me have my way all of the time."

"Yea, but what's the fun in that?" he asked trying to repress a shudder as my hands went lightly from the base of his head down his neck and around to the tops of his shoulders

"Very true. It would be so boring not having someone to argue with all of the time," I smirked.

"So boring," he said leaning down and kissing me. It started softly but then got more heated before Dimitri pulled back. "We should get back to the party before they come looking for us."

"Do we have to?" I asked running my hands down his chest.

"Babe, I'm ready to go home now too. If I could I'd teleport us there right this second but, they are throwing this party for us. We should stick around a little longer. Then we can leave and have the rest of the night and all of tomorrow to ourselves," he said. Tomorrow was the only day we didn't have anything planned for the next two weeks before the tour started. After that, tour rehearsals started, planning, and prepping started, and we also had a lot more media stops to make.

"Fine, but I'm giving you no more than an hour," I warned pulling away reluctantly.

"I promise, no more than an hour," he said leading me out the door and back to the party.

Twenty minutes later I was approached by Abe. I had to repress the urge to laugh at his outfit this time. He was wearing a bright purple suit with a light blue scarf and his signature gold hoop earring.

"Kiz, how are you this evening?" he asked.

"You ever going to tell me what that means old man?" I asked with a smile.

"Old man?" he asked surprised.

"Hey, you said you like my wit. You give me a nickname, you get one too," I told him with a shrug.

"Very well," he smiled. "Back to my question."

"I'm great," I told him honestly. "I just had my first album release that I created with some of the most amazing people. I never thought I'd be here."

"You deserve it Kiz. You've had it rough the last couple of years, I'm glad you're getting some good back in your life. Dimitri treating you well?"

"What are you, my dad?" I joked. He didn't say anything and I rolled my eyes. "Yes, he's treating me fine. We're great actually."

"Good, I'm happy to hear it," he smiled softly.

"Thanks for the party," I told him. "It's better than I expected."

"Eh, it's nothing. We do something for every album we release," he shrugged.

"Well I still appreciate it. I've never really had big celebrations for me or something I've done or was a part of. It's pretty cool," I shrugged not really meaning to have said that but honestly not really caring.

"You've never had a party?" he asked furrowing his brow.

"Not really, the Belikovs will make a special dinner and we'll play games for my birthday but that's it."

"Your parents never did anything for your birthdays? Graduation? Anything?"

"I'm telling you the Janine you knew is not the same. They couldn't care less about my birthdays. More often than not they weren't even around for them. Then by the time I graduated I'd already been kicked out. The Belikovs had a small celebration but at that point I barely cared that I'd graduated so they just took me to the diner and got me a cake," I shrugged again.

"Hmm, I'm sorry Kiz. You deserved better than that," he said sadly and though I barely knew him, I could tell he honestly meant it.

"Thanks, old man but, it's fine. I don't need big celebrations, I never did," I smiled.

"Nobody needs them but, they can still want them and deserve them."

"Maybe, but I think I've done fine without them. Besides, no reason for you to take it so hard. it's not like its your fault," I smiled. Though my words seemed to upset him more before he smiled again but it seemed forced this time.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Still, we'll have to fix that. Expect more celebrations in your future."

"That's really not necessary," I laughed.

"Maybe not but I don't take no for an answer," he said. About then Dimitri came over to us.

"Abe," he nodded shaking his hand before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "How's it going over here?"

"Abe's decided to become my fairy godfather and start throwing me big celebrations since I told him this is the first that I've been a part of," I smiled.

"Good, you should be celebrated. All the time," he smiled down at me.

"Good man," Abe nodded.

"You both are ridiculous," I laughed. "But, whatever I won't fight it."

"Good, because-" Abe started but I cut him off.

"You don't take no for an answer. I got it old man. Just know that I can be just as stubborn when I want to be," I smiled.

"Roza," Dimitri admonished surprised I was talking to him like that.

"She's fine," Abe smiled. "As fun as this has been, I'm about to make my exit. I will see you around Kiz. Dimitri." He smiled at me then nodded at Dimitri before turning and making his exit.

"I know sarcasm is your natural language but it's probably not smart to antagonize the president of your record label like that," Dimitri laughed letting me know he wasn't really upset.

"He said he enjoyed me not having a filter. He said not to filter myself so I'm not anymore," I shrugged.

"He does really seem to like you for some reason."

"Because I'm so unlikeable," I teased.

"Of course not, that's not what I meant. He's just seemed to take you under his wing and taken a special interest in you. It's kind of weird. I've never seen him act like that with an artist."

"What can I say, I'm awesome like that," I laughed. "Now, can we please go home?"

"Yes, we can leave now," he laughed kissing my head. "I already said my goodbyes that I needed to so I think we're good to go."

"Thank goodness," I sighed as he led me towards the front exit.

The next two weeks flew by. We announced the tour and ticket sales have been crazy high. The album has been really successful. I've still been getting mixed reactions. Some people have said they only bought the album because of everyone else and are actively protesting any song I'm in, others say they bought it only because I'm on it. I've been trying to shrug off the negative and focus on the positive like Dimitri's told me to but it's been hard. I think it would be one thing if they hated me for my music but hating me because they think I broke up this really fantastic relationship is irritating. I've been tried and convicted among the jury of public opinion and while most don't seem to care, others do. I do.

"What's up?" I asked into the phone. I was in a meeting with my merchandise team but Lissa had called three times in a row so I figured it was important.

"Have you seen?" Lissa asked sounding out of breath.

"Seen what?" I asked. About then Alberta rushed down the hall.

"Rose we need to talk," she said looking worried.

"Ok give me just a second," I said starting to worry. "Lissa what are you talking about?"

"I don't know how but the media found out," she said cryptically.

"Found out about what?" I asked my stomach dropping. She sounded seriously upset. I don't know how but somehow knew exactly what she was about to say.

"Connor. Only they didn't find out the real story," she said sadly. I could hear the sympathy in her voice. I couldn't breath as my back hit the wall. I hadn't even realized I'd been walking back towards it. I slowly slid down it trying to catch my breath. Alberta's eyes flashed with sympathy as she came over to my side.

"How bad is it? What are they saying?" I whispered.

"They're saying you had a late term abortion. They're trying to spin it to make you look bad," Lissa said sadly. I couldn't even form a response to that. The phone fell out of my hand and I couldn't bother to pick it up. Out of the corner of my eye I registered Alberta grabbing it and speaking but I couldn't make out what she was saying over the pounding in my ears. They knew. The whole world knew about my baby. They thought I aborted him. As if I wanted to just get rid of him. My perfect, precious baby boy. All of a sudden, I couldn't catch my breath. I leaned forward resting my head on my knees as I gasped for breath.

"Roza," came Dimitri from somewhere but I wasn't for sure where. I felt myself being lifted and put back down. It felt like I was in someone's lap. Even though my brain had officially stopped working I knew Dimitri must have found me and had picked me up. I burrowed into him, my head on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat and felt his chest move, trying to mimic his breaths. A trick I'd learned after my last few panic attacks.

"They know," I sobbed out but it was muffled. I wasn't even aware I had started crying but wasn't surprised by it.

"I know Roza," he said softly. One hand was running through my hair softly, the other was rubbing my back.

"They think…they…I" I gasped not able to form the words.

"I'm so sorry babe," he murmured into my hair.

"How?" I cried clutching him tighter.

"I don't know but I swear I will find out," he said and I could hear the anger in his voice. Hearing the anger in his voice reminded me that it wasn't just me anymore and I wasn't the only one affected by this. We didn't speak for a while as I tried to calm myself down. Dimitri rubbed soothing circles on my back as his other hand played with my hair on the side of my head. When I was mostly calm I spoke up again.

"I'm sorry," I told him realizing this was probably just as hard on him.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked putting his finger under my chin and lifting my face towards his.

"Because I'm breaking down and this affects you too," I told him wiping at my face.

"Roza, never ever apologize for your feelings. None of this is ok and you have every right to break down," he said sternly but with a softness as he pushed my hands away and wiped my tears with his sleeve. "I just wish you didn't have to live through this right now."

"Yea but, you're having to with me. He's your son too."

"Not according to the tabloids," he snorted bitterly.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Oh yea, the media definitely messed the story up. There's a few different versions floating around. There's a few variations but in none of them have they put me as his father," he stated. I shook my head in anger and laid my head back down on his chest holding him tight trying to comfort him as much as he was me.

"I'm sorry," I told him softly. "What are we going to do about all of it?"

"Well for starters, you and I are going home and going to spend the rest of the day with all electronics off. Then we'll come back in the morning and meet with our PR reps and teams and see where to go from here."

"We can't just go home and bury our heads in the sand," I told him.

"We can for today. You and I both need it. Tomorrow, we can figure out our next move," he said roughly. "Today we shut it out."

"Ok," I said softly realizing he needed to get out of here just as bad as I wanted to. I looked around and realized we were alone. "What happened to Alberta?"

"She went back to her office to give us space once she saw you start to calm down. You had her panicked there for a minute. It took me a while to get here and she was worried she'd have to call an ambulance before I could get here."

"Where were you? And how do you know all the details about the articles?" I asked confused.

"I was out getting lunch. Vika forwarded one of the articles and sent me a warning to prepare you if you hadn't seen it. I read the first one then clicked through a few others to see what all they were saying. Alberta called me saying she was coming to tell you so I headed straight back. I was almost here when she called me back in a panic that she couldn't get you to calm down and breathe. Once she saw you calming down, she said she'd be downstairs and left. Your merchandise team also left."

"I didn't notice any of that. The last thing I really remember before hearing your voice is me dropping the phone on Lissa. Oh, she's probably worried," I said straightening up and looking for my phone. I saw it on the ground beside Dimitri's leg so I grabbed it and shot her a quick text telling her I was with Dimitri and we were going to go home and go electronics free for the afternoon.

"Come on babe, lets go home," he said rubbing his hand on my back. I stood up and offered him my hand. When he stood, he kept hold of my hand and led me down the hall. As we made our way outside, I noticed paparazzi surrounding the gate.

"How does it feel to be a murderer?" One of them shouted at me.

"Dimitri, you really left Tasha for that baby killer?" another screamed. At that I visibly shook. I would have stopped in my tracks if Dimitri hadn't been there pulling me softly towards the car. I tried to tune them out but every time they shouted baby killer or murderer it felt like a knife stabbing me. By the time Dimitri opened my door and helped me in, I felt ready to collapse from the pain. I turned in my seat to face Dimitri as he got in and pulled my legs up, resting my chin on my knees. Dimitri pulled out and started driving towards home. Once his right hand was free from shifting, he reached over and grabbed my hand. I squeezed his gently as I leaned my head down and laid my cheek on my knee watching out the front windshield. Just in case anyone was following, Dimitri took the long way home, making a lot of extra turns and detours. When he finally pulled into the garage and parked, he leaned his head back against the headrest and took a shaky breath. I could see it was affecting him more than he was letting on.

"Comrade," I said softly. He turned his head towards me. "I'm here for you too."

"I know you are Roza. Unfortunately, neither of us can put this genie back into the bottle. How sad is it that I'm actually upset that none of the articles have considered the fact that he's my son also? How pathetic is that?" he asked as the anger and emotions started building.

"Don't apologize for your feelings," I told him quoting his earlier words back to him as I put my legs down and leaned towards him. My hand cupping his cheek. "He was your son. He IS your son. No one can take that from you."

"You tried to," he said angrily. I pulled back as if I'd been slapped. He instantly looked like he regretted his words. Before he could apologize, I spoke up.

"You're right. I will never be able to apologize enough for that but don't apologize for saying that. It's how you feel. I'm a big girl. I can take it," I told him stronger than I actually felt.

"Come on, lets go upstairs," he said defeatedly. He climbed out of the car and I met him at the back. He reached for my hand and I extended it out towards him, taking his with mine. The ride up the elevator was tense and silent. I knew he regretted saying that but, it didn't change the fact that on some level he feels that way still. As much as he's pretended to be ok with it all, he's still holding on to some anger about it all. I can't blame him for that because it's not like all of my negative emotions from the past are gone. No matter how much we've tried to pretend we've moved on from everything, neither of us have. At least not completely. Understanding doesn't stop the pain though.

"Are you hungry?" I asked Dimitri as we entered the apartment. I headed into the kitchen and opened the fridge looking but not seeing. "I know you said you were getting lunch but I don't know if you actually got it before you rushed back."

"Roza," Dimitri said softly from behind me causing me to jump just a little. I stood and turned towards him.

"Don't. Please," I told him seeing the look in his eyes. "It's fine."

"I let my anger at the situation point towards you, that's not fine," he defended.

"It is. I'm ok. It's fine," I said turning back towards the fridge and pulling out a water.

"No, you're not and no it isn't. I didn't mean what I said. I'm not even angry at you about it anymore we've moved on from that."

"Have we? So, you're over all of your anger at me for not telling you about our son that died? All of those feelings are just gone magically?" I asked getting more upset. I walked over to the island in the middle of the kitchen and set my water bottle down. He walked over to the other side of it facing me.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked exasperated.

"The truth. I don't want you to lie to me because you think I can't freaking handle it. You said it, own up to it," I cried in frustration.

"Fine, yes I'm still angry. Is that what you want to hear?" he exploded.

"Thank you!" I half-yelled. "Finally, the truth."

"I'm angry at you for not telling me on the multiple opportunities you had, including the day you found out. I'm angry at the stupid drunk driver. I'm angry at the paparazzi and whoever gave them the information. Most of all, I'm really fucking angry at myself. I hate myself for walking away, for not realizing you weren't ok that day at the airport when looking back all the signs were there. I'm pissed that I wasn't there to protect you or him. That it's my own damn fault for not answering the phone. That I wasn't there when he was born. That I couldn't protect you then and I can't even protect you now from all of this bullshit. I'm just really fucking angry," he ranted. He'd started off yelling but by the time he was finished it was almost a whisper. He put his hands on the island and hung his head as if that rant had drained him of energy. I walked around the island over to him. I touched his arm and he flinched slightly but didn't move. He was panting as if he'd just finished a race.

"Comrade," I said softly tugging on his arm to get him to look at me. When he didn't budge, I slipped under his arm and stood in front of him, caged between him and the island. I grabbed his chin softly and pulled his face up to meet mine so he could see the truth in my eyes. When his eyes met mine, my heart broke a little more for him. "This shit today isn't your fault. There's nothing you could do to prevent it so quit blaming yourself for it. You want to be angry at the drunk driver and paparazzi, well go ahead because I can't blame you for that, I'm angry at them too. You want to be mad at me, go ahead I deserve it but, quit beating yourself up over everything that's happened. We both made mistakes, we both fucked things up. You didn't know, that's on me not you so quit hating yourself for it. You couldn't have stopped a drunk driver from running a red light, you couldn't have stopped the miscarriage. You can play the what if game all you want but you and I both know that if we do that, we could never come back up from that rabbit hole. The truth is, it all still could have happened whether you were there or not. Plus, how were you supposed to know I was hiding something from you at the airport? You weren't because I made sure that you wouldn't."

"I still should have known," he said. "I still should have been there."

"Yes, you should have but that's on me. Not you. You can't be mad at yourself over something you didn't know," I told him honestly. At that he didn't answer just leaned his forehead down against mine.

"We haven't made much progress on the forgiving ourselves," he laughed bitterly.

"No comrade, we haven't. I don't know that I ever will, but it won't stop me from trying to get you to," I told him honestly.

"You're not a baby killer," he said kissing my forehead. "I know that got to you. It wasn't your fault."

"Agree to disagree," I murmured.

"Never, not on that. I will spend my life trying to make sure you stop believing that," he said wrapping his arms around me.

"It's probably going to take the rest of your life."

"Then so be it because I will never agree with you on it. It was not your fault. You can see it in your eyes and in your actions how much you loved him. You would have done everything you could have to protect him, even if that meant giving your life for his."

"We make quite a pair. Both of us trying to convince the other to forgive themselves while hating ourselves in the meantime," I said shaking my head. "Do you think we'll ever move on?"

"No, I don't because I don't think you ever move on from something like this. What's important is that we keep moving forward. Which we are."

"It doesn't feel like I am half the time," I told him honestly.

"You are. Do you feel the same as you did when you first lost him in the hospital? Or the same as you did when you first came to LA? Because I've seen a huge change in you from then. We're still going to have setbacks every now and again and things like this will take us back towards the dark but we don't have to stay there now."

"I guess you're right," I admitted hugging him to me.

"I'm always right," he teased trying to lighten the mood.

"You wish," I laughed lightly as I gently hit his arm playfully.

"I love you," he said softly. "Even in the times you don't love yourself. Especially in those times."

"Ditto," I told him as my eyes watered from his words. "I love you too. Always. And this time I wasn't even trying to quote Ghost. It just happened."

"Mhmm," he smirked. Right then my stomach rumbled. "Come on, lets get you some food before you get hangry."

"You going to cook for me?" I asked. He looked in the freezer and fridge.

"How does pizza sound?" he asked closing them.

"Sounds perfect!" I told him grabbing my phone and opening the pizza app.

We spent the rest of the night with our phones off eating pizza and watching horror movies that wouldn't remind us of reality. A few times one of us would bring it up again but we mostly avoided talking about it. We were now in the car on our way back to the studio to come up with a game plan.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed reading one of the articles.

"Stop reading them," Dimitri warned.

"I need to be prepared. I need to know what's being said. This one states that I got pregnant and claimed it was yours to lure you back to Georgia and when it didn't work aborted. Who even comes up with this shit? This one says that I cheated on you and got pregnant from it causing you to leave me and move to LA then when you left, I decided to abort. This one is from an inside source that after you left for LA I couldn't cope and whored around ending up pregnant. Where does all of this come from? And why does every theory involve you leaving but not one speculates about you being the father. That doesn't make any sense."

"The paparazzi never do. They come up with the story that sells the best. Quit reading them. You know enough," he said pulling into the studio parking lot. He got out first and made his way over to my side and opened my door. I took a deep breath before stepping out. The paparazzi started yelling questions again but Dimitri bent down and whispered in my ear.

"So Roza, how does it feel sleeping with the sexiest Russian in America?" he whispered into my ear, drowning out the taunts and causing me to laugh out loud. He continued. "Is he really as amazing in bed as he seems? I bet he's even better."

"Shut up," I laughed slapping him as we got to the door of the studio. I leaned up to kiss him soft and quick. "Thank you, my sexy American Russian."

"Anytime Roza," he said guiding me inside and down the hallway into the conference room. We sat down and waited for everyone to arrive. Then we started.

"Ok so here's what I'm thinking, we release a small statement that the media outlets have the story wrong you did not have a late term abortion but you wish to remain silent on this subject as it is very sensitive for you. Then we make sure to show you and Dimitri happy and definitely together through tabloids, social media and whatever else to show you two are fine and moving on," Amanda said taking charge. "We make sure to spin it as you being the victim of someone finding out your personal medical records and exploiting them for money."

"What if…"I started then stopped. I looked down at the table not sure if I was really ready for what I was about to say. I took a deep breath then continued. "What if I wanted to tell my story. The truth, all of it."

"Are you sure you want that? You have a right to keep this private even though the media disagrees," she said.

"Yes, I've been thinking about it since last night and well, I don't want it to seem like I'm ashamed of my baby or trying to hide him. Plus, there's other mothers out there going through similar things whether it's just teenage pregnancy or a miscarriage of their own. Maybe I can help them see they're not alone like I thought I was," I said before turning towards Dimitri. "This is part of your story too so I'll only do it if you're ok with it also."

"I think it's a great idea. Your side deserves to be heard," Dimitri nodded.

"Our side," I corrected.

"Ok well we have had multiple media offers, everyone wants to hear from you so let me go through them all and I'll pick a few that I think are best for you and you can decide. In the meantime, don't address it, just keep living your life like it never happened. I know that sounds bad and like the opposite of what you want to do but, if you engage its like adding fuel to the fire. Until you get a real platform to explain yourself, anything you say won't help."

"Ok, I don't like it but I will. I promise," I told her. Shortly after we dismissed and continued with our daily plans. Around lunch I decided to look up what they were saying now.

'Rose and Dimitri All Smiles the Day After Babygate: How heartless can you be?'

That was the title of the first article I found. It had pictures of Dimitri and I walking in this morning when he was making jokes in my ear making me laugh. The article continued on saying how unaffected we appeared to be the day after the world found out I "killed" my baby which obviously means it's true and I'm just a bitch that doesn't care about it. The next three articles were all similar. One had 'sources' saying today I've been acting completely fine and not affected at all. I physically growled when I found one that started questioning Dimitri's character if he could stay with someone like me over perfect Tasha. I mean who would choose a murderer over a supermodel?

"Stop reading it," Adrian said entering the room.

"I can't I'm a masochist," I said clicking the next article. All of a sudden, my phone was ripped out of my hand. "What are you doing?"

"Stopping you. You can have this back later," he said sitting beside me. "I'm also kidnapping you."

"Kidnapping me?" I asked as he sat beside me.

"Yes, with the Russians permission of course. You need to get out of here and forget all of this. You need some fun. Enter me, the king of fun."

"I have meetings," I smirked.

"You had one but I rescheduled it for tomorrow before rehearsals," he told me confidently.

"How?" I asked confused.

"Through your PA. Glad you kept her around. Now come on," he said standing and grabbing my hand.

"I can't," I told him.

"Why not?" he questioned. I wasn't sure how to explain why I was hesitant so instead I shrugged and looked away. "Red, it's ok to still have fun."

"I know it just doesn't feel like I should right now," I shrugged knowing he wouldn't understand no matter how much he tried.

"I get it but it is ok. Come on, I promise you'll hate it," he smirked.

"I'm not doing anything slutty or with alcohol," I warned.

"Neither is involved. Though I would pay to see slutty where we're going," he grinned as he pulling me from the room and down the hall.

"Then you're out of luck," I laughed. "Fine I'll check it out."

"Good, let's go."


	6. Chapter 6 Happy

AN: **Guys I loved and hated writing this chapter! I hope you all love it! I love all of the responses I've been getting! Please always feel like you can give 100% (helpful) critiques, thoughts, opinions, or suggestions. Speaking of which, Rose writes a new song in this chapter What song do you all think it could be?**

 **Song Used for the title of this chapter 'Happy' by Pink**

"This is what we're doing?" I asked as we pulled down a half paved half gravel road. "What is this?"

"You'll see red. I promise, you'll enjoy it," he smirked. After another minute or so we pulled up to a giant metal warehouse that had been hidden in the trees.

"Did you kill someone and need help burying a body because all you had to do was ask," I smiled at him still confused.

"No red I'm afraid if anyone was killing anyone it would be you needing help with the body. I'm flattered you'd help me though." He laughed climbing out of the car. "Come on."

"Ok, I'm lost, what is this?" I asked as I got out and we started towards the warehouse.

"This is the key to letting your frustration out. I know the owner, his son is a roadie on my tour crew and he said we could use this place for the afternoon," he said opening the door. At first glance all I saw was wood and color everywhere. On second glance, I saw it was an arena, filled with wooden obstacles and colorful paint splattered everywhere.

"We're paintballing?" I asked.

"If you'd like but there's also, axe throwing and a few smash rooms," he smiled proudly.

"Smash rooms?" I questioned intrigued.

"Everything in the room is breakable. You put on a special suit, some eyewear and take a bat or sledgehammer to it all. Very cathartic."

"Well I'd love to paintball but I'm thinking that might be more fun if we had more people. How about axe throwing then smash room?" I asked knowing those two alone should be fun but exhausting.

"Exactly what I was thinking," he laughed before heading down a path along the wall that I hadn't even noticed. As we turned a corner, I noticed a man standing by the door. He was tall but not quite Adrian and Dimitri tall. What he lacked in height he made up for in muscle though because he was stout. He had a head full of grey hair and the kindest brown eyes. Just looking at him you could tell he could handle himself but wouldn't unless absolutely necessary.

"Ah Adrian I see she agreed to your plan," he smiled kindly shaking Adrian's hand before turning towards me offering his hand. "Hi, I'm Steve the owner of this warehouse."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Rose," I smiled at him.

"I've heard you probably have some tension to get rid of," he must have seen something on my face because he quickly covered it. "Don't worry darlin' I didn't ask questions and I never will. Just know you came to the right place."

"Thank you," I smiled. "Is that a hint of southern I hear in that darlin'?"

"I'm originally from Tennessee. My wife and I moved here 20 years ago. Sometimes the accent still slips through."

"Georgia. We're practically neighbors," I grinned.

"Well neighbor, want to go throw some axes and break stuff?" he grinned.

"Hell yea," I laughed.

"Ah I knew there was a southern spitfire in there," he smiled opening the door. Inside there were three wooden targets on the wall and three boxes of axes in front of them. I listened as he went through the rules and explained how to best throw them. The first time I tried it bounced and landed in front of it. Steve made some corrections then let me try again. This time it landed with a thud right on the outer ring.

"I did it!" I exclaimed excitedly.

"Congrats little red," Adrian smiled from beside me. "Now hit the bulls eye…if you can."

"Was that a challenge I heard?" I asked. He shrugged. "What's the bet?"

"Hmmm if you don't hit it you have to perform a song I pick on tour no matter what," he smirked.

"If I do hit it, you have to perform a Britney Spears song of my choice in an outfit of my choice," I laughed already picturing him in the I'm a slave outfit dancing around…or maybe "not a girl not yet a woman"…the possibilities were endless.

"Fine same rules. I pick your outfit," he challenged.

"You're on," I told him offering my hand. He shook it then I turned and grabbed the last axe in the bucket praying I hit the bulls-eye. I got in stance and raised the axe. I pulled it back then swung and released it. I held my breath as it flew through the air then half-squealed in excitement when it hit bulls-eye.

"Boom!" I exclaimed throwing my hands up at him.

"It was luck!" he laughed.

"Let's see you do it then!" I challenged.

"You're on. Double or nothing that I hit it on my turn," he grinned.

"So that means I get to pick 2 songs for you? Man the possibilities are endless. I'm seeing some genie in the bottle. Crop top and all."

"Oh no red, you're going down this time," he grinned grabbing his axe. His first one bounced and hit the ground. Then the second one did the same.

"You can't even get it stuck," I laughed. "Easy win!"

He then threw the last one and I gasped as it hit the bulls-eye then bounced down. He was so close.

"Looks like you won," he shrugged.

"Did you let me win?" I asked when he didn't really react.

"I would not, I'm too competitive," he smirked but I didn't know if I quite believed him.

"Mhmmm."

"Want to go smash shit?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Let's do it!" I laughed practically running out of the room. Then I realized I didn't know where I was going so, I waited for Adrian and Steve who had been surprisingly quiet. Steve led us to a different room he handed us protective gear then led us each to separate doorways letting us each have our own smash room. I walked in and looked around for a minute trying to decide where to start. I picked up the hammer and hit a vase first. I hadn't hit it hard but it shattered and when it did something in me also shattered. I picked the sledgehammer up again and swung again at the first thing I saw then I did it again and again.

On each swing I thought of something new that had pissed me off. The paparazzi finding out my darkest secret. Tasha for all of the bullshit she's been spreading and lying about. My son being taken away from me. Dimitri for leaving. My mother for years of abandonment. My not-father father for years of mental and borderline physical abuse. Myself for not sticking up for myself more. For not telling Dimitri the truth. For not hunting him down when I should have. For letting my baby die. For hiding him as if he was a dirty secret. For hating myself.

By the time I was done everything was shattered and I was panting. Honestly, I probably would have continued but I didn't think my arms could lift the hammer one more time. I dropped it and looked around. Then out of no where tears started pouring down my face and I collapsed on my knees. No one came in as I sat there and cried letting all of the anger and frustration and hurt out. When I couldn't cry anymore, I took a breath and stood up. Somehow in the process of destroying everything and my sob fest I became more resolved. I was tired of taking this laying down. Tired of feeling heartbroken and ashamed. As I walked out of the room, I finally felt like my old confident, don't take shit self and I was happy.

"So did it help?" Adrian asked as we sat at a table in a little diner off the highway. We both had hats and sunglasses on but we were hoping it was enough out of town that we wouldn't be recognized. We were still about 45 minutes outside of LA.

"It did. Thank you," I told him with a smile as I picked up a fry and ate it. He hadn't mentioned my break down at all. When I came out, he and Steve were down the hall talking. Steve had smiled knowingly at me but didn't say anything. As we walked out, we had made small talk and then as we left, we thanked Steve for letting us use the space for the afternoon. Steve told us to come back anytime and hugged me then we left. It had been weirdly silent since but an enjoyable silence as we listened to the music and just drove.

"Anytime. I figured you would enjoy it."

"It was…freeing. If that makes sense," I smiled.

"It does. I get it. I've used it as therapy before. That's how I found out about it. Steve's son Jeremy works on my tours and he'd noticed I'd been excessively grouchy and suggested I try it. It had helped. Now, I come back every once in a while, if I need to.

"Well, thank you for showing it to me. Honestly, I had no idea it would help that much," I told him.

"Like I said its very cathartic," he smiled. We finished eating then Adrian insisted on paying and we left.

"Think you're going to be ok?" he asked with a smirk as we walked towards his car.

"I'm always ok," I smirked.

"Ah, there's the fire," he said happily. "You've seemed a little too nice and calm since coming back."

"Well, you'll be happy to know, I think the fire is coming back full throttle. I'm tired of being a victim. I'm not one, so I shouldn't act like one."

"Glad to hear it little red," he smiled as we got in the car.

"So, how are you and Sydney?" I asked as he started driving. "Like how are you really?"

"We're good. She's struggling still because her family doesn't completely accept her career and throwing me into the picture makes it worse but her and I are good. I feel bad for adding to the strain with her family but she insists she's ok. Who am I to decide for her she's not."

"Smart, I can tell you from experience it's never a good idea to decide what's best for your spouse for them," I laughed. "Glad you don't have to learn that the hard way."

"Yea, I've gotta say. I've learned a lot on what not to do from you two," he teased.

"Shut up," I chuckled.

"How are things between you two? Like really?"

"I mean, they're good," I shrugged. He raised an eyebrow at me. "They really are I just…I don't know. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and when I'm not doing that, I'm worried because things have been too easy so far. Like we still have small fights but nothing major. We fought yesterday after the news broke because we're both trying to pretend all of our anger and hurt just doesn't exist. As if it magically disappeared because we're too scared to lose each other again. I'm just worried one day it's going to blow up and there won't be any coming back from it."

"Red, I hate to say it but, you're a pessimist. Understandably so, but, it's going to be hard for you to not feel like the other shoe is going to drop. Just trust in you and Dimitri and trust that what you have is strong enough to last. You two have been through hell and back and have come out on the other side. Talk to him. Be honest about what you feel. He'll understand."

"I know I need to. Things have just been so good. It's hard to trust that I can bring up the past and not ruin everything. I need to let it go and I'm working on it, I just am not sure how."

"Well as long as you're holding it in it's going to stick around."

"I know," I sighed. "Maybe once things calm down it will be better and I'll be able to talk to him.

"Red, things aren't going to calm down anytime soon. You have the paparazzi stuff, we're about to start the tour, then you have an album and probably another tour after that. The sooner the better."

"You're right," I sighed again.

"You'll feel better after," he encouraged.

"Hey remember when we met and you hit on me all the time and that was as deep as we got…I miss those times," I teased.

"Well, I'm a taken man now," he smiled. "Can't go around flirting with everyone. Though if I did, you'd be first on my list."

"I'm…flattered?" I laughed.

"You should be," he smirked as he pulled into the garage at Dimitri and I's condo.

"Thanks for today. I needed it," I told him reaching over and hugging him.

"Anytime Red. Things will get better. Just wait and see. And talk to your boyfriend."

"I will," I smiled at him. I made my way out of the car but before I shut the door I spoke up again. "Thanks for sticking by my side through all of this. I'm really happy for you and Sydney. You deserve it. You're great friends both of you."

"You too Red. You deserve it too," he said. Then smirked. "Now quit stalling so I can go see my girl."

"Pig," I laughed shaking my head. I shut the door and made my way inside. When I got inside, I didn't see Dimitri anywhere. I decided to head down the hall to our makeshift studio as I texted him to see where he was. I grabbed a notebook and sat on the couch as I wrote down some lyrics that had popped into my head as I was smashing things earlier. I was almost done when I realized that Dimitri still hadn't replied. I called him but it went to voicemail. I went over to the piano and started working on the melody to the lyrics I had written. I worked on it for what felt like hours but I wasn't ready to go to bed without Dimitri just yet. I needed to see how he was dealing. I made my way over to the couch and laid down while I kept working on the lyrics. I don't know how much time had passed but I was startled awake when I heard a door close.

"I'm awake," I said startled sitting up.

"I can see that," Dimitri smirked.

"Where have you been?" I asked sleepily. I picked my journal up and closed it. He stayed over by the door.

"At the studio," he shrugged.

"What kept you so late?" I wondered.

"One of the producers asked me for help on a song."

"Oh," I said standing up and going over to him.

"You should have gone to bed," he said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He put his hands on my hips but didn't pull me close.

"I didn't want to go without you," I told him honestly. "You ok?"

"I'm fine. Just been a long day," he said kissing my head. Then he pulled away. "Let's go to bed."

He backed up and let me in front of him as I made my way towards our bedroom. Once we had changed and gotten ready for bed, he wrapped his arm around me. I wondered if he really was just tired or if he wasn't doing ok.

"How was your afternoon with Adrian?" he asked softly.

"Good. It helped," I admitted.

"I'm glad," he murmured.

"Was your day that bad?" I asked rolling to face him.

"It was fine," he shrugged looking over my shoulder instead of at me.

"Are you mad because I didn't talk to you about releasing the story first?" I asked worriedly.

"It was unexpected," he stated rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you mad about it?" I asked. Honestly all of his actions had worried me tonight but his lack of response had me especially concerned. He was treating me like he treats everyone else when he never has before.

"I think you made the right decision. Your side needs to be told."

"You said that earlier. What do you really think about it? I don't want us to do this if you don't want to," I said lifting up and leaning over him to look in his eyes. The emotion flashed on his face for just a second.

"I don't love the idea of being forced to tell the entire world our past but you don't deserve the world hating you because they don't know the truth."

"I don't like being forced to either but I do also think it might just be better to get it out now."

"I understand," he sighed rolling us so we were on our sides face to face. He still really hadn't answered the question.

"Comrade," I said softly as my hand came up to his cheek. "What's up? I know it's been a rough two days but your shutting me out here."

"Nothings up. It's just been a fucking hard two days," he tilted his chin down to kiss my forehead softly. "We're fine. I promise."

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yes, just bare with me. I'm trying here. I've had my emotions shut off for the last 5 years until you blew back into my life and sometimes it messes me up but you and I are ok," he said honestly. As he spoke, I leaned in and laid my head against his chest. When he was done talking, I kissed his pec softly.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asked confused as his arms wrapped around me tighter. I inhaled him in relaxing a little more.

"Being honest with me. You know you can always talk to me too right? I know I've been emotional and crazy since we got back together but I don't want you to think that means you have to always be strong and hold everything in."

"I don't think that Roza. You're the strongest woman I've ever met. I'm just not good at opening up. You know that."

"Ok. As long as you know you always can," I said still slightly uneasy. Dimitri and I had never had an issue communication wise, not ever. Even when I hated him and we were arguing all the time we still told each other way too much.

"I know Roza. Now let's get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow," he said resting his chin on my head. Maybe I was reading too much into it but, I still felt like his tone was off. Despite his reassurances, I felt like something was still seriously wrong. I mean besides everything else crashing around us.

"Ok. I Love you."

"You too," he murmured. When he didn't respond with his usual Russian 'I love you', I knew I wasn't being paranoid. Somethings not right. Now to figure out what.

The next morning, I awoke with a jolt. I looked over and saw Dimitri's side of the bed empty and cold. I'd had more nightmares last night but luckily none that had woken me up. I hope it hadn't disturbed Dimitri but guess I couldn't ask him. I got out of bed and found a note from him in the bathroom just stating that he'd went into the studio early. I wasn't supposed to be in there for a couple of hours but I decided to go ahead and head up there to see what I could get done.

Surprisingly, Adrian was already there in one of the studios so made my way in there.

"The other shoe dropped," I stated sitting in the chair beside him.

"How?" he asked as he stopped plucking at the strings of the guitar he'd been messing with.

"I never even got to talk to him. He showed up super late, was off the entire time, then left before the sun came up this morning," I sighed leaning my head back onto the top of the chair. "You said I was paranoid. This is why."

"Did you ask him what was up?" he asked.

"Gee, never thought of that," I smarted off. I immediately felt bad and sat up to look him in the face, "Sorry I'm irritable this morning."

"Just this morning?" he teased with a smirk.

"Don't be charming while my life is going up in flames," I sighed leaning back again.

"And everyone thinks I'm dramatic," he laughed setting the guitar down. I glared at him. "Alright, so you asked him what was wrong, did he give you a decent answer?"

"He said he's just struggling with all of the emotions right now."

"I mean that sounds like a reasonable fair answer," he defended.

"Ok, I get that. It hasn't been easy on me either, I won't belittle what he's going through because I know the situation is different than mine but, I'm struggling and I'm not shutting him out," I countered.

"Yea but you're a chick. You are better at handling emotions. Guys aren't that great at it. Maybe he's just overwhelmed and doesn't want to burden you with it," he argued.

"I don't know. It's hard to explain. I just can feel it. Something's wrong," I stated. "I know what you're saying makes sense but if you were there and felt it. Then, you would understand."

"So, what are you going to do about it?" he questioned.

"Nothing. I can't force him to talk. I guess I just show him that I'm there for him and hope he'll eventually come around," I told him honestly.

"Good, if you try to force it, it could bite you in the ass. And not in the good way," he smirked.

"Speaking of biting asses, where's Syd?"

"Meetings. All morning. So, it's me myself and I today," he said sadly.

"Want to help me with a new song I've been working on since last night?" I asked with a smile knowing it would be the perfect distraction for us both.

"Yes please. I'm so bored," he laughed.

Hours later I had gone to various meetings and Adrian and I had practically finished my new song. Well everything we were able to do without a band and producer though we did record a rough acoustic version of it for a demo.

"Damn little red I'm impressed. Way to take a bad situation and become a bad ass bitch out of it," he laughed.

"Puh-lease, I'm always a bad ass bitch," I teased.

"That you are," he smiled. about then Dimitri peeked his head in the door. This was the first I'd seen or heard from him except for a small text exchange where we discussed who to give our exclusive to. It wasn't a very productive conversation but in the end a decision was made and we'd be doing the interview tomorrow.

"What's up Comrade?" I asked curiously.

"Just thought I'd let you know I'll be late coming home again. I'm helping another producer again," he stated flatly. "That way you don't wait up."

"Ok?" I said hesitantly. "Do you know how late you'll be?"

"No telling. They're coming up on a deadline so it may be late. Sorry."

"Oh. Adrian and I worked on a new song today. It's pretty bad ass if I do say so myself," I told him proudly hoping to get some reaction.

"That doesn't surprise me," he said with a hint of a smile playing on his face. "I gotta get back just thought I'd let you know."

"Ok. I'll see you at home. Love you," I said but he was already heading out the door. I turned towards Adrian, "What the fuck? Do you see what I mean?"

"That was weird. Even for him," he stated. He came over to where I was sitting on the couch and wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him. We sat there in silence for a minute before I straightened up.

"Well I'm not going home to an empty house. Want to go to Mia's bar with me? See if Sydney wants to join?"

"I'll ask," he said pulling his phone out. Within a minute she responded. "She said she's down."

"Good cause I need alcohol," I said standing up and pulling him with me. "Let's go!"


	7. Chapter 7 Issues

**AN: Two updates so close together? Yay! Just fair warning I also have most of the next chapter pretty much completed. That doesn't mean I will be posting it immediately, it may be a week or so…it depends I'm pretty excited about it! I hope you all enjoy it. Don't hate me when you get to the end. I promise not everything is what it seems! I promise, there will be a happy ending.**

 **Chapter Title Song "Issues" Julia** **Michael's**

"Hey bitch," I smiled heading up towards the bar as Mia was pouring someone a shot.

"Oh, you are still alive!" she laughed looking up at me. She finished pouring the shot then handed it to the customer. She ran around the bar and hugged me then smiled at Adrian and Sydney behind me. "Hey. Looks like a party tonight. Where's the bodyguard?"

"Working," I said rolling my eyes knowing she was referring to Dimitri.

"That's not a good face. Sounds like shots are on the menu," she said as she made her way back behind the bar and started pouring three shots. She handed them to us but Sydney declined. Mia shrugged and took it herself.

"Syd and I are going to go dance," Adrian told me as a slow song came on.

"Have fun!" I smiled and waved them off.

"Trouble in paradise?" Mia asked as I sat on a bar stool. Luckily the bar wasn't as packed as last time so she was able to hang out for a minute.

"Everything's great. I mean my biggest secret gets revealed to the world and my boyfriends avoiding me. Perfect really," I said sarcastically.

"Why's he avoiding you?" she asked.

"I have no freaking clue," I shrugged. "But he's working late and not going to be home until late so I thought why not come see my best friend/ favorite bartender," I smiled. She handed me a drink she made. I had no idea what it was but knew better to question her. This one was bright blue. I took a sip then smiled. It was definitely strong so I wouldn't be able to drink very many.

"You came to get drunk," she corrected.

"No, I'm trying to stop drowning my sorrows in alcohol but, I definitely could use enough to help me sleep," I told her honestly.

"I'm on it," she smiled. About then a couple of customers came up to the end of the bar, she made her way over to them to help them out. About then a man sat beside me. Normally I would have thought he was cute be he gave off a bad vibe that made me dislike him. He was tall, probably a good 6 inches taller than me. Had black hair and green eyes. He looked to be about mid 30's.

"Haven't seen you here before," he slurred with a creepy smile. "You must be new here. There's no way I would've missed a hottie like you."

"Thanks, but I've been here before," I shrugged.

"Want to dance?" he asked.

"Sorry, but I have a boyfriend," I told him.

"That's what they all say. Where is he then?" he asked.

"He just ran to the bathroom while I was talking to my friend," I said gesturing towards Mia.

"Well then he's an idiot for leaving a hot young thing like you alone," he said leaning towards me.

"Look, I'm not interested so please back off," I warned. His hand came and rested on my knee.

"Aw, don't be like that babe. I'm just giving you a compliment," he grinned like he was doing me a favor.

"You have about 3 seconds to move your hand before I break your nose," I warned. He laughed.

"Ok babe," he smirked raising his hand a little higher.

"That's it," I said as a final warning before I pulled my arm back and punched him in the face as hard as I could.

"Bitch!" he shouted holding his nose.

"I asked you nicely to let go of me. I warned you I would hit you," I told him standing up and backing away.

"Fucking slut, I doubt your worth it anyways," he ranted as he walked off. About then Adrian and Sydney came rushing up.

"You ok?" Sydney asked.

"Fine now," I muttered shaking my hand. I knew how to punch but it didn't stop it from hurting.

"Here's some ice for your hand," Mia said coming up and handing me a rag filled with ice. I put it on my knuckles.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Maybe I should start calling you Rocky," Adrian teased.

"Shut up," I laughed sitting back on my barstool as Sydney sat beside me and Adrian on the other side of her.

"What happened? I saw him lean in but that's it. I couldn't hear what he said. I was on my way to come help when you punched him.

"He hit on me but I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn't interested. He didn't want to take no for an answer and put his hand on my leg. I asked him nicely to remove it or I'd break his nose, he laughed and slipped it up higher so, I punched him."

"So, all those times you told Dimitri you could take of it yourself, you weren't lying," Adrian said in disbelief. "Ok, Little Rocky."

I laughed and shook my head at his remark. "Dimitri taught me self defense in high school. I know a decent amount."

"I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner," Mia spoke up.

"It's fine. I don't think he would have listened to you anymore than he did me. Asshole," I muttered the last part but they still heard.

"Do you want to go home?" Adrian asked. Honestly, I did but the idea of going to home to an empty condo and laying in that big bed by myself had me shivering internally. I put a fake smile on and spoke up.

"Not really. No need to let one asshole ruin the night. I'm not even buzzed yet," I joked.

"I can help with that," Mia laughed getting us more shots. This time she made us two so just Adrian and I took them.

"Come on Rocky, let's dance," Adrian smiled pulling me and Sydney up and towards the dance floor. We danced for a few songs, they even had me laughing and forgetting my worries for a minute. Then a slow song came on.

"I'm going to go get a drink," I smiled at them before turning and making my way back to the bar. Before I made it there, I detoured and snuck out to the alley. My mind flashed back to the last time I'd been here with Dimitri during my meltdown. I smiled at how far we'd came since then. I know there's something up with Dimitri but I also knew whatever it was, we'd make it through it with enough time. I just hoped it was sooner rather than later.

I quickly dialed his number and listened as it rang then groaned when it went to voicemail.

"Hey Comrade, I was just checking in. Wondering if you knew when you'd be home yet. Adrian, Syd and, I went to the bar. I broke a guy's nose. You would've been proud of my punch. Well, call me back or text me when you get this. I love you," I rambled. Then hung up. I sighed then made my way back to the bar.

"You ok babe?" Mia asked when I got there.

"I'm fine," I smiled softly at her thankful for her concern but not wanting to dwell on the negatives. "What's new in your world? It's been forever since we really got to hang out."

"Not a lot," she shrugged.

"How's it going with Eddie?" I asked. At that her smile dropped.

"It's…ok," she said hesitantly.

"Spill," I told her.

"I guess it's fine. We've just been fighting a lot more. He wants to move faster than I'm comfortable with. Which isn't a bad thing. I'm just not ready for deeper. I like him, I have fun with him, why can't we keep it at that?" she shrugged.

"Babe, I know you don't do relationships but one day you've gotta take a chance on someone. Why not let it be Eddie? He's a good guy and wouldn't willingly hurt you plus you think he's sexy as hell," I joked.

"Damn right," she laughed. "I know and I hear what you're saying. I'm trying."

"Good. Just keep trying and I think you'll find you can be really happy," I smiled. She's from a divorced household and it really affected her. She doesn't believe in marriage and since I've met her has refused to go on more than 3 dates with a guy. That was until Eddie.

About then Sydney and Adrian made their way back towards us. That was the end of the deep conversations. The rest of the night we spent laughing and talking about the tour. I told Sydney and Mia about Adrian and I's bet and they decided to throw out some suggestions. Overall it was a fun night.

Before I knew it, I was walking into the empty condo. As soon as I walked in, I could tell Dimitri hadn't made it home yet and I hadn't heard from him. We hadn't stayed till closing so it really wasn't that late, around midnight. I quickly got ready for bed then I decided to call him again. This time he answered.

"Hey."

"Hey, did you ever get my voicemail?" I asked.

"No, sorry. I haven't checked my voicemail yet. I was in the studio when you called and my phone was in the booth. What's up?" he asked.

"I was just wondering if you knew when you were going to make it home?" I asked feeling way too needy for my liking.

"Probably another hour or so. We're about three quarters of the way done and we're making huge progress so I don't want to stop now."

"Ok, I understand," I told him honestly but sadly. I did understand from our late nights in the studio finishing up our album when you finally hit that stride and everything was working for you. That didn't mean I liked it. I slept better when he was around and I really wasn't looking forward to going to bed without him.

"I'm sorry babe, I'll try to wrap it up as soon as we can," he said and I could actually hear the regret in his voice and it gave me a little more hope.

"It's ok. I'm about to head to bed. Have fun and get home when you can. The bed feels empty without you," I tried to tease but you could hear the truth in my voice.

"I know babe, I will. Call me again if you need to, I'll keep my phone on me," he said sincerely and I smiled. This was my comrade.

"I will. I love you," I smiled into the phone.

"Love you too babe. Get some sleep. I'll be home soon," he said softly then the line clicked off. I sighed and clutched my phone as I laid down. All of a sudden, tears formed in my eyes and I laughed unsure of why I wanted to cry. I shook my head and closed my eyes holding them back before sitting my phone on the nightstand and turning the light off. I laid down and replayed the day as I drifted off to sleep.

"NO!" Came a scream from somewhere as I jumped and looked around. My heart was racing and I had a thin layer of sweat on my forehead and tears racing down my cheeks. I quickly realized it was me who had screamed no. I don't know when but I had managed to get into a sitting position so I looked over to Dimitri's side. It was still empty.

"Of course," I muttered. This nightmare had been especially bad. I was pregnant with Connor but Dimitri was there and acting as he had been the last two days and try as I might I couldn't get any reactions from him. Then, we were in the car at the red light, I was driving and yelling at him to tell me what was wrong when he finally snapped and started yelling that he hated me and would never forgive me. I asked for what but as I did, I started driving forward against my will. I heard a honk and looked up as the guy from the bar was driving a truck straight towards me. I turned towards Dimitri as he mouthed 'this' and then all I felt was pain and heard metal colliding and glass shattering.

I laid back for a second as I tried to catch my breath and slow my racing heart. After a few minutes I calmed down enough. I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so I made my way out to the living room. I grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and curled up at the end and turned the tv on. I put on an old movie that I pretty much knew every word to knowing that it would help me relax enough I might be able to go back to sleep for a little while longer. It worked because before long I was drifting off.

"Why didn't you call me?" I heard Dimitri's voice from somewhere as I felt myself being lifted.

"Were working," I mumbled burying into the warmth beside me.

"You can always call me babe," Dimitri muttered into my ear. That's when I woke up enough to realize he must be carrying me back to bed. "How bad?"

I just shrugged in response not wanting to tell him the truth. "Enough."

"I'm sorry," he said softly as he laid me down. I still hadn't opened my eyes. I finally pried them open enough to see him sitting beside me looking down at me. I could see the emotion on his face but was too groggy to be able to tell what it was.

"S'okay. Just come lay with me now," I told him. He stood and made his way over to his side of the bed, taking his pants and shirt off as he did. I rolled into him and laid my head on his chest.

"Tell me about it," he prompted.

"Not much to tell. You were there. Said you hated me then douche from the bar hit us with a truck," I told him honestly but not saying everything.

"You know I don't hate you right? I never could. Even when I tried to, I couldn't. I love you too much," he said gently.

"I know you don't hate me," I stated.

"So, you broke a guys nose?" he asked. I was starting to get sleepy again so I shut my eyes and just nodded. "Why?"

"He put his hands on me, wouldn't go away," I said softly giving an involuntary shiver at the memory.

"Sorry I wasn't there. I let you down twice tonight," he said so softly I almost thought I dreamed it. That woke me up a little more.

"I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. I don't need a body guard," I said honestly.

"I don't deserve you," he said into the darkness.

"Comrade, I'm not sure where your heads at or what's going on but I'm not going anywhere. Work through what you need to work through and when you're ready I'll be here," I reassured.

"Get some sleep, we have a big day tomorrow and its late. I'll be here," he said wrapping his arms around me as one of his hands stroked my hair softly. He bent his head down and kissed my head.

"I love it when you do that," I smiled remembering all of the other times I've told him that.

"I know," he replied softly as I drifted back into a deep sleep.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked Dimitri as we waited in a dressing room waiting to be called out for the interview. We had decided to go with a more 60 minutes type of interview where we could sit in front of a camera and tell our story so that it was less likely to be spliced and edited, though, there was still a possibility with that.

"Roza, I'm positive," Dimitri said frustrated with me. I couldn't blame him. I've been asking him the same question all day. "I'm not ashamed of my son or you. I'm not going to act like I am."

"I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying. Once you do this there's no turning back," I warned not sure how to put my fears into words. He's been a bit better today though I could still feel something is off. He hasn't been avoiding me but that's also probably because he hasn't been able to. He was there when I woke up this morning but, he had reverted back to the emotionless barely talkative self he'd been the last two days.

"I know, Roza," he sighed. "Look I know you're worried about me and you're freaking out about this which is making your fears worse but, I want to do this. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than by your side as we tell the world about our son. OUR son. Not just yours. I'm here."

"That's not what I mean," I said frustrated. "I'm not trying to take that away from you. It's just right now you're not a focal point of this story. If you do this, then you will be and they'll never leave you alone about it. Plus, this isn't going to shine positively on either of us. Our mistakes are going to come out and I don't want to put you through that."

"You don't have to protect me Roza. I know the repercussions; I still want to. It's my story just as much as yours," he stated the last part bitterly and I sighed knowing this was not going how I wanted it to.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," I said getting agitated.

"Isn't it though?" he snapped.

"That's it, I can't do this. Not unless I know we're good and right now we're so far from good, I think this interview will hurt us more than it ever will help us," I sighed collapsing back onto the couch.

"Well then it's a good thing we're not doing this for us, we're doing this for your image," he said bluntly.

"I don't fucking care about my image if it's going to cause you to hate me or resent me even more than you already do because lets face it, you're still angry that's what all of this is about," I cried in frustration. Dimitri came over and knelt in front of me, putting his hands on my knees.

"Look Roza, let's go and do this interview and we can talk more later. This isn't going to hurt us, it's not going to cause resentment and it's like I said last night, I couldn't hate you if I tried. He doesn't deserve to be treated like a dirty secret or something we're ashamed of, let's go show the world we're not."

"How? How are we supposed to go out there and pretend we're all happy and in love when there's still obvious issues here."

"Because we do love each other. That part is not hard to pretend because its not pretending. Yea, we have issues but the world doesn't need to know that. Every couple has issues. We just go out there and tell our story. We just need to be honest. Tell them what happened, then show the world that we're still together despite it all and we're moving forward."

"Are we though? Because I'm not so sure anymore," I asked. About then there was a knock on the door and a stage hand opened it up poking his head through.

"We're ready for you," he said before stepping away and closing the door. Dimitri stood up and offered a hand towards me.

"Come on babe, we can talk more later," I reached for his hand and stood up.

"Are you sure we're ok?" I asked. Instead of replying he leaned down and kissed my forehead softly. I smiled softly at him and he gave a small grin.

"I know," he replied. "Let's go before they send a search party."

"Here's Rose and Dimitri to set the record Straight," said, Wanda, the host of this special. She had made some introduction speech but I'd accidentally tuned it out. For her being a reporter, she did seem pretty down to earth and warming which is one of the reasons I decided to come on her show. She's an older lady but instead of looking full of botox, she seems like she's embraced her age with gray strands highlighting her chocolate hair, eye crinkles, and laugh lines. "Thank you both for joining us. I think the whole world is interested to hear the truth and not some tabloid rumors."

"Thank you for having us. We're excited for the chance to clear the air," I smiled. Dimitri reached over and grabbed my hand.

"So, where do we start? I know there's been rumors of affairs, abortions, and much more but, we all know how truthful the tabloids are," she chuckled.

"For sure, I don't think they've gotten a single thing correct yet," I laughed. "I think we kind of have to start at the beginning. We've admitted that we've known each other since we were kids but we didn't tell everything. We wanted to keep some parts of the past to ourselves but, it doesn't seem quite likely."

"What's the other parts?" she questioned.

"Rose and I did meet as kids and she quickly became my best friend all the way up until high school," Dimitri said looking over at me. I smiled at him then turned towards Wanda.

"I didn't have the best home life, I won't get into too many details there but, Dimitri and his family took me in and became a sort of make shift family for me. Dimitri's youngest sister and I also became best friends and his mom was the one that would take me to the ER when PE baseball games got out of hand and someone broke my ankle," I laughed looking at him remembering that day. "I eventually developed feelings for him but didn't want to risk out losing his friendship so I kept them a secret for a while until one day he finally told me he'd had feelings for me too."

"More like she gave me an ultimatum and told me to stop being an idiot," he smirked.

"Well," I shrugged with a smile. Despite everything going on with us now it was nice to remember back during the good days, before all the drama entered. "After that it just became natural. His family already felt like my in laws, and everything was great."

"How did it go from happy and 'great' to strangers?" she asked.

"I sent a demo cd of myself to a band looking for a lead singer as theirs had just quit and next thing you know they wanted me to fly out to LA and join them. Rose was great about it all and encouraged me to go. That's where I screwed up. I broke things off with her telling her she needed to finish school and focus on her future, I said we'd still be friends and that maybe one day we would get back together. I thought I was doing what was best for her and me. I was wrong," he said sadly. I squeezed his hand gently.

"What Dimitri hadn't known is that I was pregnant when he left. I wasn't very far along and didn't find out until the day he left. I panicked because what 17 year old girl wouldn't when she finds herself broken hearted and pregnant? Instead of immediately telling him, I thought it would be best to wait a little while for him to get settled in LA. I didn't want him rushing back home and giving up his dreams. That's where I messed up."

"I take it you never told him?" she prompted.

"She never really got a chance. Things were very rushed once I got to LA and I decided it would be best to not contact her for a while, hoping that would ease my hurt and guilt and help her move on. I ignored her calls and next thing I knew I was spiraling down a bad path. Eventually, she quit calling and that was the last of our contact until she showed up in my studio a couple of months ago."

"So, what happened to the baby Rose?" she asked softly. I paused for a moment and tried to gather my strength. Dimitri squeezed my hand softly.

"The day of my 6-month sonogram, I was in a bad car accident. I was driving home excited to tell everyone that I found out it was a boy. Dimitri's mom had been going with me to my appointments but that day she had to work and couldn't get out of it so I was alone. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings so when the red light turned green, I went, I didn't notice the truck running his red light coming at me until it was too late. He hit my drivers' side and that was all I really remember until I woke up in the hospital. They checked the baby and said everything seemed to be ok but just in case they wanted me on bed rest for at least a week and to come back in and check again," I told her as though it was rehearsed. I stopped to catch my breath and looked down at the ground for a moment. Dimitri lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles softly. I smiled sadly at him before turning back to Wanda. "Sorry, I haven't really told this story. Even some of my closest friends don't know it all."

"Take your time. You don't have to tell us anything you don't want to. If it's too much we can take a break," she said reassuringly.

"It's fine," I lied before continuing. "The next day thanks to some unforeseen events I found myself home alone and hungry. I decided one trip to the kitchen shouldn't hurt but halfway down the stairs I collapsed. I later found out I had what was called a placental abruption. By the time I had called for help and an ambulance had gotten me to the hospital they were forced to do an emergency C-section. At that point Connor had been too long without oxygen and nutrients so he didn't survive it."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine going through that especially at just 17," she remarked sadly.

"It was hard. I sank into a severe depression, tried to drown myself in alcohol, ended up in an abusive situation, even attempted to kill myself a few times. It was Dimitri's family who ended up saving me. I found myself staying with a 'friend'," I put air quotes up as I said that. "Who decided that friendship wasn't enough so he tried to beat me into a relationship. When Dimitri's sister found me with a black eye she dragged me back to her house and they practically forced me to move in with them."

"They can be stubborn and a force to be reckoned with," Dimitri chuckled.

"Yes, they can be," I smiled. "Olena, Dimitri's mom, had known I'd used writing as an outlet during my pregnancy so she suggested I write down what I was feeling. That's how I started song writing. I fell in love with the whole process of writing the lyrics down and matching them to the right chords, next thing you know, I wanted to be a singer song-writer. I knew how much music had helped me so I wanted to use it to hopefully help someone else. I saved up enough money and eventually made my way out to LA to try it out. Luckily for me, our record label had an A&R rep there one night while I was performing at a karaoke/open mic bar."

"Is that how you and Dimitri reconnected?" she asked.

"I was informed we had a new artist coming in and they wanted me to be her producer. I wasn't very happy about feeling like I already had too much going on but I decided to give it a shot. Imagine my surprise when Rose started singing. I hadn't even looked up to see her yet but as soon as I heard her voice, I knew."

"Yea he was kind of a jerk," I laughed.

"So, did you hit it off immediately? I imagine with everything you both went through, it wasn't an easy reunion," she smiled.

"Definitely not. We fought a lot. We both had a lot of anger and hurt. Some rational some irrational. It wasn't until we went back to Georgia for the birth of his niece and my god daughter that we found a sort of truce," I admitted. "Though we still didn't really leave Georgia on the best terms either."

"Being back home after 5 years was hard for me. Seeing everyone I had hurt and all the people I'd loved and missed over the years had me emotional. That's where I realized I had been unfair to Tasha over the years. She didn't really get along with my family, which is perfectly understandable, it's not the kind of world she's used to. It's small town charm for sure and she's used to big city. I had always been upfront with her about my feelings for Rose, that's how we actually ended up together. She became a close friend and someone I could confide in. After going to Georgia and being reminded of my old roots and everything I realized Tasha and I had been unhappy for a long time and it wasn't fair to keep stringing the relationship along. I thought she deserved better than settling with me. It had absolutely nothing to do with Rose. In fact, Rose had already left Georgia and like she said we hadn't been on great terms then."

"So, you both left Georgia as you stated in not great standing with each other. Dimitri, you broke off your relationship with Tasha. Did you already know about the baby by then?"

"No, I hadn't told him yet and I begged his family not too knowing it needed to come from me. They all disagreed with my decision but they knew I was right that it needed to come from me. After Georgia, the studio decided to do the showcase and announce the duet album. Dimitri and I found a sort of truce and managed to work together for the next couple of weeks without fighting but we also weren't really friends. I knew I still loved him and always would but I was terrified to tell him the truth because I thought for sure he'd hate me forever. I decided as soon as the showcase was over I'd tell him because he did deserve to know but I also didn't want to mess up the showcase. During soundchecks the day before I sang a very emotional song I had written about our relationship and broke down. Dimitri came to check on me in my dressing room and I broke and told him everything. The next day I avoided him and made plans to go finish the album in New York away from him afraid that he hated me and would forever. Little did I know, he already knew I was going to run and had helped make it happen."

"Why would you do that Dimitri?" she asked.

"I knew she needed it. She'd spent years harboring this guilt and pain and even though it broke my heart to see her go. I knew it was what she needed to move on and finally start to live her life or her. Plus, she was right. I was angry but I never hated her. I had to work through my own emotions about it all."

"Was your performance of 'Surrender' for him?" she asked.

"It was. He had reached out and told me how he had felt after all the dust had settled and I realized that even though I was finally moving on and getting to a much healthier place, I didn't have to cut him out. I decided to tell him how I felt in the main way I knew how. Through song. Then I flew home with the intent to wait and see what his reaction was. Little did I know, I'd get in a second car crash and end up in a coma," I half chuckled at the irony. "When I woke up Dimitri was there and he's been here since."

"That's quite a story. You seem to be handling it all quite well," she stated.

"Well looks can be deceiving. I can't speak for Dimitri but there's days it's hard to just get out of bed but, I have a great support system that's always there for me. Within 20 minutes of the story about Connor breaking I'd had 3 people checking on me. It was actually my best friend who broke it to me because she was calling to see if I was ok. I'd been stuck in a meeting and hadn't heard. Dimitri's sister called him to give him the heads up about the same time. There's always going to be hard days. Dimitri's helped teach me that as long as I get through them and continue to keep pushing through then I'm doing pretty good."

"That's pretty good advice. As a couple you two seem to be doing really great. How do you feel about the newest gossip about you and Adrian? I understand there's some pretty bad looking pictures."

"I'm not sure what you mean? I haven't seen any pictures," I stated confused.

"Just today there were some pictures released of you and Adrian looking pretty cozy," she said pulling up a tablet and clicking on something. She passed it over to me. I looked at it and saw an article stating Adrian and I were having an affair. It had pictures of Adrian opening his car door for me while I was laughing, pictures of us at the diner with the hats and sunglasses, pictures of us walking into the bar last night that looked incriminating because his hand was on my lower back as he was gesturing for me to go in front of him. It conveniently cropped Sydney out of the pic though she was right there with us. the one that had my jaw dropping though was one of us sitting on the couch in the sound booth yesterday after Dimitri had left when I laid my head on his shoulder. Dimitri's hand clenched but he didn't say anything. Instead of voicing my concerns in front of a recording camera I smiled at Wanda.

"These pictures are all taken completely out of context. Adrian is one of my best friends and he knew I was upset about the tabloids saying I had purposely killed my son, so he took me to one of his friends smash rooms to let my frustration out, then we ate dinner. You can see we're wearing the same outfits in the first three pictures that validates that was all from that outing. Both Dimitri and Sydney knew that we were hanging out and were ok with it. Adrian and I even made plans to bring Dimitri and Sydney back to his friends place so we could all paintball together. The one outside of the bar conveniently cropped Sydney out who was hanging on to his other arm. The one on the couch was because I was upset and so he hugged me as any friend would. I absolutely love Adrian as a best friend. When I came out to LA I had one friend out here by the time I was signed. Adrian and I bonded over mutual heartbreak and quickly became great friends. Nothing romantic has happened between us or ever will. I'm the one that reconnected him and Sydney and I'm so happy that they have found happiness with each other. I think cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship and would never imagine cheating on Dimitri or becoming the other woman. I love Dimitri whole heartedly and would never cheat on him or risk our relationship."

"Dimitri how do you feel about the situation?"

"I'm behind Rose 100%. She has a great friend in Adrian and I'm happy for that. He actually asked me if it was alright for him to take her to the smash room and I told him I was fine with it. They're friends and I trust them completely. I'm annoyed by the paparazzi taking innocent situations and turning them into their own narrative. But, you know they have to sell tabloids somehow and happiness doesn't sell," he shrugged.

"Very true," she nodded.

"What do you both have to say about the rumors Tasha has been spreading?" I looked to Dimitri to answer that because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to say anything nice.

"I'm sorry for the pain that I've inadvertently caused Tasha that's caused her to lash out but there is no foundation to what she's been saying. The truth is our separation had been coming for a long time. We weren't really happy and hadn't been. Honestly going back to Georgia probably was a huge part in the timing because it brought up old emotions I'd shut off and opened my eyes to the fact we'd been pretending for a long time. It opened my eyes to our differences and how much we'd been faking. It had nothing to do with Rose, there was no cheating. We didn't even get back together until after Rose's car accident. I hate that it's dragged Rose's name through the mud because she's done nothing wrong in this situation. If anyone was in the wrong it was me for letting the relationship drag as long as I did. Tasha deserved better than that. I hope she finds someone who loves her like she deserves to be loved and finds happiness."

"Beautifully said Dimitri," she said before smiling. "Ok, so we've talked about serious subjects now onto some more lighthearted topics. What are your favorite quirks about each other?"

"Hmmm…that's a hard one," I smiled looking at Dimitri.

"Really? My answers pretty easy to some up with," he smirked. I attempted to raise an eyebrow and failed causing me to laugh and Dimitri to chuckle. "She quotes from everything all of the time. Movies, Tv shows, songs. Her and my sister do it all of the time. Even at the most inappropriate moments but it never fails to make me laugh. She does it so much that she now accidentally does it without realizing it."

"Really?" Wanda laughed, "Is there anything specific you like to quote from?"

"Not really, just whatever fits. Mostly it's rom-coms because those are my favorite but It's not really genre specific. Mostly movies I watched over and over again as a kid."

"That's cute. So, what's your favorite quirk about him?"

"He has quite a few that I love about him. I tease him that he has a hero complex because he loves westerns and country music. I even got him a duster for Christmas in high school that he still has," I laughed.

"A hero complex huh?" she laughed. Dimitri just shrugged. "Well thank you both for sitting down with me and clearing the air. It's been a pleasure meeting you both."

"Thank you for having us," I smiled. Dimitri smiled at her also, then the producer called cut.

"That's a wrap!" the director said.

"Wow guys, that was awesome. You really are a beautiful couple," Wanda smiled warmly at us. "And both of you are so strong. I really do wish you the best."

"Thank you so much. I appreciate you giving us the time on your show to clear the air," I told her honestly.

"No problem, you're both welcome back anytime. Though hopefully in the future it will be under better circumstances. Maybe a wedding special?" she suggested with a laugh.

"Well, there's no wedding plans on the schedule for now but, maybe when the time comes around," Dimitri laughed.

"I'll hold you to that," she laughed before walking over to the director. Dimitri and I made our way back to the dressing room.

"That went better than expected," I said. Dimitri didn't say anything. "Back to not talking to me?"

"What do you want me to say Roza? Because right now I don't have much," he said sitting on the couch.

"That's how it's going to be? We pretend to be this happy loving couple for the camera but as soon as it turns off we become this? I understand that you're going through a lot but so am I and I really need you right now."

"Then go run into Adrians arms again," he smarted off.

"That's not fair and you know it. Or was everything you said out there lies too? Do you really think I'm having an affair with Adrian?" I questioned hurt by his response.

"No, I don't think you're having an affair with Adrian but that last picture you seemed pretty cozy with him. One afternoon with him and suddenly you're perfectly fine and not bothered at all about the tabloids," he said angrily standing up.

"Is that what you think? That I'm fine with everything now? Because I'm not. I'm hurt, I'm angry, I feel betrayed that my personal information got leaked and now somehow the tabloids have invaded one of the few safe spaces I'm supposed to have by getting that picture in the first place. They had to have someone on the inside to get it. So, now I'm wondering who I can't trust anymore. That being said something broke inside of me in that smash room and I decided I'm tired of being a victim in this. That's what's helped me. I decided I didn't want to sit in the corner and cry about it anymore. I'm sorry if that bothers you that I'm not a needy mess."

"Yes, that's what's bothering me. Hit it right on the head," he snapped. He turned and headed for the door, "I can't do this right now."

"Of course not, why talk to me when you can run away," I snapped back. A phone chimed from the makeup counter and I turned towards it noticing it was dimitri's "Hey asshole, you forgot your phone"

I grabbed it to take it to him when I noticed a message on it. I wasn't trying to snoop but when I saw a kissy face emoji I stopped in my tracks. There was a message from someone named Sherri.

 **S: Thanks for all of your help the last two days! I hope your interview goes great. You can talk to me anytime! Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.**

She ended it with the kissy face and a smiling emoji. As I finished reading it Dimitri came back into the room.

"I forgot…" he started before he stopped himself seeing me hold it.

"You asshole. How dare you?" he looked confused.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Sherri texted you. Kissy face and all," I told him coldly. I knew he hadn't cheated but I was still pissed. "Don't worry about rushing home to comfort your needy girlfriend, I'll be late coming home. If I decide to at all."

"Roza, it's not-" he started before I cut him off.

"Don't. The time for talking was 5 minutes ago. Or yesterday or the day before. Guess it's my turn to walk out," I snapped slapping his phone into his chest as I walked out.

He didn't follow and I wasn't sure if I was happy about that or hurt.


	8. Chapter 8 Don't Let Me Let You Go

**Ok guys, I'm going to be honest. This chapter has been a struggle for me to write. I think I finally have it to where it's enough without being too much or too little. PLEASE let me know what you think. If you hate it, let me know but, try to do it a little nicely haha. I have loved getting everyone's reviews and comments.**

 **One quick thing. You know music has always been an important part of my stories, especially this one. Are there any songs you want to see or think would be perfect for this story? I will say, I've been trying to find like a badass/power anthem/angry fed up song for Rose. I have a few ideas definitely but so far none that I'm just like "I love that!". If you all have suggestions, please let me know!**

 **Song/Chapter Title- Don't let me let you go- Jamie Lawson**

"Ok so, you don't think he cheated, then why are you mad?" Mia asked after I told her everything that led up to me ending up on her couch with a bottle of whiskey.

"Because he's shut me out for three days. He's been working late with her, which he conveniently left out that it was a her. Now that I think about it, he even said 'THEY have a deadline'. He's been talking to her but shutting me out. Hiding the fact that he's been talking to her then has the gall to get mad about my friendship with Adrian when I've been up front with him about everything from the beginning. Adrian even asked his damn permission before we went to the smash room."

"That is a dick move," she stated nodding her head. About then my phone chimed. It was a text from Dimitri.

"He says, it's not what I think, come home so we can talk about it. I'm not responding. I'm too pissed and hurt right now."

"Ok. What do you want to do?" she asked.

"I want to eat Pizza, drink this whiskey and watch a movie with my best friend while I pretend my boyfriend doesn't exist for the next two hours," I stated grabbing the whiskey bottle and taking a swig.

"That I can do," she laughed. "What are you feeling? Rom com, horror, drama, something that will make you cry?"

"Rom-com. I'm a sucker for them," I sighed remembering earlier in our interview. I muttered, "Bastard."

"You need more whiskey," she laughed. We went through her selection of movies and finally settled on 'Leap Year'. I felt it had the right balance of comedy and romance for my current mood. Didn't hurt it was one of my favorites.

Two hours later, found me laying on her couch, her laying on the floor beside me with an empty popcorn bowl in between us. The movie had ended now we were sitting here just laughing and joking around.

"I think I'm tipsy," I laughed.

"I think you're right. You want to stay here or do you want me to take you home?" she asked. My first response was to stay here but then I remembered my nightmares and I knew they would be especially bad with Dimitri and I actually fighting now.

"I'll go home but I can call an uber," I told her.

"Non-sense. You don't live that far plus I'm not putting you in a strangers car at 1 in the morning, when you're drunk, by yourself."

"I'll be fine," I said standing up but as soon as I did the alcohol hit harder and I lost my balance falling back onto the couch. "Damnit I think I'm drunk."

"Well you did practically finish an entire bottle of whiskey by yourself," she laughed. I looked down and saw she was right; it was almost gone and she'd only had a drink or two. Luckily it was a small bottle not a half-gallon.

"I've been doing so good at not drinking my problems away. Does this make me an alcoholic? Fuck, did I fall off the wagon?" I asked. She laughed.

"Rose, you're allowed to get drunk without being an alcoholic. It's fine. Are you sure you want to go home though?"

"Yea, I need to," I muttered. I turned my phone back on. I had turned it off when we started the movie. It quickly vibrated with missed text messages. "Shit, I can't read these."

"You cuss a lot when drunk," she laughed. she grabbed my phone. "They're from Dimitri. He asked you again to come home. He said he was sorry, he'd explain if you come home. Then he figured out you were with me and asked you to at least let him know you were ok and if you were coming home.

"He worries too much," I mumbled. She grabbed her keys and led me out the door.

"It's cause he looooooovvvvvveeeeessssss you," she laughed drawing out the love.

"Well then he should act like it and not go behind my back to bitchy producers," I slurred.

"What makes her a bitch?" she asked.

"Who sends kissy faces to a man in a relationship? That makes her a bitch in my book," I said as we got to her car and she opened the car door for me.

"Very true. Maybe she's a flirt like Adrian?" she said shutting the door after I climbed in. I waited until she got in.

"Maybe, but Adrian wouldn't send me kissy faces…well not unless he was joking."

"Yea, probably not. Want me to beat a bitch?" she asked.

"No, I don't think it's gone that far but if it does, you'll be my first call," I laughed. Before I knew it, she was pulling into the garage of the condo.

"Need me to walk you up?" she asked.

"Nah, I've sobered up enough to ride an elevator," I smiled then climbed out of the car. I turned back towards her, "Thanks for letting me crash your night off. I needed a girls night."

"Anytime babe," she grinned. She blew me a kiss, "Kissy face!"

"Bitch," I growled then laughed.

"You love me," she laughed as I slammed the door and she drove off. I made my way to the elevator and selected the floor. When I got to our floor I made my way to our door. I tried to unlock it but dropped my keys.

"Shit," I mumbled bending to grab them. "I do cuss a lot when drunk."

"Need help?" came Dimitri's voice. I dropped the keys I'd just grabbed again as a hand came down and grabbed them then disappeared. I looked over and saw bare feet, I followed them up and found bare legs leading up to a pair of boxers hiding a pretty big bulge. I licked my lips as my eyes explored his abs and chest. He cleared his throat and I jumped guiltily know I'd just been caught checking him out, I decided to go with it.

"What? I can't help it when you answer the door like that," I smiled. "You're sexy as hell."

"And you're drunk," he grinned. I pinched my fingers together in an almost gesture.

"Just a little. Like this much," I laughed. His smile got wider.

"Hey comrade?" he raised an eyebrow. "Kiss me."

I launched myself towards him and kissed him like my life depended on it. At first, he hesitated but then kissed me back. It quickly became heated and I jumped up wrapping my legs around him. I pulled away and kissed down his chin and the side of his neck as I heard a door slam behind me.

"Roza," he groaned as I nibbled his earlobe and my back landed against a wall. He pulled away. "We shouldn't."

"Comrade, your sexy as hell girlfriend is drunk, horny and throwing herself at you and you're going to turn it down? Can't we save the fighting for tomorrow?"

"Roza, we shouldn't. I don't want you to regret this in the morning," he said but I could see the struggle on his face.

"Please comrade. I've missed you and it's been a shitty past three days. I need you," I moaned as I sucked on a sensitive spot on his neck. He groaned and grabbed my chin gently pulling my mouth to his and I knew I'd won. I felt myself being lifted off the wall and him walking. I leaned back just enough to pull my shirt up and over my head before crashing my lips back into his. One of his hands came up and undid the back of my bra.

"I'm still mad at you," I muttered against his lips.

"I didn't cheat," he murmured kissing his way down my neck.

"I know. I wouldn't be trying to fuck you if you did," I moaned as he hit a sensitive spot behind my ear. He threw me down on the bed and I was lost.

After, I lay there on his chest as he ran his fingers across my back.

"Angry sex is hot," I smiled.

"Roza-" he started but I cut him off.

"No," I mumbled. "tomorrow."

"Hey," he said softly reaching down and pulling my chin up so I was looking up at him. "YA lyublyu tebya."

"I love you too," I told him softly as tears popped up but I forced them down. I laid my head back down on his chest. "I'm still mad though."

"I know babe. I know," he said running his hands through my hair. He said the next part so softly I almost missed it. "I am too."

I playfully bit his chest, not hard. "Let's just have tonight. We'll be pissed at each other in the morning."

"Sounds good," he laughed at my biting him. "Get some sleep. You'll need your energy for yelling at me tomorrow."

"Damn right I will," I laughed. "Goodnight comrade."

"Night Roza," he said running his hands softly through my hair.

The next morning, I woke up alone. I groaned and rolled over thankful I hadn't had any major nightmares. I guess alcohol and angry sex is the cure for restless sleep. I also didn't have the headache I probably deserved. I heard the bathroom door open and glanced up to see Dimitri dressed but freshly showered.

"You're awake," he stated.

"Yep," I mumbled burying my head back into the pillow.

"I'm going to go make breakfast. I've cleared our schedules for today but, tomorrow's going to be really busy," he said before walking out of the room. I rolled onto my back and sighed not ready for the argument we were bound to have. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I quickly showered and brushed my teeth. I put on a pair of sweats and one of Dimitri's T-shirts then walked out to the living room/kitchen. Dimitri was just finishing up pancakes and bacon. He dished it out and handed me a plate. We both sat down at the bar and ate in silence. When we were finished, I grabbed our plates, rinsed them then put them in the dishwasher.

"So where do we start?" I asked crossing my arms and leaning against the counter. The kitchen didn't have an island, more like an extended half counter where there was a barn and some cabinets. Dimitri stayed on the other side of the bar but stood up and leaned against it.

"I didn't cheat on you," he sighed.

"I know that. We covered that. I wasn't so drunk that I'd sleep with you if I thought you'd cheated," I told him honestly.

"Ok? Then why were you so upset?" he questioned.

"Why didn't you just tell me about her? In fact, you specifically said they instead of she. Why hide it? I trust you."

"Do you? Or are you just waiting for me to screw up again?" he asked bitterly.

"What the fuck?" I asked shocked. "Where did that come from?"

"Is it wrong though?"

"Very wrong. Yea, we have issues that we are working on but I'm not waiting for you to screw up. If I thought that way, I wouldn't be here with you. Is that why you could talk to her and not me?"

"I didn't talk to her. You know better than that," he said coming around the bar and leaning against the sink across from me.

"Do I?" I asked kind of pissed. "Cause right now I'm not sure what I know."

"It isn't like that," he sighed. "I was in the studio, and as I sat in there working the angrier I got thinking about how we were being forced to tell the world about our private life because of the media. The longer I sat there the more I got upset. Then Adrian came in asking if he could kidnap you and even though I was ok with it, I would never stop you from hanging out with your friends or try to get in the way of it, it pissed me off more. Honestly, I didn't like that he could help you when I couldn't. That you had someone else to lean on. I know that sounds stupid and possessive but it's true."

"So, I shouldn't have friends?" I snapped.

"No, I'm just trying to explain it," he said frustrated. "I hated that you didn't need me but I needed you and instead of just telling you I let myself get lost in the anger."

"At me?" I asked.

"At you, at myself, at the paparazzi, anyone that I could," he said frustrated swiping his hand through his hair.

"Why not just tell me?"

"Because I didn't trust what I would say. I still don't but I don't really have a choice right now. I've just been consumed in this burning wheel of anger. I don't know how to stop it."

"Then let it out. Scream, shout, yell at me. Release it so you can move on," I told him.

"I can't! Because I'm going to say something, you're going to take it personal. Use it as another reason for you to be mad at yourself which will then make me pissed at myself even more."

"If you feel it then say it Dimitri. I'm a big girl. I can take it."

"You can't though!" he half shouted frustrated as he started pacing towards the living room and back. I couldn't even respond to that because it hurt knowing that he thought that. This is why I hate showing my emotions. It makes other people think you're weak. Maybe I have been but that's about to change.

"So, what? The solution is to avoid me for the rest of our relationship and get pissed if you see me laughing with a friend so you try to punish me by making me jealous? That sounds better to me," I smarted off.

"I don't know! I don't know what to do," He said exasperated.

"Maybe there's nothing to do. There's the door, why not just leave? Then you won't have to face me and you'll get out of this anger loop," I told him gesturing to the door.

"Of course, because that's always your answer, right? Why not just leave?" he said angrily as he stopped pacing and faced me.

"Well I learned it from you," I snapped back.

"Of course, because I'm really the bad guy here. The only one that fucked up?"

"Well I mean if you would have answered you would have known," I taunted knowing I could get him to explode if I tried. He needed to get his feelings out. Whether they were irrational or not. They're consuming him and need to be released.

"If you would have just fucking told me before I got on the plane I would have known. But no, I'm the bad guy, that's fine," he retorted walking towards me.

"If the shoe fits," I shrugged angrily. "I didn't want to ruin your future."

"It would have just been a new future!" he said angrily.

"You say that now. Would you have said that then? Can you honestly say that when you stayed behind in Georgia, because we both know you would have, you wouldn't have felt any bitterness?"

"Well we'll never know, will we?" he spouted.

"I was a kid! I'm sorry. I should have told you then but I was young and stupid. If you would have answered, I would have told you then!"

"I was too! You want to use the kid card, well I was too. I was 19, heartbroken and on the edge of stardom. I thought talking to you would screw up the one good thing I had going for me at the time," he argued.

"You're right, you were," I said quietly. For some reason that point hitting home finally. My anger that had been building instantly dissipated at that. It was quickly replaced by the hurt I felt at him saying one good thing. The hurt I thought I'd gotten over from him leaving bubbling back up. I wasn't good enough to make him stay. Instead of mentioning that, I avoided it altogether. I told him I could handle it. "Say I told you, then we lost him anyways. Then what?"

"Then I would have been there with you. I would have known. You wouldn't have been forced to tell me because my family refused to keep your secret any longer," he said quieter but still filled with animosity.

"Is that what you think? I only told you because they forced me too?" I asked quietly, surprised he thought that.

"Would you ever have if they didn't tell you they would if you didn't?" he asked.

"Yes!" I said instantly. He raised an eyebrow at me. "I would have. They may have pressured me about it but it was ultimately me who decided to tell you then. Did I consider never telling you? Several times. Because I didn't want you to live with this pain. I didn't want to hurt you like this. This right here is what I was trying to prevent."

"You were trying to protect yourself. Be honest here Roza. You wanted to goad me into yelling, you succeeded. The least you can do is be honest with me."

"You're right. I was trying to protect myself too. I didn't want you to hate me and I knew you would. I knew you'd have this anger and I didn't want to be the cause of it. I didn't want to look in your eyes and see nothing but hate," I admitted.

"Like I had to do for months when you came to LA because you blamed me for something you could have prevented that day at the airport? Do you know how much that killed me? Seeing you hate me and not understanding why. I really thought it was just because I left which caused me to hate myself even more only to find out there was more to the story that I didn't even know about. You should have told me the day you walked into my studio."

"You're right. I was scared," I admitted. "I fucked up. Is that what you want to hear?"

"No, it's not what I want to hear! This is why I've been avoiding you because I didn't want to do this. The last fucking thing I want to do is hurt you because as mad as I am at you, I love you ten times more," he cried in frustration spinning away. My heart simultaneously swelled then shattered at the pain in his eyes and voice. I walked over and put my hand on his cheek.

"It's fine comrade. I told you that day in my apartment that this anger would come. Trust me I've been through this cycle a million times. I can take it. You just need to release it."

"Haven't I done enough damage?" he asked as a tear spilled out and rolled down his cheek.

"Not if you're still angry," I told him softly. "I don't know how else to move on from this except for you to get this anger out. If you don't, then I don't see where we go from here."

"I won't yell anymore. I shouldn't have to begin with. You think I can't see the pain in your face and that I don't realize how much I've hurt you already? I shouldn't have fed into your masochistic tendencies but I can't help it," he said bitterly. That's when an idea hit me and I felt stupid for not thinking of it earlier.

"Hold on," I said going into the bedroom and putting actual clothes on. I sent out a quick text and smiled when I saw a quick reply. I walked out and saw Dimitri sitting at the bar with his head in his hands. "Come on Comrade."

"Where are we going?" he questioned. I grabbed the keys and opened the front door.

"You'll see. Just trust me. No more masochistic tendencies," I told him honestly. He followed me out hesitantly. "Come on."

The ride out was silent except for the radio. I smiled when we pulled up to the warehouse. Luckily, I'm great with directions so I remembered how to get out here pretty easily.

"What is this?" Dimitri asked.

"Anger therapy. It's the smash room Adrian took me to," I smiled gesturing to the building. I climbed out and made my way to the door, Dimitri trailed behind. When we got in, I went straight towards the smash rooms and found Steve standing in the hallway.

"Thank you so much Steve!" I told him going over and hugging him.

"I told you anytime. Who's this?" he asked smiling towards Dimitri.

"Dimitri Belikov sir," Dimitri said offering a hand out to Steve.

"None of that sir non-sense here," Steve laughed. "I hear some anger therapy is needed. You've come to the right place because that's our specialty."

"Sounds good," Dimitri told him. Steve took him to the room with the suits and gear and helped him suit up before bringing him to the doorway of one of the smash rooms.

"There's no time limit so take however long you need. Everything's fair game except the little camera in the top right corner though I doubt you can reach it," he chuckled before opening the door and letting Dimitri in. He shut it then turned toward me. "Want to go have a seat while we wait? It may be a while."

"Sounds good," I smiled as he gestured down the hall towards an opening with two small wooden tables and some chairs.

"Why cameras?" I asked curiously.

"Honestly, I watch the feed normally when people are in the rooms as a safety measure. All that glass and sharp objects can be triggers for someone who's suicidal. Some may accidentally hurt themselves. You never really know."

"So, were you watching when I was in there?" I asked.

"No but, when you took a while, I checked it to make sure you were ok. Once I saw you were, I stopped. It doesn't take a genius to see you had some stuff to work through. You didn't need someone watching you break down. Same with Dimitri."

"I appreciate that," I told him. "I hope this helps him like it did me."

"There's no guarantees but there's always hope," he said.

"We lost a baby a couple of years ago but thanks to a lot of screw ups on both of our parts, he never even knew I was pregnant. He just found out about it a couple of months ago so he has a lot of anger built up."

"Ah. I understand that. My wife and I lost a baby at 7 months. That was almost thirty years ago."

"Does it ever get easier?" I asked.

"Yes and no. The anger fades though it does make occasional appearances. The grief stays but you learn how to handle it better and how to be happy again. I still miss our little girl everyday but, I've managed to still have a happy life. Some days are harder than others but the really hard days get farther and farther apart."

"That's good. It's been 4 years and I still struggle with feeling like its ok to be happy. It fills me with so much guilt," I admitted.

"I understand but what good is carrying that guilt? Does it bring your baby back?" he questioned. "Live your life to the fullest. Live for your baby."

"Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I can't say I'll take it right now but I will work on it," I told him honestly.

"It will take time. You'll get there," he smiled sadly. He looked down the hall to where Dimitri was. "You both will."

"I hope so. Some days I feel like Dimitri's life would have been so much better if he had never met me. All this anger and pain is because of me and I can't fix it."

"I think he'd feel different about that. Us men, we don't always show our emotions well. We have a tendency to bottle everything up until it explodes. He's not mad at you. He's mad at everything. If he directs it towards you its because he trusts you'll still be there when it's gone. People have a tendency to hurt the ones we love most because they make us feel the safest."

"That makes sense. In a way he kind of said the same thing I just didn't listen to the subtext," I smiled. About then we heard a door open.

"You'll be ok. I see the love in your eyes. You'll both make it through this. Rely on each other," he said softly so Dimitri wouldn't hear us. Dimitri stepped into the opening and I smiled up at him.

"Did it help?" I asked him. He just nodded. "Ready to go?"

"Yea, lets go home," he said softly. Steve and I stood up and we made our way back to the entrance. I hugged Steve again.

"Thank you. For everything," I told him smiling at him. "I don't think this is the last you'll see of us."

"It better not be," he laughed. Dimitri reached out and shook his hand again. "You've got a great girl here, Dimitri. Hold on to her."

"I plan on it," Dimitri smiled softly. "Thank you."

"Anytime. If you ever need to smash stuff or just talk, I'm here. Rose has my number," he nodded towards me. Dimitri nodded a thanks then turned towards the car. I made my way back to the drivers' side and opened the door. Steve called back from the door of the warehouse. "Rose, don't forget what I said."

"I won't," I smiled climbing into the car. I started it up and pulled out. I wanted to bombard Dimitri with questions but I knew he'd talk when he was ready. We'd made it halfway when he spoke up.

"What did you and Steve talk about?" he asked.

"You, me, Connor," I told him honestly. "Him and his wife lost a baby at 7 months a long time ago so we talked about that. How you move on from it, how to cope with the anger and guilt."

"Oh. Did it help?" he asked.

"It did. I appreciated his advice. I told him it might take me a while to apply but that I'd try. His best solution was to just live life. That it's not fair to Connor to not live our life to the fullest for him."

"Makes sense in theory," he nodded.

"Like I said, it might be a while but its something to work on," I said honestly. "Did the smash room help?"

"Yea. I was able to embrace the anger and let it release. I don't feel healed or anything but I feel better. Not consumed with anger anymore," he admitted.

"So, no more avoiding me or trying to purposely piss me off by attempting to make me jealous?" I asked him with a small smile.

"No, no more of that crap. I'm sorry. I had every intention of tell you about her then I went in there and saw you and Adrian laughing and having a good time. Honestly, it just upset me and I stopped from telling you."

"You're forgiven. I understand. Don't do it again," I warned.

"On one condition," he said turning towards me as I pulled into the parking garage beneath the condo.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Don't do that again, goading me into yelling at you like that. That's not fair to you or to me," he stated.

"Ok. I didn't know what else to do," I shrugged.

"No, you wanted me to yell at you so that you'd feel better about being angry at yourself," he said.

"I guess but I did want to help. Not everything you said was wrong. I should have told you that day in the studio or the several times after when I had the chance. I never thought about how it affected you. I'm sorry for that," I told him honestly.

"I understand why you didn't. I wouldn't want to hurt you either. I still shouldn't have said that."

"Dimitri we can't live where you're afraid to tell me the truth because you are scared of how I'll react. You have to be honest with me. Even if you think I won't take it well."

"I know. I'll work on it," he sighed. I parked then took a deep breath.

"By the way, I really was going to tell you about Connor with or without your family pressuring me. I begged them to not tell you because I knew it needed to come from me. They said I needed to tell you then but, I told them I would when I was ready. There were several times I wanted to tell you but I chickened out. I was just waiting to grow a backbone."

"I know you were and would have without them, sometimes I just wonder how much longer it would have taken without them," he admitted.

"I think whether they were pressuring me to or not, I still would have told you then. I'd been on the verge of telling you the day we landed in the hospital. Then I had a panic attack and rushed home. After that though, every time we had a moment when we were getting along, I wanted to tell you. I just never could bring myself to. In the tree, at the rodeo when you were asking why I didn't want kids I wanted to shout that we already had one but that wouldn't have been the best place or time. After singing that song, then you confessing your truths. There was no way I would have been able to hold onto it any longer."

"I didn't realize you had a panic attack at the hospital," he said confused.

"Yea. The room I'd woken up in after they took Connor was three doors down from hers. It was the first time I'd been in that part of the hospital since. Add in you being there, holding a baby, it was pretty much a meltdown bound to happen. That's why I sent Adrian inside by himself to say goodbye. I was able to hold it off until we were outside but just barely."

"I'm sorry. I had no idea," he said sadly. I shrugged.

"How would you? It's not like you knew about it or that it was a trigger."

"Yea, but it makes me wish I would have looked harder. I could see the looks they were giving you but I ignored them. If I would have paid more attention I would have realized something was up."

"Yea and then I probably would have shut down and gotten defensive. Especially being that emotional. It would have made things worse. You know I don't like people seeing me upset and at that time it included you."

"I just hate hearing about the times like that when you were that upset and I wasn't there for you. Just like hearing about your suicide attempts. I'm not saying I don't want to hear about it because I do. I just hate that I wasn't there for you when I should have been." I turned towards him pulling my leg up into the seat with me. I grabbed his hand looking at our hands together while speaking the next part.

"For all you knew I was healthy and happy living it up in college. You didn't know any better. There's no use in getting upset about it now. Honestly, I'm glad you weren't there for most of it. Do you know how much worse it would have been to wake up in a hospital bed and see the hurt and disappointment in your eyes after I took a knife to my stomach? Or swallowed a bottle of pills with a bottle of Jack? That would have made me feel so much more ashamed and like more of a failure than I already was. And despite what you would say, that's exactly what I would have seen in your eyes."

"Maybe if I was there you wouldn't have," he suggested.

"I would love to think that and I'm sure you're holding that guilt over your own head but it's not that simple. The overdose, yea that was because I felt abandoned, alone, and completely hopeless. That wasn't just because of you though. It was after my parents kicked me out and I ended up at Ralph's. Maybe you could have helped that one, maybe you couldn't have. You wouldn't have been able to stop my parents from abandoning me in the one time I actually needed parents more than any other. The knife, that one there was no way you would have stopped that one. It had nothing to do with you being gone and everything to do with anger. I was angry at myself feeling like I had failed my baby and at that point I let Stan's words sink in that I was worthless and had no purpose. I felt like I had failed everyone around me whether it was rational or not. I even felt like I had failed you. I was standing there and saw the scar that at that moment felt like the cause of all this failure and I just started slashing. And honestly it felt good. As sick and twisted as that sounds. After each cut, I felt more anger and pain release because I was able to drown in out with physical pain. Nothing you could have done would have stopped that. It was something I had to go through."

"I love you," he said picking my hand up and kissing the back of it.

"I love you too. I know there's things that you're angry at yourself for and I know I can't convince you otherwise, you have to realize it yourself. Just like I have to but, you can't shoulder the blame of everything bad that's happened to me or that I've gone through. Despite what I've said in anger in the past, not everything is because of you. Whether you were there or not, my parents still would have been shit. Connor more than likely still would have died no matter what you'd like to believe. I still would have grieved him. I still would have issues."

"Ok," he said softly. "Let's go upstairs."

An hour later found us sitting on the couch in silence. He was sitting on the edge up against the arm while I leaned against him with my legs propped up on the couch. He had his arm wrapped across my shoulder and chest holding my hand. We hadn't talked much since coming in. We both got some leftover pizza from the fridge then made our way to the couch where we've just been sitting lost in thought.

"Comrade?" I asked softly thankful my back was to him and he couldn't see my face. He made a 'hmm' noise so I continued. I played with his fingers while I talked running mine up and down his softly. Mostly just fidgeting. "Do you think there's really hope for us to survive all of this?"

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"I mean, I feel like we're in this never ending loop. We keep getting mad at each other and blowing up at each other. As soon as we figure one issue out, something happens and triggers a different issue about the same thing. Are we going to be like this forever? If so, wouldn't it just be easier to part ways now instead of in a year or two when we've become so consumed with anger, we hate each other?"

"It probably would be easier. I can't lie and say it wouldn't be. We could part ways and find someone new and try to move on with a clean slate. I can promise any guy you found would never love you as much as I do. They wouldn't know where you run away to when we're in Georgia or the fact that you'd never admit it that horror movies scare you but you still watch them religiously. He wouldn't understand why despite all of your self confidence there's a layer deep down filled with constant self-doubt because of Stans emotional and mental abuse," he pulled his hand away and pulled me into his lap I looked down so he wouldn't see the tears building in my eyes. He reached over and pulled my chin towards him so I was looking in his eyes. About then the first tear fell down. He wiped it with his thumb keeping his hand on my chin. "Despite what I've shown the last couple of days, you're the peace in my storm. When I'm with you, I'm home. So, I'll take our fighting over anything else every day of the week. Eventually we will run out of issues and then we'll go back to bickering like an old married couple like normal."

"You're my home too. You always have been," I admitted as the tears kept falling. He smiled softly. "I told Steve today that sometimes I feel like all I've brought you is pain and anger and that I wonder if you would have been better off without ever having met me. That being said, I'm selfish enough to know that there's no telling how I would have ended up without you. I just hate seeing the turmoil you're going through and knowing that its worse because of me."

"It's worse because of me, Roza. You make it better."

"If it wasn't for our relationship, they would have never released the info about Connor. If it wasn't for me, you still would have been with Tasha and the world would have still loved you. I'm the one here goading you into blowing up. I'm the one you keep having to take care of because I keep breaking down, yet I haven't given you the same opportunity."

"If it wasn't for you, I'd still be in an unhappy relationship barely existing. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have reunited with my family. The media is to blame for their actions. You are the strongest person I know. Do you know how amazing it is to know that you trust me enough to see you at your most vulnerable? I fucking love that. I love that you let me past your walls. It destroyed me in that alley to see you breaking down and not being able to be there for you. You do give me that same opportunity. You gave me space the last three days knowing I needed to work through my issues, you reassured me daily that you were there when I was ready. That's what I needed. I'm just sorry I hurt you and blew up at you."

"Steve told me today that sometimes we turn our anger towards the ones we love because we trust them to stick around once it's gone. We hurt the ones we love because they make us feel like it's safe."

"I think he's right. I don't do emotions well. I bottle them up until times like this when they explode. I'm tired of fighting to keep control of them and I know that you're not going to see me as less than because of them."

"I've seen you in lip gloss and eyeshadow at a little girls tea party, if that didn't change my opinion of you, I don't think emotions will," I teased trying to lighten the mood.

"You agree to your sister's tea party one time," he smiled shaking his head.

"Just saying, green and red are not your colors," I laughed.

"Is that right?" he smirked. I recognized the look in his eyes but before I could move or say anything, his hands were on my sides tickling me.

"Belikov!" I shouted while laughing and trying to squirm away.

Just like that, we were back on track.


	9. Chapter 9 Papa-Paparazzi

**AN:** **Ok So, this is kind of a cute filler chapter but it lays some groundwork for some things popping up later! It's cute and mostly drama free so I think you will all enjoy it. If you're still reading that is! The lack of reviews last chapter was a little disheartening but the quality of the ones I received were fantastic.**

 **Thank you all for the support you've given me with this story and it's predecessor. Hopefully I will be able to pay you all back by continuing to keep writing chapters quickly. I've been in a funk in real life so writing has really been helping with everything going on. Plus, it's been a great distractor from writing my teaching philosophy and creating my portfolio. I'm not sure if any of you have ever had to do those but they're stressing me out! Thankfully writing these chapters has helped.**

 **I hope you all are enjoying this story so far. I'd probably say we're almost to the halfway point. I think. Crazy how it's going so fast**

Later that night I jolted awake, this time it wasn't me though. I looked over and saw Dimitri tossing in his sleep. He was shaking his head, his face scrunched in pain.

"Comrade," I said softly putting my hand on his shoulder and shaking gently. It didn't work so I repeated his name louder. He gasped as his eyes popped open. "Hey, you were having a bad dream. You're ok."

"Roza?" he asked coming out of it.

"Yea babe, I'm here," I told him rubbing his arm gently. He turned and practically tackled me wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on my chest. I reached up and ran my hand through his hair. "It's ok. It was just a dream."

"Freaking nightmare," he mumbled.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked. I knew from experience sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't to talk about them.

"You died in that car crash with Connor and I never knew. Finally, Vika tracked me down and told me."

"I didn't. I'm here. Alive and well in your arms," I reassured him.

"I thought I understood what you went through with your nightmares but I didn't have a clue," he said softly.

"Mine haven't been as bad here lately. They're getting fewer and farther. They mainly get worse if we're fighting. Which is probably what triggered yours tonight."

"Probably," he admitted. I could hear the sleep coming back to his voice.

"Go back to sleep Comrade. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me," I teased.

"Love being stuck with you," he muttered. I smiled but didn't respond. Pretty quickly he drifted back off into sleep. I kept running my fingers through his hair because it was soothing me. Unfortunately, I now felt wide awake and mentioning our fight brought it back up. I never mentioned it but, two things he'd said stuck with me.

I hated when I told him I could handle it and he said I couldn't. I know later, on the couch he said I was the strongest woman he knows but, I keep hyper focusing on that comment. If I was the strongest woman he knew, he wouldn't have said that. Have I really been that weak here lately?

I want to be stronger but that's hard to do when the other thing that's bothering me is this little voice in the back of my head telling me I'm not good enough, strong enough, worthy enough. If I was, it wouldn't have taken the baby to get Dimitri to stay. If I was enough, Dimitri would have stayed in my life. I know Dimitri loves me, I know he regrets leaving but, him saying things like he did today, really hurt to hear and make me question myself. I hate it.

"You're thinking too loud," Dimitri said sleepily.

"Sorry. I'll try to stop. Just a lot on my mind," I admitted.

"Want to talk about it?" he said raising his head to look at me. His movement pushed his hips closer to me and I could feel his erection growing against my leg.

"No, I'm fine," I lied knowing it would probably be the first of many I'd tell him in the next couple of days. That's the problem with him knowing me so well. I smirked at him and nudged my leg against him. "But, I know another way you could help put me to sleep."

"Oh yea?" he grinned waking up almost immediately. "I think I can manage that."

"Think you can rise to the occasion? I teased.

"Hell yea," he said before covering my mouth with his. Distraction successful.

Before I knew it, it was time for our tour to begin. We were leaving tomorrow. First stop, Seattle Washington. Our interview had aired a few days ago. I've been trying not to look up reactions about it but I've caved a couple of times. Overall, we received a positive reaction but there were some negatives. For the most part everyone believes what we said, some just disagree with the way we went about things. Not that I can blame them. I don't like the way we handled things either but, we can't change that. Quite a few people have come out trashing me for not telling Dimitri or chasing him down. Some others still don't believe that Dimitri and I didn't sneak around behind Tasha. The ones that I've been trying to focus on are the ones of support and the ones with people going through similar situations who have spoken out in support or told me how much Dimitri and I speaking out has helped them realize they're not alone in their struggles. That was the point of me wanting to do an interview so it does excite me that it's helped.

"You nervous?" Mia asked. We were currently at her apartment having a girl's night before I left.

"Yes and no," I shrugged. "I mean I'm nervous about a lot of things that come with touring but, I'm more excited. This is my first tour so I'm excited to see how it goes. I've never travelled this much so I'm hoping we can get a little sight seeing in on the tour."

"Just don't exhaust yourself. I've heard touring can be exhausting," she laughed.

"Yea, I'm glad we decided to do 2 buses instead of flying or all being cramped on one bus," I admitted. We had decided to do it where Adrian and Sydney have a bus and Dimitri and I are sharing a bus. Then there were two more buses for the bands. 4 bands and 4 entertainers took up a lot of space. Luckily, we all had pretty small bands.

"So, since you're spending the next three months together on one bus does that mean things are ok with you two?" she asked. I know she's been dying too but also trying to give me space.

"Yes," I smiled. We were better, Dimitri wasn't being an ass, he wasn't hiding anymore. He did have his moments where he would say he just needed some time or space, I'd respect it and he'd come back when he was ready. He was doing a lot better with opening up. I can't say the same but, I feel I've done a good job at pretending I have. It wasn't that I wanted to hide things from him, I just felt stupid and like it was stuff I needed to work on myself. Despite how much I wanted to, I couldn't get away from the conversation during the argument. Every time I thought that little voice had gone away it would pop back up. "Things aren't quite back to how they were before but, we're working on it."

"What aren't you saying?" she asked with a knowing look.

"Nothing really," I shrugged. "We're doing good. We have issues we need to work out but we both have known that for a while and we're working on it. You don't just get over everything that's happened between us immediately, no matter how much you love each other."

"That's true. It looks like somethings bothering you though," she pointed out.

"Eh, just issues from my past keep popping up and I keep trying to push them down but they're relentless. Nothing to do with Dimitri really," I told her semi honestly. It really wasn't an issue with Dimitri, just an issue that was affecting my relationship with him.

"Have you talked to Dimitri about it?" she asked.

"No," I shrugged again.

"Girl, you keep shrugging your shoulders are gonna get stiff. Maybe if it's something that's really bothering you, you should talk to him about it. He may be able to help you," she suggested.

"I know but I go to him with enough problems. This is something I need to work through on my own," I told her leaving out the part where I felt like I'd be admitting I was weak if I told him.

"Maybe instead of trying to push it away like you said, you should confront it."

"Probably. But what would be the fun in that when I can bottle it up and shove it down till it consumes me," I laughed. She shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. "I will but right now, there's a lot going on. I'm just trying to get through each day. A tour is not a great place to face your demons."

"Yea but the sooner the better," she said. I knew she was right but I also knew it was more complicated than she understood.

"I'll work on it. in the mean time, what's up with you? We've done a lot of talking about me here lately," I said with a grin. Her face fell. "Oh no, whats wrong? Do I have to kick his ass?"

"No, you know how they say you should take your own advice? Well I'm a failure at that. I'm not sure I can or know how to. All I know is we're getting too deep and I'm freaking out. I've been debating just jumping the gun and breaking up with him but then I really like him."

"Not everyone is your parents. Though if you break up with him because you're scared, you will be like them. You like him, he likes you. I can't say anything bad won't happen but, you could make it all the way. This could be your happily ever after."

"Or it could be a disaster where I end up heartbroken and alone and bitter," she pointed out.

"Yea it could. But if you end it now, then you'll end up heartbroken, alone and bitter with zero chance of the happy ending."

"I won't be heartbroken now, just really sad," she lied.

"If that's the lie you need to tell yourself but I can see you're head over heels for that boy."

"I'm not like in love with him though," she shrugged.

"Aren't you though?" I asked seeing it on her face.

"I'm not!" she said too quickly.

"Ok whatever you say," I said holding my hands up in the surrender motion.

"I'm not! Seriously!" she protested.

"I think the lady doth protest too much," I laughed. "I'm just saying if after everything I've been through with Dimitri and we made it through, why can't you and Eddie?"

"Want to watch a movie?" she asked turning towards the tv. I knew I was pushing her too far but I just wanted to see her happy.

"Sure, whats on the menu for tonight?" I asked.

A little while later found me walking home. It probably wasn't my brightest decision but she'd picked me up from the studio and I didn't want her to have to get back out. I could have called Dimitri but I felt like some alone time and fresh air would do me good. Plus, we didn't live too far apart from each other. It's probably only a fifteen-minute walk.

"Rose? Rose!" Someone shouted as I was halfway home.

"Do I know you?" I asked as a man ran towards me.

"I'm a reporter from the enquirer. I happened to be walking home when I saw you. Can I ask you some questions?"

"I guess a few won't hurt but I'm not doing a full interview or anything right now," I told him as I kept walking.

"Perfect! Thank you," he smiled. "Ok so how does it feel after doing the interview? All the mixed reactions?"

"Honestly, a little relieved. I hate that it came down to it but, Dimitri and I aren't ashamed of our past. We made some mistakes but it all worked out in the end. I'm sorry some people still don't believe us or aren't happy with our choices but, I'm trying to focus on the positive reactions. The ones where girls are coming out telling me they don't feel as alone or like they're going through tough shit on their own."

"That's admirable. Dimitri didn't look too happy when Adrian was mentioned?"

"Was that a question? He addressed that in the interview. We're all friends, there's no animosity, jealousy, anger or anything in there," I said annoyed.

"It sounds like you are getting angry," he said.

"Yea because I'm tired of Adrian always being brought up. He's happily taken with a very good friend of mine. I'm in a happy committed relationship so I just wish my friendships would stop being thrown in my face. I also have a best friend back in Georgia that's a guy, does that mean I'm screwing him? Nope, it's 2019. Girls can be friends with guys without sleeping with them."

"Wow. Ok then. So how do you feel about people saying It's your fault your baby died and that Dimitri never knew about him?"

"I say that I loved my baby more than life itself and this interview is over," I said angrily as I turned and walked back towards our condo. I circled the block a few times trying to make sure the guy hadn't followed me and to burn off some of my anger. By the time I got up to the apartment it was later than I had planned. I huffed as I slammed the door shut.

"You ok babe?" Dimitri said looking up from the couch.

"No," I said walking down the hallway to our makeshift studio. I sat at the piano and started playing but a few notes in I could feel that wouldn't help. Instead I connected my phone to the speakers and played my angry/girl power playlist as I sat at a chair and wrote down lyrics in my journal. Sometime later Dimitri popped his head in the room. I paused the music.

"Want to talk about it or want to keep writing?" he asked.

"Both," I muttered still writing.

"Guessing it has something to do with this article that just popped up?" Dimitri asked coming into the room and showing me his phone.

"Damn that was quick!" I said angrily.

"It's not too friendly either. I'm going to assume you were misquoted a few times," he said coming over to me. "The question is if you need to read it right now because you're not going to like it at all."

"Let's me see it," I said already beyond angry.

"Don't break my phone. It'll be a bitch to try and get a new one before we leave tomorrow," he smiled.

"Don't be cute and give me the phone," I laughed. I loved how even though I was angry he was able to make me laugh. He handed it to me and I gasped. "Oh my god is he on Tasha's payroll?"

The article portrayed me as angry and bitter and threw the wrong quotes with different questions. Somehow, he managed to put down what I said but in the wrong contexts. He even changed some of the questions he asked to make it look like my answers were worse than they were. The one that got me was on the last one he said he asked "How do you feel about people saying you killed your baby?" then I responded with "Honestly, a little relieved. We made some mistakes but it worked out in the end."

"That doesn't even make sense!" I yelled as I stood up and started pacing.

"I'm sorry Roza. The media are vultures. I didn't want to show this to you but, it's going to need to be addressed. I figured it's better to show you now while you can scream and yell than later in a conference room."

"Hold on, there's a picture there but the guy with me didn't have a camera and that seems farther away…" I said looking at the picture. It wasn't a great picture since it was night but it was in color and looked like it was a zoomed in picture. I looked angry in it. About then my phone went off. It was Amanda.

"I didn't say any of that. Well I did but he rearranged and took a lot of liberties with editing. He even changed some of the questions," I said answering it quickly.

"That's what I figured. The media can be assholes. He has to know we're going to sue now but apparently this guy thought it was worth it to get 15 second of fame. We have to get on top of it and change the narrative. You can either tweet out that it was all a trick of editing, or do a video, Facebook or Instagram live, something. We need to make a statement immediately. The important part is you make it like you're the victim and hurt by the actions of this man."

"Ok, I'll get on it immediately," I sighed.

"Great, let me know what you decide," she said hanging up.

"I have to 'get ahead of this immediately'" I told Dimitri flopping back down in the chair. "She said I could release a statement or do an Instagram live or something. I think I may do a video."

"Whatever you want," he shrugged. "Do you want me in here or do you want to do it by yourself?"

"I think it might be better if it's just me in the video, but stay in here?" I asked.

"Sure thing," he smiled kissing my head.

"I love it when you do that," I laughed.

"I know," he smirked. "Alright, do your video, I'll be over here."

"Thank you," I said going over by the piano as he sat in the chair, I previously was in. I propped the camera up as I sat on the bench. I pulled up Instagram and pressed record.

"Hey everyone, this is the first live that I think I've ever done. I'm probably going to ramble for a minute or two while I wait for more people to join so they don't miss out. Do you all already have tickets for the tour? We leave tomorrow and I'm so excited for it," I rambled as more people joined. I was surprised we were already in 6 figures worth of viewers. I started to read through some of the comments popping up.

"I'm sorry if we're not hitting your town or state, maybe we can on my next tour…if there is a next one," I laughed. "Thank you all who have already bought your tickets or even bought my merchandise. I really wasn't expecting it all so I appreciate it. I know it helps when I'm on tour with some of the hottest stars right?"

"Some? Try one," Dimitri muttered with a smile so I could hear but not loud enough for the mic to pick up hopefully.

"If you all heard that smart ass comment, Dimitri's here with me," I smiled grabbing the camera and pointing it towards him. He smiled softly and waved. I pulled the camera back and set it back down.

"Ok so by now I think enough people have joined I think I can get to the point of this live, though based on your comments maybe I should do them more randomly for no reason," I laughed. Then I sobered up. "I don't know if you all have seen an article that was released tonight but I wanted to address it. I was walking home from a friends house when a reporter accosted me in the street. He seemed nice, asked if I would answer a couple of questions and I decided to be nice and answer a few. I wasn't in a hurry and I knew there were still some questions after the interview Dimitri and I did. Well that was a lesson learned. He took literally everything I said and flipped it to make it sound terrible. Truth be told, I don't believe that every part of my life needs to be told but at this point, I don't have anything to hide so I want to clear the air. Here's how it really went down. He asked how I felt about the mixed reactions from the interview, THAT's when I said relieved because it was out there and Dimitri and I are not ashamed of our past. We both made mistakes. We own up to that and are trying to move on. He asked about Adrian and I did get annoyed. I told him that Dimitri and I had addressed that. We're all friends, there's no anger or animosity. He mentioned I sounded angry and I said I was. I'm tired of Adrian and I being brought up constantly. He's in a great relationship and so am I. He's not even the only guy friend I have. I told him it was 2019 and girls are allowed to have guy friends and not be sleeping with them. Lastly, he asked what I would say to people who said I was the reason my baby died and Dimitri never knew. I'm sorry but that's a very sensitive subject to me so I told him that all I had to say was I love our baby more than life itself. Then I told him the interview was over and left."

I glanced over at Dimitri and took a deep breath before continuing. "Honestly. I've blamed myself for our baby's death for a long time. It's something I struggle with every day. Dimitri has been a rock and by my side the entire time. I really don't care if people blame me or criticize me for my actions because they can't say anything I haven't said to myself. What matters is Dimitri and I moving forward and me forgiving myself. The fact that some sleazy tabloid person wants to take this and spin it into something nasty and terrible, that's what bothers me. People are going to have opinions but I want them to have opinions about the truth. I would never say I'm relieved that our baby isn't here any longer. I would never EVER say anything remotely close to that because the fact is it devastates me all over again every day I wake up and he's not here. Did I make mistakes? Sure. Was it my fault he didn't know about Connor until a couple of months ago? Definitely. Hate me for that if you want. As long as Dimitri and I are moving on from our past mistakes, I'm ok."

"I'm sorry guys, I'm going on a little rant. It's easy to do when you're sitting here talking by yourself," I laughed. I started reading through the comments. "I love all of these supportive comments. Thank you, guys, so much. Honestly, when we discussed what to do after the wrong news broke out about Connor, we were just going to release a statement. I decided I wanted to speak out and Dimitri supported my decision. I wanted to tell our story for any one that's going through the same thing. Be it a miscarriage, teen pregnancy, bad break up, whatever. I wanted to let you all know, you're not alone. We've been through it. It sucks. It's terrible. I love seeing all of your comments saying that our story has helped you however it may have. I also love all of these comments of support to one another. That's what this world needs. It's hard enough without people putting you down, spreading lies, or disparaging you. I love seeing your support of me and mostly one another."

I yawned and decided it was best to probably wrap this up.

"Sorry guys, it's been a long day of rehearsals and meetings. It's going to be an even earlier morning so I should probably get off of here and finish my last minute packing. Thank you all again for your support and letting me clear the air. I love you all. You are all amazing and fantastic and I can't wait to meet so many of you on tour!" I smiled and waved before clicking the end button.

"So?" I asked Dimitri turning towards him.

"You did wonderful Roza. Better than I would have," he smiled.

"Well considering yours would have been a bunch of grunts and nods," I teased. He came over beside me and I stood up in front of him.

"It probably would have," he laughed and hugged me. I closed my eyes as I placed my head on his chest. I pulled the remote out and pressed play on my playlist but turned it down to moderately loud. I heard him chuckle as Pinks 'So What' came on.

"Guess I just lost my husband, I don't know where he went," I laughed as I sang along to the song. Dimitri smiled at me as I grabbed his hands dancing around and singing. He didn't really dance but he ended up spinning me and pulling me into him halfway through. I laughed as I fell into him back first. I spun in his arms.

"I'm sorry I keep dragging you into all of this but thank you for always making me smile," I told him.

"You didn't do anything except try to be nice to a reporter. Other peoples actions aren't your fault babe," he told me.

"I love you," I told him honestly.

"Love you too Roza," he said leaning down and kissing me. I kissed him back but pulled away before it got too heated.

"I wasn't lying about the packing. I still have a lot," I laughed.

"I know, you're a procrastinator," he smirked at me.

"Shut up," I laughed shoving at him as he grabbed me and pulled me into him. I wrapped my arms around him but this time my eyes were open. I looked at my phone and my eyes widened.

"Hey Dimitri..." I said hesitantly.

"Yea?" he asked.

"I may not have clicked off like I thought I had," I laughed pulling back.

"What?" he asked as I reached for the phone. It was indeed still recording.

"Whoops!" I laughed. "Sorry guys! Thought I had clicked off. Well now you get to see how lame I really am. I can dance better than that, I swear!"

"She can't," Dimitri teased still wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"Shut up, I taught you how to dance," I laughed play slapping his chest.

"You wish," he smirked.

"Well you all get to see that this Russian machine does occasionally laugh. He smiles too. I know I was shocked too," I whispered playfully. "It's a good thing we didn't say anything too embarrassing. Though I feel like my dancing may become a meme or a gif now. at least make it a funny one. Ok, sorry again but this time for real good night. Love you all."

I clicked end and made sure to close the app out and everything this time.

"Whoops," I laughed. "Good thing we weren't fighting."

"Very good thing," he smiled.

"You're not mad?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Accidents happen. Plus, the whole world just saw you dancing stupidly to Pink so, I think you got enough karma on that one," he smirked.

"You're an ass. You couldn't have said, hotly, sexily, seductressly, or even good?" I said pulling away and walking across the room towards the door. He followed me out.

"Seductressly isn't a word…it would be seductively," he pointed out. I just flipped him my finger as I kept walking towards our bedroom. "Are you hungry?"

"Is that a question?" I retorted not looking back. As I went into the bedroom.

"If I make you dinner will I be forgiven my oh so beautiful seductress?" he asked and I heard the smirk in his voice.

"Flattery gets you nowhere now!" I yelled back. "but food might."

I heard him laugh from the kitchen as I grabbed a bag and started packing. I was almost done when I felt hands on my hips. I jumped slightly and surprised myself by not screaming or squealing.

"For the record, I found it very endearing and sexy. The rest of America might not. Though I'm sure they'll find you adorable and cute."

"Yay me," I muttered leaning back into him.

"I think it's sexy any time you smile at me. I'm blown away by your laugh. So needless to say, it was a huge turn on for me," he said huskily in my ear.

"You think my smile is sexy?" I asked looking sideways at him.

"Besides the faces you make when we have sex, it's the sexiest thing about you," he admitted.

"Really? Not my boobs or my ass? My smile?" I questioned turning towards him.

"I went years without seeing you but the pictures in my head were always you smiling at me in that sexy cute way that's saved just for me. Then when I found you again smiles were so rare from you that when they happened my heart stopped. I've made it my goal to make you smile as much as possible. Yea, your body's hot as hell but your smile is my favorite."

"Yours is mine too," I told him unable to help the small smile that formed at his words. "I love it when you're happy. Though I think you're laugh is the sexiest thing. That and the look in your eyes you save just for me."

"I have a look for you?" he questioned.

"Oh yea," I smirked leaning up and kissing him. When I pulled back I saw the love and happiness in his eyes. "Right there."

"Hmm guess you're right," he smirked.

"I'm always right," I teased. "Now, about that food situation."

"Dinners ready."

"Better be good if you want to fully be forgiven," I joked stepping away towards the kitchen.

"Damn you're hard to please," he laughed following me.

"Like I said you're stuck with me. You chose it," I told him sticking my tongue out.

"I'll always choose you," he said from behind me as we got to the kitchen. Immediately in my mind my first two thoughts were 'except the time you didn't' and 'until you don't again'. My smile faltered as my mood crashed but I smiled at Dimitri.

"Let's eat," I said heading towards the food. Before I could get far, he grabbed my hand.

"Where'd you just go?" he questioned turning me to face him.

"To the food?" I smirked gesturing to the food in the kitchen.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about. I felt you tense up. The light in your eyes is gone."

"I'm fine, I'm just hungry," I told him smiling softly trying to get him to believe me.

"Roza, talk to me," he said worriedly.

"It's nothing, I just thought of the reporter again. You've done a great job distracting me but I'm still pissed at him," I said knowing that would be believable.

"I'd believe you if this hadn't been happening for the last week and a half. I've been waiting on you to come to me about it knowing you would talk about when you're ready but it's looking like you're just going to bottle it up and hope it goes away. Talk to me babe," he said hands caressing the tops of my arms and shoulders.

"It's nothing comrade. Just some shit that I've been trying to work through. I'll be fine. I promise," I could see he still wanted me to talk to him. Stubbornly, I decided not to though it was my perfect opportunity to. The 'but you can't' comment running through my mind. "Can't we just have one night where the shit from the past isn't the forefront of our night? I just want to have a fun night, packing and laughing and joking with you before we go on tour tomorrow. If it's still bothering me in a few days, we'll talk about it then."

I lied knowing I would try to just distract him like I'm doing now. he doesn't have to know that though.

"I can't force you to talk to me but you know as well as I do what happens when you keep it in. When you're ready I'm here for you," he said softly cupping my cheek. "You know I love you right?"

"I do," I told him honestly. The question of if he loved me had never been in my mind. It's more of if he loves me enough. Though he hasn't given me any reason to doubt that since we've been back together. It's just my own fucked up mind making me doubt it. "I love you too. Thank you for always being here."

"Anytime Roza," he said kissing me again. This time it got heated. I was about to jump up and wrap my legs around him when my stomach growled. We both pulled away and laughed. "Let's eat."

"Finally," I teased heading into the kitchen. "Pasta, my favorite."

"Isn't edible food your favorite?" he teased.

"Shut up!"


	10. Chapter 10 Tell Me You Love Me

**AN: Hey Everyone! I'm so excited I've been spitting out like a chapter a week! How awesome has that been?**

 **So, I don't know if you all have noticed but, I've been naming all of the chapters song titles. On some of the more known ones, I haven't posted who sang it but on some of them that aren't as well known, I have. I'm thinking about not posting it and creating a game of it (though there's no prize except maybe a shout out) to see who can guess who sang it. No googling or You tubing though, that ruins it haha. That may be a terrible idea, I just thought it sounded fun!**

 **Well, without further ado, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it, there's more drama and not of the relationship kind this time!**

Before I knew it, we were already three weeks into the tour. It had been going great. The crowds had been amazing. Thanks to our accidental IG live, people deemed us Hollywood's new it couple. Apparently, showing our goofy loving side was what won most people over. The video actual made it bigger than the article that created it which I was happy to see. Though, we still were working on a lawsuit for slander. At first, I didn't want to but I also didn't want him thinking he could get away with it and doing it to someone else. Unfortunately, whoever posted it, used a fake name so we've been having trouble figuring out who published it. The whole situation was odd.

I was currently backstage watching a video feed of Sydney and Adrian's performance. This time we dispersed it a little differently. Now it went:

 **Adrian & Sydney**

 **Sydney**

 **Sydney & Rose**

 **Rose**

 **Adrian & Rose**

 **Adrian**

 **Rose & Dimitri**

 **Dimitri**

That way the more famous names were more of the 'closers' with Adrian and Dimitri being the last two solo acts. That and Sydney liked to get her sets out of the way earlier. Her and Adrian were finishing up their set now, then it'd be her and I'd start heading towards the stage. I'd decided to keep it pretty simple on the stage with my outfits. Sometimes if I felt like it, I'd dress up and wear a cute skirt and a nice top but mostly I stuck with ripped skinny jeans and a nice shirt or tank top. I'd been surprised at the meet and greets before the shows. I never expected so many people would want to meet me and take pictures with me but I was just as popular as Adrian and Dimitri. Quite a few times, fans had made me tear up telling me how much my story has affected them. That's probably been the best part of this. I was in shock the first time I'd seen someone who had tattooed my lyrics on them. I insisted on taking a selfie with them with my own phone. She laughed and loved it.

"Hey rose," came a knock on the dressing room door as they cracked it open. It was butch one of the security guys Abe had insisted on hiring. I'm not going to lie and say I never gave Butch a hard time for his stereotypical bodyguard name. though he loved to inform me he wasn't a bodyguard right now, just security. He was a pretty decent guy.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Someone just dropped this package off for you and I wanted to know if you wanted to open it or let one of us check it first. We haven't really been going through your gifts but, this one is suspicious."

"Let me see it," I told him standing up and walking over to the coffee table in the room. Fans bringing gifts was nothing really new but delivering them anonymously in the middle of the concert was new. "Did you see who dropped it off?"

"I was told it was some guy with a moustache and hat. He was also wearing sunglasses," he said. "Like I said, suspicious. Are you sure you don't want me to check it first? I'd feel a lot better if I did."

"Just stand here with me," I told him grabbing some scissors off of the dressing table. Dimitri was back in the tour bus waiting a little while before coming out. He had a cold that he was getting over so he was in there laying down so it was just me and Butch. I opened the box then carefully opened the flaps. When I did, I screamed and looked away. For some reason I couldn't explain I looked again just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. In the box, was a decapitated baby doll covered in what I was hoping was fake blood with the words 'baby killer' spelled out in magazine clipped letters. This time I couldn't hold it in and ran to a trash can before releasing the contents of my stomach.

"Rose? Are you ok in there?" Asked Stephanie knocking on the door. When I didn't answer she came in. "What? Oh my God!"

"Stephanie can you go get Dimitri?" Butch asked closing the box. He brought me a water bottle and rubbed my back until I stopped dry heaving. Then he led me to the couch and pulled out his phone and started texting someone. "I have a friend who's a detective here. I just asked him to come here immediately. We'll figure out who did this."

"Thank you," I said weakly. "Who would do something so terrible? They didn't even use a cheap doll. It was one of those expensive really realistic looking ones."

"I know. I closed it and we will find who did it. Whoever it was is obviously very messed up in the head. In the future, if you don't mind, I would like to go through any suspicious packages myself first?"

"Go ahead. I would rather not see something like that again." I told him honestly leaning forward resting my elbows on my knees and putting my head in my hands. Before I knew it, I had started crying. It didn't look just like Connor but with it's brown eyes and hair, it was close enough. Butch sat next to me rubbing my back softly as I cried. Dimitri burst through the door and immediately rushed over to me. Bending in front of me as Butch stood up and walked to the other side of the coffee table.

"What happened?" Dimitri asked worriedly. I just pointed towards the box, he stood up and walked over to it looking inside. Even he couldn't hide his gasp of surprise. Butch filled him in and told him about the detective friend coming. He closed the box but told Dimitri he'd rather not move it again in case there were any usable fingerprints on it. He left the room to go wait for his friend and Dimitri came back over to me. he picked me up and set me on his lap sideways while I cried into his chest.

"It was so realistic…" I mumbled. Stephanie knocked and peeked her head in.

"Rose, are you going to make it onstage? You don't have very long before you're supposed to meet Sydney up there," she said timidly.

"Yea, can you ask Sydney to do an extra song or ask Adrian to go out and do another duet with her and I'll be there as soon as I can," I asked her.

"Definitely but…are you sure?" she asked.

"I'll be fine. The show must go on, right?" I asked. Standing up and heading over to the make up counter pointedly looking away from the box. She nodded and left.

"Roza, you don't have to go on. We can tell them you're sick or there was an emergency or something. You're in no condition to go out there right now," he said worriedly coming up behind me. his words hit a nerve.

"I'm not that weak. I can make it," I told him as I worked on fixing my makeup and hiding the redness from crying. I wasn't great at make up but hiding the fact I'd been crying was a talent I'd perfected over the last almost six years.

"I'm not saying you're weak at all. In fact, that's the farthest thing from my mind. I'm just saying that was a terrible experience and anyone would understand if you don't feel like performing after that."

"Are you still performing?" I asked. When he didn't answer I continued. "Exactly. So am I. I've performed when I was a lot more emotionally fucked up than this. I'll manage it this time too."

"Why are you so pissed at me?" he asked confused. "You want to perform then perform."

"Because I hate it when you treat me like I'm weak and can't handle things!" I said meaning it but not fully understanding why I was so pissed at him either. I stood up and faced him, finished with my makeup.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across like that, I was just making a suggestion," he said throwing his hands up defensively. Before I could question it, I glance up at the screen.

"He isn't!" I exclaimed the video was from the side wing of the stage so you could see Adrian facing Sydney. They were singing and he had one hand holding the mic and another placed behind him. it looked like a natural stance but I could see him holding something in his hand. "Oh my god! He's about to propose!"

I rushed out of the room and hurried to the stage as fast as I could. By the time I got there he was down on his knee and just starting his speech.

"You have been the best thing to ever happen to me. Though I hate the time we spent apart, I know it was necessary to get us here. I never thought when I agreed to do a duet charity CD it would lead to you blowing back into my life but these last couple of months have been the happiest of my life. You're the lyrics to my melodies, my best friend, sorry Rose," he joked looking to the wings. "and the love of my life. What do you say we make it forever this time?"

"Yes!" she cried. She wasn't crying or extremely emotional but if you looked you could see the tears in her eyes. She wasn't a very emotional person so that right there said everything. He jumped up and wrapped her in a hug spinning her around in circles until she slapped his arm. She laughed and buried her head in his chest in embarrassment. I was smiling from ear to ear, the drama of earlier long forgotten. Dimitri stood behind me and I turned to see he had a grin too. I reached back and grabbed his hand in mine squeezing it gently. He stepped forward and kissed the top of my head gently.

"I guess it's time to go back to the concert now huh," Adrian laughed into the mic. I grabbed a mic from back stage and started speaking as I walked out onto the stage.

"Well I mean the people didn't pay to see you make out with your fiancé," I teased then made a fake gagging gesture.

"You're just upset because of the best friend comment huh Little Red?" he teased back as I made it to them. I hugged Sydney gently then pulled away and turned towards Adrian again.

"So jealous, how will I ever live?" I said sarcastically, I rolled my eyes towards the crowd. They laughed. I leaned over and hugged him. I whispered in his ear, "Surprise proposal?"

"You said stall," he whispered back laughing in my ear. When he pulled away he raised an eyebrow silently asking if I was ok. I gave him a tight smile and turned back towards the crowd.

"Now get off of our stage and let us bash on some men," I teased.

"Hold on," he said going over and kissing Sydney again.

"Go!" she laughed pushing him away but you could see the happiness in her face.

"I'll be back," he promised laughing at the crowd. They cheered for him.

"Whew, I never thought he'd leave," I teased pretending to wipe my brow. I turned towards Sydney and pretended to whisper. "Ok, now that he's gone. Are you sure you want to marry that?"

"I can still hear you!" came his voice from backstage.

"Go to your dressing room! It's girl talk," I hollered back. The crowd laughed.

"I think I do," she smiled softly.

"Damn right!" he hollered from the wing.

"Go away!" I said pretending to be annoyed. "Well if you ever change your mind, I have the perfect song."

"Don't you mean the wrong song?" she laughed joking back since the name of our first song is 'Wrong Song'.

"That too!" I smiled. The music started so we got to the front of the stage to started performing.

( **Rose** , _Sydney_ , _**Both**_ )

 **If you think you're gonna hear how much I miss ya**

 **If you're needin' to feel better 'bout yourself**

 **If you're wantin' to hear me say I forgive you**

 **Cause the tequila turned you into someone else**

 **If you're looking for one more chance**

 **A little stand by your man**

 _ **You got the wrong song**_

 _ **Coming through your speakers**_

 _ **This one's about the liar and the cheater**_

 _ **Didn't know what he had 'til it was gone**_

 _ **You got the wrong girl**_

 _ **'Cause I got your number**_

 _ **Don't know what kind of spell you think I'm under**_

 _ **This ain't a feel good everything's fine sing-along**_

 _ **You got the wrong song**_

 _Tell me boy was she worth every minute_

 _I hope you had the time of your life_

 _You made your bed, now go lie in it_

 _All I got to say to you is goodbye_

 _How'd you think I'd react_

 _Saying baby come back_

 _ **You got the wrong song**_

 _ **Coming through your speakers**_

 _ **This one's about the liar and the cheater**_

 _ **Didn't know what he had 'til it was gone**_

 _ **You got the wrong girl**_

 _ **'Cause I got your number**_

 _ **Don't know what kind of spell you think I'm under**_

 _ **This ain't a feel good everything's fine sing-along**_

 _ **You got the wrong song**_

 _ **Everybody makes mistakes**_

 _ **We can work it out**_

 _ **Wouldn't it be nice if that's what I'm singing now**_

 _ **But you got the wrong song**_

 _ **Coming through your speakers**_

 _ **This one's about the liar and the cheater**_

 _ **Didn't know what he had 'til it was gone, gone, gone**_

 _ **You got the wrong girl**_

 _ **'Cause I got your number**_

 _ **Don't know what kind of spell you think I'm under**_

 _ **This ain't a feel good everything's fine sing-along**_

 _You got the wrong song_

 **You got the wrong song**

 _ **You got the wrong song**_

We both laughed as we finished the song in the middle of the stage. A few times we had pointed to mics towards the audience and let them sing it. It was always so crazy to hear the crowd singing a song I wrote back towards me. We performed our next two songs and Joked with the crowd. Soon enough our time together was up. I took a break while the bands switched out. I was thankful there was no one there waiting to ask if I was ok. Stephanie was standing there but didn't say anything, just handed me a water bottle. I made small talk with Sydney's band as they left the stage while mine got our equipment ready. I had to say, I did love my band. As the tour progressed, we got to know each other more and more. Sometimes I took turns riding in their bus on the shorter trips just to hang out and get to know them better. When they were ready, I made my way back out and talked to the crowd some more. I started off as usual with 'How Come You're Not Here?' the joking song I did with Dimitri in the studio. I laughed and danced around the stage with it having fun. Then I did Nightmare, one of the other songs I had performed in the studio that first night. The crowd loved both. I walked over to the piano.

"Ok guys don't hate me but I'm going to veer off the beaten path a little. Tonight's been a little crazy. By now you all know about my past. I've been open that some days are harder than others. On one of my not so great days, I went a little crazy. Said some things I regretted, then made up later. Later that night, I snuck into Dimitri and I's make shift studio and wrote this song. I haven't performed it before and no one has ever heard it except for me. Today's not one of my bad days, how can it be when I'm sitting in front of a crowd as awesome as you guys and I watched two of my best friends get engaged?" I teased. "But it's had its not so great moments. Because of those moments, I feel like tonight is the perfect night to debut this song for you all. What do you think? Want to hear a song no one on earth has ever heard before?"

The crowd cheered extremely loud and I laughed. "Ok well, I hope my producer doesn't get mad…especially because it's about him...for him? I don't know. I do want to clarify before any rumors start, he and I are not having any relationship troubles. We're doing great. I promise!"

 **Oh no, here we go again  
Fighting over what I said  
I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry  
Bad at love, no, I'm not good at this  
But I can't say I'm innocent  
Not hardly, but I'm sorry**

 **And all my friends, they know and it's true  
I don't know who I am without you  
I got it bad, baby  
Got it bad  
**

By now the band had picked up on the song and started playing with me. I looked over and smiled at them before focusing back on the piano. As I sang the chorus, I looked over at the wings and saw Dimitri. I hoped he could see the apology on my face. Here lately I've been extra emotional so events tonight make me a little short fused. I think it's the stress of tour. I thought I was prepared for it but I wasn't completely. Add in that incident tonight, needless to say it was a setup for me to be a little extra.

 **Oh, tell me you love me  
I need someone on days like this, I do  
On days like this  
Oh, tell me you love me  
I need someone  
On days like this, I do  
On days like this  
Oh, can you hear my heart say  
Ooohhhh, ooh  
No, you ain't nobody 'til you got somebody  
You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody**

 **And I hope I never see the day  
That you move on and be happy without me  
Without me  
What's my hand without your heart to hold?  
I don't know what I'm living for  
If I'm living without you**

 **All my friends, they know and it's true  
I don't know who I am without you  
I've got it bad, baby  
I got it bad**

 **Oh, tell me you love me  
I need someone on days like this, I do  
On days like this  
Oh, tell me you love me  
I need someone  
On days like this, I do  
On days like this  
Oh, can you hear my heart say  
Ooohhhh, ooh  
You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody  
You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody  
My heart's like  
Ooooh, ooh  
No, you ain't nobody 'til you got somebody  
You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody**

By this point the band had picked it up well enough that they were playing it loudly and didn't necessarily need me playing to hold it anymore. I grabbed the mic and stood up going towards the middle of the stage closer to the front as I sang. I was amazed as I finished the chorus that the crowd was already singing along with me.

 ****

 **Everything I need  
Is standing in front of me  
I know that we will be alright, alright, yeah  
Through the ups and downs  
Baby, I'ma stick around  
I promise we will be alright, alright**

 **Oh, tell me you love me  
I need someone on days like this, I do  
On days like this  
Oh, tell me you love me  
I need someone**

As I sang I moved to the beat of the song around the stage going from one side to the other. On the lines where it was repeated I would say it once then hold the mic towards the crowd. I was blown away to hear them singing it back at me. It actually brought tears to my eyes but I shoved them down.

 **On days like this, I do  
On days like this  
Oh, can you hear my heart say  
Ooohhhh, ooh  
You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody  
You ain't nobody 'til you got somebody**

 **My heart's like  
Ooooh, ooh  
Everything I need  
Is standing right in front of me  
I know that we will be alright, alright, yeah**

"Guys, that was amazing!" I exclaimed once I caught my breath at the end. I went over to my water bottle and grabbed a drink before turning back towards the crowd. "I am surprised I'm still standing here because you all just blew me away with that. You are fantastic. I take it you liked the song?"

The crowd cheered again and I laughed.

"And how about this band? Aren't they awesome? I never dreamed I'd be standing here on a stage in front of all of you amazing people. That being said, my music woudn't anywhere near listenable without these awesome guys. First, we have Liam on drums, I announced gesturing to him. he winked and did a small drum solo. He was the ladies man of the group, with his gelled up blonde hair, green eyes, and sleeveless shirts he insisted on wearing. He had muscles and definitely loved showing them off.

"Next up, we have Jacob on bass. No relation to the werewolf," I teased, he could have won a look alike contest with Taylor Lautner except his nose was thinner and more angled and he had blue eyes. He did have the deep tan, dark hair, and fuller lips like Taylor. I loved to tease him about it. he did his small bass solo then I turned to the guitarist.

"Last, but definitely not least, we have Eli on guitar," I gestured to him as he played. He was the more stereotypical rock guy, broody and quiet but he was also the sweetest guy in the band and had a really great dry humor about him. He's also the tallest, about Adrian's height, not quite to Dimitri's. he has strawberry blonde hair, shorter on the sides and styled up, on top, that was more blonde than strawberry but in the right light you could see the red in it. He also had a beard and gorgeous hazel eyes. I definitely lucked out on a hot band. Not that I cared or was really looking but, a girl notices these things.

"Ok well I'm I thinking we should do one more song then we should bring out a friend? What do you say? Like that idea?"

The crowd started chanting Dimitri's name. "Well I know you all are excited but that's not who I had in mind…at least not right now. First, we have to see the newly engaged man. That ok with y'all?"

The crowd cheered loudly. I laughed as the band started up my final solo song of the night. It was the song that Adrian and I had worked on in Georgia that Dimitri got mad about, 'Someone Else'. He came around and admitted he really liked it and helped us finish it.

When I finished the crowd cheered extremely loud and I smiled.

"It doesn't sound like y'all are ready for Adrian yet," I teased and they actually got louder. I laughed as they started chanting his name.

"Yo Adrian, your people are calling your name!"

"I'm here! You know I can't keep a good crowd waiting," he laughed walking out onto the stage. They cheered louder as he waved.

"I don't know if I should feel offended or not?" I joked.

"Nah, they love you too," he stopped and gestured to me and the crowd started chanting my name also and I laughed. "You're the talent, I'm just the beauty."

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" I teased back pretending to be offended.

"Not at all, you're gorgeous but have you seen me?" he joked gesturing to himself and winking at the crowd.

"Quit flirting with the crowd, you're a taken man," I laughed. "How does it feel being an engaged man?"

"Words can't describe it," he smiled and you could see the love and happiness in his eyes. "By the way, you guys are quick. I've already seen videos of the proposal on Youtube!"

"Is twitter going crazy?" I asked sarcastically.

"We're trending," he smirked proudly. I rolled my eyes and pretended to gag. Jokingly of course.

"Aw Red, it's ok. You know you're my number two!" he joked with a smile.

"I'm not taking that bait," I laughed shaking my head at him. "Maybe the paparazzi will quit asking me about you now?"

"Hopefully," he laughed.

"I think we should probably sing now," I laughed. "That's kind of the point of this shindig."

"Shindig?" he laughed raising an eyebrow at me as the music started playing I just shrugged.

( _Adrian_ , **Rose** , _**Both**_ )

 _I know your insides are feeling so hollow  
And it's a hard pill for you to swallow_

 _But if I fall for you, I'll never recover  
If I fall for you, I'll never be the same_

 _I really wanna love somebody_  
 **I really wanna dance the night away  
** _I know we're only half-way there  
_ _ **But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way  
**_  
 **I really wanna touch somebody  
** _I'll think about you every single day  
_ **I know we're only half-way there  
But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way  
**  
 **You're such a hard act for me to follow  
Love me today, don't leave me tomorrow  
**  
 **But if I fall for you, I'll never recover  
If I fall for you, I'll never be the same  
**  
 _I really wanna love somebody  
_ **I really wanna dance the night away  
** _I know we're only half-way there  
_ _ **But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way  
**_  
 **I really wanna touch somebody  
** _I'll think about you every single day  
_ **I know we're only half-way there  
But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way  
**  
 **I don't know where to start, I'm just a little lost  
I wanna feel like we're never gonna ever stop  
** _I don't know what to do, I'm right in front of you  
Asking you to stay, you should stay, stay with me tonight  
_  
 _I really wanna love somebody  
_ **I really wanna dance the night away  
** _I know we're only half-way there  
_ _ **But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way  
**_  
 **I really wanna touch somebody  
** _I'll think about you every single day  
_ **I know we're only half-way there  
But you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way  
**  
 **You can take me all the way** , _**you can take me all the way**_

As we sang, we danced around the stage. We'd go from one side to the other and when we met in the middle, we'd dance around with each other or face each other and sing. The crowd ate it up. We finished our set pretty quickly, we did three other duets from the album then finished with our single we released. In between the songs we'd tease each other and give each other a hard time. Then I said my goodbyes as Adrian told the crowd we were going to take a break for the bands to switch out. As soon as we were off stage, he turned towards me.

"Are you ok?" he asked. "Dimitri filled me in."

"I'll be fine. It shook me a little but being on stage is a huge distraction for me," I admitted.

"You sure?" he questioned. "You don't have to finish the concert."

"Can people stop saying that?" I asked aggravated. "These people paid good money to hear all of us including our duets. I'm not going to rip them off because of some psycho. I'm fine."

"Damn girl," he smiled. "Alright but let me know if you need anything."

"I'm good. Just gonna go hang out in the dressing room until it's my turn to go up again," he nodded as I turned and started heading towards the dressing room. Halfway there I ran into Dimitri.

"Is it gone?" I asked.

"Yea, the detective just came and picked it up. He talked to Butch and got his statement. He said he'd contact you soon to get yours. He wasn't too hopeful about finding anything but said he was going to try his hardest."

"I guess that's all we can ask," I said shrugging as we got to the dressing room. Stephanie was standing outside of it so I turned to her. "Can you please tell me when Adrian is finishing up his last song so we can head out there? I'm going to go hang out in the dressing room for a bit."

"Definitely! I can do that!" she smiled cheerfully. "Anything else?"

"I'm starving. After the show can you have some food delivered? Maybe mcdonalds?" I suggested as soon as I mentioned it my mouth watered. I was suddenly starving.

"For sure, your normal? Dimitri do you want anything?" she asked. I nodded as Dimitri told her his order. As we went into the dressing room I glanced at the coffee table to make sure it was really gone. I went over to the counter and grabbed some peanut butter crackers I had to snack on and went and sat on the couch.

"Can't wait?" Dimitri asked with a laugh sitting beside me.

"I don't know why but I'm suddenly starving. This is to tide me over. I may ask her to double my order as a precaution," I laughed then my mood turned grim again. "Probably because I threw everything up earlier."

"I'm sorry babe," he said wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into him. I laid my head on his shoulder.

"It's fine. Just gives me an excuse to gorge myself and not feel guilty," I joked trying to play it off.

"Do you usually?" he teased back.

"No but sometimes I pretend I do. What can I say? I like food," I shrugged. He just chuckled. We sat that way for a minute. "I'm sorry I went off on you earlier. I know you were just trying to help."

"It's ok. I get it. You had to get it out somehow."

"You're too good for me," I smiled.

"Nah Roza. That's not even halfway true," he said pulling me all the way on to his lap so I was laying sideways against his chest with my legs stretched out along the couch. "You know I love you right?"

"I know. I love you too," I told him cuddling into his chest. He reached down and cupped my chin making me look at him.

"I mean it. I love you. All the parts of you. Even the emotional ones. You never have to hide your emotions or feelings from me," he said softly.

"Ok," I nodded softly not knowing what to say. Something in his voice told me he wasn't just talking about tonight. He knew I was still struggling with the emotions from a few weeks ago. Instead of reminding me I told him I'd tell him if it didn't go away, he's waiting for me to come to him. That made me love him even more. I tilted my head towards him and kissed him. When it started to get heated, we broke apart knowing now was not the time for that. I laid my head back on his chest and looked at the tv showing Adrian. Since he and Dimitri were the two pop/rock stars, their solo sets were a little longer than mine and Syd's.

"I should probably go touch up my make up," I sighed reluctantly. I stayed where I was for a few more minutes before sighing again and getting up heading over to the make up counter. Luckily my finishing spray was really good and had kept it on really well. I just had to do some touch ups. When I was done Stephanie knocked and entered.

"Adrian's on his last song now," she said shyly before stepping back out.

"Perfect timing," I smiled softly standing up. Dimitri grabbed my hand and we made our way to backstage. The bands still had to switch out and change gear so we weren't in a big hurry. When we got there, Adrian was already gone and heading back to the bus, I'm sure to go meet up with Sydney. Sometimes we all watched each other's sets and sometimes we didn't. You could only watch them so many times though. Once the band was ready, they started playing. We both grabbed a mic and walked onto the stage.

"Did you miss us?" I winked smiling as the crowd cheered. This song had a quick intro so we didn't really ever do any talking before it. This was one of the more fun songs we have so we open with it.

( **Rose** , _Dimit_ ri, _**Both**_ )

 _ **The hell of it is  
**_ **I can't stand you around  
** _ **The hell of it is  
**_ **I've had enough  
** _ **The hell of it is  
You make me wanna scream  
**_ _ **The hell of it is  
**_ _ **You never do things just because**_

 _ **That I can watch you leave  
Take your coat and your keys  
And I wouldn't care where you go  
But the hell of it is  
I love you even when I don't  
**_  
 _ **I love you even when I don't  
I love you even when I don't  
Oh the hell of it is  
I love you even when I don't  
**_  
 _ **The hell of it is  
**_ _I could do without your friends  
_ _ **The hell of it is  
**_ _You got more pride than sense  
_ _ **The hell of it is  
By myself I'd be just fine  
The hell of it is  
**_ _I would know that in this life  
_  
 _ **That I love you even when I don't  
I love you even when I don't  
Oh the hell of it is  
That I love you even when I don't  
**_  
 _ **The parts of you I hate  
Are the reasons why I stay  
I'd rather live with my mistakes  
Honey say you'll do the same  
**_  
 _ **'Cause I love you even when I don't  
I love you even when I don't  
Oh the hell of it is  
That I love you even when I don't  
**_  
 _ **I love you even when I don't  
I love you even when I don't  
Oh the hell of it is  
That I love you even when I don't  
Yeah the hell of it is  
That I love you even when I don't**_

As we sang we walked around the stage going from one side to the other and meeting in the middle singing together. The crowd enjoyed it and sang along with us. We did a short intro to the next song then started it up. This was a song I had wrote a few lyrics to during the month in New York, when Dimitri saw them in Georgia, we ended up finishing it and out came this song. It's funny how ironically this song fits now. My stubborn pride holding him at a distance knowing that if I don't speak up its going to bite me in the ass and crash around me.

 _Ohh, ohh  
_  
 _Words, like a loaded gun (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
Shot out from a fire tongue (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
Love lost from a fight that was won (Oh, oh, oh, oh)  
And I can see it breaking down  
The end to a falling out_ __

 _I got pride, you can't hold your breath  
We'll crash down like an avalanche_ _  
_ _Look out now, don't take one more step  
We'll crash down like an avalanche, avalanche_ _  
_  
 **I never wanted to turn out this way** **(Oh, oh, oh, oh)** _  
_ **Now forever feels like yesterday** **(Oh, oh, oh, oh)** _  
_ _ **Sorry's something that I just can't say**_ **(Oh, oh, oh, oh)** _ **  
Can you see me breaking down?  
The end to a falling out, yeah  
**_  
 _ **I got pride, you can't hold your breath**_ _  
_ **Even if we survive  
** _ **We'll crash down like an avalanche**_ __ _ **(Crash down, crash down)**_ _  
_ _ **Look out now, don't take one more step**_ _  
_ **Even if we survive  
** _ **We'll crash down like an avalanche, avalanche**_ _  
_ **Crash down, crash down  
**

_Ohh  
We'll crash down, yeah  
_ _ **Ohh  
Like an avalanche**_ **  
**  
 _ **I got pride, you can't hold your breath**_ _  
_ _We'll crash down, like an avalanche  
_ **Yeah**  
 _I got pride, you can't hold your breath  
_ **Even if we survive  
** _ **We'll crash down like an avalanche**_ _**Crash down, crash down**_  
 _ **Look out now, don't take one more step**_ **One more step, yeah**  
 _ **(Even if we survive)**_ _  
_ _ **We'll crash down like an avalanche, avalanche**_ _  
_ **Crash down, crash down  
**  
 _ **Ohh, ohh  
Crash down, crash down**_ **  
** _ **Ohh, ohh  
Just like an avalanche**_

I honestly loved singing this song. It's a great song to just belt out plus, it's so fitting for us when we fight. Though we are learning and somewhat growing. Well he is apparently I'm not. We sang some of the songs we had performed at the showcase then I left and let him do his solo set. Instead of sticking around and watching I went to the dressing room. I sat on the couch and watched his set through the screen. He doesn't do a lot of talking in between but the crowd still loved him and cheered the entire time.

After his set we made our way back to the tour bus. As promised, Stephanie had McDonald's waiting. I was half way through eating when my phone went off. I glanced down and saw it was Abe.

"Hey old man," I said answering.

"Are you ok?" he asked getting straight to the point.

"I'm fine," I sighed.

"I've changed Butch's job description. He's now to be your bodyguard at all times. All packages will be opened by him first."

"Old man, I think you're over reacting. It was a package from a psycho. Doesn't mean I need a bodyguard," I told him annoyed.

"This is how stalkers start. He's not going to be with you all the time just whenever you're out in public. Dimitri agrees with me," he said. I turned and glared at Dimitri.

"Oh? He does, does he? And when did you talk to him about whether I need a bodyguard or not?" I asked. Dimitri took a breath knowing I was pissed.

"While you were on stage earlier. I wanted to cancel the rest of the night but he insisted you wanted to continue," he said sounding frustrated.

"Well, that's good because I would have flown to LA and kicked your ass myself if you had," I told him. "You're over reacting. Butch said he's going to check packages from now on, I told him that was fine. Anything else is an over reaction."

"Kiz, Someone snuck a picture of you in the studio against your wishes. We still don't know the story behind the paparazzi guy or who took your picture that night. Not to add we still have no information on your accident. Things aren't adding up. I'm not taking chances on your safety. That's non-negotiable."

"Fine, Butch can accompany me when I go out in public. That's it," I sighed frustrated turning away from Dimitri. When he put it that way, it was a suspicious.

"That's all I'm asking…for now," he relented. "We will get to the bottom of this."

"Hopefully, sooner rather than later," I sighed.

"I have my best men on it, we'll find them," he reassured.

"Thanks Abe," I said sincerely. "I do appreciate all you've done. Really."

"Anytime Kiz," he said. There was a brief pause before he spoke up. "I have a meeting I have to get to but call if you need anything. I mean anything."

"Sure thing, but I wouldn't expect a call anytime soon," I laughed.

"I know you're stubborn as hell," he laughed. "Bye kiz."

"Bye old man," I laughed hanging up. I sighed after hanging up, all the emotions feeling a little overwhelmed. I saw Dimitri move out of the corner and it reminded me I was pissed at him.

"Really?" I asked turning towards him. "You told Abe I needed a body guard without even talking to me?"

"It wasn't quite like that. Butch had updated him on the situation so he called me. He mentioned upgrading Butch and I said it wouldn't be a bad idea."

"You didn't think to say 'gee Abe, maybe you should talk to her first?'" I said standing up and pacing needing to get some of this energy building up in me out.

"Not really because, I do think it's a good idea. With everything that has happened, I don't think we can be too safe," he admitted standing up but not approaching me.

"I still should be considered in the decision about MY life!" I exclaimed.

"You're right. I'm sorry, we're just both a little worried. Things aren't adding up," he said saying the same thing Abe had.

"Ok, and if you would have come to me and just talked to me about it I would have been understanding. Don't go behind my back and decide things for me. it's not ok," I said frustrated.

"I get you're upset we discussed it without you but, you were busy and you agree so I don't see what the big deal is," he said sounding as equally frustrated. I just sighed and walked back to the bedroom area and shut the door. It wasn't really a full bedroom but it was nicer than I expected. When you walked in the bed was turned sideways facing the left side of the bus. There was flat screen hanging on the wall across from the bed and a dresser on each side of the bed. Once you passed the bed, there was a closet and a small bathroom. Honestly, I feel like the bedroom takes up half of the bus but, you'd never be able to guess it when you first get on. Once you leave the bedroom, there's a small kitchenette with a table that seats four. Then there are two long couches that take up the rest of the bus. There was also another flat screen out there. The bedroom was done in dark brown wood and light blues to give you a calming effect while the rest was done up in the same dark brown but also threw in tan and white. It was better than anything I could have dreamt up for my first tour bus.

I quickly showered then changed into my pajamas, shorts and a tank top and climbed into bed. My side was the one farthest from the door and closest to the bathroom. I laid down and turned away from the door. I knew I was over reacting. They both just had my best interest in mind but with everything from today and then them pointing out that this all could be connected put me on edge. Then they go and make decisions for me like what I think and say doesn't matter. It rubbed me the wrong way. I heard the door open then shut. I heard Dimitri grab something out of a drawer then head to the bathroom. I heard the water start and sighed. I closed my eyes but every time I did, I saw the doll in the box. Then my messed-up brain started replacing that image with Connor and my eyes popped open. I laid there focusing on the sounds of the water in the shower as a few tears slipped out. I heard the water stop and quickly wiped my eyes. When I heard Dimitri start to open the door, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. He shut the light off and laid beside me on the bed.

"I know you're still awake," he said softly but not trying to come near me. I didn't answer. After a few minutes of silent crying, I accidentally sniffled.

"Babe, quit being stubborn and come here," he pleaded. This time I relented and rolled into his arms crying a little harder. He ran a hand through my hair and held me tightly until I stopped.

"Every time, I close my eyes I see it. Then my brain starts changing it and its not just a doll anymore…"

"I know babe," he murmured against my hair. "Think back to that day. Focus on what he really looked like. He was clean, not covered in blood, all in one piece, safe and warm in your arms."

"He was beautiful and tiny," I said softly closing my eyes and picturing that day.

"Focus on the truth, not the images that psycho wants you to see," he said.

"Sorry I got your shirt wet and snotty," I smiled.

"It's what I'm here for," he chuckled.

"Yea but it's gross," I laughed. He let me go, sat up and pulled it off and threw it across the room.

"Better?" he asked laying back down and pulling me back into his arms.

"Much. Plus, I like you shirtless," I smiled though he couldn't really see it.

"Well, I think we should even it up," he teased reaching for the hem of my tank top. I couldn't help the jolt of anxiety that hit me. I playfully slapped his hand away.

"Nope, but good try," I chuckled. Truthfully, besides when we were having sex, I always tried to make sure I kept a shirt on sometimes, even then. I know Dimitri loves me and tells me I'm beautiful but I can't help but be self-conscious of my scars. They're hideous.

"Roza, you're beautiful. Scars and all," he said gently leaning over me. I hated how he knew me so well.

"Thanks, but you don't have to lie. They're ugly and terrifying," I told him. He sat up and turned the bedside lamp on then straddled my legs, keeping his weight on his shins. He reached for the hem of my tank top but I moved my hands down hold it down. He grabbed both of my hands and held them above my head with one hand as he leaned up and kissed me hard. I'm not going to lie, this side of him was a huge turn on. It got heated quickly and I forgot about my mission to keep my shirt down until it was too late. His other hand had slipped under my tank top and pulled it up so it was resting beneath my boobs. He pulled away a little reluctantly.

"Leave the shirt up," he practically growled and damn it if it wasn't one of the sexiest things I'd ever heard. I nodded in aggreeance and he let go of my wrists. He set back on his knees and looked at me lying there with my hands still above my head and panting from his kiss.

"Damn, you're sexy," he said his voice husky with lust. He scooted back a little further and leaned down. His lips grazed my C-section scar and I gasped.

"Every bit of you turns me on," he whispered against my skin then he kissed it. He moved over to another one and did the same, kissing the whole length of the scar. Then he moved to another and repeated it before speaking against my skin again.

"When I see these scars, I'm blown away in amazement at how incredibly strong you are. I see the beautiful, sexy as hell, fierce woman that you've become. The mother of my child and the love of my life," he whispered against my skin as he kept going from scar to scar until he'd kissed the entire length of every scar. A few tears escaped at his words. And I wiped them away quickly. He sat up when he was through and looked me in the eyes.

"You are beautiful. Scars and all," he repeated passionately. Then he leaned down and kissed me again. It was one of the hottest kisses of my life.

Later I laid there curled on his chest as he ran his hands through my hair. You would never have guessed it but, Dimitri is even more of a cuddler than I am. Not that I'm complaining. I love it.

"Sorry I was an ass," he said softly.

"Sorry I've been so crazy tonight," I sighed.

"It's understandable. You're stressed, you're tired, then this? I get it babe."

"Yea, but it doesn't mean I should take it out on you. You haven't done anything wrong. Not really."

"I should have told him to talk to you first. I took that choice away from you and I'm sorry."

"You did it with good intentions so I can't be too mad. Just don't do it again."

"Promise," he said kissing my forehead softly. I smiled and kissed his chest but didn't say my usual remark. I just sank into his arms further as I drifted off to sleep.

Songs used:

Wrong Song- Hayden Panetierre & Connie Britton

Tell Me You Love Me- Demi Lovato

Love Somebody- Cover done by Justin Breit & Nicolette mare

The Hell of it- Clare Bowen & Sam Palladio

Avalanche- Nick Jonas & Demi Lovato


	11. Chapter 11 Can You Hold Me?

**Heyyy! So I got a new job and preparations for it are taking up a lot of my writing time, sorry. Plus I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle this chapter. I hope you all like it! I added a few extra comments at the bottom of the chapter. Tell me what you think of it!**

Another week on tour passed this time we were in Georgia so we had made it to where we could spend an extra day and a half in Baia. Our next concert was only a couple of hours away. Adrian and Sydney decided to tag along but they were staying at a hotel in the next town over. Dimitri and I had rented a car and were pulling into the driveway when Paul ran out.

"Uncle Dimka! Aunty Roza!" he shouted. I jumped out as soon as the car stopped and ran to him.

"Paulie!" I smiled as he tackled me in a hug. I braced myself so I wouldn't fall but I still stumbled, the kid is related to Dimitri so he's huge. Luckily, Dimitri was quick and already behind me, supporting me so I didn't fall.

"You staying out of trouble?" I asked him.

"Most of the time," he shrugged smiling. I laughed setting him down as he ran to Dimitri and hugged him. Zoya was Slowly making her way outside too so I ran over and scooped her up.

"Hi baby girl," I smiled kissing her cheek and hugging her. "Did you miss me?"

"You stay?" she asked.

"We're staying tonight and all day tomorrow. Then we have to leave again," I said sadly. She pouted her lip. "We'll have lots o fun before we go though."

"Ok," she smiled. I set her down and she ran over to Dimitri and hugged him as Paul was telling Dimitri everything he'd missed since we left.

"Paul let him breath. He hasn't even made it to the door yet," Karolina called from the door. I walked over and hugged her as Dimitri pulled the two kids with him towards the porch, that quickly turned into a game of chase.

"Hey, how are you?" she asked.

"Good, how about you?" I asked smiling happy to see familiar faces.

"Good, I have a friend you're going to meet at dinner tonight," she smiled, her eyes twinkling.

"Aw Karo I'm so happy for you!" I smiled hugging her again. She's always said unless it was super serious she wouldn't invite any guys over here to meet everyone so they must be serious.

"Me too. I'm happy for you! I love the album!" she smiled.

"Thanks," I blushed.

"Close the door," Yeva hollered. We both laughed and walked in Dimitri had just made it to the porch with the kids.

"Hi to you too Yeva," I smiled walking over to her and hugging her. She hugged me tight but said no words of wisdom this time.

"You look hungry," she said her thick Russian accent coming through.

"Yeva, I'm always hungry when I come home," I smiled.

"You need to eat, you both do," she said looking at me knowingly and I just gave her a weird look.

"We both plan on eating," I told her confused at her look.

She just shook her head and went into the living room. I rolled my eyes and smiled at her antics before following the sounds to the kitchen. Karo had already made it in here and was sitting at the table, Olena was at the counter cooking. When she saw me she paused her stirring and walked around the island to me.

"моя прекрасная роза," she said calling me her beautiful rose in Russian opening her arms for a hug. I hugged her hard for some reason tears building in my eyes. They didn't spill and quickly went away.

"I heard about your stalker. Are you ok?" she asked pulling away.

"I'm fine. We haven't heard anything new from him since last week so I'm taking that as a good sign for now," I shrugged shivering as the flash of the contents of the box flashed in my mind.

"What happened?" Karo asked. I backed up and turned towards her. "All I heard was you got a weird package."

"Someone left a box with one of those expensive realistic looking dolls with its head torn off and covered in blood," I said dryly trying to not let the image stay in my mind. Something I'd been fighting all week. It's definitely made me have more nightmares so I've been a little extra tired and moody this week.

"That's terrible! Who would do that?" she asked shocked.

"I have no idea," I shrugged. About then Dimitri came in with the kids.

"Dimka!" Olena smiled wrapping him in a hug.

"Mama. I missed you," he said.

"I missed you too!" she said hugging him tighter.

"Uncle Dimka will you go play outside with me?" Paul asked tugging at his leg.

"In just a couple of minutes buddy. I think I'm going to grab some of this black bread first," he smirked eyeing the fresh pan of it on the counter.

"Not if I eat it all first," I teased.

"Good luck! I'm closer," he said taking two steps over and reaching it lifting it in the air when I made it to him.

"Oh, is that how we're gonna play it?" I laughed. I poked him in the ribs right where he was secretly ticklish. He bent slightly but not enough.

"Not fair," he laughed.

"What's not fair is holding a girls food hostage," I smiled tickling him harder. He started jerking away as I chased him. I saw Paul laughing over to the side. "Paulie help me!"

Paul immediately jumped in and started tugging at Dimitri and attempting to also tickle him. "Give Aunty Roza it!"

"Traitor," Dimitri laughed. "I thought you were on my side?"

"Nope!" he laughed attacking Dimtri with more force. Zoya waddled over and started slapping his leg and I laughed. I picked her up and held her above me.

"Grab it Zoya," I laughed. She reached for it and Dimitri pretended to fight her for it before relenting and she grabbed it. "Victory!"

"I did it!" she squealed as I pulled her down to rest on my hip and grabbed the pan from her before she dropped it. Paul came to stand beside me.

"I helped!" he said.

"You definitely did! couldn't have done it without you!" I smiled.

"Turning a man's family against him, that's low," Dimitri smirked shaking his head and crossing his arms.

"Aunty Roza's family too," Paul pointed out. I laughed and gave him a 'take that!' look.

"You're right bud," he laughed ruffling his hair. I stuck my tongue out at him as zoya and I walked over to the table and set the pan down. As we made our way to the table I saw Olena and Karolina smiling at us.

"It's good to see you two like this again," Olena smiled with a tinge of sadness in her eyes.

"It feels normal again," Karolina smiled.

"I like it too, though he should back off my food," I laughed sitting down putting Zoya in my lap.

"You're sharing that," he said coming and sitting beside me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and kissed my head.

"Yuck!" Paul said then turned heading to his room. "Tell me when you're ready Uncle Dimka. You too Aunty Roza."

"Yes sir!" I hollered after him as I grabbed a piece of the black bread. Zoya climbed down and followed Paul to his room. Dimitri reached over and grabbed apiece. I mock glared at him but let him have it. He smirked and I stuck my tongue out at him again.

"You two are nauseatingly cute," Karolina laughed.

"Or just nauseating," I laughed.

The rest of the afternoon passed by. Dimitri and I went outside to play with the kids. That is until I was tackled by Vika who drug me away. Then Mason, Lissa and Aj, and Sonya and Katya came over for Dinner. We met Karolina's new boyfriend, Peter. He was a nice guy and you could tell he adored Karo and the kids. It was fun and slightly chaotic but in the good way. Paul and Zoya were staying the night because Karolina had to work early in the morning and Olena said it'd been too long since they had a sleepover. Dimitri was currently tucking them in as I sat on the back porch with Olena.

"How are you really?" she asked knowingly and I shrugged wanting to spill my guts to her but also not wanting to. She gave me a pointed look.

"I don't know. Dimitri and I had a fight before the tour and he said some things that he didn't mean and I know he didn't but they hit a trigger of some of my issues with Stan that I've been trying to work through. I haven't told Dimitri what's going on but, he knows somethings up. Then this psycho has me on edge. My nightmares have gotten bad again so I'm not sleeping well. I'm constantly tired and hungry due to lack of sleep. Then because I'm not sleeping I'm getting super moody. Its frustrating. I'm enjoying the tour though. It really has been great. I love meeting the fans and performing on stage with them. It's amazing."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it. Have you talked to your doctor about getting some sleep meds?"

"No. Last time I tried them I hated them. I still had nightmares, it was just harder to wake up from them," I shrugged.

"You need to tell Dimitri what's going on. It might be better to get it off your chest. Have you talked to your mom or Stan?"

"No. Last time I talked to my mom was the last time I ran into her here. I haven't talked to Stan since the day he kicked me out."

"Maybe you should try to talk to her. You have unresolved issues from your past that you need to let go of and you won't be able to until you talk to her."

"I don't know if I'm ready," I admitted.

"I don't think you'll ever fully be ready. But, you also need to do when you feel ok about it. you know what the tired, hungry, and moodiness sounds like right? Any nausea in there?"

"It's not possible Mama Belikova. You know that. They said the chances were pretty much non-existent," I sighed not telling her that I have been nauseous. That happens though when you're exhausted. "It's just because of the lack of sleep. I'm hoping being here will recharge me enough I can start sleeping a little better."

"I'm just saying, they said the odds weren't good. Not impossible."

"I really think it's just exhaustion," I told her.

"Ok, if you say so," she said. "You do need to talk to Dimka though. That's what relationships are for."

"I know but we already have so much going on. I don't want to burden him with more of my problems. Plus, I don't want him to think I'm weak," I admitted.

"моя прекрасная роза, there's no way he'd ever see you as weak. He absolutely adores you and anyone can see how strong you really are. Especially him," she said sincerely.

"He made a comment during our fight when I said I could take whatever he wanted to throw at me and he said I couldn't. I don't think he fully meant it but it's stuck in my head now," I told her looking at the ground.

"That's why you need to tell him. Talk to him Roza. It will help," she said softly. I heard footsteps heading towards the door so I stopped. Dimitri peaked his head out.

"You ready to go?" he asked. We could stay here but we both decided we missed our own bed at our cabin so we're staying there.

"Yea, I could use some sleep," I smiled softy. I stood up as did Olena. I hugged her and whispered a quiet 'thank you'. In her ear.

"It's what I'm here for," she said softly. I pulled away. She walked over and hugged Dimitri as he told her goodbye. Then we made our way out to the car.

"I'm glad we got to come visit. I've missed everyone," I told him climbing into the car.

"Me too," he said sliding behind the wheel. "Did you and mama have a good talk?"

"We did," I smiled squeezing his hand. The car was small enough I was able to lean over and lay my head against his arm. It wasn't as good as in his truck when I could sit beside him but it worked. Before we were halfway there I was sound asleep.

The next morning, I decided to head out to Lissa's. She didn't have class but took Aj to daycare anyway to keep him in a routine. We were currently sitting on her couch making small talk.

"What's up? You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders," she said.

"I think I'm pregnant!" I blurt. Olena's conversation replaying in my head.

"What? I thought you couldn't?" she asked confused.

"I mean my odds were like 98% chance of never getting pregnant again. I know it sounds crazy but, it makes sense. I thought it was just from me being exhausted but, now I'm wondering if its more."

"I have a test, do you want to use it?" she asked.

"Why do you have a test?" I asked.

"Long story but I like to be prepared," she said. "Come on."

She dragged me up and took me upstairs through her bedroom to her bathroom and pulled one out from under the cabinet and handed it to me. "Here you go."

She left and sat on her bed as I shut the bathroom door. I read the instructions and took a deep breath. 2 minutes later I opened the bathroom door and laid on the bed.

"4 minutes," I told her.

"You ok?" she asked. "What are we hoping for here?"

"I don't know. I don't think I can handle it again. I know Dimitri would be thrilled but I don't know what I want."

"Just because things went bad last time doesn't mean they will this time," she said softly laying beside me. "I know after everything you went through; you're scared but, its ok to be happy too."

"That's the thing, I don't know if I can be. I don't know if I want to be."

"Well you may not be. So, let's wait to panic until we see."

What felt like forever later, the timer went off and we both sat up and made our way to the bathroom. I hesitantly reached out and grabbed the stick looking at the reading. When I saw what it said my head dropped and a heavy sigh escaped me as a pang went through my chest.

Hours later found me at the park sitting on a bench.

"I wasn't sure you were going to show," a voice said from behind me. I turned and saw Janine Hathaway, my mom, walking towards me. Her fiery hair, styled in the same way it had been since I was young, cut short, wearing her usual dress pants and a button down. Immediately my chest squeezed and I wished I didn't have that reaction.

"I almost didn't but, I needed to. Not for you but for me."

"I understand," she said coming beside me and sitting down. "I need you to know I had no idea you were pregnant or lost a baby."

"Then why did you kick me out?" I asked. "Stan said it was because you found out about the baby and were so disgusted you wanted me gone."

"I would never have done that. I may not have been a very good mom, I know that and am willing to admit that, but, I would never have kicked you out after finding that out. Stan called me after and told me he found you at the house with a bunch of friends over, that you had trashed the place and that when he confronted you about it you blew up and decided to move out. I figured it was some sort of teenage rebellion that you had to get out of your system and that you would come back. When you didn't I learned you were at the Belikovs. I knew they would take care of you."

"Why didn't you call or send a text? Check to see if I was ok?"

"I should have, I'm sorry for that," she said softly.

"Sorry doesn't fix it," I said angrily. I took a breath before continuing. "Why did you pretend Stan was my father?"

"Your biological father…he wasn't exactly the safest person to be having a kid with. I met him over seas when I was doing job training and I fell hard. He was a great beautiful man. His job however was dangerous. He made lots of enemies and we knew it wouldn't be safe for you if anyone knew about you. I came home and that's when I reconnected with Stan. We had gone to high school together and I knew he'd always had a crush on me but I didn't feel the same. By this point he had a nice job, a house, and he promised to take care of you and me. He was safe. Or so I thought. We decided to just tell everyone that you were his and go with it. We quickly got married and then you were born. At first, he was a good father to you. Neither of us were perfect by any means but he didn't treat you bad, he really acted like he cared. I knew I didn't love him and I couldn't keep pretending all the time so I started traveling more telling myself I was still a good mom because I was out providing for you. Making sure you were taken care of."

"I didn't care about money," I bit out.

"I realize that now. Now, it's too late. I became a workaholic and invested most of my time and energy into my job. Over the years Stan started realizing more and more that I would never love him, not like he loved me so he started getting more bitter. I never realized he was treating you bad also. I know you tried to tell me once but I honestly thought that it was you acting out for attention because I had always seen him being nothing but good to you. That was my mistake. I should have believed you. I will never be able to apologize enough for that."

"Why did you reach out now? You haven't talked to me in almost 6 years. I lived here in town for 5 of those years. Yet you wait until you run into me at a store to try and reconnect?" I asked overwhelmed. I knew the rational questions would be to ask about my bio dad but that was the least of my concerns right now.

"I've wanted to for years. I was just ashamed. I know I've never been a good mother. I wanted to be but I didn't really know how and didn't do very good at trying to figure out how to. When I saw you at the store, I knew it was my opportunity. I should have sooner."

"When did you find out about Connor?" I asked her. I wanted to know if she'd known for years or just recently.

"When the rest of the world found out. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you then. If I would have known I would have been there. Why did you never tell me?"

"At first I was scared to. I would chicken out every time I thought about it. Then when I decided I had to, I lost him and I was extremely depressed and not handling it well at all. Then Stan kicked me out and told me you knew. When I thought you were kicking me out because of it and you never reached out I thought you were either mad about it or just didn't care so I never tried to contact you about it after."

"I had no idea until the story released as soon as I heard about the timing I knew there was more to the story of you being kicked out. I also knew all of those stories were false. When I watched your interview, I broke down realizing I'd completely failed you as a mother but you were still so strong despite it," she said tears forming in her eyes. "I'm amazed at the wonderful, beautiful young woman you've become. I know a lot of it is thanks to Olena. I'm glad you had her."

"She has been amazing to me over the years and I'm thankful I've had her by my side but she's not my mom. You are. It was your job to raise me, not hers," I told her bitterly. I did believe her reasoning but it doesn't stop the hurt from a lifetime of abandonment. "Do you know what it feels like to wonder for years why you weren't enough to keep your own mother around? To wonder what's so wrong with you that your own father hates you? Because he did. he spent years calling me names, insulting me and even physically hitting me a couple of times. I've spent years wondering what made me so unlovable that my own parents didn't love me."

"I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to feel like that. I've always loved you. I just didn't know how to be a mom so I stuck to what I was good at. I'm sorry about Stan. That was the worst decision I've ever made. I thought I would be helping by giving you a father. I never thought he would turn out like that."

"I appreciate your apologies and everything you've said but, I don't know if I can forgive you just yet. I'm sorry. I need to process this all," I said standing up and walking off.

"Rosemarie," she called after me. I turned and faced her. "I know sorry won't fix my mistakes but I am proud of you. You are an amazing, beautiful woman inside and out who deserves all the love this word has to offer."

I nodded not able to speak over the lump in my throat. I turned and continued walking. We were in the park with Dimitri and I's tree so I made my way over to it and climbed up. when I got to the branch we normally sit on, my knee was sore but manageable. Luckily, the pain has mostly gone away over the last couple of weeks. I pulled my phone out and texted Dimitri. Soon enough he was climbing onto the branch beside me.

"Should you be climbing this tree with your knee?" he asked concerned.

"It's a little late now," I smiled.

"I guess so. What brings us up here?" he asked. He twisted and leaned his back against the trunk pulling me with him so we were both straddling the branch, my back to his chest. The branch was thick enough I could lay my legs on top of it so I did, crossing my legs at the ankles. I looked out at the lake and smiled. It felt like home.

"I just felt like reminiscing. Last time we were here we didn't make it up here once. I figured we should change that," I told him telling him a partial truth. I wasn't quite sure why I didn't just tell him about the test and my meeting with my mom.

"That's it?" he asked knowingly.

"I just thought you might enjoy a few minutes alone here. I know we can't stay long. On tour we see each other at night but that's been plagued by my nightmares, then during the day we're always so busy. I wanted a little time alone with just us," I said grabbing his hands. That part wasn't exactly a lie. Despite being with him constantly, I feel like we haven't gotten time to just be us. There's always someone around or something to do. Then at night we're both so exhausted we pass out until I wake up from a nightmare. A few times I've managed to do it without waking him up also but, that's rare.

"It is nice to just be us," he said softly. "I know there's more to this but I won't push you. Just know you can tell me anything and I'll be here for you. You don't have to go through it alone."

"I love you," I said softly bringing his hand up and kissing the back of his hand. "I'm just processing. I'll tell you about it later. Right now, I don't want to even think about it all. I just want to be here with you."

"I can do that," he said taking his other hand that I wasn't holding and running it through my hair. "You should grow it back out."

"I'm thinking about it. I do miss my long hair," I admitted.

"Why'd you cut it?"

"Ralph wanted me to, I needed a change and you always loved my long hair so I felt like I was getting back at you," I told him truthfully.

"Oh," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I do love my short hair, especially with the red in it. It's cute. It may be time to grow it back out though."

"Whatever makes you happy. I'll love you either way," he said. I don't know why but his words triggered tears to start gathering in my eyes. I turned and brought my legs up, laying my head against his chest. He wrapped both arms around me tightly and just held me as tears slid down my cheeks.

"I'm not even sure why I'm crying," I half-laughed.

"Well that makes it harder for me to try to fix it for you," he teased lightly.

"I wish you could," I told him. "But I love you for wanting to. I don't think I would have been able to handle any of this without you here."

"Roza, you could move mountains if you wanted to. You're the strongest person I've ever met. I'm just the lucky bastard that gets to love you," he said softly. I hugged him tighter. I don't know if he knew how deeply those words would affect me but, they did. With his words came more tears. Tears of love for this wonderful man. Tears of anger at myself for not speaking up. Tears of grief at what I've lost and tears of fear for what's to come. He held me tighter rubbing his hand down my back. "Let it go Roza. I've got you."

I laid in his arms crying for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes. Luckily, it wasn't the sobbing ugly crying this time. I wiped my face as it started slowing. Somehow, I felt immensely better. Guess I just needed a good cry. It makes sense after everything from today plus the tour and stalker.

"Thank you," I told Dimitri softly. "I needed that."

"I know, I just wish you'd tell me what's wrong," he said regretfully.

"I saw my mom today," I told him looking out over the lake.

"Ah. Didn't go well?"

"Actually, it went better than expected. Basically, she's sorry she was a shit mom. She swears she never knew I was pregnant or that it was why Stan kicked me out. I guess he told her some BS story about catching me throwing a party at the house and when he yelled at me, I decided to move out. She said when I never came back, she found out that I was at Olena's and decided I was best there."

"Do you believe her?"

"I think so but I don't think I'm ready to forgive her. I mean I stayed with Ralph for like two months after being kicked out. How long did she wait to check on me? What about the past 5 years?"

"I don't know Roza. You said she realizes she wasn't a great mom. Maybe she just thought you were better off without her," he reasoned. I sat up and hung both legs over the side of the branch facing the lake. Dimitri leaned up and swung his leg over sitting beside me.

"That's kind of what she said but, what kind of mom does that?" I asked.

"A shitty one. Just because she was a bad mother, doesn't mean she doesn't love you."

"She said she's proud of who I've become. She even almost cried. She said she knows it was no thanks to her."

"Sounds like she's realized she messed up and wants to start fresh with you," he suggested.

"I just don't know if it's too late for that. I mean I can accept her apology and reasons and work on forgiving her but I don't know if I want her back in my life right now."

"That's understandable. You don't have to decide today though. Give it some time."

"I guess that's all I can do right now," I sighed. I saw the sun starting to sink. "I guess we should get back to the house. I didn't mean to stay out here so long."

"Probably, Paul's probably driving everyone crazy," he chuckled. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. "Thank you for talking to me."

"You know I love you right?" I asked.

"Of course, Roza. You know I love you too and I'm always here for you right?" he asked. I could tell he knew that's not all there was to it but he didn't push and I loved him all the more for it.

"I know Comrade. Let's get home," I smiled softly.

 **Sooooooo what do we think? Is she preggers? Was it false? Do we want her to be pregnant? They haven't been together for long…Tell me what you think?**


	12. Chapter 12 Headspace

**Sorry guys! Life has gotten super busy plus I was not happy with the original version of this chapter and was trying to debate how to fix it. I finally figured it out. I actually kind of love this chapter now. I hope you all do too! Let me know what you think!**

"Ok Paul, time to go," Karolina hollered coming out back.

"Can't I stay for a little longer?" he begged coming over towards the steps. Dimitri and I had spent the evening after dinner playing in the backyard with him, Zoya and AJ. Lissa had already taken AJ home and Zoya had gotten tired about 30 minutes ago and went inside. Now it was just Dimitri, Paull and, I.

"No bud, I'm sorry. Plus, I think uncle Dimka and Aunt Roza need to head out soon themselves."

"You're moms right. We do need to leave soon," Dimitri said coming over to the steps with Paul. Dimitri bent down and hugged him. I stepped into the doorway to let them have their goodbye.

"He really misses you when you're not here. We all do. It's different with you gone," Karo said softly.

"I'm just sad I'm not here to intimidate your new boyfriend," I teased. She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding, he seems like a really nice guy. I'm happy for you."

"He really is. Plus, he really adores the kids. I'm excited. I can see a future with him."

"That's awesome Karo. No one deserves that more than you. You'll have to call and text me to keep me updated. Let me know when he proposes," I teased.

"I don't think we're there yet," she laughed. I pinched my fingers in an almost gesture.

"Not yet, but I see it in the next couple of months," I smiled.

"We'll see," she smiled happily. About then I got hit by a tiny tornado named Paul. I bent down and hugged him tight.

"Aw bud, I'll miss you too," I told him.

"You better come see me again soon," he said softly.

"I promise. In the meantime, you take care of your mom and sister," I told him.

"I will. I promise. Even when Zo annoys me," he said reluctantly as he pulled away. I laughed.

"Good. I love you bud. We'll hang out more next time I'm in town."

"Ok," he said reluctantly then he started towards the front door. I hugged Karo as she took off after him. Then it was just Dimitri and I.

"Come with me," he said grabbing my hand. He went over to the chair and grabbed a blanket before walking to the big tree in the corner of the yard. He spread the blanket out and sat down, then tugged my hand knocking me down into his lap. I laughed as I situated myself in between his legs with my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled his knees up so I was cocooned in him. I turned just enough that I could lay the side of my head on his chest. He pulled his phone out and played music softly in the background.

"This is nice," I commented. He kissed my head softly and I smiled.

"I love it when you do that," I said with a smirk.

"I know," he laughed. "As busy as we are on tour, we never really get time together. I just wanted to come sit with you for a little bit and just be us."

"I like that. I love the tour but sometimes I miss those weeks in our cabin," I told him honestly. "I feel like things have gotten crazy and I think they're only going to get crazier so thank you for this."

"Anytime Roza. You know despite all the crazy, I'm always here for you right?" I knew he'd picked up on my struggles since out last visit but he's been great with giving me time. He knows it's something I have to work out on my own.

"I know comrade." We sat there for a while just enjoying each other's company. A slow song came on and I started humming it rocking a little against his chest.

"Dance with me," he said laying his hand out in a gesture for me to grab it.

"Now?" I smiled.

"When else?" he smirked. I shrugged and I grabbed his hand standing up. I grabbed his other hand, he reached out and I pulled helping him stand but lost my balance so we stumbled into each other. I smiled as he laughed making my heart flutter in my chest. Since we got to LA, his laugh had been a lot less frequent.

"I love your laugh," I smiled at him as he pulled my arms up to wrap around his neck then gently laid his on my hips swaying to the beat of the song.

"I love your smile," he said back. He smiled at me then gently shook his head like he was in disbelief. "God you're beautiful."

"I'm a mess right now," I laughed embarrassed looking down. He leaned forward until his mouth was right by my ear.

"You're perfect."

"You're a liar but I appreciate it," I smiled a goofy smile.

"Never," he grinned. I laid my head on his chest as we swayed to the music, not really dancing but not staying still either.

"I love the tour, I'm having so much fun on it but, I also don't want to leave. I love being around everyone and having actual time with you."

"I know what you mean. I'm glad we were able to squeeze a visit in," he said.

"I feel like we should be inside though. Hanging out with everyone," I admitted.

"When the songs over. They understand."

We stayed out there for two more songs before he spoke up again. "You're not going to like this but, I have to go out to LA for a day or two and I might have to keep going back over the next few weeks."

"We're on tour?" I said confused.

"I know and I'll be at the next show but I'm going to fly red eye tonight back to LA then meet you in Oklahoma Before the show in two days."

"Why?" I asked pulling away from him.

"One of the artists is fighting with Jake, one of our producers and he needs my help recording her album."

"There's a million producers. Why do you have to do it?" I asked.

"He asked me. He said she signed hoping I would be her producer so he's hoping that me coming in and assisting with her will encourage her to listen to him more. Plus, she's country and there's not a lot of great country producers in LA."

"So, send her to New York or Nashville. You can't just throw a hissy fit and expect people to pause their lives for you," I said pissed off.

"Babe, I get it. I don't want to go either but he asked and he's been a great friend to me since I joined the label. If I can help, I feel like I should."

"Damn it, why are you so nice?" I asked. I still didn't like it but, I knew I wouldn't change his mind.

"It's just two days. You'll be on the road the whole time. I'll be back so quick, you'll barely notice I'm gone."

"I always notice when you're not there," I mumbled as he wrapped me in a hug.

"I know babe. Call me before you go to sleep and whenever you need. Facetime me if you need to," he said running his hands up and down my back.

"I'm not completely helpless you know," I muttered still irritated and feeling even more so at his comments. Like I can't handle two days by myself.

"You're the most capable person I know. I need you more than you'll ever need me," he said unabashedly.

"You're just full of lies tonight," I half joked.

"I would never lie to you," he said kissing my head. "But, I do have to leave soon. You have to meet the buses."

"Fine." I muttered pulling away and heading towards the house with him close behind. We spent another hour at Olena's house with her, Vika, and Yeva before we both left.

That night sleep was restless. I woke up the next morning cranky. It didn't help I was stuck on a bus by myself. Around noon we stopped and got food. Adrian and Sydney offered to let me ride with them or they would ride with me but, I didn't want to put them out so I told them I was in the middle of a writing streak so I didn't want to ruin it. About 3 I called Dimitri but it went to voicemail. At 3:45 I texted him asking how it was going. At 5 I had a page full of scribbles scratched out. At 5:30, I was about to break down and call him again when he finally called back.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hey babe, I'm sorry I didn't answer earlier. I accidently left my phone while we went and grabbed some food." I rolled my eyes. Food…for two and a half hours.

"It's fine. How's it going?" I lied not wanting to admit it affected me because I hated that it did.

"It's not fine. I can hear it in your voice that you're pissed and you should be. I told you to call and then I didn't keep up my end. I'm so sorry. I promise it won't happen again."

"It was an accident, it's fine. Like I said, I'm not helpless. Plus, I've been busy writing and hanging out with Adrian and Sydney." I lied.

"That's good. I'm glad you have them wit you. I know you love hanging out with them."

"Yep. How's recording going?"

"Great. I guess hearing a second opinion made her realize Jake was right. She still doesn't completely agree but we've made a lot of headway."

"Yea babe, its definitely because of a second opinion," I scoffed.

"It's not like that."

"I didn't say it was on your end. It 100% is on hers."

"This time tomorrow I'll be back with you in my arms and it won't matter."

"This time tomorrow I'll be getting ready for our show and you'll be getting doing soundchecks that you missed out on earlier in the day. We won't be in each others arms until probably right before we go to bed. If she doesn't throw another hissy fit and demand you take another red eye to come help her again."

"I've already told Jake that I'm not flying out here weekly. At least two weeks in between." At that, every response I had was sarcastic and bitchy so I just remained silent. "Hopefully, we get through to her this time and I won't have to come back at all."

"Hopefully," I muttered knowing that he would be going back in two weeks.

"DIMITRI! We're ready for you," a girls giggling voice called from somewhere on the other side of the phone.

"In a minute," he replied.

"Better go, the princess is calling. Plus, I need to get back to writing. I was on a roll when you called," I lied.

"Hey, she may think she's a princess but you're my queen. You always come first. Literally and metaphorically," he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice. I couldn't help but laugh at that one.

"Shut up," I smiled.

"Hey, I got you to laugh. You love my dirty comments. They're your favorite," he said his voice getting gravely. At that my whole body flushed. Stupid hormones.

"You better go before her highness has a tantrum," I told him.

"She can have all of the tantrums in the world, they won't make me hang up on you."

"Wow, you really feel guilty for not answering earlier," I teased.

"Between that and having to leave you at all, I do," he admitted taking my breath away. "I miss you. I know it's not healthy but, I hate leaving you. I could barely sleep last night."

"Me either," I admitted. "I feel sorry for Adrian because I've been so cranky today and he's an easy target."

"I'm sure he deserves it for something or another," Dimitri chuckled. I heard princess calling from the background.

"You better go," I said sadly.

"I probably should. The faster we get done, the faster I get to go home."

"You mean the tour?" I laughed.

"That too," he said with a small chuckle. I was confused but decided to not address it. "I love you Roza, I'll call you tonight when I get to the house."

"Ok, I love you too. Don't let princess have-" I was cut off by the clicking of the phone. I looked at my screen and saw he'd ended the call. He seriously cut me off while I was talking. What the hell? Despite his reassurances, between that and him not even answering earlier and taking 2 and a half hours to call back, I was feeling very rejected.

To make matters worse, twenty minutes later a irecieved a text from him.

"Sorry. Brittany stole my phone and hung up on you."

She stole his phone? She felt comfortable enough to risk poking the 'ice king', another nickname he's earned over the years, by stealing his phone and hanging up on his girlfriend. Then he didn't even call back, just gave her her way. I ignored his text and went to my guitar.

DPOV:

"What the fuck?" I snapped glaring at Brittany who stood there with my phone in her hand and a smile on her face until she saw my glare. It immediately wiped the smug look off of her face.

"You were taking forever and I was tired of waiting. We have lives too you know," she said sounding defensive but contrite.

"If you ever, pull another stunt like that again, I'm gone. I'm only here as a favor to Jake. I can leave whenever I want."

"Look, I'm sorry. Ok? I didn't realize it would upset you so much."

"When I'm talking to Rose, who I had to leave on tour to come help you get over a tantrum, yea it bothers me princess," I said harshly using Roza's nickname for her.

"She really can't handle you being gone for two days? That sounds toxic. Maybe you should reconsider," she said as if she was a friend giving me advice. I was seething. The only thing that stopped me from walking out now was Jakes face in the background looking like he was about to plead for me to stay. Now I understood why he needed help at all.

"You should shut up before I decide you're not worth my time at all. If you're smart, you'll get your ass in the booth, finish recording without arguing over anything else." She had the decency to at least pretend to look upset. Who knows, maybe she really was but, I doubt it.

"Ok," she said walking into the booth.

The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. She argued a few more points but eventually conceded to us and admitted we were right. We finished the vocals on a song and a half before I even looked at the clock again. I saw it was already almost one in the morning.

"Fuck. It's time to call it a night guys. I'll be back in the morning." I told them gathering my stuff.

"Dimitri, before you go, can I talk to you?" Brittany asked. Jake nodded and walked into the booth as he started wrapping up the mics. Unless we pressed the button, he wouldn't be able to hear us. She walked over to me.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I was just messing around and had no idea you would take it so bad. It was stupid and childish," she said looking remorseful.

"And?" I prompted feeling like I was talking to a child.

"And, I shouldn't have said what I did. from what I've seen, you two have been through hell so I have no right to judge your relationship."

"I accept your apology. Just know, you ever insult Rose like that again, you will regret it. Deeply." I warned.

"I wish I had someone that protective over me. God that's hot!" she said eyes wide. Then her jaw dropped like she couldn't believe she just said that. "That's not what I meant…I'm just saying…God, it's not coming out right. It's just that protective look…"

"Thanks, but I'm happily taken by the strongest, healthiest woman I've ever met," I told her emphasizing the word healthiest. Then I turned and walked out.

RPOV:

The next morning I woke up even grouchier. He never called. I texted him at 11 PM my time which meant 1 his time but he never responded. I hated myself even more for checking everytime I woke up to make sure I hadn't missed a text or call. At 10 am I called as I was getting worried I hadn't heard from him.

"Hey babe," he said quickly answering. I heard scuffling around and him mutter 'just give me a few minutes' and a giggling in the background. "I'm so sorry I didn't call you last night. I didn't end up getting to the house until 2 or 3 and I was hoping you were already asleep by then."

"You should have known better than that," I told him trying not to sound as bitter and cranky as I felt.

"I should have. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking right. I was exhausted. I tried to leave the studio around 1:15 but then I randomly ran into Abe so I ended up not getting to the condo until well after 2. By then I was hoping you were already in bed so I crashed. When I woke up to your text I felt like shit. You should have called."

"I thought you were busy," I said not wanting to piss him off by saying everything I wanted to smart off with. I hated myself for being so mad. "It's fine. Once I went to sleep, I slept great." I lied.

"Now who's the liar?" he asked knowingly.

"Still you. I slept great. Best nights sleep I've had in a long time," the whole 2 solid hours! I added mentally.

"Sure, we'll pretend you're telling the truth," he said not arguing but not backing down. "I get it. you're pissed and you should be. I'll make it up to you when I see you."

"Can you though?" I smarted off, not able to resist this time. " I mean I'm surprised you found time in your schedule to even answer this call. though I do hear the princess calling you in the background so I guess you probably need to go."

"Roza," he sighed sounding pained. Internally I was screaming at myself for not shutting up but I also couldn't stop myself. I boiled over when I heard her call for him again. She already had twice during this 2 minute call. "Please don't be like that. I already told you, you're my queen that trumps princess every time. The rest of the world can wait. I always have time for you."

"Except when I call and you call back two and a half hours later or when the princess steals your phone and disconnects my call, or when you promise to call but get too busy, or when I text you. Look, I get it, you're a busy guy. It's whatever. Just quit saying sorry about it. Like I said I hear her calling you so I'm just gonna let you get back to work. I love you and I'll talk to you later. Have fun with the princess and be safe coming back later

"Ro-" I cut him off by disconnecting the call.

"There now you know how it feels," I whispered to myself. A part of me wanted to wait 20 minutes and say 'oh whoops, someone stole my phone and hung up on you!' but I figured that would be too petty. He tried calling back but I didn't answer. He left a voicemail.

"Roza, I know you're pissed and rightfully so. Just know I love you. I'll see you when I come home, and I do mean come home because my home is wherever you are. Ya tebya lyublyu, moya dusha."

After listening to his message I had a tear rolling down my cheek. He ended it with "I love you, my soul." Which is the Russian way of saying i'm the most important part of him. At least that's what I was taught it means to call someone that in Russian. Dimitr and Vika had explained it to me in high school but, this is the first time he's ever actually said that to me. That bastard. I'm trying to be mad at him.

I quickly dialed Lissa but she didn't answer.

"Of course not!" I muttered. Then when the beep came I left a voicemail. "So, dimitri's probably going to leave me because I'm crazy and emotional and a bitch. Just thought I should let someone know. though he did deserve some of my anger. Anyway I have sound check in a minute but if you call back, I'll call when I can."

I finished right as the beep went off. I sighed and lied down on the couch and threw my elbow over my eyes. We were already at the venue parked and the driver had left so it was just me on the bus by myself. I laid in there until sound checks. I went and got those over with. I quickly made my was to the bus. It had been a couple of hours since I hung up on him. luckily, Lissa called me.

"Hey girlie. Want to tell me why you're relationship is over?" she asked as dramatically as I probably sounded on the phone. I went through and updated her on him leaving me, and all of the stuff being gone.

"He's probably thinking that I'm crazy and clingy and over emotional! Ugh! Its not fair."

"First of all, you're completely justified at being upset over the phone calls and everything though I don't think you're as much mad as you are hurt. Him saying that but, doing the opposite makes you question your value to him and question your standing."

"You're suppose to just stand there and look pretty and occasionally agree with me!" I teased. I didn't want to admit how right she was. "She was giggling in the background. She actually took his phone from his hand and hung it up on me and he stayed in LA to help her. Didn't even call me back to apologize, just sent a quick text. Then doesn't call me last night or this morning when he woke up to my text and supposedly felt like shit. But, she was there again, giggling in the background!"

"Tell him you're uncomfortable with him hanging out with her when you're not there."

"And be the jealous bitch? They're just working together. It's not like they're going out to bars together."

"So, I take it you haven't seen the articles?" she asked. I groaned and put her on speaker as I googled his name. Sure enough, there were photos of him, Jake, and Brittany. Though looking at the photos, you can barely see Jake. They were walking down a sidewalk but you couldn't really tell where. The headlines were all some variations of him cheating or us breaking up. a lot of them were saying he upgraded to a younger, prettier version of me. though she's actually taller than me judging by those photos.

"I freaking hate the media!" I growled. "How dare either of us ever get seen with somebody besides each other."

"I know babe. It's frustrating but, you're Rose Hathaway, you're better than this poop!" she said adamantly. At her refusal to say shit I died laughing.

"I love you!" I smiled through the phone.

"Well duh!" she teased.

"I miss you!" I cried suddenly getting the overwhelming urge to cry. I laid back on the couch staring at the ceiling "Stupid freaking hormones!"

"I miss you too! Have you told him yet?" Lissa asked.

"No, I haven't told him…I'm still trying to figure it out…I don't know what I'm going to do. He's going to be upset," I sighed. All of a sudden, I heard the door slam. I jumped and looked over to see Dimitri standing in the doorway, obviously having heard my conversation. I quickly sat up. "Liss I gotta go."

"Uh-oh, have fun. It'll be ok. Love you," she said quickly before hanging up.

"What haven't you told me?" he asked climbing the stairs and walking over to the opening of the 'living room'. I wanted to run over to him and hug him tightly but, I was still mad at him and I had to answer him first.

"Uh," I started. I sighed, then took a deep breath before looking down not wanting to see his face when I told him. I knew he'd be happy and I couldn't feel that just yet. "I'm pregnant…or well…I think I am. I took a test and it was positive but I haven't confirmed it with a doctor."

He didn't say anything for a minute absorbing the information. "You're not happy about it."

"I don't know what I am," I shrugged. I looked up and saw the hurt on his face from my words.

"Hold on, you said you didn't know what you were going to do…are you debating not keeping it?" he asked looking disgusted and angry.

"I did," I admitted. I saw the betrayal flash across his face. I held my hands up. "Before you get angry please let me explain or attempt to."

"Explain what? How you were just going to get rid of our baby? Were you even planning on telling me?" he asked bitterly. "Or is it just like last time where you wait until it's too late?"

"That's not fair and you know it," I said getting angry and standing up.

"Isn't it though? If I didn't overhear your conversation would you have told me?"

"Yes! Jesus! I was just trying to wrap my freaking head around it first," I spat pissed off he was throwing the past in my face. "I'm sorry I know you're upset that I'm not happy about this but you weren't there last time. I can't go through that again."

"So best to get rid of it now before you get attached?"

"I thought about it for literally 20 seconds. I couldn't even if I wanted to."

"I guess that's reassuring," he said sarcastically. I was getting more and more pissed at his reaction. "Thanks for throwing it in my face that I wasn't there though. I appreciate that."

"Well you weren't," I snapped. "Want to pull your disappearing act again this time? There's the door!"

"You still don't trust me," he said looking wounded.

"Yes, I do," I said defensively.

"No, you don't. Every time we fight the first thing you do is point to the door and tell me to go," he sighed and shook his head laughing without humor. "I don't know what else to do here. I've apologized a million and one times. I've told you, leaving you was my biggest regret. I've done everything I can think of to reassure you that I'm here and not going anywhere. It's still not enough. Will it ever be?"

"It's not you," I admitted softly to him and to myself. Finally admitting the truth I'd been trying to hide. "It's me. I don't trust that I'm enough."

"What do you mean?" he asked confused as his anger dissipated. "You're more than enough."

"Then why didn't you stay? Why did you dump me? You even said talking to me would have messed up the one good thing in your life. Because I wasn't good enough for you. If I would have told you about Connor you would have stayed because of him, not me. Hell, my own parents didn't want me." I told him honestly my eyes watering. I blinked trying to clear them before continuing. "I wasn't enough then, why would I be now? That was when I was mostly whole and not completely damaged, struggling with some warped form of PTSD. Now, I'm just this weak emotional mess who can't even be happy when I should be ecstatic…You said I couldn't handle it, you were right."

"Oh Roza," he sighed sounding tortured. "This is what you've been struggling with this whole time? Why, didn't you tell me?"

"I said I could handle it and I was tired of looking weak," I sighed heavily plopping onto the couch, putting my head in my hands and elbows on my knees.

"God, I love you," he sighed and I looked up at him confused. He bent down in front of me on both knees so we were eye to eye. He reached one hand up to cup my jaw, his thumb wiping away a few tears that had spilled over. "I know that's not what you were expecting but I couldn't not say it. It's true though. I do love you. More than anything in this world. I always have, I just was too dumb to realize it. What I meant was the one good thing in my life because I had wrecked the best thing. You. I knew from the moment I stepped on that plane I had made a terrible mistake but I was too stubborn and prideful to admit it. I told myself that you needed to finish school and go to college, not follow me around. Then I had to prove to myself that I had made the right choice in leaving and was too stubborn to admit I was wrong. You are more than enough and always have been."

He brought his hand down from my face and took both hands in his. "When I look at you, I don't see a weak emotional mess as you so kindly put it. I see a beautiful, strong woman who has fought like hell to get here despite life trying to stop you at every turn. You've had so many struggles that could have ended you but you fought your way through and ended up here. You practically raised yourself, you got your heart broken, got pregnant at 17. Then you lost him in a hospital room alone. You battled your grief, even survived your own suicide attempts. Fought back at an abusive relationship. Found the strength to move across country on your own. Then after all that we went through, you got in a massive car wreck, ended up in a coma, and still fought your way back. Do you have scars from it all? Physically and emotionally. Anyone would. Those scars don't mean you're weak they're your battle wounds to show you fought back and you survived."

"You make it seem a lot better than it actually is," I told him in disbelief.

"I'm telling you how I see you. I know that the asshole spent years telling you, that you were worthless and unlovable but he was wrong. If I need to, I will remind you every day. I love you. My whole family loves you. Your mother loves you. All of your friends. Hell, half of America loves you. You are not unlovable just because he was incapable of love. You're not worthless, he is."

"I'm emotionally damaged. If I wasn't, I would be happy right now. Instead all I can think about is my heart shattering in that hospital room and knowing I won't survive if it happens again."

"You're scared. That's understandable. I shouldn't have gotten angry like I did. I'm sorry. I should have heard you out. When you said you considered aborting my heart stopped and froze with fear. So, I reacted with anger."

"That's understandable," I told him this time I reached out and wiped a tear that had slipped out and ran down his cheek. Then I cupped his jaw with my hand. "I'm not aborting. I promise the thought barely crossed my mind. I was just scared and reacting badly."

"I know you're scared but, this time, you're not alone. I will be here every step of the way no matter what happens."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Roza, I would marry you tomorrow if I thought you would. I know you though and you'll say it's too soon because we just got back together a couple of months ago and still have unresolved issues," he said as if he could read my mind. That was the first thing I thought as soon as he said 'marry'. "I'm in this for the long haul and this time you're not getting rid of me. Ever. Get used to it."

"Promise?" I asked hating how weak and hesitant I sounded but still needing the reassurance.

"I swear. You're stuck with me for life," he smirked.

"I love you," I said knowing anything else would sound weak after everything he said.

"I know," he smirked. "For now, until you're ready, I can be happy enough for the both of us. I know you're scared but I'm not going to let anything happen to you or our baby."

I know that's not a promise he could make because shit happens every day but, in this moment he looked so confident and determined that I chose to believe he could. Too bad he was wrong.

"I'm still mad at you," I told him.

"I'm mad at me to but can you yell at me later? I've missed the fuck out of you, despite my shitty actions showing you that. I can finally breathe again now that I'm back in your presence. Right now, I just need you in my arms." Before he even finished, he'd had his arms moving up reaching towards me and I pounced almost making him stumble backwards. I hugged him tightly as he bent his head down and kissed my forehead. I smiled and sank into his embrace further. I tilted my face up towards him as he lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He bent his head down and kissed me hard, releasing all of his emotions into it. Damn, he could kiss. After a while we pulled back breathing deeply as he walked us back towards the bedroom.

"Ya tebya lyublyu, moya dusha," I whispered against his throat.

"Mine," he growled setting me gently on the bed. "Forever. My soul, my love, my home."

"Always but same for you. Mine," I warned.

"I've been yours since the day you yelled at me on the playground," he smirked. "Now no more talking."

"Yes sir," I smirked.


	13. Chapter 13 Breathe

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. Between moving, starting a new job in a new career plus just general life stuff, I accidentally let a lot of time pass before getting around to updating again. This chapter was fun and emotional and cute and I hope you all like it. I had part of it written out like 4 months ago so I'm excited to finally get to use it.**

 **The songs in this chapter are:**

 **Fleurie- Hurts like Hell**

 **Avril Lavigne- Warrior**

 **Let me know what you all think! Hope you all are still enjoying the story.**

"Knock, Knock," came a thumping from the door of the bus.

"Is that…?" I asked turning towards Dimitri. We were both laying in bed for a few minutes before we had to go get ready for the show.

"Oh yea, I brought you a present," he said his eyes lighting up with humor but his face didn't change.

"HELLO!" Mia's voice came through louder.

"Just a minute!" I hollered back laughing as I jumped up and went to find clothes. "A little heads up so I wasn't greeting her naked would be nice!"

"I got distracted, what can I say?" he smirked he laid back with his hands behind his head watching me run around. I laughed and rolled my eyes as I threw on some jeans and a hoodie. I ran out to the front of the bus and threw the door open. She practically jumped up the few stairs and crashed into me. She hugged me tight. "Surprise!"

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Dimitri pulled it off. He wanted to do something nice for you since he was groveling. I figured I'd take him up on it so I could come see you. It's been too long since I've seen you in person!"

"Why didn't you show up when he did?" I asked leading her over to the couch.

"Because he had to come kiss ass and I was getting situated in my hotel," she grinned. "Speaking of which, why is he in trouble? Or I guess based on what I interrupted, why WAS he in trouble?"

"And at that, I'm going to head in and check in with everyone," Dimitri said popping out of the bedroom. "I'll meet you in the dressing room in 45?"

"I'll be there," I told him standing up and kissing him.

"Ok. Ya tebya lyublyu," he said softly cradling my face with his hand.

"Ditto," I smiled. He laughed and pulled away heading towards the door. Once he was gone, I went and sat back down by Mia.

"You two are nauseatingly cute," she laughed. "Now spill."

I quickly summarized him leaving to go help the princess, then everything that happened while he was gone.

"Ugh what a bitch!" she exclaimed. "Want me to kick her ass for you?"

"The scary part is I really believe you would," I told her. "Also, why is that always your go to?"

"Because, no one hurts my family and gets away with it," she said fiercly. I couldn't resist, I jumped over and hugged her tight.

"Thank you!" I said laughing as I tried not to cry. "Sorry, my emotions have been all over the place recently."

"Hey, I never turn down a hug," she laughed as I pulled away.

"You know it's the same for you. I consider you family, I'm always there for you too! If I need to, I can throw down for you, you've seen how well I can punch," I joked.

"I know you've got my back. Sometimes it's just hard to let people in on my problems. It's something I'm working on. I'm good though. No need to throw hands," she smiled. "But what you can do, is show your girl around backstage and give her the best friend of the star benefits."

"Ok, can do," I laughed. "Let me just get some shoes on."

30 minutes later, I'd shown her all around backstage, including introducing her to Butch, whom she loved. She'd thought I was kidding on the bodyguard thing. We were heading to meet Dimitri in the dressing room but we were running a little early so he hadn't shown up yet.

"Hey Butch, have you seen this box?" I asked suspiciously when we entered and I saw a cardboard box, much like the last one, sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"What box?" he asked coming in the room. "This room was checked less than an hour ago and no one else should have been in here. Don't go near it."

"We have to see what's inside," I stated.

"I can check it. You don't have to be in the room."

"I'm already here, lets just get it over with,"

"I feel like I'm missing something," Mia stated.

"Last time I got a package that looked like this, it had a decapitated baby doll covered in fake blood and a note that said baby killer."

"So, why are we debating opening it?"

"Cause I need to know what's in it. It could just be something normal."

"Or it could be a present from a crazy person," she stated.

"Well, I guess let's find out," I nodded to Butch, who'd pulled out a knife by now and was standing beside it. He slowly popped it open. This one had a dismembered baby doll, along with a picture of Dimitri and I from the IG live that I did after the tabloid released that terrible article but it had my eyes 'X'ed out. There was a note that said 'Soon poor Rose will be out of the picture'.

"Well at least there's no blood this time," I shrugged. Butch grabbed a glove and picked up the note to see if anything else was hidden back there. When he found nothing, he dropped it back into the box.

"True but this one is a clear threat," he stated.

"What's going…another?" Dimitri said coming into the room. He came stomping over and looked into the box. "How did this get in here? I thought you were opening all of her packages before they get brought to her?"

"It was in here when Mia and I came in. Butch said they scanned in here earlier and it wasn't here. We're not sure how it got in here but, I told him to go ahead and open it."

"They're camera's out in the hallway so we should be able to pull feed and see who entered after I swept the place earlier," Butch said closing the box. "In the mean time I'll box it up and send it my friend that's investigating it for you."

He grabbed the box then made his way out the door. I sat on the couch as Mia and Dimitri sat on either side of me.

"You're so famous, you have your first stalker," Mia teased. Dimitri glared at her.

"Oh calm down comrade, you know she's just teasing trying to make light of an awful situation," I told him.

"I'm sorry, I just don't find threats against you funny," he said gruffly.

"Relax, what's gonna happen when I've got you and Butch around?" I asked.

"Somebody managed to get into your dressing room," he stated.

"Well, I'm gonna go head backstage and see what hot roadies I can find, give you two a moment alone. Want some help with your hair and make up?"

"Sure, sounds great. Give us 10-15 minutes?" I asked her.

"Cool, let's go see what I can get up to!" she winked and walked out.

"I texted Abe, he'll probably be calling in a minute. I think we need to increase your security," he stated putting his phone down on the table.

"It will be fine with you and Butch. Nobody is going to get to me," I told him.

"Roza, they managed to get in your dressing room with no one noticing. What if you were in here?"

"Then Butch or you would have been with me," I pointed out.

"Fair point. I'm just saying, I would feel more comfortable if we had a couple of more guys at least. It's not just you anymore, I don't want to take any risks. I told you I wasn't going to let anything happen to you or the baby," he had grabbed my hands while he was talking and looked so sincere, I couldn't help but agree.

"I'll agree to one more guy," I conceded. Then I would have two security guys and you. I feel like that's plenty. I'll also agree to having a 3rd when and only when you go back out of town to help the princess. That should be plenty."

"Fine. I will agree to that for now but, if anything else happens, we will discuss more options," he relented.

"Agreed. Anything else happens, we will DISCUSS other options." Right about then, Abe called.

"Hey old man," I answered.

"I'm canceling the tour," he stated.

"Like hell you are," I said immediately angry. I put the phone on speaker. "I just discussed it with Dimitri. We're going to hire another security guard and if Dimitri has to leave again, I will relent to adding another guy. That way I have 3 people with me at all times. IF, anything else happens we will discuss more extreme measures. What we are not going to do is cancel the tour over a stupid box."

"Rosemarie, I'm not taking chances with your safety."

"I agreed to extra security. I should be fine. There's been nothing but packages. I'm not in imminent danger and if I was I think between Butch, a new guy, and Dimitri I will be safe. Plus, how much money would you lose if you cancelled now?"

"I don't care about the money, I care about your safety."

"If this was happening to Adrian, would you be trying to cancel it?" I asked. "Or Dimitri? Sydney?"

"Does that matter?" he avoided answering.

"It does, because you wouldn't consider it if it was them. That's not fair. I appreciate you taking me under your wing and all but, I'm perfectly fine and capable. I'm not going to let some idiot that wants to send veiled threats in boxes, stop me from this tour and disappointing all of my fans. If I cancel my first tour ever, I would lose all of my fans before I can even release my first album and then there goes my potential career."

"You're as stubborn as your mother," he grunted. "Fine. But I pick the extra guy and you go no where without both of them with you at all times. If anything else happens we cancel."

"If anything else happens we will discuss out options. I'm not cancelling. Get that out of your head now."

"Inatci Kiz," he muttered. "Fine, we will discuss it. Go get ready for your show, you'll hear from me soon."

"I don't know what that means but, I'm sure it was an insult. Thanks old man. "

"It means stubborn girl in Turkish."

"You mean this whole time you've been calling me girl?" I asked offended.

"Some days," he said vaguely. "Goodbye Kizim."

"What does that mean?" I asked but he'd already hung up. I looked at the phone surprisingly only somewhat shocked, whispered 'asshole' and set it down.

"Well you got your wish," Dimitri sighed.

"Barely, he wanted to cancel the tour," I said frustrated.

"But he didn't you convinced him not to for now."

"Thankfully. I don't understand him. If it was anyone else he wouldn't consider cancelling. I've seen him with Syd and Adrian and he's completely different. Like I get he was friends with my mom 30 years ago but still…"

"I don't know," he said looking unconvincing.

"You have an idea?" I asked. "Do you know something?"

"I think that there's more to the story than he and your mom just being friends way back when. I also think maybe you should talk to your mom about it some more," he shrugged. I was going to ask more when a knock came at the door before cracking open.

"Hey, am I good to come back in? Your PA, by the way it's weird you have a PA, said it's time to start getting ready. Your meet and greet starts in 20," Mia said still not stepping all the way in.

"Good thing we weren't getting busy or anything," I laughed pulling the door open all the way.

"If you were getting busy again by the way, after getting threatened, you are kinkier than I thought," she laughed.

"Hey, adrenaline and fear are great motivators," I teased back. "I'm just kidding, we just got off the phone with Abe. He's upping security and I had to convince him not to cancel the rest of the tour."

"Thank goodness cause you seem to have a crowd out there. Let's get you dolled up and ready to kick ass for them," she laughed.

A little while later, we were wrapping up a meet and greet and I was meeting with the last fan. She was wearing one of my shirts and was smiling but I could see the sadness behind her eyes. She had her blonde hair up in a messy but cute bun and her make up done. On the surface she looked fantastic and put together but in her eyes I saw the pain I'd stared at in my own reflection for the last 5 years before reconnecting with Dimitri.

"Hey pretty lady. What's your name?" I asked with a smile.

"Peyton," she said softly smiling. "I really love your music. You're the only reason I came tonight…"

"Well thank you," I told her.

"On your solo album are you going to do more songs about what you've been through?" she asked.

"I haven't decided what all is going on my solo album but Dimitri and I have been working on it during this tour. I haven't decided how much I'll truly share but more than likely it will be about everything from what I went through as a teenager until now. Is there anything specific you're thinking about?" I asked feeling like there was a story behind this girl with the sad eyes.

"I just really appreciate you telling your story to the world. I know it's helped so many…in…including me. I got pregnant a few months ago and even though I was upset about it, when I lost it…I'm just glad to know I'm not alone," she sniffled. I reached over and hugged her my eyes watering for the pain I know she's going through and will always go through. I felt her crying on my shoulder and knew she probably didn't have the support she needed if she was breaking in a strangers arms. I held her for a few seconds before pulling back.

"I know what you're going through. I know how much it hurts. I also know the guilt from wondering if it was because you weren't happy enough or because you weren't sure you even wanted a baby. I can't say anything that will make that pain go away because I don't know if it fully ever does. All I can say is go through the emotions, let them out. Don't keep them in because then you're just putting it all on pause and that's not healthy. I did it for five years. Just know, it wasn't your fault. You are not to blame for your baby not making it. It's also ok to be happy again one day. I know it might not seem like it right now but one day, you will find your happiness again. Don't fight it. You deserve to be happy. That doesn't mean you love your baby any less. I'm so sorry you have to go through this also."

"Thank you for your words. I didn't tell anyone that I was pregnant so I don't have anyone to talk to, not that anyone back home would really understand."

"I don't know your situation but if you have friends or family that care about you and love you, confide in them. Tell them what happened because honestly, a good support system is crucial. I would have never made it through those first few years without the love and support of my friends and family. Even when I didn't want it."

"I don't know if I'm really ready to talk to anyone about it yet but, I'll try," she smiled sadly. That's when I made a split decision that I normally would never consider.

"Let me see your phone," I told her. She looked confused and pulled it out. I grabbed it and saved my number in her phone. "There, if you ever need a friend, call me. Don't be like me and do something stupid. Or a lot of stupid things really."

She laughed at my joke with me. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. I can't guarantee I will always be able to answer, we're super busy but just hold on because I promise as soon as I can, I will call you back. This isn't a time to be on your own. Now you're not."

She hugged me tightly. "Thank you. Your story gives me hope that things will get better."

"They will. I'm not saying the pain will go away but things will get better."

"Rose, you're needed backstage," said Stephanie coming into the room.

"Ok, Give me a minute." I nodded to her then turned back towards Brittany. "I'm sorry babe, I gotta go. Like I said it's always busy around here but seriously call me. I'm here for you anytime. I expect to hear from you soon, even if it's to tell me you're still ok and fighting."

"I will. Thank you Rose," she said. "I know you've already done so much but can I still get a picture with you?"

"Of course!" I told her wrapping an arm around her shoulders. We posed for a picture then said our goodbyes. After she left, I paused for a second just taking in that moment.

"You ok?" Dimitri asked coming over and rubbing my shoulder softly. I hadn't even heard him come in.

"Yea. That poor girl. I hate that she's going through that," I said sadly.

"I heard. Are you sure it's smart to give a stranger your number?" he asked worriedly.

"Too late now," I shrugged. "Besides did you see the look in her eyes. That girl is in pain and alone. She needs someone."

"You're amazing," he said wrapping an arm around me as we walked towards backstage. I shrugged again.

"Not really," I protested.

"That's one of the many reasons I love you. You have the biggest heart I've ever seen," he said kissing my head. I smiled but didn't say my usual line.

"Most people just call me a bitch," I teased.

"Most people don't see the soft side you hide," he said. "Though you can definitely be a bitch."

"Ugh!" I exclaimed pretending to be mad as I jerked away and fake slapped his arm. "Asshole."

"The asshole and the bitch, I think we make a great pair," he teased back.

"We do, don't we?" I smiled. "We've come along way huh?"

"Yea we have and we've got a long way to go together."

Later when it was my turn to perform solo, I couldn't get my conversation with Peyton out of my head. That mixed with everything that had been going on built up so I decided to diverge from my usual.

"You've all been so amazing tonight! Every night I get to step on a stage and get an amazing crowd like you guys, I'm reminded of why I decided to get into this industry. Growing up I never wanted to be famous. I never wanted to be a singer or a song writer. After I lost my baby boy, I was so consumed with guilt and pain to the point I was barely functioning. That's when my beautiful fill in mother, told me if I didn't want to talk about it, write about it. So, I started writing and I still haven't stopped. Writing helped me process and grieve. Getting lost in the music helped me so much I realized that was what I needed to do with my life. Thank you all for letting me."

"I'm going a little off script so I apologize to my band and hope I don't get in too much trouble," I laughed. "I don't want to completely kill the mood but, I feel like there's some people here tonight that probably are going through their own pain and grief. Whether it's through heartbreak, death, or whatever else so if that's you tonight, this ones for you. Just know, it will get better and you'll come back stronger than ever," I told the crowd as I went and sat at the piano.

 **How can I say this without breaking  
How can I say this without taking over  
How can I put it down into words  
When it's almost too much for my soul alone**

 **I loved, and I loved and I lost you  
I loved, and I loved and I lost you  
I loved, and I loved and I lost you**

 **And it hurts like hell  
Yeah, it hurts like hell  
I don't want them to know the secrets  
I don't want them to know the way I loved you  
I don't think they'd understand it, no  
I don't think they would accept me, no**

 **I loved, and I loved and I lost you  
I loved, and I loved and I lost you  
I loved, and I loved and I lost you**

 **And it hurts like hell  
Yeah, it hurts like hell  
Dreams fight with machines  
Inside my head like adversaries  
Come wrestle me free  
Clean from the war  
Your heart fits like a key  
Into the lock on the wall**

 **I turn it over  
I turn it over  
But I can't escape  
I turn it over  
I turn it over**

 **I loved, and I loved and I lost you  
I loved, and I loved and I lost you  
I loved, and I loved and I lost you**

 **And it hurts like hell.**

By the end, I had a tear rolling down my cheek. I wiped it away as discreetly as I could as the crowd cheered.

"I'm glad you all liked that one. When I wrote it, I swore I'd never perform it. I didn't want anyone to see my pain. As I've been on this journey, I've realized how I'm not alone. After the leak about my teenage pregnancy and losing him, I was devastated. I never wanted to share that. At least not at that time. Now though, I look at it as a blessing because, every time I see someone say how my story has helped them, whether it's through tweets, letters, meetings backstage, I realize that our story is just like so many others. I want you all to know just as much as you think I've helped you by sharing my story. You all have helped me too by sharing yours. I'm not going to lie guys. I still struggle. Maybe I shouldn't be this open but, when I see you all here, singing my songs with me, crying with me, talking with me backstage, how can I not be honest and open with you all. There are days when I feel like I will never be happy again. There are days when I feel like the worst person in the world because I am happy. Then there are days when I live in the moment and I accept my happiness, I work on moving on. We all have struggles and we all have pain but, at the end of the day, we're all tough, badasses that push through and keep surviving. Even if you're thinking, that's not you. I promise it is. Because we are all warriors."

The crowd cheered and I smiled. "I didn't write this song but, I love it all the same. The first time I cried hearing it and I remember thinking what a badass Avril Lavigne was. After all she has been fighting death, literally. I wished I was that tough. Then I was reminded by my wonderful boyfriend that I can be a badass too. I've gone through some shit and sometimes I feel like I'm barely surviving but, I am. Sometimes that's what makes you a warrior. That you're just surviving. I feel like after such a cathartic but sad song, this one is perfect to remind us all that we're all warriors so if you know this song, sing along. I want to hear you all and I want to hear you sing it proudly."

 **I'll pick my battles 'cause I know I'm gonna win the war (win the war)  
I'm not rattled 'cause I'd shattered all of this before (this before)  
Steadier than steel 'cause I'm ready with my shield and sword (shield and sword)  
Back on the saddle 'cause I gotta get on my strength for more (strength for more)**

 **And I won't bow, I won't break  
No, I'm not afraid of you whatever it takes  
I'll never bow, I'll never break**

 **'Cause I'm a warrior  
I fight for my life like a soldier  
All through the night  
And I won't give up, I will survive  
I'm a warrior  
And I'm stronger, that's why I'm alive  
I will conquer, time after time  
I'll never falter, I will survive  
I'm a warrior**

 **Woah, woah, woah, woah  
Woah, woah, woah, woah  
Woah, woah, woah, woah  
I'm a warrior**

 **Like a viking I'll be fighting through the day and night (day and night)  
I'll be marching through the darkness 'til the morning light (morning light)  
Even when it's harder like the armor you will see me shine (see me shine)  
I won't stop and I won't drop 'till the victory's mine ()victory's mine)**

 **And I won't bow, I won't break  
No, I'm not afraid to do whatever it takes  
I'll never bow, I'll never break**

By now the band had picked the song up and had taken over playing it. I grabbed the mic and stood up walking towards the edge of the stage. I smiled as I saw the crowd singing loudly with me.

 **'Cause I'm a warrior  
I fight for my life like a soldier  
All through the night  
And I won't give up, I will survive  
I'm a warrior  
And I'm stronger, that's why I'm alive  
I will conquer, time after time  
I'll never falter, I will survive  
I'm a warrior, oh**

The next verse I tweaked the lyrics a little so instead of it saying me, it said us. Everytime the crowd heard the lyric change to us, they cheered even louder.

 **Oh, you can't shoot us down  
You can't stop us now  
we're a whole damn army  
Oh, they tried to break us down  
They tried to take us out  
You can't cut a scar on us**

 **We're warriors  
we fight for our lives like a soldier  
All through the night  
And we won't give up, we will survive  
we're warriors  
And we're stronger, that's why we're alive (I am stronger)  
we will conquer, time after time (I will conquer)  
we'll never falter, we will survive (I'll never falter)  
I'm a warrior (I'm a warrior)**

 **Oh, oh, oh  
we're warriors  
Oh, oh, oh  
we're warriors**

By the end of the song, I had tears in my eyes. The crowd had followed my lead and changed all of the me's and I's to we're and us.

"Guy's that was fan-fucking-tastic, excuse my language. I'm sorry but that was beautiful," I said while they all cheered. I stood there absorbing it all.

"How are we supposed to follow that?" Adrian asked coming from the side stage. The crowd cheered excitedly. When they died down, I spoke up.

"You're not. Sorry, shows over, go home," I teased.

"Red, I'm wounded," he laughed clutching his chest. I rolled my eyes.

"I think your ego will live," I teased. He reached over and hugged me as he got to me.

"That was amazing," he whispered in my ear.

"Thanks, it was the crowd," I whispered back. Then I playfully pushed him away.

"That's enough hugging, next thing you know the tabloids will say we're having an affair," I joked.

"They already are," he laughed.

"Well then hug on."

"Nope, moments over," he quipped to the crowds delight.

The rest of the night went same as always. Adrian and I joked around and sang some songs. When I got off stage, Dimitri met me and hugged me hard. I stayed in his embrace for a few minutes needing his comforting strength. After Adrians set, Dimitri and I went, playing up the PDA and flirting a little bit to the crowds delight. Towards the end, I made my way back to the dressing room while Mia hung out with a few roadies she'd made friends with. Back in the dressing room Lissa called me.

"I guess your talk went better than ok?" she laughed into the phone.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Your performance tonight is already on its way to going viral. It was amazing by the way. I cried. So, I take it your talk with Dimitri went better than ok."

"Really? That's crazy. I mean it was amazing and wonderful. I met this girl backstage at the meet and greet and she had just lost a baby and I was thinking about all the things to say to her but really, I would be a hypocrite. Then it hit me, just tell her with music. That's what's works for me. it was probably my favorite moment of this tour so far. The crowd singing with me. Gah! Liss it was amazing!" I gushed.

"That's wonderful Rose. I'm so happy for you," she said excitedly.

"The talk with Dimitri went well. He's excited as I knew he would be. He understands why I'm not excited like I should be and he said he'd be excited enough for the both of us right now."

"See, I told you, you just needed to talk to him. He gets you babe. Better than anyone else. He understands."

"I know. I feel foolish for not going to him sooner but, I felt like I needed to process it all first. He doesn't like it but he understood. I was able to air out a lot of my concerns. Honestly, for the first time in weeks I feel like I can breathe again if that makes sense."

"It does. I understand what you mean. I'm happy for you. And soon enough you will be too. Just give it time."

"I hope so. This baby and Dimitri deserve it," I sighed.

"You do too!" she said. I heard a cry in the background. "Oh, AJ just woke up, probably a nightmare. I have to go but I love you. Talk soon!"

"Love you too! AJ too!" I said quickly as she hung up. I smiled putting my phone down. All of a sudden, I got a text. I smiled when I saw it.

' **Thanks for the songs and the speech. Thanks for giving me hope.'**

I smiled as I wrote back a response telling her to text or call anytime and that she's stronger than she believes.

"Texting your other boyfriend?" Dimitri teased coming into the room.

"Yep, he said next time you go flying off to LA to deal with the princess to give him a call because he answers," I told him half teasing.

"Ouch, guess I deserve that," he said.

"Kinda." I told him with a small smile. "Don't think you're completely off the hook yet."

"Don't worry Roza, I know you wouldn't let me slide that easily," he smirked.

Later as we were laying down for bed, me on my side with Dimitri spooning me from behind, I spoke up.

"I like your surprise," I told him softly.

"That's where I was when I went out to lunch the day I missed your call. Not saying that excuses it but, that's what took so long. I went out to eat with Jake and Brittany but then I met up with Mia to try and figure out if we could plan a visit."

"Well now I feel a little bad about being upset by that," I pouted.

"Just a little?" he teased. "Don't feel bad. I would be just as upset if I was you. Well actually I probably would be more upset but you're more forgiving than I am."

"I'm not sure about that. You tend to forgive me pretty quickly."

"Well that's because I know you. You don't do things with malicious intent or because you're trying to hurt or upset me. In fact, most of the time it's the complete opposite and it drives me crazy but, your big heart is my second favorite thing about you."

"What's the first?" I asked rolling over onto my back and eyeing him. Something in his voice warned me it wasn't something sweet or nice.

"Your boobs," he smirked. I laughed and playfully smacked at his chest. "What? I'm still a guy and you're incredibly beautiful and sexy. I can appreciate that."

"You're going to really love it when I have this baby and they get all gross and saggy," I teased. At the mention of the baby his face lit up again then went sad. I hated causing that reaction in him.

"I'll still love them cause they're attached to you and I love you. Plus, there's always plastic surgery," he teased.

"Shut up. I'm not getting fake boobs."

"Good, I hate plastic," he smirked. I rolled my eyes. Then his face turned serious again. "Speaking of the baby though. We need to get a doctors appointment as soon as we can. I don't want to take any risks."

"I love you, you know that?" I told him.

"Not as much as I love you," he said kissing me softly. When he pulled back I could still see trouble in his eyes.

"What is it?" I asked. He laid back on his back and I laid my chin on his chest, looking up at his face.

"When we fight, please stop telling me 'there's the door' or asking if I'm leaving again. I understand we're going to fight and that my leaving hurt you but every time you do or say something like that, it tears me up. I'm not going anywhere again. I know that I hurt you doing that in the past and the only thing that can show you I mean it is by me staying but, I hate having it thrown in my face every time."

"I know. I don't think you're going anywhere but sometimes I just have to wonder why you stay. I don't need you to say nice things or tell me why, you've done that plenty, I'm just telling you how it is in my mind. I guess I just have to start working on trusting myself so that I don't always assume you're going to wake up and realize one day that you've made a mistake in loving me."

"I've made plenty of mistakes, loving you isn't one of them. In fact, quite the opposite. Loving you has been the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

"You've won a grammy and been on a sold out world tour," I pointed out.

"Doesn't even make my top 3. Not even sure they make the top 5."

"You liar," I said blushing.

"Not at all," he smirked.

"So, what are your top 3?" I asked.

"Maybe I'll tell you them one day, if you're nice," he teased.

"Well then I guess I'll never know."


	14. Chapter 14 Holding the Other

**Hello Beautiful, lovely, people! I know its been forever and I'm so sorry but hopefully the updates will come faster now that pretty much the whole state is shut down. I'm from Texas and a teacher so…This chapter took a while because I wanted a good mix of some drama but some fun with friends. This story has been heavily Rose and Dimitri so I wanted to throw in a little more for you all.**

"So, someone disappeared last night?" I hinted to Mia as we sat on the tour bus. Dimitri was on the other bus with the band 'hanging out with the guys' or rather giving Mia and I some time alone before we take off for the next city.

"What? I made some friends and we were hanging out!" she said defensively while shrugging.

"Hanging out or _hanging out_?" I questioned.

"It's not like that," she started then rolled her eyes and sighed. "Nothing happened. I mean yea I have some concerns and issues with Eddie and I think I might break things off soon but, I'm not a cheater."

"I didn't think you were, I'm just concerned. Why are you going to break things off? You two are great together," I asked worriedly. I know what the reason is but I was hoping this time would be different.

"I'm just not feeling it anymore," she shrugged like she didn't care.

"M you're not your parents. You two are great together. You really like him. why not give it a chance?"

"I'm just not sure if we're forever, you know? and if I'm having doubts already then why keep it going. They're just going to get worse."

"Or they could go away. Have you talked to Eddie about this? Told him your concerns? Your issues with your parents?"

"Kind of."

"So no?"

"I mean he knows that my parents separated but I've never told him how messy it got or how much its affected me. I think he can kind of tell but he doesn't say anything."

"Babe, I know its scary. Its one of the scariest things out there to put your heart on the line. I've done it twice and the first time it almost destroyed me but the second time, it's been worth it. it may be worth it for you too."

"Yea, but we're not you and Dimitri. You've been destined for each other since you were in kindergarten. You two have an epic love story. Ours is just…ours."

"There's nothing epic about Dimitri and I except for two idiots who both screwed things up almost beyond repair. The only thing that makes our story 'epic' though I wouldn't use that term is that we haven't given up on each other. We've almost let fear and pride destroy us too many times to count. Even the last couple of months, we've still been struggling but we don't give up on each other. Your story can be the same once you decide to open yourself up to it. I don't want to push you because you know yourself and your relationship better than I can even try to but, you have to decide if Eddie is worth putting yourself out there. If you trust him enough to be vulnerable with him. If its not him, then move on. If it is, you can have your own epic love. One of these days you're going to have to let someone in."

"Or I can just be the female Leonardo," she shrugged with a smirk. "Give me some money, a yacht and a bunch of male models. I would be in heaven."

"I'm sure if anyone would be, it would be you," I teased back. Right then there was a knock on the door. I went and opened the door to find Stephanie on the other side.

"I came to update you on the schedule for today. We're about to head out in like 15 minutes," she told me. I opened the door wider to let her in and walked back to Mia.

"So, I was thinking we could either invite Syd and Adrian over here or we could go hang out on their bus during the drive. Or we could just stay here?" I told Mia.

"I'm down to hang out with them. I love messing with Adrian," she laughed.

"Let me text Adrian and Dimitri," I said sitting back down. Stephanie came over by us and had a seat herself. "Ok Steph what's up? It shouldn't be too busy of a day right? We're just driving."

"Well, I'm not sure if you've seen the tabloids or not but, there's been a release of pictures of Mia and Dimitri together when he was in LA-"

"I made a tabloid!" Mia exclaimed grabbing her phone no doubt to google it.

"They don't know your name or who you are but, you're in some pictures. Amanda wants you to post on social media. Just something to say you're happy and not affected. You don't actually have to say that but something positive to cover up the negative. You have a phone interview at 11. Then a conference call with Abe and the team about your solo album. We should hit the hotel around 8 pm depending if we make any stops."

"Holy shit! I'm famous!" Mia laughed from beside me.

"They don't even know your name," I teased.

"But still…my picture is viral. Just saying."

"Want to be more famous? You can be in my post later, I'll even put your name though, there's no going back afterwards."

"Uh duh!" she laughed.

"The party's here!" Adrian said opening the door, Sydney trailing behind.

"You decided to hang here?" I laughed.

"You have better food. We need to restock," Adrian joked back.

"Do you need me to help with that?" Stephanie volunteered.

"Nah we're good. I'll get one of our PA's on it later but thank you," he winked at her and I swear she swooned. She's definitely wrapped up in his charm. It's harmless but the poor girl would do anything for him.

"Ok well then I'll be going now," Stephanie said standing up.

"Steph you don't have to rush off. if you want you can hang out with us for the trip," I offered. I've offered a few times but she always insists on riding with the band. Right then Dimitri came in followed by a few people in the bands.

"Hope y'all don't mind but I brought some friends," Dimitri said walking over. He leaned down and gave me a kiss before sitting beside me on the couch. I had told him he could extend the invite to come hang out on our bus if they wanted so that Mia didn't feel like a fifth wheel. I figured the boys were still mostly passed out except for a few so I knew not all would take him up on the offer.

"See Stephanie, part of the band is here, you're not intruding. Cece, Brit, and Shay are already here, I know you don't want to go hang out with the boys left on that bus," I joked pointing to the only other girls on the band tour bus. Cece was Sydneys drummer and Brit and Shay were back up singers for Syd and I.

"Yea girl, come hang out with us," Mia encouraged.

"Take the morning off as a PA and just hang out with friends," Dimitri told her. We both had a soft spot for her. She was always so timid and shy.

"If you insist," she smiled shyly. A few people cheered and I laughed. I looked around to see who all came with Dimitri. There were the three girls then Dimitri's drummer Steve, my guitarist, Eli, and my drummer Liam. It made for a slightly crowded bus, but soon enough we were all laughing and joking around. Dimitri was cooking for us all while we sat around talking. I walked over to Dimitri and hugged him from behind.

"Thanks for cooking, I'm starving," I told him kissing his back.

"Thankfully we have enough food, though we'll probably need to restock soon."

"On it!" Stephanie called from her spot on the couch.

"Stephanie! Take the day off. we can take care of it later," I laughed pulling away from him and seeing her already on her phone. "That's an order."

"O…Ok," she said hesitantly. I know it goes against her wiring to not be a PA for a few hours but she deserved a few hours to just hang out.

"Oh, Comrade, did you hear the latest gossip? Mia's famous," I laughed.

"About time being friends with you paid off," Mia teased.

"How'd you manage that?" he asked.

"Well apparently we're having an affair," she told him. "They grabbed pics of us meeting in LA. Then more of us at the airport."

"Well at least they waited to release them after you showed up here and didn't ruin the surprise," he stated as he plated the eggs he was working on.

"They probably didn't get the reaction they were hoping for when they released the pics of you and princess," I quipped.

"How did they get pictures of you at the airport? You flew privately so they should never have had access to you two?" Adrian questioned.

"I didn't think of that but you're right," Dimitri said looking confused as he turned, finished dishing everything up. "Breakfast is ready."

He reached up and grabbed a stack of plates. He grabbed one and filled it then handed it to me.

"You made a plate for me?" I questioned surprised.

"You said you were starving. You need to eat," he said and I saw his eyes glance down to my belly.

"Well thank you comrade," I smiled reaching up on my toes to kiss him.

"Can you two quit making out so I can eat?" Adrian teased.

"Shut up," I laughed. "You chose to come over here."

"For the food, which I'm trying to get," he smarted off standing beside me. I smiled and took a bite in front of him.

"Mmmm delicious!" I exaggerated.

"Go have a seat before we hit a bump and you stab someone with a fork," Dimitri teased lightly smacking my butt.

"I'm not that clumsy!" I defended. Right then we did hit a small bump. Before I even had the chance to lose my balance, Dimitri had his hands on my hips.

"Go sit down and eat," he said with a small smile but I could see the worry in his eyes. A part of me was annoyed at his over protective side but a part of me loved it. "Plus, if you don't let Adrian get to the food, he may actually cry and none of us are prepared to deal with that. Then will come a heart break song that goes viral and we'll all secretly know it was because he missed out on brunch. You really want to deal with that?"

"You're right. No one wants to hear that," I joked.

"Dimitri, you wound me!" Adrian laughed. "That was a good one though."

After we were done eating, I was sitting beside Dimitri with Mia on the other side. We were laughing at one of Adrian's stories when an idea struck. When he was done and it went a little quiet I spoke up.

"Let's do a live video. Amanda want's me to post something on social media and she wants me to do more Instagram lives let's kill two birds with one stone. Plus, I don't like the whole not addressing something directly idea."

"I'm down," Adrian said. One by one everyone else agreed so I pulled out my phone. I posted a tweet saying I was going live in 5 minutes to get people logged in already. Right as I was about to hit record, Steve made a fake fart noise causing everyone to laugh. I was still laughing as I pressed the button and you could hear someone yell at Steve to stop which made me laugh a little harder.

"Hey guys, sorry for that rude opening, I'm currently on the tour bus, making our way to Kansas, Go Chiefs! That's basketball right?" I teased. "Anyway, here with me is one of my best friends, Mia, Dimitri, Sydney, Adrian, Cece, Britney, Shay, Steve, Eli and Liam, and Stephanie" I said showing everyone as I said their names. They all waved or said some sort of greeting when I got to them.

"Don't you have enough money for your own bus?" I read one of the comments out loud. "Yes this is actually Dimitri and I's bus, technically I don't think I do have the money for my own but luckily I snagged a rich man," I teased.

"Gold digger!" Adrian hollered in the background.

"Pssshhhh I was with Dimitri when he worked at a diner at 17," I laughed. "Anyways, bad jokes aside, yes this is our bus but we do like to hang out with each other still. Spending the whole day driving can be boring. Plus, today is a special day because, I know most of you have probably seen the tabloids already but, Dimitri is a wonderful man and planned a surprise visit for Mia to come join us for a couple of days so we're partying today. By partying I mean eating breakfast and telling stories. You know, hanging out. Together. I don't really get why there are so many crazy rumors, especially when Dimitri and Mia got on the same plane to go to where I'm at. I mean if they were having some crazy affair, why would they be seen getting on the same plane meeting up with me?"

"It was a private plane," Steve chipped in. I rolled my eyes but kind of laughed.

"Thanks for that Steve," Dimitri said.

"It was a private plane but, it 100% was not like that," Mia spoke up. I pointed the camera towards her. "I took a nap while he wrote. Nothing crazy. We were meeting up to plan my surprise visit because it's been a while since Rose and I have hung out. I have a boyfriend and am not at all interested in Dimitri like that plus, he's so in love with Rose it's sickening. Like truly. They can't go twenty minutes in the same room together without kissing or hugging. Gag."

"Speaking of, it's been about twenty minutes," I joked as I moved and sat on dimitri's lap.

"Clinger! Dimitri run!" Eli joked.

"Shut up Eli," I laughed.

"Nah I think I'll keep her. I worked too damn hard to get her," Dimitri smiled.

"See what I mean guys. Gag!" Mia laughed turning the phone towards herself. "Ha in the comments it asks if Sydney and Adrian are this bad."

"Nah, we have more restraint," Adrian laughed as I turned the camera to face him and Sydney. "At least in public."

"Adrian," Sydney scolded with a smile.

"Hey, you agreed to marry him," I teased her.

"We haven't made it down the alter yet," she joked. Then she realized she just said that in front of millions of viewers and turned to the camera a panicked look on her face. "It was just a joke guys. I 100% want to and will marry him."

"Alright lets see if you guys have any questions for us today," I said changing the subject and looking at the comments.

We spent the next 20 minutes answering questions and joking around before I finally signed off. within 2 minutes of ending the video I had a text from Amanda approving the video saying that it was a brilliant idea. Soon enough I went back to our bedroom while I did the phone interview for some radio station. As I got done with it, Dimitri popped into the room. Before I could get up, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me down beside him on the bed so we were laying down spooning.

"What are you doing? We have guests out there." I said weakly but, honestly I was ok with staying here.

"They can wait twenty minutes. I didn't see you for days now I'm here and I'm trying to give you space so you and Mia can hang out but, right now I just need to hold you for a minute." I could hear the vulnerability he was trying to hide in his voice. Our fight took more of a toll on him than I realized. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one with issues and insecurities from our history. I rolled over so I was cuddled into his chest and could look up at him.

"I love you. You know that?" I asked. "Even when I'm completely pissed off at you."

"I know you do. I know you're not going anywhere because I wouldn't let you if you tried," he smirked. I knew he was mostly just teasing. If I really wanted to leave, I know he'd let me but he'd fight like hell to change my mind.

"Well damn, there went my plans," I teased back.

"Ha ha very funny," he stated without humor in his voice but I could see by the twitch in his lip, he wasn't mad. I reached up and playfully bit his chin lightly as payback.

"You're stuck with me remember, I'm a clinger," I laughed.

"Thank God for that," he said seriously.

"I'm not a clinger," I defended.

"Roza, we kind of both are. We cling on to each other and what makes us happy because we've had happiness ripped away from us too many times to count. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I guess when you put it that way. Makes sense…" we pause for a minute or two before I spoke up again. "Mia said we have an epic love this morning."

"Oh yea, what did you say?" he asked.

"I told her we don't have an epic love that we fought to get here and keep fighting but, we lean on each other and don't give up on each other."

"I think that's perfect. Though I'd say we're epic. The fight and the hardships and the fact that somehow we're here together is what makes it epic. And somehow despite everything being against it, you're pregnant again. Talk about epic."

Instead of answering I clung to him tighter, burying my head in his chest. I kissed his chest softly. He wrapped his arms tighter around me until all I could feel was his embrace. I closed my eyes and just breathed him in, complete relaxed and content in his arms.

* * *

"Rose," I heard a voice call out. I closed my eyes tighter not wanting to wake up…wait, wake up? I jolted in shock as the voice came through again. I realized it was Stephanie from the other side of our door.

"Comrade!" I hissed hitting his shoulder softly to wake him up. "Crap, we fell asleep."

"Rose?" Stephanie asked again.

"You can come in, sorry. Dimitri and I must have fallen asleep." I hollered back.

"Yea I know but I thought I'd come warn you, your next phone conference is in 30 minutes."

"Shit we slept for hours," I stated to Dimitri who was just laying there still. "We're terrible hosts."

"It's fine, I'm sure they kept themselves entertained. You know Adrian's practically a one man show."

"Leave him alone," I laughed getting up. I checked myself in the mirror to make sure my hair wasn't too crazy then opened the door and went into the 'living' room. "Sorry guys, we fell asleep."

"Is that what they're calling it these days?" Adrian asked wagging his eyebrows.

"Shut up. it wasn't like that," I laughed. "All PG in there."

"That's why it was so quiet. You had me really worried about your sex life for a minute," Mia teased.

"Et tu?" I laughed.

"No need to be worried there. We're great as far as that's concerned," Dimitri spoke up. I turned shocked that he was even participating in this conversation.

"Do you disagree Red?" Adrian said laughing at my expression.

"Not at all but, I'm shocked he said that," I laughed.

"Rose, I hate to break this up but, they're wanting to go ahead and do the conference call early. Like as in now. Abe also requested Dimitri be present."

"Ok, We'll go back to the room and call now," I told her. "Now, thank you but, your duties are done for the day. Have fun."

"Yes ma'am," she said with a shy smile. I made my way back to the room with Dimitri following closely behind.

"No funny business in there!" Mia called.

"Shut up," I laughed at the same time as Dimitri said "No promises."

"Comrade!" I laughed turning to him as we entered the room and he shut the door. Unfortunately, at that moment my phone started ringing for a video call from Alberta. I accepted as Dimitri and I went and sat on the bed.

"Well, If I would have known this was a video call I would have tried to look better," I teased as the video opened up to Alberta, Abe, Paul, Amanda, and Pavel. At Amanda and Alberta's face though my humor faded. "What's wrong?"

"The tour's cancelled," Abe said.

"Like hell it is!" I retorted. "What happened?"

"We received an anonymous letter threatening you," Alberta explained. She nodded to Pavel and he grabbed a ziplock bag with a piece of paper in it. he brought it closer to the camera so I could see it better. It had letters that looked like they were cut from newspapers spelling out 'Soon the baby killer will see how it feels' then had my picture with a redline across my throat and X's on my eyes.

"Oh my god," I gasped. Dimitri grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I took a deep breath. "Ok, yea that's upsetting but I'm not cancelling. I have security, backstage is on lock down, I'm never anywhere without at least two people with me unless I'm on the bus. I'm as safe as a I possibly can be. Probably safer than I would be at home."

"I'm not taking that risk," Abe said.

"You're not, I am. How'd you get that letter?"

"It was left in one of the studios on the board in a manilla envelope. We don't know who it was or how it got there," Alberta said hesitantly.

"Which studio?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"B," she responded softly.

"So, someone broke into a locked down studio, the only way in is with a key card, and left a note threatening me in the studio that I always use and you think I'm safer there? They know which studio I use. Someone also conveniently snuck pictures of me in that same studio and leaked them to the press. You don't have a case on it being safer for me there."

"Then go to Georgia," Abe said.

"Where someone hit me with a car. How did anyone even know I was there? It sounds like this is someone on the inside so until we figure it out, I'm not really safe anywhere. At least on tour I have body guards and every venue has a high police presence. I'm never alone and they check for weapons before anyone can come in. I'm safer here than there."

"She has a point," Dimitri stated. "Butch is going to start sweeping the dressing room an hour before, locking it, then sweeping it again before she enters. When she's not on the bus or in the dressing room, she's got at least 3 people with her. Even when she is in those places, there's someone standing guard outside or I'm inside with her. This does have to be an inside job That or there's an informant."

"I'm not taking a chance on your security. You and Dimitri can go out to New York and work on your solo album. That or you can go to your cabin and I'll get a security team out there until we find out who this is."

"Abe, my accident was months ago. The pictures were months ago, the first box was weeks ago. Whoever this is, knows what the hell they're doing and they're good at covering their tracks. It could be a while before we figure it out. I'm not hiding out locked in a cabin for months. And, I can't hide in New York, they would find me quickly there. At least on tour, we're constantly traveling and don't stay in the same place for long. I'm not cancelling the tour. That's final."

"I'll talk with Butch and see what all we can do security wise." Abe stated after a brief stare down.

"Good, now down to business. Amanda, was that video enough?"

"That video was great. The responses have been really great. Between that and the videos from your performance last night, you are trending and it's 90% positive. There's always going to be trolls and haters but, this as good as we can expect right now. probably better."

"Good, I'm glad."

"How's your solo album coming?" Alberta asked.

"Good, I've written a couple more songs and we started recording a new one."

"Perfect!" Paul said speaking up for the first time. As managers go, he seems pretty chill. I really haven't had a lot of interactions with him outside of these meetings. "We're working on some concepts and we're thinking 'Tell Me You Love Me' would be a great first single."

"I think that's a great pick. What do you think producer man?" I asked Dimitri.

"I like it, it's a good ballad but pop enough that it could climb the charts pretty quick," he said nodding.

"Perfect because we already have a concept for a video that we can do while you're on tour. I'll have a team out to meet you tomorrow afternoon and we can get started. By the end of next week we should be able to release it."

"Ok?" I laughed. "Good thing I agreed I guess."

"We were optimistic that you would. This means you need to start teasing it. I'll get the team on it and we can come up with some visuals that you can pick from and post starting next week," Amanda spoke up.

"We'll need to start discussing concepts. We don't have an album cover yet so we'll need to get an image for this single. After we film the video we'll sit down and discuss ideas," Said Paul.

And so the meeting went. Finally twenty minutes later we were finished and able to hang up.

"You ok?" I asked Dimitri who hadn't said much the rest of the meeting.

"No," he stated. "I don't know if continuing this tour is a good idea but I also don't know any other alternatives because all the points you brought up were valid. I hate this."

"I know comrade but I can't hole up and hide away. So, far whoever this is, hasn't tried anything. Maybe they're just trying to scare us."

"But they're getting more and more threatening. I think you're right on the inside job but that makes it worse. Someone we know and trust could be doing this. How am I supposed to protect you from that?"

"Do you trust Butch?"

"Yes?"

"Was that a question or a statement?"

"Yes I trust him but I don't know why you're asking?"

"Do you trust him to pick the best men possible?"

"Yes."

"Then I should be ok. I have security and I have you. Even if it is an inside job, one of you are always with me so whoever it is won't have an opportunity to get close to me."

"We'll see," he said pulling me onto his lap.

"Uh-uh. We can't hang out in here longer. They'll never leave us alone about it," I laughed.

"Alright, then let's get back out there." He smirked before standing and following me out the door.


	15. Chapter15 Slow dancing in a Burning Room

**Hey wonderful people! I hope you are all healthy and safe and not going too stir crazy for those practicing social distancing. Two updates pretty quick guys. I'm excited! This one was 17 pages without a single song in it. LOTS of content that I think you all will enjoy.**

 **There is a small lemon scene but, as with my others I didn't go into much detail, just the lead up to it. I'm not 100% sure how much I can really add or how much y'all want to actually read so I've just been playing it safe. Let me know what you all think.**

 **Hopefully, you all like this chapter. Things are starting to get rolling. I'm really excited for the next chapter. Anyways, enjoy your reading and let me know what you think! Thank you to all of you that have been sticking with my stories and reviewing!**

* * *

Two weeks passed with no incident. Mia returned back to LA, The crew came and shot the music video, which Dimitri was forcefully pulled into. When they mentioned having a love interest, well there was no one else I'd rather have and he was already with me. The video and single released a few days ago and like Dimitri had predicted, it was steadily climbing up the charts.

"Can you believe we only have 3 weeks left of this tour?" I asked Dimitri as we sat in a waiting room in Georgia. We snuck away for the afternoon, boarded a plane, and were currently waiting on Dr. Olendsky to squeeze us in. Unfortunately, we weren't going to have enough time to visit the Belikovs but this time I was ok with it because I'm not completely ready to share news of this pregnancy. Currently, Abe and my team believe I had to come in for a check up on my knee.

"It's gone by quick," he acknowledged. His knee wouldn't stop bouncing and I smiled.

"Comrade, you keep bouncing like that, you'll cause an earthquake," I laughed.

"Sorry," he muttered and stopped. I knew he was a combination of excited and nervous. It probably didn't help that I only had him and Butch with me. I insisted that I didn't want anyone else because I didn't want anyone else to know. Butch was currently standing out in the hallway. "When do you find out if it's a boy or girl?"

"Not for a while. You can do genetic testing early on to find out but, I'd rather not. Usually its between 18-21 weeks, sometimes its earlier. By my guess, I'd say I'm only 9 weeks or so. I won't even start showing for a couple more weeks. As long as everything checks out good," I added almost accidentally.

"It's going to be fine. This is our second chance." Right about then, Dr. O's nurse, Shelly, came out and called us back.

"Ok Rose, I'm gonna need you to pee in this cup, then strip from the waist down. We're going to have to do the vaginal ultrasound today to check out how far you are. Leave the cup on the bathroom counter and when you're ready have Dimitri crack the door," Shelly said handing me the cup then walking out. I quickly went into the bathroom and did as she asked. I knew this was coming so I'd chugged a bottle of water before coming in. When I came out and was ready I nodded to Dimitri and he cracked the door. Dr. O followed shortly after.

"So I hear congratulations is in order."

"Maybe, it could be a false positive," I said.

"Ah, there's the negative talk I'm so used to," she smiled. "From What Olena's told me, I'm pretty sure it's not a false positive."

"Olena talked to you? Geez I need a new doctor!" I laughed. "Just so you know I haven't told her about the positive test."

"She was asking me if it was possible and told me her thoughts on the matter," she told me patting the stirrups. I propped my knees up like she wanted and slid forward. Dimitri stood beside me and grabbed my hand. I looked up to see him watching her nervously as she picked up the wand and put the condom cover over it. He raised his eyebrow in question but didn't say anything.

"It's too early to see anything from the outside so she's gotta look at it from the inside," I explained.

"So that uh…goes in?" he asked nervously.

"Yep. As it grows we'll be able to do the tummy ultrasound, but for now this is what we're stuck with. Trust me I'm not too keen on it either."

"Alright Roza, Dimitri. Ready to see your baby?" she asked before inserting it. In a couple of seconds we were able to hear thumping.

"That's the heartbeat," She explained. Dimitri's face lit up. She turned the screen so we could see better. As she talked, she pointed things out on the ultrasound. "This is the baby right here. I'm going to do some measurements. Based on everything I'm seeing, it looks like you're about 7 weeks along."

"I was late by two weeks," I said.

"What made you think you were later?" she asked.

"The morning sickness hit earlier I guess this pregnancy. I mean it hasn't been super bad surprisingly but the nausea started…I guess around week three. I didn't actually throw up until 5 though. With Connor I didn't start getting sick until week 7 or 8. Plus I missed two periods but I'm also slightly irregular so that doesn't necessarily mean anything I guess."

"Hmmm, well sometimes it does start earlier. You said its not bad though? How often are you actually throwing up?" she asked as she pulled the wand out and printed the pictures.

"Maybe two-three times a week? Some more, some less. I've been waiting for it to really hit but I guess since I'm earlier than I thought, I've still got that to look forward to. I thought maybe I was lucking out this go around."

"Ok, well I'll check your blood work but it all seems normal. I guess it was just a little early for you this time," she said handing me the pictures. "I'll let you get dressed now, come to my office when you're done."

"Yes ma'am," I nodded. When she walked out, I handed the pictures to Dimitri. He took them gently like if he grabbed them too hard or fast, they'd disappear. I quickly pulled my underwear and pants back on and saw him still standing there staring. "You ok?"

"That's our baby," he said softly. A tear slowly fell down his cheek. At that moment I could have slapped myself. I forget that this is his first time going through it all and here I was practically rushing through it and talking morning sickness. I smiled and grabbed his hand. I kissed the back of it.

"That's our baby," I repeated with a soft smile. He looked up at me his smile was so bright it could have blinded someone as he grabbed my hips and lifted me back up onto the edge of the table. In the next second his lips were on mine. After a minute or two he pulled back.

"We're having a baby," he stated smiling down at me. I laughed.

"Well I'd hope so or all that morning sickness would be troublesome."

"You've been getting sick?" he asked. Somehow It hasn't ever really hit with him around. That or he's been asleep.

"It's fine comrade. Perfectly normal." I told him. As soon as I said that he smiled again as he looked back down at the pictures again. I laughed at his reaction again but was quickly hit with guilt. I slid down and grabbed his hand. "Come on before Dr. O sends a search party."

When we were in her office the questions started.

"How is this possible? You said it was impossible."

"I said the odds weren't good and at the time, they weren't. Looking now though, you wouldn't be able to tell you had any trauma in your uterus. I'm frankly amazed myself but if anyone could beat the odds, it would be you."

"So, how likely am I to miscarry again?

"Unfortunately, your odds are higher after suffering through a previous miscarriage but, looking at everything so far everything is checking out perfect. As you get further along we will be doing more frequent check ins to watch out and monitor your placenta. I'm going to warn you, if things start not checking out, you will go on immediate bed rest. That's a worse case scenario though. I'm hoping it will not resort to that. As of right now, you're free to resume all activities except heavy lifting. Nothing heavier than Zoya," she smiled.

"You realize because you said that, he's not going to let me lift anything. Not even a jug of milk," I laughed.

"You can lift milk. Just nothing over 30-35 pounds. With your history, you're considered high risk. That's a rule I give to all of my high risk mothers."

"Is she high risk because of the abruption?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes. Unfortunately, after something like that any pregnancy she has, she'll be considered high risk. Even if this one goes perfectly and you get pregnant again. It's just a precaution."

He just nodded.

"I hate to be the downer here but you said my odds are higher. How much higher?"

"You're about 14-21% likely to have a miscarriage after having one in the second trimester. That being said, it's uncommon to have back to back miscarriages. Only 2% of women have back to back miscarriages. I know after your past, you're worried but, try not to stress about it. you know what to expect, if anything feels off or you start having abnormal pains, call me immediately. If the pain is bad or there's blood, get to a hospital. As of right now everything is checking out fine. The placenta looks good, the size is good, you're not having any unusual symptoms. Don't panic. Stress is not good for your body which means it's not good for the baby."

"Ok," I said not wanting to tell her that I was already panicking.

"Roza, I'm serious. Try not to worry. If anything feels off you can call me. Anytime. You have my cellphone number so I'm always within reach."

"Perks of you being friends with my boyfriends family," I teased. "Though I can't believe you talk about me."

"Trust me, you're not our usual topic of conversation. And don't worry, I won't tell Olena your news."

"Thank you Dr. Olendsky," Dimitri said.

"So formal," I teased.

"Here's a prescription for prenatals. Start them immediately. I know you said you've already been taking over the counter ones but, these are more specific to your needs. You can fill them down stairs, so you don't have to worry about being photographed in a pharmacy."

"Thank you Dr. O. I appreciate it," I said grabbing the prescription as she stood and walked us to the door. Dimitri shook her hand and walked out as I followed before I could slip out she gently squeezed my shoulder.

"I mean it, don't panic. This is a good thing," she smiled reassuringly. I nodded and gave her a small smile as I followed Dimitri out. Out in the hallway Butch followed behind us.

"Since you already know, want to see?" I asked. It was only fair since we had him standing in a hallway for an hour. Plus, he wasn't stupid. It says OBGYN on her door and there's only one reason we'd hide that.

"If you want to show me," he said.

"I mean if you really don't want to, I won't force you to," I teased.

"Give the man the picture," Dimitri said from beside me. I knew he was just excited to show it off too. The only other person that knows right now is Lissa and I don't plan on sharing it with anyone until we hit 12 weeks because that's when odds of miscarriage dramatically decrease. I grabbed the picture and handed it to him.

"All I see is a blob," he said as we got into the elevator.

"The blob is the baby," I laughed. Dimitri reached over and pointed it out to him and explained it.

"Oh I see it," he nodded seriously. I pulled my phone up and snapped a pic of the two men looking so seriously at a sonogram picture. I laughed as I sent it to Lissa.

"What's so funny?" Dimitri asked. I just shook my head.

"Men." At that they looked at each other and then me looking dumbfounded. I laughed harder.

* * *

A week later we'd just wrapped up a show, our last one for the next 3 days, when Dimitri received a call. I was just stepping out of the shower when I heard him answer.

"Hey Jake, what's up?" he asked sitting on the edge of the bed. Jake said something that I couldn't hear before Dimitri replied. "I'm sorry man but it's like I told you earlier, I can't…I know, I'm sorry but I'm not leaving again. She'll have to get over it and just trust your instincts…you can email it to me and I can give it a listen and see what I can do from here."

At that I walked out of the bathroom having finished getting dressed. I grabbed the phone from his hand. Dimitri was too shocked to stop me, not that he probably would have.

"Hey Jake, it's Rose. Dimitri will be there tomorrow."

"You sure?" he asked hesitantly. Dimitri shook his head no.

"Positive. I'll make the arrangements myself if I have to. He'll be there. Have a great night," I said then hung up.

"I'm not going." He said sternly.

"Comrade. Your friend needs help. Am I ecstatic about it? No, but, he needs help and you're the best. He's still new. He needs the best helping him out."

"You know it's for Brittany right? The one you hate…"

"I don't hate her…I don't even know her…I just thinks she's a princess that needs to get over herself and not flirt with taken men."

"It doesn't really matter because I'm still not going. I'm not leaving you with everything going on," he said standing up and going over to the dresser.

"We can't pause our lives. You can't be with me 24/7. The tours almost over. When we get back you'll have to go back to working on other albums which means, you won't be with me all the time then. At least here I'm pretty protected. I won't go anywhere without Butch and Chuck-"

"Charles" he corrected taking his clothes into the bathroom as I talked.

"Chuck is short for Charles. Besides he secretly likes it. Anyways, I won't go anywhere without them. Besides most of that time I'll be on a bus. How dangerous could that be?" I asked following him into the bathroom.

"You could crash," he pointed out putting toothpaste on his toothbrush.

"I could crash if you were here. Nice try. Think of this as your do over."

"So, I have to go prove myself?" he asked with a smirk as he started to brush his teeth.

"No, I'm just saying. Look I don't want you to go either but if it was one of my friends needing help, I would want you to support me going to help them. I know you would. You would encourage me to. That's what I'm doing. I'm trying to be the bigger woman."

"What if I don't want to?" he asked spitting out his toothpaste and rinsing his mouth out.

"You can't say no to a friend in need. I know you. You have a savior complex."

"I don't have a complex," he said turning around and looking at me crossing his arms over his chest.

"Tell that to the westerns on your nightstand."

"They're good books," he defended.

"Ok. You're going though. Plus, all I'll probably do is sleep. Between that and the morning sickness, I'll be no fun to be around," I told him. the pst couple of days, this pregnancy had caught up with me and I found myself getting sick more often and so tired. On show days, I don't really have the luxury of taking naps, so I plan on using the next few days to make up for it.

"I'm not," he said putting his hands on my hips and pulling me over to him as he sat on the toilet. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and started playing with his hair. "Besides, I don't want you here sick by yourself."

"Dimitri Alexander Belikov, your friend needs help. So, get your ass to LA and help him. I will be perfectly fine on my own. If it gets too bad, I have Sydney and Stephanie to help me out but so far it hasn't been that bad."

"Why do you care so much?" he asked. "If you're driving you can't ask them for help. Plus, you're too stubborn to ask them."

"Because one, I don't want to hold you back. Two, you want to you just don't want to admit it. You're just worried but, I'm going to be fine. This is what you do. What you're good at. I'm not going to let your fear stop you from doing what you love. You love producing and helping people. So, go do it. I'll have Butch and Chuck plus I'll be travelling most of the time…and hopefully writing. We need a few more songs for my album. Plus, we don't have to be together ALL the time. We work in the music industry, that means there's going to be times we need to travel without the other."

"Yes but I was thinking we could hold out on the travelling apart until there's not a stalker coming after you."

"Comrade, it's like I told Abe the other day, we don't know how long this is going to be. It could be months. We can't put our lives on hold. You said you trust Butch, you trust Chuck, and you trust me right?" I waited till he nodded but cut him off before he could speak again. "I'm not going to do anything that would put me at risk. I'll never be alone. Except on the bus. I'll be fine."

"Fine, I'll go under protest. But if anything what so ever happens, you call me and I'll be on the first flight here."

"Protest noted." I told him playfully poking his nose. He tilted his head up and playfully caught my finger between his teeth. I laughed. "Ow."

"Baby," he teased back then kissed the tip of my finger. "Better?"

"Much. Now, take a shower, you stink. Plus, you're leaving early so you need to get to bed."

"I don't like leaving you right now," he said soberly his hands coming back to my hips, his thumbs caressing my stomach.

"We'll be fine. I promise. Go do your thing and make the princess sound great. Lord knows she needs help."

"Be nice. She's not that bad. Though she did apologize for being bitchy only to hit on me right after so not the greatest person," he smirked.

"She hit on you? You left that part out," I asked, when I saw the smile play on his lips I realized I was playing right into his hands. "Nope, not going to work. You're not going to get me to change my mind on you going. I trust you. Just because I don't trust her, doesn't mean I don't trust you to stop her advances. Good try though. Low blow though."

"Sorry, I had to try. She did though. She said it's hot how protective I am of you and our relationship."

"Well I guess I can't be too mad about that cause she's right."

"Oh yea? It's attractive that I'm over protective?" He smirked.

"A little bit yea. Though it's also incredibly frustrating and annoys the crap out of me. It's just nice knowing that you care so much about me. I've never had anyone try to take care of and protect me like you do. It's definitely hot." When I was done talking he grabbed my head and pulled me down for a searing kiss that left me breathless.

"Fuck. I'm not even sure how to respond to that. Some days I could kill Stan myself for not being the dad he should have been."

"I never needed him to take care of or protect me because I've had you pretty much all of my life. Plus, I'm like a tiger, I don't need protecting. I'm bad ass Rose Hathaway. But it's nice when you try."

"Try? Tiger? There's so many things wrong with everything you just said. You were a child, you needed him to be there and show you what a dad should be, which is exactly what I intend to do for you and our little bean here. I hate to tell you though, you're not quite a tiger. Maybe a feral tom cat," he smiled.

"How about we compromise and say a bob cat? Deadly but, not the fiercest. Maybe a panther?" I teased. "Also, I really need you to not say stuff like that if you want to actually get in the shower."

"What? About how my dream is to show you and our baby exactly what a father should be. Something neither of us had but I intend on fixing for her or him," he said lifting my shirt and placing kisses on my stomach.

"Yea, things like that," I said breathless not having a witty comeback.

"If it makes you feel any better, you threw the shower out the window the moment you played on my protective instincts," he said standing up and pushing me against the wall to kiss me again.

"Oh, is that what turns you on? Being my big bad protector?" I gasped as he started kissing down my neck.

"Hell yes," he said against my throat. I grinned. Dimitri didn't cuss often so getting him to let out two in just a few sentences was an exciting challenge. I liked seeing him lose control like that.

"Hero complex for sure," I taunted gripping his hair.

"The only hero I want to be is yours," he said lifting me up and carrying me out to the bedroom.

"Done." I panted. Clothes scattered as his already waning control snapped at my statement. "Need you."

"Don't worry babe, I'll take care of you."

"You always do," I told him honestly.

After, I was laying there while he finally went to shower. I know I encouraged him to leave but, I only did it because I knew he wanted to. It doesn't mean that I'm excited about it. I wasn't lying when I said I trusted him but, I definitely don't trust her. Plus, I wasn't looking forward to sleeping alone. That being said, I feel like I'm too dependent on him and I don't want to hold him back.

"You look like you're thinking too hard," Dimitri said from the doorway, I jumped a little, not having noticed the shower turn off.

"I'm just thinking that as much as I want you to go, I'll miss you when you're gone. I'm also thinking that since that concert the other night, despite everything else going on, I feel like there's a weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm not sure how or why but, I do."

"Have you heard from Peyton?" he asked coming into bed beside me.

"She's texted a couple of times. She thanked me again for what I told her backstage then for the song. I told her to stop thanking me, I meant everything I said. Then I checked in again with her yesterday. She's got a long way to go but, I'm hopeful for her."

"Well maybe helping her is what's helping you."

"I think you may be right."

"Well, I'm always right."

"Yea, yea," I laughed humoring him.

"Things are looking up for us Roza, I know we still have a lot going on with the stalker and trying to figure out if it's related to the pictures and accident plus, I know you've been trying to hide it but you're still not fully excited about the pregnancy. I think we're getting there though. I'm hopeful again. Before you came back, I didn't think I'd feel hopeful or really excited about anything again."

I sighed as he pulled me into him and I laid on his chest. "It kind of scares me."

"Me too but we've got this. I'm not letting anything happen to you or our baby," he said tightening his arms around me. I kissed his chest and sighed as I drifted off, content for the first time in a while.

* * *

The next day drug on. Dimitri called me as soon as he landed, he also texted me several times throughout the day. Around 8 pm I was on the bus writing on my bed when I received a random call from a number I didn't know. A part of me didn't want to answer but my curiosity got the best of me.

"Hello?"

"Bet you think you're hot shit now huh?" a deep computerized voice said on the other end. I almost laughed at how it sounded exactly like one of those voice changers in movies.

"Not really. I'm going to go ahead and assume when I ask who is this, you're not going to tell me?" I asked feigning confidence when I didn't really have any. I was torn on what to do. The only other person on the bus with me was Butch but I know if I tell him, he'll tell Dimitri and Abe and that will open a whole can of worms I'm not ready for.

"You'll find out soon enough."

"Because that's not vague at all," I smarted off then immediately wished I could take it back.

"Listen bitch, do you ever get tired of playing the victim?" the voice asked.

"I don't really get what you mean but, why don't you tell me?" I asked trying to get them to talk hoping they would reveal something that would give me a clue about who they are.

"You know exactly what I mean and you'll get exactly what you deserve soon enough. Dimitri's not there right now, he can't protect you all the time. Who knows when I'll strike. You can't trust those around you as well as you think." Then the line clicked. My heart was racing but I still wasn't sure what to do. I peeked my head out and saw Butch still sitting on the couch reading a book. How did they know Dimitri had left this morning? It hadn't even hit TMZ yet and they're the first ones with information always. I quickly dialed Dimitri's number.

"Hey babe, what's up?" he asked answering on the third ring.

"Sorry to bother you, I know you said you were on a roll but I just needed to hear your voice," I said knowing that would make him suspicious but hoping I could play it off. if I told him what happened he would fly home and that's exactly what whoever was on the phone was hoping for. They want me to be scared and panic. Plus, I don't want them controlling us or our actions.

"You ok Roza?" he asked worry filling his voice.

"Yea, I'm fine. I just…I don't know…I guess I was just writing and I just kind of started getting anxious so I wanted to hear your voice. You always calm me down," I only partially lied. Does a lie of omission count as a lie? I mean yea, I know it does but…

"What made you start feeling anxious?"

"I don't know. It's probably these pregnancy hormones. Plus, you know I have a doomsday brain. When things start going well, I panic."

"Are you sure that's what it was?"

"Yea babe. I'm already feeling better just talking to you. How's recording going?"

"Eh. You know she's stubborn and doesn't like to listen to anyone's advice but, we're making progress. Do I need to come back?"

"No babe. I'm sorry I shouldn't have called you. I promise I'm fine. I just missed you. I know that's lame huh? You've only been gone for a couple of hours. I guess it just worries me that I have all this security and you're all alone."

"I'll be fine. Promise love."

"Ok, I believe you. I guess I should let you get back to work."

"I'm all yours Roza. You need to keep talking, I've got all day."

"No, I'm fine. Like I said, I'm already feeling better."

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yea babe. I'm sorry I worried you. I feel silly now but I'm fine. Get back to the princess so you can get back to me. Call me tonight before you go to bed."

"Ok. Roza?"

"Yea?"

"Call me again if you need to. Don't feel silly. And I miss you too so if you're lame then I am too."

"Love you comrade," I smiled.

"Ya tebya lyublyu." He replied. I hung up and laid back on the bed. I feel like I'm making a big mistake and part of me wants to call him back and go out to Butch and tell him everything but Abe will probably try to cancel the tour and Dimitri will rush back here. I knew if I sat here I would dwell on it but I couldn't tell anyone so I distracted myself by calling Lissa.

"Hey!" she said excitedly. "It's Aunty Rose."

"Hey, is now a bad time?" I asked when I heard her talking to AJ.

"No, we just finished dinner and winding down for the night. Want to talk to AJ?" she asked.

"You know it," I smiled. before any more words were spoken, the little icon for facetime popped up. I clicked it and quickly my screen was filled with AJ. "Hey bud! How are you?"

"I good." He smiled. "Aunty rose you coming to see me?"

"Soon buddy. It will probably be a couple of weeks but I promise as soon as I can, I'll make my way down there. How's school?"

"Its fun. I made a new friend. Emily. She shared her cookie with me."

"Oh a girl?" I teased.

"Roza, not like that!" he groaned. I was surprised how much better he was with talking. It's been a while since we really hung out so it makes sense.

"Oh ok," I laughed. We talked for a few more minutes before he got bored of talking on the phone and went to his room to play.

"So how are things going?" she asked.

"Good." I shrugged.

"Good?" she questioned. "How are you doing with the baby? You sent me pics but we haven't been able to talk since you're visit. Are you feeling any better about it?"

"Yes and no. Dr. O was really reassuring. She said she doesn't think it will happen again but that I'm classified as high risk in case. I feel torn. A part of me is excited because I wasn't supposed to get pregnant again. Another part feels guilty like I'm trying to replace Connor. Then the other part is scared that things are going too good and everything is about to crash again. It sucks because I'm not all in like Dimitri is and I feel bad when I don't get as excited as he does over things. I heard the heart beat and I mean yea it was amazing but quickly I turned the topic over to morning sickness. Then after I got dressed I realized that I kind of took that from Dimitri. He didn't complain but still…"

"Dimitri understands and I'm sure he was still over the moon the whole time."

"He really was. His response was…awestruck and it was wonderful. I should be feeling the same but I'm not. What if I don't ever get there?"

"It will come. Give it time. You're scared but eventually that fear will fade and the happiness will return full force. Right now, it's still new and hasn't really set in. It doesn't help that you have a stalker that's making you anxious already. That's already chipping away at your sense of security."

"Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell anyone else?"

"Obviously."

"The stalker called me today. I haven't told anyone."

"Rose you need to tell your security and Abe. Maybe they can track the number. What'd they say?"

"I can't tell anyone because Abe is trying to cancel the tour already and we're almost done. I can't cancel now. Also, Dimitri flew to LA this morning and if I tell him, he will rush back out to meet me and I'm not letting this asshole control our lives like that. They knew that Dimitri had left, said that who knows when they'll strike but it will be soon enough. They also said that I can't trust those around me like I think I can. I'm really thinking it's somebody on the inside. I don't know who it would be but, they know too much to be an outsider."

"Rose, that's scary. You really need to tell them."

"I will tomorrow. They used a voice changer, were only on the phone for like 30 seconds and I'm sure they probably were smart enough to use a burner phone. So far they've been really good at not leaving any traces of anything for anyone to find. I'm sure it's the same this time."

"Are you sure it's not best to cancel the tour?"

"On the tour, I have security with me at all times, they scan everyone for weapons, and there's always a ton of people so plenty of witnesses. Plus, if it's an inside job, going to LA or Georgia won't help because they'll know where I am anyways. There won't be as many people around then and I could be an easier target."

"I know I said I wouldn't say anything but you really need to tell Dimitri. I don't like him not knowing."

"I'll tell him tomorrow. Let him work then I'll tell him. He can rush back but what good would it do? I already have security with me. I'm really not going to leave the bus anytime soon. I'll be fine."

"Ok but, I don't know. Rose this is scary. I hate that you're going through this. Hopefully Butch's team will be able to get some answers soon."

"Hopefully. I just hate that I don't know who I can trust right now. I mean at this point, on this tour I can only say I fully trust 3 people outside of Dimitri. There's like 50 people on this tour. I mean I want to say I trust more but, can I really? Whoever this is knows when and where I am, what's going on, how to get into my dressing room…Luckily, they don't seem to know about the pregnancy yet."

"That's good. From what you said, it sounds like they don't like you and Dimitri together, who knows how they'd react to you having his baby."

"I know."

"I hate to say this but, are we sure it's not Tasha?"

"That was one of my first thoughts and I haven't ruled her out but so far, she's had an alibi for every time a package has been delivered. I'm not ruling out that she's not behind it and just working with somebody but we have no proof right now. The tabloids caught her with a new man a couple of weeks ago so it looks like she's finally moving on and she's been out of the country for half the tour."

"I hope for Christians sake it's not her. I would hate that for him so much."

"How's that going?" I asked with a smile.

"Good, I think he kind of asked me to move in with him when we move to LA."

"You think? Are you ready for that?"

"I think I am. I know it's weird because it's only been a couple of months but, I don't know Rose. I've never felt like this with anyone. Not even Aaron and I was going to marry him. Which also makes me feel guilty but Chris has been really understanding about it and helping me through it."

"I hate to be this person but, I know you loved Aaron but I'm not sure you were ever really IN love with him. Its ok to move on and be happy with someone else. I think Aaron would love that for you. He only ever wanted to see you happy."

"I think you're right. He really was a great man. I did love him but I think you're right. I don't think either one of us were IN love with the other. I hate that for him though."

"Babe, he was happy. I don't even think he realized the difference back then. You were kids."

"You're right."

"How is AJ taking to Christian?"

"Amazing! You know Aj is kind of shy with strangers but, he really has never been that way with Chris. Chris is even taking sign classes for him. Aj loves teaching him new signs and and hanging out with him. Back to the 'I think' he asked. We were discussing us moving out there and I was talking about how expensive it was and he mentioned getting a roommate. I told him that wouldn't be ideal with Aj plus it's not like I can't afford it. He said yea but I shouldn't live in LA and what if it was someone that wouldn't mind living with a kid. Then he got pulled into a meeting and we haven't gotten back to the conversation. Am I reading too much into it?"

"I don't think so. It sounds like that was where he was getting at. Geez he's such a woman though, playing around the topic like that. Aren't men supposed to be blunt and to the point?" I teased.

"Not nice Rose. He was probably nervous. He has trust issues and has never lived with a girlfriend before. I'm sure its not easy to make that adjustment."

"I'm just playing. I think that's great but, are you sure about this? I mean I know I'm biased because of who his aunt is. I don't fully trust him but, he has earned my respect."

"Are you like your mom just because you're related to her?" she countered.

"Touché."

"I don't know how to explain it but I really do trust him. I mean I'd really have to if I was even considering moving in with him, especially with Aj."

"That's good. I'm happy for you Liss. You deserve it. I'll work on trying to trust him more."

"Oh crud, it's way past bedtime," she said suddenly. "Hey I have to get Aj in bed. If you want I can call you back after? I was supposed to call Chris but I can push him off until tomorrow…"

"No, goput that baby to bed and talk to your man. I'll probably head to bed soon anyway. Let me know if he actually asks you."

"I will. Love you. Please be careful. Tell Dimitri."

"Love you too Liss. I'll be fine. Don't stress about me."

When we hung up I let out a sigh. Talking to her had worked at calming me down more. Convincing her that I wasn't in immediate danger helped ground me more. It's still scary as hell but, not panic attack inducing. I quickly decided I didn't want to be alone so I grabbed a blanket, my notebook and a pen, and headed out to the living room. Butch was in the same position, reading on the couch. I stood there waiting to see how long it would take him to notice me.

"You gonna stand there and stare all night?" he asked never even moving his eyes away from the book.

"Don't you get stiff sitting like that for so long? It doesn't look comfortable," I asked as I made my way over to the couch and sat on the opposite side, leaning against the back of the couch and arm facing him, propping my feet up.

"I'm fine." He said shortly. "I figured you'd be asleep by now?"

"Nah, I'm generally a night owl. I don't sleep much."

"I can tell," he nodded.

"I'm not sure if I should be offended by that or not," I smiled. He just shrugged. "So, I was thinking that I didn't really want to be alone right now. You mind if I come hang out here with you?"

"No."

"You're such a man of many words," I teased. "It's ok, Dimitri is like that with anyone not me or family. It drives other people crazy."

"He's smart," is all he replied.

"So, do you have anyone around you that you actually talk around?" I asked.

"No family," he shrugged.

"Significant other? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? I don't see a ring…" I looked at him analyzing him. Honestly, he was a really attractive guy. He's about 2 inches taller than Dimitri with an extra 30 pounds of muscle at least. He's big but not body builder, gross looking big. He shaves his head but almost always has a black ballcap on. Thick brownish red beard and bright blue eyes. He's definitely handsome. I'm surprised he hasn't been scooped up already.

"No, hell no, and never going to happen."

"You don't plan on ever getting married?" I asked.

"Most women can't handle my lifestyle and it's not changing anytime soon," he admitted.

"I can see that, I mean it must be hard. I don't know how I would handle it if Dimitri was always going around risking his life. Abe said you normally take the more dangerous cases. I think one day, you'll find a girl that will either be able to accept your lifestyle or make you want to change it and settle down. I bet you'll be married in 4 years."

"What do you want to bet?" he asked with a slight smirk.

"Is that a smile? Am I cracking you?" I teased. "$1,000. I bet $1,000 you'll be married in the next 5 years."

"You said 4."

"Well I think it will be within 4 but, if we're betting for real, I'm making it 5. If you insist its never going to happen that shouldn't really matter should it?"

"Deal. I can't wait to take your money," he smirked again.

"Wow, two smirks in one sitting."

"I know with your professionalism and everything you'll disagree but, I think it will be someone you're hired to body guard. But, she's not going to be one of those damsels. She's going to fight. She's going to be a spitfire. I get a feeling you're a hard guy to crack and that you'd be super bossy so you're going to need a girl with attitude." He raised an eyebrow at my assessment. "God, can everyone do that?"

"I would never touch a client."

"I'm telling you. I see it now. it's like one of those forbidden romances. It's going to be epic. I can't wait to say I told you so."

"You read too much romance."

"Eh I don't read a lot but, forbidden romances are my favorite. I'm just saying. A guy like you needs to be pushed, a sassy client of yours would be perfect for that."

"Since we're betting, I'll add another $500 when I prove you wrong."

"Make it 1,000 because I'm right. So, $1,000 when you get married and another $1,000 when it's your client. I'll take that."

"If at the end of the 5 years, the second $1,000 is null and void."

"You won't be but ok. Deal," I smiled sticking my hand out to shake his. He shook it and let out a full smirk this time.

"Easiest grand I'll ever make."

"You know if by year 4, you're still single, I'm gonna come scout some clients for you and give you a push," I teased.

"Nope, we already shook, wasn't in the agreement," he shook his head.

"We'll see," I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"So, unrelated question. Abe said you normally take the more dangerous cases, why'd you take this one? It's pretty tame."

"As a favor to Abe. He wanted the best and I'm the best. I don't mind though. Sometimes it's nice to take a break from the other types."

"I feel like that's a lie. You're an adrenaline junkie. You like the danger."

"I used to. I'm getting older though, not as much fun as it used to be."

"How old are you?"

"36."

"Hmmm might even throw in an age gap romance in there…I can see it now."

"No." he stated.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't bet on that one. Just saying, I could see it," I told him. I could tell It was making him uncomfortable so I changed subjects. "So, How do you know Abe?"

"Pavel and I did some business with him in Turkey years ago. Now we both own our security firm and he still works for Abe."

"Oh. What kind of business?"

"Classified."

"Well damn. Does that mean you know Turkish?" I asked.

"I speak 6 languages."

"Do you know what kizim means? Abe keeps calling me that but I don't know what it means."

"Why haven't you just googled it?"

"I haven't really thought about it," I shrugged.

"I'd recommend googling it." he stated.

"Why don't you just tell me?" I asked. He shrugged but didn't answer and grabbed his book again effectively letting me know this conversation was over. "Ok?"

When he didn't answer I shrugged. "Ok well my phone is in the bedroom, I'll look it up later. Mind if I turn a movie on while I write?"

"Your bus." He stated.

"Yes, but you're a guest on this bus and stuck here for a while so if it bothers you let me know. I don't have to. I just like background noise."

"I don't mind. No romance"

"What do you like?"

"Action. Horror."

"Of course. I'm not watching a horror but we can see what action movies they have."

We ended up settling on a military movie. Of course. I attempted to write but kept getting distracted and gave up. Part way through Butch started pointing out the things that weren't realistic in the military. Not going to lie, some of his commentary had me laughing hard. about halfway through Dimitri called so we paused it while I went to talk to him. He was glad I wasn't holed up in my room alone. He also seemed relieved that I seemed to be in a better mood. That made me feel guilty but I didn't say anything. When we hung up, I went back out and we resumed the movie. I curled up at the end of the couch and before I knew it, was passed out.

"No!" I gasped, eyes snapping open as I reached out only to find the bed empty. It took me a minute to realize Dimitri wasn't here. it took me a little longer to realize I hadn't fallen asleep in my bed. Butch must have carried me in here. I waited for my breath to calm down as I replayed the nightmare again. This one was different than the others. Instead of a car wreck, I was sitting in the studio at the sound board with Dimitri when the door slammed open. I looked up to find a masked figure barging in. they shot Dimitri and he slumped over in the chair. I screamed as tears started falling, jumping up and putting the chair between me and the masked intruder. They laughed as they shot me in the shoulder then grabbed me and drug me out of the room. In the hallway I saw Abe and yelled for help. He shrugged and just said "I tried Kizim. You didn't listen." That's when I woke up.

As my breathing finally calmed, I grabbed my phone with the intention of calling Dimitri. As I grabbed it and saw the google icon, I remembered my earlier conversation with Butch. I clicked on it and went to translate. When I typed in Kizim my jaw dropped.

"Mother fucker!" I gasped.


	16. Chapter 16 Wicked Game

**Surprise! I've been on a writing streak and wanted to share! Hopefully the next chapter won't be too much further behind. Anyways, tell me what you all think. Especially about whats going on now. Tell me your ideas! Hope everyone stays safe and healthy!**

I exited the app and quickly dialed.

"Kiz? What's wrong?" Abe answered on the third ring.

"What's wrong?" I repeated. "What's wrong? What's wrong is apparently you're my fucking father and neglected to tell me!"

"How'd you figure it out?"

"You've been calling me daughter for months, did you think I would never google it?"

"I hoped you would," he admitted. "I've wanted to tell you for a long time but, when we met you didn't even know asshole wasn't your father. I wasn't sure how to."

"Why did you hide it to begin with?" I asked.

"Trust me, it was the absolute last thing I wanted. Tell you what, give me the morning to finish up some things, I'll fly out and we can talk about this in person. I'll answer any questions you have."

"I guess. Fair warning, I have a lot."

"I would expect nothing less. I'll be there no later than 2. We have a lot to talk about," he said. About then I started to get nauseous. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, phone with me.

"Sounds good. See you later," I said into the phone. I clicked end right as I started puking. I'm sure he loved hearing that as a goodbye. I heaved everything out and when I was done, I sat on the floor against the wall. When I regained my strength, I stood up and brushed my teeth heading out to the bedroom. I looked at the bedside table and saw a cold bottle of water and crackers sitting there. I smiled. For such an intimidating man, I'm learning that there's a caring heart in Butch. It makes me even more excited to prove him wrong in my bet. A man like that deserves a lot of love. I tried to lay there and go back to sleep but I couldn't my mind was racing. I fought it but eventually I caved and called Dimitri as I opened the crackers hoping to settle my stomach.

"Roza?" he asked groggy. I instantly felt bad.

"Dang it I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep," I rambled.

"I'm up. How bad?" he questioned.

"Honestly not as bad as it could have been. That's not really why I'm calling. Well that's part of the reason. It started all of this. Well I guess my conversation with Butch started it but then the nightmare brought it back up. The worst part in it was you got killed, I got shot in the shoulder but I was more upset that they shot you," I said still rambling but not able to stop. I hadn't realized I had gotten so anxious.

"Babe, pause for a second. Take a few deep breaths. You're rambling and not making sense," he said. I could hear him opening up some cabinets.

"Are you in the kitchen?" I asked in between breaths.

"Making coffee, deep breaths. In, hold it for 4…3…2…1 and release. Do it again," he instructed. I did as he said and was able to calm down as he started singing 'Back Home' softly in the background. I smiled. Man this man really loved me. Instead of getting mad that I woke him up at 5 in the morning, he's making coffee and singing to me to calm me down.

"I love you," I told him softly.

"Ditto. You ok?"

"Physically? Yes. Mentally? Hardly. Why are you making coffee? You should go back to sleep when you hang up."

"I'll be fine, I can get a workout in before I go to the studio."

"My muscle man," I teased.

"Sometimes. I've been slacking being out on the road. Now, what's up?"

"First of all, you haven't been slacking at all, you're still buff as hell. Secondly, I found out who my father is."

"Abe?" he asked.

"You knew?" I gasped.

"No but I had a suspicion. I was trying to get more information before I told you my suspicions because I didn't want to upset you or get your hopes up."

"You should have told me!" I said getting upset.

"Babe, as soon as I had anything other than a curiosity, I was going to tell you. It intrigued me in the interest he took to you and how much he favored you. Then add in he knew your mom before you were born. I've been trying to figure out how to ask him about it because he's still my boss also. How did you find out?"

"When Butch and I were hanging out he mentioned he knows 6 languages so I asked him if he knew Turkish and what Kizim meant. He told me that I should look it up and refused to tell me. now I get its because he didn't want to be the one to reveal Abe's secret. Anyway I got distracted and never looked it up but in the nightmare, a masked intruder came in the studio, shot and killed you. Then they shot me in the shoulder and dragged me out. As they were pulling me away I saw Abe and begged him to help and he said "Sorry Kizim I tried, you didn't listen" or something like that. When I woke up I replayed it while I calmed down. When I got to that part it reminded me so I googled it and I found out Kizim means daughter. I called and woke his ass up and he admitted it. He said he's going to fly out and we'll talk about it in person."

"You've had an eventful night," he sighed.

"That doesn't include the mad rush to the bathroom where Abe probably heard me throw up before I hung up."

"Morning sickness? You feeling better?"

"A little. I'm still nauseous. I guess I wasn't exactly quiet and Butch heard me because he left a water and crackers on my nightstand. He's a really nice guy."

"Do I have some competition?" he teased trying to lighten the mood.

"I mean maybe," I teased back. "Depends on if he can cook."

"Always knew the way to your heart was through your stomach," he replied.

"Ugh maybe I shouldn't talk about food…though black bread sounds amazing right now. everything else makes me want to puke again," I sighed.

"I'm sorry Roza. I wish I could help."

"I know but even if you were here, there's nothing you could do. It's just part of pregnancy."

"Are you going to call your mom?"

"About the baby? No."

"About Abe."

"Oh, sorry. I'm like everywhere right now," before I could say anything else he sent a facetime invite.

"Sorry I needed to see you," he said when I accepted it. Tears popped into my eyes when I saw him and I wanted to roll my eyes. I didn't because I didn't want him to think it was because of him. I propped the phone up against a pillow as I cuddled Dimitris pillow, wrapping my arms around it and laying my head on it.

"Don't be sorry. I didn't even think about facetime," he was sitting in the living room, laying on the couch. He propped the phone up on the coffee table and rolled on his side to face it. "I'm glad you did."

"Me too," he smiled softly.

"Just hearing your voice and seeing your face calms me down by like 40%. I hate admitting that, but it's true," I admitted. Before he could say anything I sighed and answered his previous question. "I don't know what I'm going to do about my mom. I'm going to talk to Abe first and go from there. I asked him why he didn't say anything and he said when he first met me, I didn't even know Stan wasn't my father so, he didn't really know what to do. When I asked why he didn't just stick around when I was born, he said not telling me was the last thing he wanted to do but that he would explain later."

"Didn't she say it was dangerous for your real father to be in your life? Maybe, they had a legitimate reason. Abe isn't exactly into all things legal. The record label is one of his legit businesses but, there's been rumors for years that he has some not so legit ones also. That's where he gets most of his money. I'm sure he's made some enemy's over the years."

"Why'd you never tell me this before?"

"Because we were barely talking when you signed on, then I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because he seems to really care about you. Now I know why."

"I mean I guess I get it. If harm could come to our baby I would do whatever I could to stop it but, I don't know if it was us in that situation, if I could just take them from you and lie to them for years. Actually, that's a lie. I know I couldn't. and I would hope like hell you wouldn't let me."

"I don't know Roza. You and I are different people that would never be in that situation to begin with. If I was Abe and I knew I had enemy's that would go after our baby, I might force myself to let you two go. Then you would stay alive. Maybe at the time he didn't have the full resources to protect you. I think before you go making any judgements, wait and talk to him. He seems upset by the things he's learned about your past and he seems to be wanting to try and make up for it."

"He can't make up for 18 years of neglect and down right abuse comrade."

"I know that and he knows that. Just hear him out and see what he has to say. Then see how you feel."

"You're right. It just hurts. Then to find out he's been right in front of my face for the past few months. I do need to give him a chance to explain though."

"I know babe. This sucks and I'm sorry."

"On the plus side, my bio dad is some master mafia dude not an alcoholic child abuser like I thought. Sad day when I'd prefer a mafia kingpin."

"It is sad but from what I've seen from watching Abe he seems to care about you."

"He did seem upset when I'd tell him things. Ok, I'll wait and see what he says then we'll go from there."

"Maybe this is the beginning of something good."

"Maybe you're right."

We stayed up talking for a little while longer until I finally faded back to sleep. A little while later I felt the bus stop and woke up. I quickly threw some clothes on and went out to the living room. Butch was there on the couch.

"I'm going to go take a small walk, get some air."

"Alright let's go," he said standing. He led the way to make sure the coast was clear. I grabbed a jacket that I had by the door. I slipped it on as we walked out.

"Is Chuck going to join us?"

"Yes, I texted him," he said as I looked around. We had finally arrived in Spokane, Washington which is where our next show is tomorrow. I had planned for Dimitri and I to go sightseeing today but since he isn't here, I'm not sure what my plans are. Currently we're parked in a hotel parking lot. We're staying there tonight instead of the buses. The hotel was about a quarter mile away from a big river, it was beautiful. Some of the trees had started turning fall colors while others stayed green.

"Can we go walk down to the river and back?"

"Yea. Let's just wait for Chuck."

"Got it. Thanks for the crackers and water last night. They helped a lot. Sorry I woke you up."

"I was already awake but you're welcome. My best friends wife was pregnant not too long ago. He said they kept crackers and water by her bed for the first 4 months. I was hoping it'd help you."

"You're pregnant?" came a gasp from behind me. I turned to see Stephanie and Amanda behind me.

"Amanda?" I asked confused.

"I planned a surprise visit. Wanted to come see the show tomorrow and I have family here in Spokane, seemed fitting," she smiled. "That wasn't an answer though."

"No, I was just super nauseous last night and Butch was telling me that crackers and water helped a friend when she was pregnant and nauseous so he was hoping it would help. I think I had some bad chicken yesterday or something. I was nauseous all night but I'm ok now," I lied. Butch looked at me curiously but didn't say anything. I wished I could tell them but that phone call yesterday was playing on repeat in my head.

"Oh that stinks. I'm sorry. Glad you're better now. Maybe it was motion sickness," Stephanie said.

"Yea, that could have been it. You've been on the bus for a while now," Amanda agreed.

"Maybe. Where's Chuck? It shouldn't take this long to get here," I said getting worried and looking around. I went to grab my phone but realized I had left it on the bus. "Oh crap, I don't have my phone. Let me go grab it."

"We'll be here," Butch said also pulling out his phone. I went back inside and as I grabbed it, I heard a thunk outside and jumped.

"What the hell?" I mumbled. I heard steps up into the bus and turned.

"I think it's time we had a chat."

* * *

 **DPOV:**

After getting off the phone with Rose, I went to our gym and did a quick workout before heading into the studio. As I entered, I saw Abe sitting at the sound board.

"I'm sure you've talked to Rosemarie by now," he stated.

"Yes sir. She called me after she got off the phone with you last night."

"You mean after she got done throwing up?" he asked.

"She wondered if you heard her," I admitted.

"I was going to call her back and see if she was ok but, if she was sick, I didn't want to bother her more. Plus, I'm not her favorite person right now. Is she ok?"

"Well sir, she's uh pregnant. We haven't told anyone yet. My mom suspects it and her best friend Lissa knows, Butch went with us to her appointment so he knows but no one else. We've been waiting until the second trimester to make sure she doesn't miscarry."

"She's pregnant?" he questioned in shock. "I thought…?"

"That's what we thought too. It was a shock to us and the Dr. she said everything looks perfect right now though. She's cautiously optimistic."

"That's amazing," he said excitedly. His face changed quickly though as he looked at me.

"My daughter is pregnant, out of wedlock. What are your intentions with that?" he asked looking deadly.

"Sir with all due respect, you don't have a leg to stand on right now. you've never been a father to her and she just now found out you were her father last night. You can't come in and try to threaten me when I've been here protecting and taking care of her most of our lives. I know I messed up for a few years but, I learned from those mistakes. That being said, I would marry her today if she'd let me but she's not ready yet. She's terrified that things are going too well and the floor is about to fall out beneath us. She's trying to stay positive but, it's a work in progress."

"So, you intend to marry her? To stay and be a father to this baby?"

"Yes sir. She's the love of my life and I will never willingly leave her side again. Whether we're married or not, Rose and this baby are my life and my family and I will take care of them." Abe stood up and stood in front of me.

"You're a good man Dimitri. You've made some mistakes but haven't we all. Agreeing to go along with this plan of not telling Rose about me was my mistake. Luckily for you, you realized it before it was too late. Thank you for always being there and protecting her over the years. I know you probably don't understand my actions and I'm not going to explain them to you. I'll let Rose tell you what she wants after I talk to her but, I have always loved her and wanted whats best for her. After learning more about the reality of her childhood, I'm glad she's had you and your family watching out for her over the years."

"I'm glad she's had my family too. They've been by her side even better than I have over the years. I'm just lucky she chose me."

"Yes you are son," Abe laughed slapping a hand on my shoulder.

"Report?" Came a voice from the corner, I turned to see Pavel standing in the corner holding a cell phone to his ear. "She's WHAT?" he yelled. "I need all the information now."

"Whats wrong?" I asked, my stomach sinking. He put the phone on speaker and walked over. Butch's voice came through over the speaker.

"Rose and I were standing in the doorway of the bus waiting for Chuck to show up because Rose wanted to walk to the river. Amanda and Stephanie Came over. They talked for a minute before Rose pointed out that it was taking Chuck too long to get there. That's when she realized she'd left her phone on the bus. She went back to get it as I pulled my phone out to call Chuck. One of the girls asked me a question and as I turned to answer something smashed against the back of my head and knocked me out. When I came to, Rose, Stephanie and, Amanda were all gone and no one has seen them."

"Who the hell is Chuck?" Abe asked. "Why is Amanda there? She's supposed to be here today?"

"That's Charles. Rose has nicknamed him Chuck," I explained trying not to freak out. "Are there any signs of a struggle? Any video?"

"I'm talking to the hotel manager now to see what outside video they have, I've already called local authorities, they're on their way."

"We'll be on a plane in thirty minutes there within 3 hours. For now, you're running point. I'll see what we can get done from our end," Abe spoke up.

"Got it boss. We'll find her soon," Butch said. Hopefully he's right.


	17. Chapter 17 Is This The End?

**Guys! We're getting close to the end! Only a little bit more! Ok so this chapter was kind of hard to write because I've never written a scene like this but, I loved it. Tell me what you think!**

 **The song used for the title of this chapter is, "Is This The End" By Joseph William Morgan**

"The fuck?" I mumbled slowly waking up. My entire body hurt, my head throbbed and I couldn't move. I can't even remember going to sleep…that's when it hit me. The bus. I jolted in my seat, my head snapping up and eyes popping open. I tried to move only to find I was restrained to a chair.

"About time," came a voice that chilled me to the bone. I turned my head to find Stan standing in the corner leaning against the wall. "I thought you'd never wake up."

"What are you doing here? Where am I?" I questioned confused. I tried to hastily scan the room while keeping him in my line of sight. It appeared we were alone.

"Oh, my dear Rosemarie, I'm here to get my revenge,"

"Revenge? For what? Torturing me for 18 years?"

"You call that torture? Because I told you the truth? No, you don't know the meaning of the word torture. Torture is being in love with someone for years before they'd even look at you twice. Torture is still marrying them knowing they didn't love you hoping one day they would learn to. Torture, is having to pretend to be a father to a bastard child. Father the child your WIFE had with the man she really loved," as he said each sentence, he walked a couple of steps towards me until finally he was right in front of me. He leaned down in my face as he spoke the last sentence. "Torture is thinking that maybe after the bratty whore was gone, we could move on and she'd finally love me only for her to divorce me and kick me out of my own house."

"Maybe if you weren't a pathetic drunk the whole time she would have loved you," I spat. Before I could even flinch his hand cracked across my face. Pain shot through my skull as I tasted blood in my mouth. Sadly, the first thing to pop in my mind was the quote from 'Pretty Woman' where she asks if they have classes to teach men how to slap women. She was right.

"Shut up you bitch!" he growled. He stood up and started pacing. "She told me I wasn't allowed to seriously hurt you…yet…but maybe you tried to escape and I did what I had to do? Get me?"

"Who's she? You're not the one who kidnapped me?" I asked. I remembered bending down to grab my phone then turning around, after that everything was fuzzy.

"This wasn't my idea no. Mine was just to kill you. Almost succeeded with that car crash. Just had to pay Ralph off a little bit and he was way too excited to do it. When it failed, she approached me with this plot, allowing both of us to get revenge, I jumped at the idea."

"Who is she?" I asked.

"You'll find out soon enough." He smirked. "For now, it's time to go pay your little friend a visit."

"Who? Who else do you have here?" I asked.

"Already forgotten your mousy little assistant that quick?" he smirked.

"Don't hurt her! She's not part of this."

"No, my dear, she's the reason you're here," he smiled looking like pure evil and insanity before turning and leaving the room. Once he was gone, I took a look around the room. I was in what looked like a concrete basement. The room was mostly bare with a few boxes stacked in the corner. The chair I was in was in the middle of the room. My feet were tied together then tied to the legs of the chair. My arms were tied behind the chair. My shoulders were already stiff from being held back like this. I pulled on my ropes to see if there was any slack I could use. There wasn't but I could just reach up and grab part of the rope. I started pulling at it hoping I could loosen something. All of a sudden, the door opened again and Stephanie was pushed into the room crying. Her hands were tied.

"Tell her, tell her how this was all your fault. How you've been the one betraying her this whole time," Stan said shoving her again.

"It was an accident. I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

"Tell her!" he yelled.

"It's my fault you're here," she said dejectedly hanging her head. Then she pulled her head up and looked at me, "But it was an accident!"

"Shut up!" he yelled slapping her so hard she fell.

"Leave her alone," I told him not wanting to watch him abuse her.

"Would you rather I come hit you?" he asked as he kicked her. She let out a scream and curled into a ball.

"Leave her alone, your issue is with me not her," I told him reluctantly. I didn't want him to come after me but I couldn't watch him torture her. As long as he stayed away from my stomach I would be ok.

"So, you do want me to hit you…What's the matter? Not getting enough attention? You always were an attention whore," he taunted coming over towards me. "Not so tough now."

"I never wanted your attention," I spat at him angrily. "I wanted as far away from you as I could get."

"BITCH!" he yelled backhanding me. My already sore head exploded in pain but I held my scream in. "After everything I did for you, this is the thanks I get?"

"What did you do for me? Abuse me? Call me names? Treat me like yesterdays trash?" I asked not able to hold it back. "You were a monster. I'm so thankful I'm not your real daughter."

He roared as he kicked my chair and the chair tipped. I was able to twist so most of the impact went to my shoulder but my head hit also. Pain exploded in my shoulder as the world started fading. My last coherent thought/action was realizing my legs had enough slack I could pull my knees up to semi-protect my stomach. Then everything went black.

* * *

 _"Dimitri?" I called out walking around our cabin. I opened the door to the downstairs studio but it was silent. The whole house was. Suddenly I felt a chill. Something wasn't right. All of a sudden, I heard a baby crying down the hall._

 _"Comrade? Where are you?" I asked going towards the crying. When I opened the door, I was shocked to find Stan standing by the crib, the baby inside screaming but luckily Stan wasn't touching her. The pink bedding blocked off my vision of her but I could hear her._

 _"Get away from my baby," I told him angrily._

 _"Or what?" he taunted reaching a hand inside. Before he could touch her, I was across the room, I kicked at the back of his knees knowing getting him on the ground would be my best bet. I connected and he wobbled but didn't quite fall. He laughed as he launched at me. Suddenly there was more crying from across the room. I looked and found another crib, this one with green bedding. Again, I couldn't see the baby inside but knew he was there. That distraction was all Stan needed though to throw me to the ground. The door burst open as Dimitri walked in. I sighed in relief but my relief was short lived when I heard a gun shot from the hallway and saw the blood slowly start spreading across Dimitri's chest as he fell to his knees. He looked over at me and whispered 'Save them' before collapsing completely. I sobbed as he hit the ground and shouted out for him but it was too late._

 _"Aw poor Rose," Stan taunted. I kicked at his legs and this time succeeded to knock him down as I climbed to standing. I kicked him in the ribs then ran to the little girls crib. Before I made it, he grabbed my ankle and I fell. My head hit the crib on the way down. I could feel myself fading as my heart sank realizing I had failed my babies yet again. I looked up to see a faint image of a little boy with dimitri's eyes and my hair._

 _"Connor?" I asked somehow knowing it was him._

 _"Mommy save them. You can do it." he said walking towards me._

 _"I couldn't save you," I sobbed._

 _"You weren't supposed to. It wasn't your fault mommy," he said softly putting a hand on my cheek. I sobbed harder._

 _"I'm so sorry," I told him. He bent and laid beside me as I held him to me as everything else faded._

 _"It's ok mommy. I'm ok but now, you need to wake up and save them. They need you now."_

 _"What if I can't?" I asked holding him tightly._

 _"You can. I believe in you mommy. Now wake up."_

* * *

"Rose…Rose!" Came a whispered yell from in front of me. I gasped awake. I was still laying on the ground tied to the chair. Stephanie was across from me tied to a pipe. Her feet were now tied. She had tears rolling down her cheeks. "Thank goodness. I thought you were dead."

"How long have I been out?" I asked trying to take an inventory of my injuries.

"I'm not sure but I'd say hours at least. I've been calling your name for a while."

"That explains why my shoulder and arm is numb," I grunted. I looked around knowing I needed to get back to a sitting position or I could permanently damage my shoulder laying like this. Luckily the fall seemed to have loosened up my ropes. As I started working on getting my hands loose I talked to Stephanie. "How is it your fault I'm here?"

"Amanda has apparently been using me for information. She told me it was stuff she needed as your publicist. Turns out it was just so she could keep tabs on you and pass it along to Stan. That's how they knew Dimitri was gone and you were alone. I swear I didn't realize it until she kidnapped us both. Then she taunted me telling me how I'd told her everything she needed to know and played right into her hands. I'm so sorry," she sobbed again. She hung her head as she started crying again.

"Stephanie," I said sternly getting her attention. "It's ok, you're just another victim in this yourself. You didn't do anything on purpose. I need you to calm down so we can figure a way out of here ok? I'm going to need your help. Ok?"

"Yes ma'am," she sniffled trying to stop the tears.

"Good," I smiled softly at her. I had just managed to loosen the ropes enough to almost slip my hand through when the door opened.

"I told you to not hurt her!" came Amanda's voice from the door. From my position I couldn't see her. All of a sudden there were feet in front of me and I was being lifted back up. Blood started flowing back into my arm as it filled with the pins and needles feeling. I gasped in relief that it wasn't permanently damaged.

"I didn't hurt her, just roughed her up a little. She's fine," Stan protested.

"Tell that to her black eye and bruised cheek. And the cut on her head and lip. Geez, can't you follow any directions?" she asked angrily.

"Bitch deserved it," he spat. She rolled her eyes.

"Leave," she commanded him. He sighed angrily and stomped out of the room. Based on the sounds of his stomps, there were stairs on the other side of the door. "Sorry about him. He's an ass."

"Why are you doing this Amanda?" I asked.

"My names not Amanda. I had no choice. You ruined my best friends life."

"Stan is your best friend?" I asked.

"No, he's just a pawn in this. No, she hasn't arrived yet but she'll be here in the morning."

"Who's your best friend?" I asked.

"Like you don't know," she sneered. "See, she came to me when you first arrived saying she was concerned about you messing her plans up. I tried to intervene then, tried turning the media around on you, getting America to hate you. Somehow, you always came out on top. America just ate you up. the poor, abused, tragic life story worked. Then we came up with this plan."

"So, what, are you going to kill me?" I asked.

"I'm going to let her decide what she wants to do. My part is just to get and keep you here. Which shouldn't be too hard. No one knows who to look for or where to look. Sad part is, we're right under all of their noses. We're still in Spokane. I wasn't lying when I said I had family here but, when they look into that, they're going to find that Amanda was lying and doesn't have any connections here. This is my cousins house but they're out of the country for the month. That gives us a lot of time together," she smiled.

"You realize that Abe is going to come looking for me. He has connections to the mafia…do you really want to mess with the mafia?" I asked her.

"Unfortunately, that's a chance we have to take. You can't keep running around stealing men and ruining lives. Plus, hopefully he'll realize you're too much of a hassle of an artist and drop you. Then he won't even look for you." By that, I knew she was working with Tasha…of course.

"You know what I just found out? You're going to love this. Especially because Stan knew and didn't share it with you…Abe, he's my father. So, how do you think he's going to react when his daughter is kidnapped? You think he's going to just let it go? I don't think so," I shrugged.

"What? You're lying! You don't know who your father is," she said uncertain.

"I didn't until last night. Think about it though, he's been overly protective of me and more involved with me and my career than any other artist. Why do you think that is? Don't believe me, ask Stan."

"That bastard!" she squealed realizing what I said made sense. She stormed out of the room yelling at Stan. Whoops.

After that, who knows how long passed. It was definitely hours. It made it hard to figure out how long we'd been being held. I continued working on the ropes. Finally, after a while I was able to pull my hands free. Stephanie gasped when she saw my hands come in front as I stretched them forward to relieve the tension.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"We're getting out of here," I whispered back. Once all feeling returned back to my limbs I leaned down and started on my legs. Halfway through I heard creaking on the stairs. I quickly looped the rope back around ,my legs and prayed they wouldn't look too closely. I grabbed the rope from my hands off the floor and tried to loop them around also to look like I was still tied up.

"Well, well, well, finally we run into each other at last," snarked Tasha as she came in the room. "Not so awesome now are you?"

"Why are you doing his Tasha?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Because, Dimitri was supposed to marry me. not dump me for some reject, trailer trash."

"For the record, I've never lived in a trailer. My mom was rich. The closest thing I've come to it, is living in the tour bus that I share WITH Dimitri," I couldn't help taunt. Let the record show, I have stated in the past that I'd probably die by being sarcastic at the wrong moment…hopefully today wasn't that day. I just can't seem to help myself around these people.

"You homewrecking bitch!" she yelled slapping me. Luckily, hers didn't hurt near as bad or do as much damage as stan.

"How is this going to help you get Dimitri? Kidnapping me? He's going to hate you for that," I tried to reason.

"That's where you're wrong. See, I'm going to have Stan and Amanda take the blame…only no one knows who Amanda really is so she'll get away with it. It'll just be poor Stan taking the fall when he was only the pawn."

"Let me guess, he kills me, then you come in and console Dimitri until he learns to love you?" I asked.

"Exactly. It worked the first time."

"Except it didn't. If it would have, you would have been married by the time I showed up. You would still be together. He doesn't love you, not like that. He did truly love you as a friend but you've ruined that now."

"I saw the ring, it was working."

"That ring had been in that drawer since Dimitri showed it to me in high school saying he was going to give it to me one day. It was never meant for you, I'm sorry."

"You're a liar!" she yelled.

"I'm not. You know I'm not. You used that ring as a misguided attempt to trap him. It didn't work. Move on and find somebody who truly loves you the way you deserve to be loved. Don't try to settle for second best," I told her trying to reason.

"You can try to talk your way out of this but, it's too late. The plan is already in motion. In fact, Stan is already out getting supplies as we speak."

"Ok, fine, you can kill me but, I just want you to know, I'm pregnant. Dimitri will never forgive you if something happens to our baby. He will never recover if he loses a second child," I told her honestly trying anything I could. I know it was a risk to tell her but, maybe it would appeal to her love for Dimitri.

"You're lying," she said shocked.

"I'm not. My phones in my pocket, if you pull it out and look in my pictures you'll see the sonogram picture."

"Well, I'll just make the sacrifice and have a new baby for him. Then we can be a family. I never wanted kids but, I can pretend. I'd do it for him."

"Tasha, if something happens to this baby it will destroy Dimitri. Is that what you want? You say you love him, why would you hurt him like that?"

"I'm not letting you go. No matter what. Maybe we can just hold you until the baby's born then you mysteriously die…yea that could work…" she smiled evily. "Or I could just kill you now and take the chance…decisions decisions…" she smiled again before walking out of the room. I sagged in relief as I let the ropes on my wrist drop. At least I bought a little time.

* * *

 **DPOV:**

"It's been hours and we're no closer," I practically growled frustrated. It was almost midnight and we were no closer to finding Rose, Amanda, and Stephanie. The theory currently is that Amanda and Stephanie kidnapped Rose somehow but we're not sure how. There had to be an accomplice because someone else had to hit Butch. Other than that, we knew nothing. Apparently, Amanda had said she had family in the area but, we couldn't find any. Amanda didn't seem to exist anywhere but on paper. Butch had contacts from his military days running facial recognition but unfortunately nothing was pulling up.

"Be patient Dimitri, we're trying," Abe said. He had called some contacts of his and they were investigating it.

"I can't be patient. Every hour that passes is another hour they could be travelling further away. About then my phone rang. "It's Rose!"

"Roza?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, Rose is unavailable right now," came Amanda's voice.

"What have you done with Rose?" I asked. Butch was doing some stuff on his computer, hopefully managing to trace the call but I wasn't too hopeful.

"Relax, she's fine for now. You come after her though, I cant say the same…for her or the baby."

"How do you know about the baby?" I asked calmly.

"She told me. tried to use it as a reason we should let her go. I thought she was lying."

"She's not and if you hurt her or the baby, you will regret it. I promise that. Let her go."

"Oh, if only I could but I'm not in charge…He is," she laughed then hung up.

"Damn it!" I half-yelled.

"I was able to trace it enough to see that they're still here in Spokane. I couldn't get specific enough though."

"At least we know they're still in the city."

"I think I may be able to help," Came a voice from the door of the bus. I looked up to see Janine standing there.

"What are you doing here?" I asked annoyed and frustrated.

"Ibrihim called me. I think I have info that could help," she said walking in further.

"Stan just took a leave of absence from work. When Abe called me about Rose, I hacked into his bank account, he flew into Spokane yesterday. Tell me that's not a coincidence."

"Ok so we'll add him to the facial recognition and see what we pull up," Butch said. Chuck looked up then and nodded. He had also been knocked out before he could get to the bus. They'd even tied him up which is why he wasn't with Butch when he had called earlier. "I also on a whim looked up Tasha. Turns out she just flew to Seattle yesterday for a supposed photoshoot that doesn't exist. It can't be a coincidence that she's in Washington."

"Ok so Stan and Tasha are working together…where would they take her?" I asked.

"We're still working on that. The info helps though," Butch said calmly. On the outside, I was calm but on the inside I was raging. It's my fault Tasha is involved. If Rose gets hurt, I will never forgive myself. Adrian and Sydney had been in here but silent the whole time.

"We're going to go take a walk, Dimitri maybe you should too. You're no good to her like this," Adrian spoke up standing up.

"I'm fine," I snapped.

"Dimitri, go take a walk. Come back in a little bit once you clear your head. That's an order. I'll call you if anything changes," Abe said sternly.

"Abe, I know you're my boss but, right now I don't care what you tell me to do. I'm not a lackey to order around."

"Dimitri," Sydney said softly putting a hand on my arm gently. "Go take a walk. Call your mom and tell her what's going on. You know the press already found out so she'll be finding out soon too. It should come from you. Plus, I think you need her right now. She's always helped Rose. She helps you too."

"Fine," I growled knowing she was right. I grabbed my phone and spun out of the bus. When I was down by the river that Roza had wanted to walk to, I collapsed on the ground. I dialed mama and was surprised she answered on the second ring.

"Dimka? Is she ok?" She asked.

"How did you already know? It's like 3 am or something there."

"I don't know anything. Yeva just woke me up saying something was wrong."

"Tasha and Stan kidnapped her mama. We don't know where they've taken her," I sighed willing myself not to break down.

"We'll find her Dimka. I can feel it."

"What if its too late…She's pregnant mama," I said softly.

"I figured she was. Have faith Dimka. Roza is tough and strong. She survived 18 years with Stan. She can survive a night."

"Tasha's involved too. This is my fault. I should have been here. I should have never gotten involved with Tasha."

"Did you know Tasha was like this when you started dating her?" she asked.

"No?"

"Well, then you didn't know. You truly cared for her. You didn't know she was this mentally unstable. She had security with her. From what she told me they were both high ranking military men. If they got bested, what do you think you could have done differently?"

"I don't know but at least I would have been here. She wouldn't have been alone."

"You can't be her shadow all the time Dimka. We will find her in time. She's going to be ok. Yeva feels it so it must be so. She's worried about you though. You need to promise that you won't do anything reckless."

"Mama I can't promise anything when it comes to protecting her. I can't live without her, or our baby."

"She can't live without you either, think about that before you do something foolish. If something happens to you, saving her would be pointless. You are two halves of a whole. Only complete with each other."

"I will try mama. I promise. I'm going to go back to the bus and see if there's any developments. I'll keep you updated."

"I love you Dimka. Go get your girl."

"I love you too mama." I said hanging up. I sat there for another few minutes before walking back to the bus. As I entered Butch looked up at me.

"We have a lead."

* * *

 **RPOV:**

Amanda had come downstairs shortly after Tasha had left and grabbed my cellphone from my pocket. I probably shouldn't have reminded them I had it but, I needed proof to tell Tasha earlier. Finally, I decided it was time to make a move. I finished untying my ankles and went over and untied Stephanie.

"Ok, I'll lead the way up. We have to be as quiet as possible. I'm hoping Stan is still out and it's just Tasha and Amanda but, we really don't know who all is up there," I whispered. I softly opened the door. I was surprised they weren't locking it. Amateurs. We softly made our way up the stairs, they only creaked once. It was painful because they were steep and my knee still hurt on stairs but we eventually made it. The stairwell opened up to a long hallway with 3 doors on the right and two on the left. The last ones on each side were open. Somehow, we made it to the end of the hallway without attracting attention. Both rooms appeared to be empty which meant luck was on our side. That scared me. this was too easy. The hallway opened up to a big living room. Directly to our right was what looked like a front door. We were almost to it when it busted open.

"Well what do we have here?" Stan smiled. "Looks like some runaways. And they say I'm the idiot. At least I don't let hostages escape."

"Don't hurt us, we'll go back down," I lied.

"Oh girl, you already messed up," he grinned maliciously before charging at me. I knew enough to duck and push him at the knees to try and get him to roll over me. It worked but he was back up quickly and yanked me down by my hair before I could stop it. I let out a squeal and quickly heard more steps in the hallway.

"What the hell?" Tasha screeched.

"Just taking care of some problems," Stan said happily.

"She's pregnant, hurt the other one!" Tasha told him.

"Oh, she is?" he smirked. "Lets take care of that."

"Stan please!" I cried truly scared for the first time.

"Oh, I love it when you beg," he laughed. By now Amanda had made it in along with 4 muscular men with guns. Guess there was security.

"Please, don't hurt my baby. I will do whatever you say," I plead knowing it was useless.

"Shut up bitch," he said. He reared his foot back to kick my stomach but before he could a scream came from the doorway.

"STANLEY STOP!" he immediately dropped his foot as we both turned, his hand still holding my hair, to see Janine in the doorway.

"Mom?" I asked. About then Dimitri stepped in behind her. He looked fierce. Like an avenging angel come to destroy. I breathed a sigh of relief but that relief was short lived when Stan yanked me up and managed to put a gun to my head. Where he even got it, I'm not sure. Tasha's guards charged at Janine and Dimitri as Butch and Chuck ran in the middle. It was 2 against 4 though because Dimitri and Janine were focused on me.

"Put the gun down," Dimitri said calmly…too calmly walking forward.

"Yea, I'll get right on that," Stan laughed pulling me closer. Luckily for me, he'd let his grip in my hair go and just wrapped his arm across my chest. One of the guards got loose and made his way towards Dimitri when out of no where Stephanie smashed a vase at him. Somehow, she managed to hit him in the head and cause him to stumble. Dimitri turned and started to fight him.

"Stan let her go now. Don't make me shoot you," Janine warned. Stan pushed me further in front of him to block himself more. I shifted my hips a little to the left pretending to be shaking from fear. In reality I was preparing to drop. Luckily for me, Dimitri went through a fighting phase in late middle, early high school. When he got worried Stan would hurt me, he taught me some self-defense. Ironic now.

"Why wouldn't it surprise me that you would shoot me," he scoffed.

"When you're holding a gun to my daughters head definitely," she told him taking another step towards us. She turned to me. "Rose, you ok?"

"I've been better," I told her. Since she was looking at me, I tried to mentally send her a message. I pulled my hands up like I was trying to pull Stans arm away from me. I turned my hand so he couldn't see my fingers as I mouthed '1, 2, 3'. When I got to three, I twisted into him then ducked my head and slip out from under his arm. As soon as I was free, I heard a gun shot ring out. By the time I'd hit the ground, Dimitri was beside me. I'd stopped watching his fight so I was hoping his guy was down.

"Roza," he breathed grabbing me in his arms.

"You're here," I smiled softly as I sat up to hug him to me.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Better that you're here," I smiled. The action hurting my face because of the bruises. He moved his hand to trace them. Here we were sitting on the floor while fighting surrounded us but I was only focused on him. That was my mistake.

"You whore!" Screamed Tasha. I turned to see her running towards us, gun in hand pointed directly at us. I gasped and leaned in front of Dimitri but he quickly pushed me out of the way as the gun went off, twice. As soon as it went off, she was tackled to the ground by Butch, the gun knocked out of her hand.

"Comrade," I gasped turning towards him. There on his chest was a big red splotch that hadn't been there before. "COMRADE!"

"Roza, did she hit you?" he gasped.

"I'm fine but you're shot!" I said. As soon as I said I was fine, he collapsed against me. I slowly lowered him to the ground. Something was thrust in front of me as someone told me to hold it to his chest. I grabbed the cloth and shoved it against his wound holding it tightly. "Stay with me comrade."

"I'm never leaving you," he gasped out.

"You better not," I sobbed. He reached up and put his hand on the side of my face as his breaths got more and more shallow. His hand dropped down as his eyes started to lower. "COMRADE. Open your eyes."

"Ok," he sighed opening them again. "You're…beautiful."

"And you're a liar but I love you anyway," I teased trying to keep him talking as much as he could.

"Love…you…too,"

"Hey comrade," I said trying to get his attention again. When he looked at me I smiled softly at him. "I think we're having twins."

"Twi?" he asked not getting the whole word out. He attempted to smile but it didn't stick.

"Yep, so I really need you to stick around. I can't handle two babies on my own."

"Ok," he breathed as his eyes shut

"Dimitri!" I yelled. Right then someone started pushing on my shoulder.

"Rose, let the paramedics in to help him," a voice came. I turned to see Adrian standing there. "The paramedics are here, they'll take care of him. We also need to get you and the baby checked out."

"I can't leave him," I told him as the tears poured down my face.

"They'll fix him but we have to let them," he said pulling me away, I reluctantly let him as paramedics swarmed Dimitri. I clung to him sobbing into his chest as I watched the paramedics work on Dimitri. Soon, there was a tube sticking out of the side of his chest and a bag in his mouth breathing for him. Janine walked over to me as they loaded Dimitri onto a stretcher and started walking him towards the front door. Only then did I look around to see Tasha, Amanda (or whatever her name is), and the guards all handcuffed surrounded by police.

"Rose, we need to go get you checked out. You're going to follow the ambulance to the hospital in a second ambulance."

"Can't I ride with him?" I asked. Following her out, dragging Adrian with me.

"They need to focus on him. We need to get you checked out," Before I could protest Adrian spoke up.

"Come on Little Red, I'll ride with you but as soon as we get there Janine and Abe will check on him. He needs you to get checked out. You've gotta check on that baby," he said getting me to look at him in the face. He brought his hand up and laid it on my stomach. When he brought that up, I nodded.

"Ok," I relented logic finally breaking through. By now we were outside. I looked up to see the ambulance they loaded Dimitri in, speeding off, sirens blaring and lights flashing. My heart dropped as more tears flooded down my face.

 _'Please let him be ok,_ ' I silently prayed.


	18. Chapter 18 Where Does It Hurt?

**AN: Hey everyone! Sorry this has taken so long. The last couple of weeks have been insanely busy and stressful with work and my homelife. Hopefully, things will calm down soon and I can write fast again. This chapter is kind of short but, there's a reason. You'll see next chapter. Let me know what you all think!**

"Rose, you need to eat and then you need to sleep. The chair over there pulls out into a bed. We can get you a pillow and a blanket and as soon as the dr comes out, we'll wake you," Sydney said from the chair beside me. I had already been checked out, Adrian stayed by my side the whole time. The doctor confirmed we were having twins. I had sworn Adrian to secrecy because I wanted Dimitri to be the first to know. As excited as I was to hear that, my fear for Dimitri was consuming everything else. I had been checked out and released two hours ago and Dimitri was still in surgery. The doctor had wanted to keep me for observations but I told him I wouldn't be leaving the hospital tonight anyways so if anything went wrong, I would go straight to the ER. He compromised telling me to limit my activity and come back in two days for another check up.

"Syd I appreciate it but right now my stomach is turning and I'm too amped up to sleep. I promise as soon as I know about Dimitri and I get to see him, I will rest."

"Ok Red but, when was the last time you ate?" Adrian asked from my other side.

"Honestly? Um…I had some crackers at like 5 am the morning I got kidnapped…was that yesterday morning?" I asked confused about how long had passed.

"Girl, you need to eat ASAP. I'm surprised they didn't admit you for that alone," Sydney said in shock. About then my parents walked in…together.

"Syd and I are going to go find you some food and give you guys time to talk. When we get back, you will eat," Adrian said grabbing Sydney and pulling her down the hall. I stood and went towards Abe and Janine.

"Any news?" She asked.

"He's still in surgery. They haven't told us anything else. With me not being family they didn't even want to tell me that," I sighed annoyed.

"How are you?" Abe asked.

"Fine. They said everything looks good. I have to come back in two days for another check up just in case. They wanted to keep me but once I told them I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon anyway, they released me and told me to come back if I start getting unusual cramps or pain."

"That's a relief," Abe said as my mother, in an uncharacteristic show of emotion wrapped me in a hug. I gasped at first but then surprising everyone, including myself, leaned into it and held her tightly. A few tears escaped but I managed to not break down. I can't even remember the last time my mother hugged me. After a few minutes we both pulled away.

"I was so worried we wouldn't find you in time," she said.

"I had hope that between Dimitri's determination and Abe's resources they would find me. Gotta say though, I could have guessed that Tasha was behind it. I wouldn't have guessed that there were 4 people, 3 of which apparently hate me, behind it all."

"Four?" Abe asked.

"Oh, I haven't talked to the cops and didn't even realize I hadn't told anyone else…" I rambled. The cops had came but I was being checked out and then Adrian convinced them to come back in the morning. Apparently Adrian can charm anyone. "Stan was behind the accident. He paid Ralph to do it hoping he would kill me. When he failed, Tasha roped Stan into her plots then her and whoever the hell 'amanda' is used him as their lackey. They were going to kill me and pin it all on Stan."

Abe turned and nodded towards Pavel, whom I hadn't even noticed. Pavel nodded back and turned and exited the room pulling his phone out.

"Butch and Chuck as you so kindly call him, are taking tonight off, Pavel himself will be staying with you tonight, they will be back in the morning. Olena and whoever she wanted to bring are on their way as we speak. They should be here in a couple of hours."

"Thank you! And Butch and Chuck should get at least a couple of days off, not just a night," I sighed glad they were on their way. I had called Olena from the ambulance but wasn't able to tell her much and hadn't talked to her since.

"I do have some bad news. Amanda or whatever her name is, got away. The police are out searching for her but in all the chaos, everyone was focused on Tasha and Stan and she slipped out the back," Janine said.

"So this still isn't all over," I stated. "Wait, she said that it was her cousins house but that they were out of the country or something. So, whoever's house that is, she's related to them. Just not as Amanda," I said. Maybe I should have spoken to the cops. I didn't realize anyone had gotten away. When I had last seen her, the cops had her. Abe grabbed his phone and started typing.

"We'll find her soon," Abe assured me. After a few minutes of silence, I spoke up.

"I guess we have time to kill so I think we need to talk," I said walking over to a table with chairs. They followed and sat down with me. "Start from the beginning."

"Janine and I met in Turkey when she first started her job. She came over for some extra training and from the moment I met her, I was smitten," he admitted. To my surprise she blushed and looked away. "I don't know what all you know about my career…choices-"

"Mafia/mob or something else crazy illegal," I stated bluntly. He laughed while she looked at me like I was insane for just throwing that out there.

"Without getting to into it, you're not far off. I deal in some blurry businesses. At that time I was just taking over the organization and there were quite a few people out for my head. We were smaller at the time and I didn't have as many resources. When your mom told me she was pregnant, I panicked. There had already been threats against her and I wasn't sure if I would be able to protect both of you. We both agreed it'd be best if she went back to the states and no one knew about you. Next thing I knew, she was married. I did check in over the years, see you were doing well at school, see where you were living. When I found out you were in LA and had been performing at the karaoke bar, I may have sent some nudges to Eddie to go check you out."

"I have so many questions but first, I only got a contract because I was your daughter?"

"Not at all. I made sure the information got to him but he didn't know it had come from me and I let him handle it on his own. If he felt you were good enough to come in, that was all him. Then Alberta heard you and insisted we signed you. I just nudged him in your direction. Your talent is the reason you got a contract."

"Ok well that's a relief. Though I don't know if other people will see it that way."

"Who cares. People are always going to have opinions. All they have to do is hear you sing to realize you deserve it," Janine said.

"Thanks…mom," I said hesitantly. It was the first time I'd actually called her mom in years. "So, when you left Turkey, was the plan always to just never tell me?"

"Honestly, we didn't have a well thought out plan. We just agreed I should go back to the states and not tell anyone. When I came back, I ran into Stan, we reconnected and I realized it would be a good cover story if anyone came asking around. I didn't know If Ibrahim would ever get to the point where you would be safe around him so, I went with the safest option. Or at least what I thought was the safest option."

Right then, Adrian and Sydney came back holding a McDonalds bag and a large bottle of water. As soon as I saw the bag my stomach growled loudly. I let out a small laugh.

"Guess I was hungry," I joked. They dropped the bag in front of me and sat down at the table with us. As I grabbed the burger and chicken nuggets out of the bag, I spoke.

"So, Syd, Adrian, have y'all met my parents," I stated knowing the bomb I was dropping. Adrians jaw dropped in shock and Sydney looked confused. "You heard that right. This is my mom Janine and I believe you've met my father. I know, it was quite a shock to me too!"

"But…how?" Adrian asked.

"Long story short, they met in Turkey when they were young, mom got prego and came back to the states. Out came me and here we are 22 years later." I shrugged diving into the food.

"Interesting," Adrian nodded going along with it. Sydney just smiled and didn't say anything. It was mostly silent while I ate, Adrian asked a few questions while Abe updated them on Amanda. I told them about Stan and Ralph.

Finally after an hour of small talk, pacing, and staring into space a lady in scrubs walked out. She looked to be in her mid-thirties with caramel skin and dark brown hair.

"Belikov?" she called as she walked out, then saw us and paused. "Hi, I'm Doctor Romero. Are any of you next of kin or actually related to him?"

"Ma'am, I'm not actually his next of kin but, I'm his fiancé and I'm carrying his baby. I'm as next of kin as it gets," I said lying just a little bit.

"I'm sure but legally I'm not allowed to give you any information. They said his family was here so I assumed his next of kin was here. I wish I could give you information but, I could get fired."

"I completely understand where you're coming from but, I'm literally carrying his dna in my body, you can't get much closer than that. Look at any tabloid and you will see that we are in a relationship. He freaking got shot jumping in front of me so that I wouldn't get shot," I said getting frustrated.

"She is legally his emergency contact, I can have my people email you the paperwork as soon as we're done speaking here," Abe said speaking up. I looked at him confused. "He changed it after your accident. He said if anything ever happened to him, you would be the person he wanted contacted first and the person by his side when he woke up."

"Alright, I'll tell you. Mostly because that was the sweetest thing I've ever heard and I truly believe he's right. I've followed along, I know you're together. Also, because I don't need a pregnant woman having a panic attack on me. Congratulations by the way. He's in recovery. We have him in ICU. Both bullets went into his right lung which caused a decent amount of damage. We have him on a ventilator and sedated right now. We're going to monitor his healing and see how he progresses before deciding when to take him off and wake him up. As of right now, things are looking good. He's healthy, and strong. Barring any unforeseen complications, I think we will be able to wake him in a couple of days."

"I'm staying with him," I told her trying not to crumple under everything she just said.

"He's going to be asleep, Why don't you go back and see him for a little bit, then we'll get you a hotel room and come back in the morning?" Janine suggested.

"I'm not leaving him in the hospital by himself. He didn't leave me, I'm not leaving him."

"Yea but he wasn't pregnant," Sydney spoke up. "He wouldn't want you sitting in a hospital for days."

"I don't care. I'm staying with him," I said adamantly. I turned to the doctor, "Can I please go see him now?"

"Yes ma'am, There's two people allowed at a time. We don't have time restrictions in the ICU, we just ask that there's no visitors between 1 and 3 PM to let the patients rest. Is it just you coming back?"

"I'll walk you back then come back out here when you're ready," Adrian said grabbing my hand and squeezing it reassuringly. Sydney had his other and I turned to her to make sure it was ok. She smiled sadly and nodded her assurance. She let his hand go and gestured forward. The doctor turned and scanned her card letting us back in the way she came.

"I know I said no visitors between 1 and 3 but honestly, if you're already in the room and not causing any problems, no one will say anything," she admitted. "We have a couch that pulls out into a bed, so there is a place for you to sleep. Though, they are right, he's going to be sleeping the whole time. A hospital is not a great place to get rest and you need to rest. You've been through a lot."

"I appreciate that but, honestly, I'm not going to get any rest until he wakes up. I can't sleep well without him, add in the fact he's in a coma? The only way I'm going to be able to rest is by being here with him," I admitted.

"I understand," she nodded smiling softly. "I have to warn you seeing him on the ventilator after surgery can be scary but, it's not as bad as it looks."

"Ok," I nodded. She paused outside of a door and looked at me checking to see if I was ready. I nodded and she opened the door. When I saw him, I gasped. For the first time in my life, he looked frail. He had the breathing tube in his mouth taped down which was forcing his lungs to move. He was in an ugly yellow and orange gown which made his normally tan skin look really pale.

"Why is he so pale?" I asked.

"He had a lot of blood loss. We have him on periodic transfusions to build his supply back up. We also have him on fluids to keep him hydrated and antibiotics to make sure he doesn't get an infection."

"Oh," I muttered. Adrian squeezed my hand and I squeezed it back before letting go and walking over to Dimitri's side.

"If you don't have anymore questions, I'm going to go and give you some time. I'll be here for another hour then the night shift doctor will take over, I'll be back in the morning. If you have any more questions just let the nurse know and she'll pass it along to me."

"Ok. And thank you. I know you risked a lot by talking to me but I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."

"You're welcome," she smiled softly and walked out.

"I guess I should have also thanked her for saving his life," I said looking back down at him.

"You can tell her that tomorrow though I'm sure she knows how thankful you are for that," Adrian said coming over to my side. "Do you want me to stay or do you want me to go?"

"You can go ahead and go. I'm sure you and Sydney are exhausted. Like I said, I'm staying here. Y'all go, get a hotel and get some rest. Thank you for everything. I really don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been by my side all day," I said hugging him.

"You know I'm here for you whenever you need. If you need anything tonight, whether it's more food, someone to just keep you company, absolutely anything, call me," he said hugging me back.

"I will. Go get some rest." I told him. I watched him walk out as I walked over and grabbed a chair bringing it to Dimitri's side. I grabbed his hand as the tears I'd been holding back finally fell.

"Hey Comrade. I don't know if you can hear me but, I'm fine. The baby's fine. Actually I have some exciting news about the baby that I cant wait to share with you. I'm not telling anyone until I tell you. Adrian already knows. I'm sorry but he was with me. I know he's not your favorite person but I'm not sure I would have survived today without him and Sydney. He's been my rock through it all today. She brought me extra clothes so I wouldn't have to stay in my bloody clothes. They made sure the baby was fed. Your mom is on her way. I'm not sure who all came with her…Tasha is in jail and Stan is dead. My mom killed him. Not sure how I'm processing everything right now. all I know is I need you here with me. Now they're telling me you're ok but it will be a couple of days before you wake up. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive that but, I know I will. I have to." I stated wiping the tears from my face.

I continued talking to him for a while. Mostly rambling. Some was old memories, some was about ideas for songs I had. I sang him the newest song I had written while he was gone. I just felt like if I stopped, I would finally break completely and I was trying to avoid that. My parents took turns coming in and saying goodnight. Abe said he'd wait in the waiting room for Olena and update her then he'd leave. Neither stayed very long. My mom brought me a bag of clothes Sydney had brought earlier that I left in the waiting room. It also had essentials like a toothbrush and deodorant. I'd have to remember to thank her later. Abe had managed to get it to where Pavel was allowed to sit a desk in the hallway and stand guard. I felt bad but, it was also reassuring with the threat of Amanda still out there.

At some point I was reminiscing about the day of the softball game where Dimitri broke my ankle when I heard a chuckle from the doorway.

"I remember that day," Olena said from the doorway. I jumped up and ran to her. She hugged me tight. She gasped when she saw my face, running her hands over bruises I had honestly forgotten about before pulling me into a hug. "Oh my Roza. I'm so glad you're ok. I was so worried when Dimka called and told me you'd been kidnapped."

"I don't know if ok is the word I'd use right now but, me and the baby are healthy and safe," I admitted. I backed off so she could go to Dimitri. "Sorry, I should have let you come see him first. I just couldn't help it."

"Rosemarie eventually will be Belikova!" she said sternly grabbing my face with her hands, making sure to avoid the bruises and not be rough. I smiled at her words. "You are just as much one of my children and just as important to me. Don't you ever apologize for needing a hug or comfort. You are just as important as he is. You got that?"

I shrugged and gestured towards his bed leading her towards him. She didn't make a noise when she saw him but her eyes welled up. She walked over and grabbed his right hand while I went to his left side. "Would you like me to give you some time with him?"

"Absolutely not. There's no where else you need to be than right here by his side. Except for a hotel but I already know I won't get you to leave this hospital tonight."

"No Mama Belikova. I'm staying here. I will leave and let you have some time with him though," I told her though every piece of me screamed to stay where I was. Instead of answering she used the hand not holding his to wipe a strand of hair off of his forehead.

"You know, I knew even back then that you two were meant to be together. At that point, neither of you had realized it yet but I knew," she smiled fondly.

"We barely got along," I laughed. "We were constantly bickering and arguing."

"You did constantly argue. You two were like cats and dogs but, nobody pushed you two more than the other. Despite all the arguing, nobody was as loyal as you two were. Dimitri could taunt you and give you heck but the moment somebody else said a bad word against you, he was there to shut it down. Same with you. You challenged each other. Even that day, you were each striving to be your best to impress the other. Even if you didn't realize that's what you were doing. As much as he loves his sisters and is protective over them, I've never seen him be as protective as when it came to you."

"I didn't know it at the time but, the reason he broke up with most of his girlfriends is because they would argue about me," I smiled. "I used to get so mad that he would let his girlfriends be catty towards me, only to find out that they would later argue about it and ultimately end because of it."

"It took him a while but, he finally realized it himself. He's never loved anyone like he loves you. That's how I know he'll be ok. Because there's no way he's going to leave you, especially not while you're pregnant with his baby."

"Maybe he loves me too much," I said as the tears gathered in my eyes at her words. She looked up and I saw the pity on her face. "I don't deserve his love. It's what got him here in the ICU. If it wasn't for me, this would have never happened."

"Oh Roza," she said softly coming over to me and wrapping me in a hug. As soon as my head hit her shoulder I finally broke as she held me while I sobbed into her shoulder. She ran a soothing hand through my hair as she let me cry it out for a few minutes before speaking up again. "If it wasn't for you, he'd still be with that psycho. You woke him up again. You helped him become him again. Besides I heard from a little bird that you tried to push him out of the way first. You were willing to take that bullet for him, just like he was for you. I never ever want any of you harmed but, I'm glad it was him not you. He's going to be ok. I know it deep down in my gut. He'll survive this. If it was you, you could have lost the baby and then we would have lost you too. Who knows what that would have done to Dimitri. Then I would have lost both of you and this precious grandbaby. Dimitri knew what he was doing and I'm proud of him for protecting his family like a good man should. I hate that it happened but we will all get through this."

"What if he doesn't?" I asked voicing my fears.

"We can't think like that. He has too much to live for. Plus, the nurse told me he's already doing better than most people would be in this situation. He's a fighter and he's going to fight to get back to you and this baby."

"I'm sorry, I'm over here breaking down on your shoulder and he's your son. I shouldn't be breaking down like this," I said pulling away. She grabbed my hands and forced me to look at her.

"Roza, you're pregnant, have been through a kidnapping where you were held hostage, by your stepfather I might add, in a basement for the better half of two days. By the looks of your face, I'm assuming you got roughed up pretty well and I'm guessing you didn't get great sleep during that time. Then, you had the love of your life shot in front of you, while protecting you. I'd be worried if you weren't breaking down," she smiled lovingly at me. "That also doesn't include finding out who your biological father is and trying to process all of that. You've had to be so strong the last couple of days, now its time to break down for a minute. That's ok."

"It has been a lot but still," I shrugged embarrassed I broke down on her. She pulled me over by the couch. She made it up into a bed, then grabbed a blanket and a pillow. She sat on the edge on the makeshift bed and put the pillow against her leg before patting it, telling me to lay down.

"What I want you to do know is, come over here. Lay down and try to get some rest. This day would break the best of people, but you're still going. You're a fighter just like he is but, even fighters need rest. So, come here and rest," she said patting the pillow again giving me a no non-sense look. I gave in and laid down as she draped the blanket over me.

"Who all came with you? And don't they want to come back here to see him?" I asked as she started gently running her fingers through my hair.

"Vika, Lissa, and Karolina."

"What about Paul and Zoya?"

"Her boyfriend is watching them. Aj's grandparents are watching him so Lissa could come out here."

"Don't they want to come back here?" I asked my eyes dropping as she continued playing with my hair.

"I made them all go to the hotel. I told them they could come see him bright and early but for tonight you and him need rest. Now, sleep Roza," she said softly. Before I knew it, my eyes closed completely as I drifted off, exhaustion finally taking over.


	19. Chapter 19 Open Your Eyes

**AN: Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter. I decided to go a little heavy on the fluff to make up for the drama of the last couple of chapters. In a way this is also a cleansing chapter for Rose. You'll see what I mean. This story is getting closer to the end. Just a few more things to wrap up! I'm so excited but sad for it to be here!**

"Rose, you need to go home and rest," Vika said from the couch in front of the window in Dimitri's room. I sat by his bed in a chair holding his hand.

"I took a nap earlier. The couch turns into a bed. I'll sleep on it once I get tired. Plus, I have a good feeling. He's going to wake up soon," I said squeezing his hand. I'd been saying that for the last couple of days.

It's been a full week and 3 days since he'd been shot. Turns out, his body didn't handle the antibiotics they'd been giving him very well, and he'd still managed to end up with an infection in his lungs. They were worried he may go septic so they had to bring in an infectious disease doctor. She got him on the right meds and managed to get the infection gone quickly. Unfortunately, the infection had weakened his lungs which meant they couldn't pull him off the ventilator as quickly as they'd hoped. They were finally able to pull the ventilator out yesterday and they'd started weaning off the sedation meds yesterday but, it took a while to work out of your system. He'd woken up once or twice but he was incoherent and drugged up. I had faith though that, he'd wake up soon and be more like himself.

"He may but, he may not. You on the other hand need to take care of that baby," she scolded. Everyone pretty much knew by now even though we'd wanted to hide it.

"I am, I promise. I'm eating, sleeping, staying hydrated. I'm not leaving though. I promise I'll be fine," I told her. She sighed and stood up.

"Ok, well I guess I'm going to head to the hotel for the night. Check on mama. I'll see you in the morning," she said walking over and giving my shoulder a squeeze. Then she turned to my stomach, "Bye my baby!"

"MY baby," I laughed. She just winked and walked out. About 30 minutes later, Dr. Romero walked in.

"How's everything going?" she asked.

"We're all doing ok. I feel like he's going to wake up soon," I told her already knowing she was going to give me the 'be cautious' speech.

"Rose, you know it may be a while before he fully wakes up and is back to normal. He's had a lot of sedation meds. That really slows down a brain. Some people wake up fine after sedation and some people take a while."

"I know, its just a feeling. You know he heals quick. His bullet wounds have already healed a lot. It's just his lung strength that kept him down this long. I have faith that he'll recover from the sedation quick too."

"There's nothing wrong with faith, I just don't want you to get your hopes up only to be let down."

"Honestly, he's been out so long, even if he wakes up messed up from the sedation I'll be ok. I just need him to wake up."

"He will. He's already been starting to from what I've heard," she said. "How are you? Morning sickness still bad?"

"It's eased up a little," I told her. The full morning sickness had started up. Apparently, with twins it could potentially be worse than usual. I was not looking forward to that. I'm sure the stress of everything else hasn't been helping.

"That's good. Your scans came back clear?" she asked as she walked over and listened to Dimitri's lungs. I really appreciated the fact that she really seemed to care about both of us. Whenever she came by and someone else was in the room, she would ask them questions about themselves too.

"Yep, I don't have to go back for a couple of weeks now," I nodded.

"That's fantastic!" She said excitedly. She stood back after finishing her full inspection. "Ok, well everything looks good from here. His breath sounds are good, once he wakes up we may even be able to take the nasal oxygen off. No fluid sounds so I'm not worried about pneumonia or anything like that. His blood pressure and everything else is stable and good. He's looking up. I'm about to head out for the night but, if you need absolutely anything, let the nurse know and she will contact me ASAP. I will be back in the morning to check in. Any questions or concerns?"

"No, I think I'm ok for now. Like I said I'm just waiting for him to wake up," I told her honestly squeezing his hand softly.

"He will. Give it time," she smiled warmly.

"Goodnight, we'll see you in the morning," I told her smiling softly at her. She nodded and made her way out into the hall. I let out a deep sigh. Honestly, I was relieved we were finally alone. Tonight, was the first night in a while where we were alone before 11. Olena was feeling tired so she left early. My parents had both reluctantly gone back to work. Lissa had to go back to Georgia to take care of AJ. Sydney and Adrian were still in town and managed to stop by usually twice a day to check in but, they never stayed super long. I knew it was to give me and his family time with him. Poor Viktoria tried to pretend to be ok but, she couldn't really handle seeing her big brother like this in the hospital so she would leave as soon as she got the chance. I know she wanted to be here for him, but it was hard for her. I loved the support and love from everyone but, I constantly felt like I had to put up a front and pretend I'm ok when everyone's here. Besides my break down with Olena, I hadn't cried again, even I was shocked at that but, it was part of pretending I was ok. I had however, held Vika a few times while she sat there and cried.

"Alone at last Comrade," I said squeezing his hand gently. I laid my head on the bed, propped up on my arm as I played with his fingers softly. "You know what I want to do more than anything right now? I want to go to our cabin in the woods, curl up against you and just stay there for a week…maybe a month. That sounds like heaven right now. Adrian brought me a notebook the other day and I've been working on some new stuff. Want to hear my favorite so far? Of course you do!" I joked as I softly started singing to him.

"Roza…" I heard faintly from somewhere. I jumped not realizing I had fallen asleep on my arm. I sat up quickly looking at Dimitri. I gasped as I saw his eyes open.

"Comrade," I breathed smiling softly. He went to speak, coughed slightly, then winced at the pain in his chest. I jumped up and grabbed his glass of ice water by his bed. I'd kept it ready for when he woke up. "It melted a bit but its still cool."

I brought the straw to his lips as he took a small drink. He pulled back then took another before shaking his head no to let me know he didn't want more.

"God, its so good to see your eyes," I breathed putting my hand on his cheek as the tears welled up in my eyes again. He reached his hand over to my stomach which luckily was pretty close.

"Baby?" he asked, his voice hoarse and harsh.

"The baby's fine. Actually, the babies are doing great," I smiled emphasizing the S at the end of babies. His face registered his surprise before he raised an eyebrow in question. I smiled even bigger before confirming. "Twins."

"Two?" he asked, his voice a little stronger. I nodded as his face broke out into the biggest smile. My heart melted as the tears that had been building rushed out. He reached out and gently wiped the tears from my cheek.

"Why are you crying?" he laughed softly his voice still rough but getting sturdier each time he talked. He tried holding my cheek for a minute but was too weak so he lowered his hand and grabbed mine in his.

"Because I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to see you smile again. It's just so good to see," I told him smiling sadly. "It's been one week and 3 days since you rescued me. You've had one surgery, a major infection, almost went septic…it's been a long week and a half. So, seeing you awake and smiling at me…it's everything."

"I'll always come back to you," he said pulling me closer to him.

"I know you will. That's what your mom said too," I laughed softly.

"Smart woman," he smirked.

"Marry me," I blurted. He laughed then winced when it caused him pain. I instantly felt bad.

"You're not supposed to laugh when a girl proposes," I teased.

"Sorry. Why're YOU asking ME?" he asked gruffly.

"Because for one, if I have to argue with another doctor or nurse to tell me if you're even alive, I will be in a jail cell," I told him.

"Not a good enough reason," he stated looking pained.

"I mean that's not the only reason and stop talking. You'll hurt yourself." I mumbled looking down. "I just…I love you. You love me. we're not going anywhere so why not?"

"Roza," he said softly getting me to look up at him. He gave me that look that told me he wanted me to continue. I could also hear the question in his mind on what changed my mind. His eyes were glassy though so I wasn't sure how much he'd actually remember this conversation later.

"Seeing you laying there covered in blood after taking two bullets, meant for me…it..," I said choking up as the tears started slowly again. He squeezed my hand gently. "I realized how stupid I've been. You've been the one for me since the day we met on that playground. So, Why wait?"

"Come here," he said tugging my hand to pull me beside him.

"I want to more than anything but, you've been shot, you're in the icu, and have been in a coma for over a week. Not a good idea," I told him wiping the tears off my face with my other hand.

"Rosemarie Hathaway. Ass. Bed. Now." he said grimacing as he shifted in the bed.

"See you're hurting yourself! Stop," I told him.

"You told me we're having twins, asked me to marry you, and you're crying. I NEED you in my arms now or I'll climb off this bed myself," he grunted moving again then gasped in pain.

"STOP! Ok fine, but if I hurt you at all you've gotta say something," I told him sniffling as I put my hands on his shoulder to get him to lay down. Once he was still, I gently climbed into the bed, laying on my side. I laid my head on his shoulder trying to stay far away from his bullet wounds. I laughed softly. "Stubborn ass."

"Yep. Better," he sighed. About then the nurse walked in. She gave me a disapproving look as she walked over to his bed side.

"I made her," he spoke up seeing the look himself.

"It's not good for you," she said messing with his IV in his right arm.

"Roza's the best thing for me," he coughed. I turned gently grabbing his water and bringing it to his lips. He took a drink as the nurse spoke up.

"I brought your nightly meds, including pain medicine. I didn't know you were awake already."

"He hasn't been awake too long. Maybe, ten minutes," I told her putting the cup back down.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him.

"Sore. My throat hurts. Chest too."

"That's normal. Any grogginess, dizziness?"

"Tired, little dizzy. Not too bad," he sighed leaning his head back.

"Good, if it gets any worse let me know. For now, you need to rest," she said finishing up what she was doing at his IV and throwing the syringe in the trash. She turned towards me, "I'm not going to talk you out of that bed am I?"

"I told HIM no, he forced me by trying to get up," I smiled as his arm tightened around me at her question.

"She stays," he practically growled causing her to laugh.

"I figured. Do you want a blanket?" she asked.

"Would you mind?" I asked feeling bad that I'd forgotten that but not wanting to get up and risk jostling him. She went over and grabbed the blanket from the couch and laid it over me. "Thank you."

"No problem. I'm serious though. Sleep. Rest," she stated walking towards the door.

"Aye aye captain," I teased as she walked out. After she stepped out, I laid my head back down and sighed. Dimitri turned his head slowly and kissed my head.

"I was scared we wouldn't find you," he whispered.

"I knew you would," I told him wrapping my arm around his stomach. "You love me too much."

"I do. You and the babies," he said sounding exhausted.

"Sleep. We'll talk later. I love you too by the way."

"I know," he mumbled sleepily.

"I expect an answer tomorrow," I told him softly. He mumbled an agreeance as I felt his breathing even out. I kissed his chest gently smiling as even in his sleep, he tightened his grip on me.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up before him feeling the unwelcome nausea well up. I gently pried myself out of his grip. I made my way to the bathroom attached to his room before heaving my guts up. I sat on the floor for a second waiting for the nausea to fade.

"Roza?" Dimitri called coughing.

"Hold on, I'll be right there," I said getting up and rinsing my mouth out with some mouthwash I had stored by the sink. As I walked out, I saw Dimitri looking confused in the bed. I went over and grabbed the water cup. "You ok? It's melted. I'm sorry."

"You ok? What happened?" he asked after taking a few drinks. I could tell by the what happened he didn't mean my throwing up.

"I'm fine. Just morning sickness. What do you remember?"

"The last thing I remember clearly was Stan holding you at gun point. You slipped away and I ran over. Then the rest is fuzzy…I think I was shot" he said coughing a little again.

"Do you remember our conversation last night?" I asked grabbing his hand.

"Bits…did you say twins?" he asked. I smiled and nodded. He smiled brightly again. Not gonna lie, I was disappointed he didn't remember the conversation but telling him that news twice felt amazing. I just hoped there wasn't a third.

"Yep, seems you and I have two miracle babies cooking in here," I laughed rubbing my belly. He reached over and put his hand on my stomach.

"Amazing," he breathed.

"I know isn't it?" I smiled up at him.

"No. Well yes. I meant you." I shook my head in embarrassment then took a deep breath.

"You were shot. Twice. In the right lung. You ran and caught me but we both stopped paying attention to what was going on around us. Tasha got mad and tried to shoot me but you jumped in the way. In the whole mix up, Stan was killed and Tasha was arrested," I said leaving out the par about Amanda escaping. He didn't need that unnecessary stress. Before he could ask I continued. "Once you were here, you had surgery, got an infection, almost went septic, and now we're here. Infection free and healing."

"Damn," he sighed taking it all in. I could see he was still a little foggy so I figure I'll be explaining at least parts of this again later. About then, Dr. Romero walked in.

"Look who's awake!" she exclaimed walking over to the opposite side of his bed. "About time. I thought we were about to have to get a bed and sedate your girl just to get her to rest."

"I rest! The couch pulls out into a bed. I slept there," I defended with a laugh as Dimitri glared at me. I shrugged. He put his hand on my hip and pulled me to sit on his bed by him.

"Don't worry, we've been watching out for her. How are you feeling Dimitri?" she asked as she pulled out her stethoscope and started listening to his lungs.

"Sore. It hurts to take a deep breath. Talking is uncomfortable but as long as I'm careful doesn't hurt."

"That's really good. I'm going to go ahead and keep the nasal oxygen on you for now but this afternoon we'll start taking it off for a couple of hours at a time and see how you do. I think if you keep looking this good, we'll move you to a regular room tomorrow and get you out of the ICU. Maybe even get to go home within the week."

"Yes please," he sighed.

"Not a fan of hospitals?" she asked with a laugh.

"No, makes me feel weak," he said grumpily.

"Can't have my macho man feeling weak," I teased. His hand, which had been sitting on my thigh, slid down just a little and squeezed just enough to hit my ticklish spot above my knee.

"Stop! I don't want to jump and hurt you," I laughed.

"See, weak," he grumbled.

"That's ok, just means I get to be your nurse this time," I winked playfully.

"On that note," Dr. Romero laughed drawing both of our attention to her again. I hadn't even noticed she'd been messing with his IV. She had a vial in her hand that I now recognized as his pain medicine. "I'm going to head out and make my rounds. I'll be back this afternoon. Let the nurse know if you need anything."

"Thank you Dr. Romero. Sorry about that," I apologized with a small smile.

"Please don't apologize. You two give me hope that a love like yours is out there for me too somewhere," she smiled. "Dimitri, better hold on to that one. She's one of the good ones."

With that she left the room.

"I think I might keep you," he smiled his hand wrapping around my hips.

"Good to know," I joked back. I didn't mention my proposal last night figuring he'd forgotten it. I saw the exhaustion in his face. "Rest Comrade. You look exhausted. I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Lay with me," he said. I rolled my eyes but instead of arguing, I complied with what he said. This time instead of him wrapping his arm around me, I laid up higher. I put my arm behind his head as my other hand ran through his hair gently. He rolled his head to lay against my shoulder and chest as he sighed in contentment. His right arm was too weak to wrap around my waist so he slid his left hand to my inner thigh in between my legs so he was still touching me. As much as I loved laying in his arms, I know he loves it when I play with his hair and I just want to comfort him. I laid my head softly against his as I continued to play with his hair.

"I love you," he mumbled against my chest.

"Me or my boobs?" I teased softly.

"Both," he said smirking slightly but keeping his eyes closed.

"Go to sleep," I chuckled. He didn't respond but soon enough I heard his breathing even out.

* * *

Two weeks later, we were finally home, in the cabin. He was given the clearance to leave after a week but had to wait another week to get clearance to fly. Because he was shot in the lungs and planes effect oxygen, they had to make sure his were strong enough. He has been given a light activity restriction and has some inhalers and a bottle of oxygen on standby if his lungs start acting up. Currently we were laying on the couch, him holding me with my head on his chest. On the left side of course. Today was our first full day home so we were taking full advantage of doing absolutely nothing. Olena had brought some food so we didn't have to worry about cooking, Abe gave us some time off from the studio. The businessman in him hated that because it meant we wouldn't be able to finish the tour right now and we would also have to push the release date of my new album. I promised I would work on it here when I had time. The new found father in him completely agreed with it.

"You know before you woke up, I was sitting in the chair by your bed holding your hand telling you that all I wanted was this. You holding me in our cabin," I smiled.

"Well your wish is my command," he teased. "I remember you singing but I don't remember what."

"It's a new song I wrote while you were in the hospital. I'll play it for you later sometime."

"I also remember something else," he hinted. I buried my head at the smile I heard in his voice knowing where this was going. "I didn't at first but in my dreams, I keep having flashbacks of different people talking to me and one that popped up was you asking me a very important question."

"Yea and you didn't answer me. So rude."

"I was drugged up and thrown for a loop. I also know there's more to your question than the answer you gave me," he said knowing me all too well.

"Who said? I just don't want to be fighting with hospital staff ever again over what they can and can't tell me."

"Roza, I love you and we will get married one day BUT, I'm not saying yes because of hospital personnel. Actually, I'm not saying yes at all because it's my job to ask you and you are not taking that away," he said grouchy.

"So, you won't marry me?" I questioned knowing what he meant but not letting it go.

"That's not it at all. I'm saying I'm not marrying you because its more convenient and you're not asking me. We will get married, I promise. What I want to know though, is what really changed your mind?" he asked running his hand through my hair.

"I told you, I realized I love you, you love me. We're not going anywhere so why wait?" I told him.

"What made you finally realize that?" he asked.

"Well, I mean ok fine, I'll explain but I'm not saying anything to hurt you and you can't take any of it personal. When you left, it almost broke me. Then with everything else. I could barely hang on. Without even feeling realizing it, I put a bunch of shields up so I wouldn't get hurt again. When you came back, I thought I had gotten rid of all the shields but, when you were laying there in my arms, I realized I'd been hanging on to a few that I didn't even know about. I was so scared something would go wrong and you would leave again and I knew I wouldn't survive it a second time. So, every negative thing that happened, I used it as a way to prove myself right…I started realizing it when I was down in that basement. I knew without a doubt that you would do everything in your power to find me. I knew with your determination and Abe's resources, you would find me. That's when I realized that I knew you truly love me and aren't going anywhere this time. Then when you took those bullets meant for me, which was stupid by the way, it broke me. You laying there in my arms dying. I realized I'd been so stupid this whole time. You've done everything you can to show me you're sticking around, I was just too scared to realize it."

"Soo all this time, all I had to do was get shot and almost die," he teased but I could hear the emotion in his voice.

"Apparently. Don't go getting any ideas. I better not see you in a hospital bed again until your 80. Unless its like an appendix or something. I can live with that…maybe" I teased back.

"You realized a lot while I was out."

"Well I had plenty of time to think. At first, I wouldn't let you go. Adrian had to convince me to go get the baby, later we found out babies, checked out. He said if you were awake that's what you would want and I realized its what I wanted to. Because I'm finally happy about them. I'm mad at myself that I wasn't from the beginning but, I've got to learn to let it go. Anyways, at first it was just me in the room with you until Olena showed up. I talked to you for a good two hours. Olena walked in when I was reminiscing about the day you broke my ankle. She said she knew by then that we were meant to be, she was just waiting on us to figure it out."

"Told you, smart woman," he smiled.

"Yea. After that during the day, we were rarely alone. Either Vika or Olena was there. Occasionally Adrian and Syd. Lissa, Abe, and my mom were there for a few days. At night though, everyone would leave and it was just you and me. You know I have nightmares and trouble sleeping so when I'd wake up, I would sit there and write or just think. I did a lot of talking so I'm sorry if you remember a lot of nonsense. That was when I would discuss and think about everything."

"What made you decide you were happy about the babies?" he asked still running his hand through my hair. He bent his head down and kissed the top of my head.

"Connor actually," I smiled remembering my dream. "When I was down there in the basement, Stan knocked me unconscious. I'm fine. Mild concussion but I'm already over it. Anyway, While I was out, I had this dream. Stan was trying to steal or murder the babies, I'm not really sure what his plans were. You got shot, weird foreshadowing by the way, and it was just me to protect them. Stan and I fought and I was on the floor about to give up when Connor showed up. He told me I wasn't meant to save him but I was meant to save the babies. He told me it wasn't my fault and that he believed in me. Then I woke up. I'm not sure if it was a crazy dream or if it really was him but, it gave me the closure I needed."

By that point I was crying. Dimitri tilted my head up and wiped away my tears as he hugged me a little tighter. "I think it was him."

"You believe me?" I asked.

"I do, know why?" he asked when I softly shook my head he smiled sadly. "Because I saw him too."

"You did?" I questioned looking up at him.

"Yea, sometime when I was unconscious. I think it was while I was in surgery. I remember waking up as they were pulling me out of the ambulance. I was in a lot of pain and worried about you and the baby but I couldn't speak. They started messing with the wounds and I just remember the pain was a lot. Then all of a sudden, I didn't feel anything. Next thing I knew, I was standing at his grave. I started apologizing to him for not being there along with some other stuff. When all of a sudden a little boy who looked a like a good mix of Paul and you walked up and grabbed my hand. Instantly I knew it was him. He told me he didn't blame me. I asked him if this meant I was dead and he told me it was up to me but that I'd be leaving you alone and he didn't want that. I told him I didn't either. Then he told me he loved me but it was my time to come back. I thought it was all a crazy medicine induced dream. Now I wonder."

"That's amazing," I said tears slowly streaming down my face. Dimitri looked down and noticed them and smiled. "Get used to it. I'm pregnant and hormonal. Apparently, that means crying. It's stupid."

"How dare Rose Hathaway cry?" he teased.

"Shut up," I laughed.

"I do have a problem about something you said," he stated.

"What's that?"

"Adrian knew about the twins before I did?"

"He was the only one and I swore him to secrecy. He hasn't even told Sydney. You, the Doctor that checked me out and Adrian are the only ones who know," I told him. We hadn't told anyone yet deciding to do a surprise announcement. I've been thinking about waiting and doing a gender reveal at the same time. We're still discussing ideas. "I hate to tell you but you may have to start actually liking Adrian. I honestly don't know how I would have survived that day without him and Sydney. I refused to leave your side or let you go when you were shot. He was the one who broke through and made me realize I had to go get the babies checked out. He rode in the ambulance with me while Sydney waited for you. He went with me to get checked out by the doctor. Then Sydney brought me a bag of clothes. They were the ones who made me realize I hadn't eaten in two days and brought me food. Adrian walked me back to your room after surgery supporting me. Even after, when you were in the coma, they stayed in town to make sure I had clothes and food everyday. They spent two and a half extra weeks just visiting for an hour or two everyday to make sure I had eaten for the day and bringing me clothes."

"I think you're right, I might have to start liking Adrian. I'll have to thank him for taking care of my family."

"We're not family, I'm just your girlfriend since you rejected my proposal," I teased not admitting how much I loved hearing him say that.

"Shut up smartass," he laughed rolling his eyes at me. "I meant the babies anyway."

"Oh ok. If you want to go with that," I joked back.

"I do," he smirked tickling me softly. I jumped just right to where I almost rolled off the couch. Dimitri reached out and grabbed my hand catching me before I fell. Unfortunately, I was laying on his left arm so he'd grabbed me with his right. He winced but didn't say anything.

"Dimitri Belikov! Behave before you hurt yourself!" I warned.

"Yes ma'am," he said rolling back onto his back and pulling me with him. about then, my stomach growled. He looked down at my stomach then back at me with a smile.

"What? I have two babies I'm feeding plus my self."

"It's a surprise you do anything other than eat. You already ate for two before," he teased.

"Are you calling me fat?" I asked pretending to be offended.

"Absolutely not, you're perfect," he said smirking at me. I pretended to glare at him. "You know you love me."

"I guess I do," I laughed leaning down to kiss him. When it got more heated I pulled away. "I need food."

"I'm fine," he tried to argue as I got up and walked to the kitchen.

"Doctor said light activity. That means no sex for you right now," I told him before turning to the fridge. "Now, what do you want to eat?"

"You," he said and despite not even looking at him, I could hear the smirk and arrogance on his face.

"You have 2 seconds to tell me what food item from the fridge or pantry you want or you can starve," I told him not wanting to admit how ready I was to cave already. Pregnancy and near-death experiences really affect the body.

"Fine, just bring last nights pizza," he sighed in defeat. I smiled as I grabbed it out. Score one for me.


	20. Chapter 20 Perfect

**AN: Ok, this chapter is pure fluff but, I couldn't help it. I was going to add some more drama at eh end and make this chapter more than just one scene but, this one just kept developing and I loved it too much to change it. Don't worry, there's still a little more drama ahead. We're not quite done just yet.**

* * *

"Comrade?" I asked already knowing he was down in the studio. When I didn't get an answer I made my way to the door to the studio and cracked it. Sure enough I heard a guitar playing.

"The next step we should take in remodeling this place is putting in an escalator or an elevator," I grumbled as I made my way down.

"We could add in one of those stair chairs you see in the commercial for old people," He teased not looking up from whatever he was writing.

"I may consider it. Imagine when I'm 9 months pregnant…with twins. Oh my God!" I said realizing how big I was going to get now that I'm pregnant with twins.

"I'm sure we'll figure it out by then," he laughed looking up at me. I smiled at just how much that sight still affected me. His hair hanging down by his shoulders in gray sweat pants and a black t-shirt smiling up at me from above his acoustic guitar. He hadn't shaved today so he had some scruff starting. Gosh he was gorgeous. Instead of saying anything I mock glared at him.

"Says the one who wont be a whale," I retorted dramatically sighing and collapsing on the couch. He laughed at my antics and walked over to me.

"All you needed was to throw a hand on your forehead and that would have been perfect," he teased grabbing my feet and pulling them into his lap massaging them softly. I was only 12 weeks along but, I already had a small bump going on. Dimitri and I had started doing those progress photos each week. Lissa was in charge of creating what went on the chalkboard for it. she would ask us questions and then create it for us. She was the artsy one. She's also the only one we've told we're having twins because she's the one doing the board for us. We haven't told anyone we've been taking the pictures yet, we'll surprise them when we tell them about the twins. Part of the reason we're waiting is because I'm scared to jinx it right now. When we got back to Baia, Dr. O checked me out and said I was still doing great but I still worry.

"Darn I knew I forgot something. Next time, I may even throw in a fake faint. Your hands are magical." I sighed. Even though my bump wasn't big, between the morning sickness and everything, I was already tired all the time.

"I know," he smirked.

"I would throw a pillow at you for being all arrogant and what not but, I'm comfortable."

"Gee thanks," he laughed lightly. I opened an eye and looked at him, smiling softly. "So, what has you making the long trek down here?"

"You tease but, it really is a lot of steps. I thought so before the pregnancy," I told him still being dramatic as I reluctantly pulled my feet out of his lap and twisted to lay my head on his lap. I turned so my face was towards his stomach and brought my hands up, one automatically resting on his leg in front of my face, as I curled my legs up. "I was trying to take a nap when all of a sudden I got super hungry but what I want we don't have and I don't feel like going to town so nothing sounds good and now I'm going to starve to death."

"That's just a little bit over the top don't you think?" he laughed. I loved how one hand automatically went to my hair and the other softly rubbed my back. I sighed and relaxed into him further. What can I say, I get dramatic when I'm hungry. "What are you craving?"

"I can't tell you because if I do, you'll try to go get it and you don't need to be going anywhere. you need rest and relaxation not driving into town," I told him already knowing he was planning it.

"Well, first off, the doctor cleared me to drive and I feel fine. I just get winded every once in a while. None of that stops me from going to get my babies what they want."

"Gah why do you gotta go say stuff like that?" I said melting at him saying 'my babies' all alpha like. "I'll be fine. I'm sure the craving will go away as fast as it came along. Just lay with me."

"Babe, you need to eat if you're hungry."

"I'll eat when I wake up," I told him already getting drowsy. He twisted around so I was facing the back of the couch and he was laying behind me spooning me. He had his head propped up with one hand while his other hand kept running through my hair softly. He waited a couple of minutes as I was slowly starting to doze before speaking up again.

"Roza?" he asked softly. I didn't answer just mumbled a 'hmm?'. "What are you hungry for?"

"Nuh-uh," I answered back getting more and more tired.

"Roza," he sang gently. "I know you're hungry. Your stomach is growling you want a big juicy cheeseburger?"

"No," I mumbled as my stomach actually started growling. "I want pickles. Lots of pickles. And my special sandwich."

"Should've known," he chuckled softly. I realized I had fallen into his trap but, I was way too gone to care as I slowly started drifting into unconsciousness.

* * *

"Roza," came Dimitri's voice from behind me somewhere. Then I felt his hand gently rubbing my baby bump. I smiled softly. Even though it was little, he already loved touching it.

"Hmmm?" I asked softly not opening my eyes yet. Ever since we got back, my nightmares had been fewer and farther in between and I was loving actually getting to sleep again without waking up panicked every time.

"I got you a present," he said softly. That's when I remembered his trick from before I went to sleep.

"You play dirty Comrade," I told him rolling over onto my back and looking up at him. He was sitting on the edge of the couch beside me but his hand never left my belly.

"Anything it takes to keep my babies happy. These two and this one," he said softly kissing the bump then coming up to kiss me. "Plus, it's nice to get out of the house and drive on my own again."

"You're lucky I love you," I laughed.

"Well if you didn't you wouldn't be mad I left in the first place, so…" he smirked.

"Shut up with your logic," I smiled right as my stomach growled.

"Alright, up and at em before your food gets cold. Especially because its not in the cabin," he teased.

"Where is it?" I asked eyeing him.

"You'll see, follow me," he grinned. As much as I wanted to be annoyed, his grin melted any annoyance I had as he pulled me up the stairs. I followed him up as he led me to the back door where my flip flops were already waiting for me. I gave him a questioning look but he didn't respond just pulled me behind him towards the path towards the lake. I laughed at his eagerness.

"Comrade, you're not supposed to be doing this much yet," I admonished but really, I was too excited to see his surprise to be upset.

"I'm fine. This is worth it, I promise" he smiled back at me and I melted. He paused and turned towards me. "Don't argue but, I can either blindfold you or, I can cover your eyes."

"Those are my only two options?" I asked him suspiciously. "You realize we're on a dirt path and I'm pregnant and clumsy right?"

"Do you really think I'd ever let you fall?" he asked.

"No, that's probably the one thing I know more than anything, you'd never let me get hurt," I told him honestly. At that he kissed me hard, I wrapped my arms around him and got on my tiptoes to get closer to him. As he kissed me, I felt something slide across my eyes. I pulled back as he tied the bandana around my head. "I thought I got a choice?"

"You took too long. Plus, this is easier to walk with," he said kissing me gently one more time then pulling away and grabbing my hands. He slowly guided me for a couple of minutes before stopping and walking behind me, making sure to keep touching me as he walked so that I knew he was constantly there. Once he was behind me, he softly kissed my neck as his hands softly rubbed my shoulders. "You ready?"

"Mhmmm," I mumbled softly leaning back into his touch. He slowly slid his hands up and untied the blindfold. I gasped when I looked up. There in 'our' spot by the lake, twinkle lights had been hung between all the trees at the edge of the woods. He had his truck parked with the bed of it facing the lake with more twinkle lights lining the sides of the truck. In the bed of the truck was a small mattress with blankets and pillows. With the sun going down and the lights shining, it looked magical. I would be lying if I said my first thought didn't pop to him proposing tonight. "Comrade I love it but…you're not supposed to be doing this much activity. You could have gotten hurt again. Also, how did you do all of this during that small nap?"

"I promise I didn't do any of the manual labor. I got some help to set this up," he said and I could hear the slight annoyance in his tone at needing help which made me love him even more. I turned and kissed him again throwing my arms around his neck. He kissed me back softly before pulling away and smiling. "Come on, let's get you some food."

"Did you get pickles? And my sandwich?" I asked excitedly.

"I got that along with three types of dessert because I wasn't sure which one you'd like. I also grabbed some peanut butter and grapes in case those cravings come back."

"How is it possible that you're this perfect?" I laughed as he led me to the bed of the truck. He turned me right as I got to the tail of the truck so that I was facing him. He kissed my forehead softly before smirking down at me. Before I knew what was happening his hands that had been resting on my hips tightened softly as he lifted me up to sit on the tail. I softly slapped his shoulder as I scolded him "Comrade!"

"See, I'm not perfect," he laughed, standing between my legs. He kept his hands on my hips as I brought mine to rest on his shoulders. "It was like a foot and your light. I'm fine."

"I take it back, you're not perfect. You're stubborn and hard headed and frustrating," I teased him.

"I could say the same thing to you," he taunted back.

"Yea but I'm cute when I'm being stubborn," I joked.

"Are you saying I'm not?" he retorted with a grin.

"No, you're not," I said matter of factly. He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at me practically screaming 'Are you sure about that?'. I smirked softly as my hands started playing with his hair at the back of his neck. "No, I wouldn't say cute. You're always sexy as hell and you know it. Even when you frustrate the shit out of me."

"I'm fine. I'm going to keep being fine," he placated.

"Says you. But see, I'm gonna need you to carry me from the studio when I'm 9 months pregnant so I need you healthy and in shape. That means you can risk re-injury."

"So, you're worried about me for purely selfish reasons?" he laughed.

"Yep," I smiled.

"Good to know," he said with a grin. He kissed me again on the forehead before pulling away completely letting me go. "Get comfy, I'm going to get your food."

"Magic words," I sighed with a smile. Right on cue my stomach growled. He laughed as he went to his truck and opened the door. I climbed to the back of the truck and adjusted the pillows so I was sitting against the back of the cab comfortably. The thought of food was the only reason I didn't lay down right away. With it being fall, the days were warm but the nights got chilly so I grabbed one of the blankets. As I was laying it on my legs, Dimitri hopped up. I looked up just in time to see a small flicker of pain cross his face as he pulled himself up before quickly hiding it. He looked up to see if I'd noticed it. When he did, I attempted to raise an eyebrow at him but ended up lifting both. "Dimitri Belikov!"

"It was just a flash, I'm good now. it happens every once in a while. Its normal." He defended as he grabbed a small ice chest and what looked like a lunch bag and made his way beside me.

"That didn't look like fine. You're overdoing it," I said worriedly. He adjusted some pillows behind him before turning to me. he put his hand on my cheek softly.

"I'm ok, I promise. The Doctor said that would happen, you were there and heard him say it yourself. I'll ice it when I get home and it will be fine. It hurts worse than this at physical therapy. I'm not going anywhere again. Ok?" he said reassuringly knowing my fear. Rationally I knew at this point worst case is he rips that muscle again which wouldn't be life threatening but, my ptsd brain went straight to life-threatening panic. Luckily for me he knows that and understands me well enough to reassure me.

"I've lost you once, I won't do it again so just take it easy. For me? Please?" I asked. My hormonal self of course chose that moment to decide to have tears pop up.

"I promise. I'm not pushing myself any further than Steve said I could. He told me I need to keep working it to build strength back up. If getting shot twice in the chest didn't kill me, I'm sure hopping on a truck won't either."

"Don't even joke about that, with our luck it might," I sighed.

"You won't get rid of me that easily. That I can guarantee," he said leaning his forehead against mine. "I won't over do it. I promise. If it starts hurting too bad, I'll stop I promise. In the mean time, I'm going to spoil my girl while I can and feed my babies," he said tilting his head forward to give me a quick soft kiss before pulling away and grabbing the lunch bag. He opened it up and pulled out my sandwich, fries, and a side of macaroni before pulling out a burger and fries for himself. At the sight of the food anything I had to say disappeared as my mouth watered and my stomach growled again. Before he started to eat, Dimitri reached behind his pillow and pulled out a small speaker. He put it on the top of his truck and pressed play on his phone.

"You thought of everything huh?" I smiled.

"Well despite being insanely stubborn, I hear I'm pretty much perfect," he joked before taking a bite of his burger. I rolled my eyes at him as I started eating myself.

An hour later, I had managed to eat the burger, fries, and macaroni and cheese, Dimitri and I had split two of the deserts saving the third for later. We had switched to laying down. Dimitri had turned the lights that were on the truck off so we could see the stars better but he'd left the ones in the trees on. Music was still playing on the speaker softly. My head was on his stomach as my feet were propped up on the side of the truck. He had one hand on my stomach and one hand in my hair.

"I can't believe you let me eat all that. I'm going to gain like 20 pounds," I laughed.

"Roza, haven't you learned, I don't let you do anything," he smiled back.

"True dat," I joked.

"Don't ever say that again," he laughed.

"Word," I replied.

"Oh god. How did I end up with such a nerd?" he teased.

"Um coolest nerd you know," I retorted.

"Some days. What's sad is you infected Vika so she's just as bad," he smiled.

"Who said she didn't influence me?" I said pretending to be offended putting my hand on my chest and looking at him with an affronted face.

"Because I watched you teach her your nerdy ways," he said rolling his eyes. Instead of smarting off again I shrugged in agreeance.

"I just made her that much cooler," I grinned.

"We'll go with that," he smiled. I just shook my head at him. We were silent again for a little bit both just watching the stars as he gently ran his hand through my hair. A country love song came on and Dimitri started softly singing it to me. We laid there for a while, eventually I moved to lay beside him, my head on his shoulder, his hand started stroking my small baby bump instead of my hair. As the night passed we watched the stars, occasionally singing along to the radio or saying whatever came to mind. We debated a few baby names, talked about me going to the local studio and working on my album. Nick was going to fly down and help me with it since Dimitri was still on medical leave. Surprisingly he was ok with it, I thought he'd give me a harder time about it. He said he was fine with it, it would give him more time to hang out with his family. We talked about other random things. Mostly though, we just sat there content with just being there together.

"I have a surprise for you," Dimitri said "But we've gotta get up for me to show you."

"I'm intrigued but I don't want to move," I told him softly.

"Well then I need to get up at least so I can grab my guitar," he said laughing softly.

"It's a song?" I asked perking my head up and looking at him. He smirked and nodded. I shifted off of him so he could get up. He hopped off the bed of the truck and walked around to the door, grabbed his guitar and walked back around to the tailgate. I scooted to the end so that my feet were dangling off, I looked over and saw he'd brought one of his hoodies so I slipped it on. He sat beside me on the tailgate, guitar in his lap.

"I started this a little after that night at mama's when we were dancing in her backyard. I just put the finishing touches on it a little bit ago," he told me while checking to make sure his guitar was tuned correctly.

"So, what were you working on today?" I asked.

"I'll tell you about it later," he smiled as he started strumming. I turned so I was sitting cross legged facing him. I put my elbows on my knees and propped my head up with my hands.

 **I found a love for me  
Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead  
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet  
Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me**

 **'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love  
Not knowing what it was  
I will not give you up this time  
But darling, just kiss me slow  
Your heart is all I own  
And in your eyes you're holding mine  
**

As he started the chorus he turned and looked at me, glancing at the guitar every once in a while, when he needed to. Tears had already popped into my eyes but I was fighting it, not wanting to cry.

 **Baby, I'm dancing in the dark  
With you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass  
Listening to our favorite song  
When you said you looked a mess  
I whispered underneath my breath  
But you heard it,  
Darling, you look perfect tonight**

 **Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know  
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home  
I found a love to carry more than just my secrets  
To carry love, to carry children of our own**

 **We are still kids but we're so in love  
Fighting against all odds  
I know we'll be alright this time  
Darling, just hold my hand  
Be my girl, I'll be your man  
I see my future in your eyes**

Durning the last two verses, I couldn't help it as the tears started falling. I wiped my eyes softly. Dimitri smiled softly as he sang still looking at me and the guitar. By this point I needed to touch him, to hold him but, I didn't want the song to end so I slowly and softly uncrossed my legs and slid till I was behind him with my legs on either side of him. I wrapped my arms around his stomach softly and laid my head on his back. He started softly swaying side to side with the music pulling me with him. He was dancing with me the only way he could while still playing. I smiled into his back. The tears were still falling soaking into his shirt but he didn't seem to mind.

 **Baby, I'm dancing in the dark  
With you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass  
Listening to our favourite song  
When I saw you in that dress  
Looking so beautiful  
I don't deserve this  
Darling, you look perfect tonight**

 **No, no, no**

 **Baby, I'm dancing in the dark  
With you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass  
Listening to our favourite song  
I have faith in what I see  
Now I know I have met an angel in person  
And she looks perfect  
I don't deserve this  
You look perfect tonight**

After he finished, he set the guitar down beside him where I'd previously been sitting and hopped off of the tailgate standing to face me. I slid forward so he was in between my legs and wrapped my arms around his stomach again pulling him tight to me in a hug while I rested my head in the crook of his neck.

"That was beautiful," I said softly.

"Because I had a beautiful person to write about," he replied.

"I don't know about that but you make me sound beautiful," I told him pulling back enough to look up at him.

"You are, inside and out. Sometimes I'm amazed you're even here with me. You have the biggest heart I've ever seen. Even when it hurts sometimes. You forgave me when you shouldn't have and gave me a second chance. It's like I said, you're an angel. Or at least my angel."

"I'm not perfect though, I've messed up too," I reminded him as the tears that had halted started up again. He smiled softly as he reached up to wipe my tears away.

"No, you're not perfect. No one is but, you're perfect for me," he said. Before I could respond he leaned down and kissed me. gently at first but it slowly got heavier and harder. When I finally pulled back, I was panting. Dimitri pulled me down off the tailgate so I was standing in front of him. This time I let it go trying to trust that he knows his limits. He grabbed my hands as he pulled me a few feet away from the tailgate and pulled his phone out. "I didn't write this song but, the first time I heard it, I wished I had because it reminds me so much of you."

When he finished talking he pressed play and the speaker started playing Luke Combs 'Beautiful Crazy'. I laughed at the song choice. He grabbed my hands and started slow dancing with me moving my hands so they were wrapped around his neck. He brought both of his hands to my hips as we swayed to the song. He softly started singing it to me.

 **Beautiful, crazy.  
She can't help but amaze me.  
The way that she dances,  
Ain't afraid to take chances.  
And wears her heart on her sleeve.  
Yeah, she's crazy,  
But her crazy is beautiful to me.**

"I love you," I told him looking up at him. He smiled and kissed me on the forehead. I smiled, "I love it when you do that."

"I know," he winked playfully. I jokingly rolled my eyes but he knew I loved it. He leaned down and kissed me again. This time when it started to get heated, he pulled back. "Let's go home so I can show you how much I love you."

"Light activity," I reminded him though I wish I didn't have to. I already could jump him anytime but throw in pregnancy hormones and I was done for.

"Remember when I told you I forgot something and went back in? Well, that was a lie I wanted to ask about it and the doctor cleared me," he smiled.

"Was all this just to get in my pants?" I teased. A part of me was disappointed that he hadn't proposed but, after all this I couldn't really be mad.

"Depends did it work?" he grinned back.

"I don't know comrade. Take me home and let's see," I smirked. I pulled out of his arms and turned shutting the tailgate. We took the truck back to the house so we were there in less than two minutes. Before I could climb out, he was at my door helping me down. "Someone's eager."

"I'm always eager for you Roza," he said pulling me into the house. He led me upstairs kissing me and trying his hardest to get us both undressed. By the time we hit the bedroom he'd almost succeeded.

"You know comrade, you didn't have to go through all this trouble just to get laid. I'm kinda a sure thing," I laughed.

"I still like to woo my woman every once in a while," he teased back.

"Woo away," I smiled as I laid back on the bed. Even if he didn't propose, I know without a doubt, he will one day. Sadly though, that thought didn't help the sadness that settled in later while we were laying in bed.


End file.
